I'm not dead - But I should be.

Do you remember the end of the movie Schindler's List? The guy has bought all these Jews and suddenly realizes how many more he might of bought. He begins saying things like his pen could of bought 1 more life, his car could of bought 10 more lives... despite all he had done, he's still filled with regret.

I was thinking last night about living for myself, rather than Christ. About how most of my daily actions are for me and for my comfort, rather than promoting the cause of Christ. And mainly, I was convicted where I'm usually convicted... my money.
I don't have a lot of it. Technically I have minus numbers of dollars because I'm in debt. But still I feel convicted about how I spend my money. What if my money could be used to help a homeless person improve their health, giving them one more day in which someone might come along and preach the gospel to them and they be saved? What if I signed up for one of those sponsor a child programs and gave a couple of children food and shelter and medicine so they might live long enough for the missionaries that are possibly coming to their country in 5 years will be able to witness to that particular child and have him come to Christ?
If I am living unto Christ - and NOT unto myself - why am I spending so much money on myself? Paul states "I die daily". Do we? I mean do we really? If I'm dead, and it's Christ that lives through me, did Christ really want me to spend $19.47 on a blockbuster rental? Did He really want me to spend $40 bucks of His money on Readers Digest? If I'm dead, why am I spending so much money on me?
Are you dead?
We're so focused on comfort, and pleasure, and entertainment, that I don't think we even realize we're suppose to be dead. When we got up this morning, we were suppose to die to ourselves, and become living representatives of Christ alone. What would Christ buy with His income tax refund? What would Christ tithe if He earned what I earn? Would Christ spend 15 bucks on the chicken dinner at Chili's?
I remember lecturing my niece and nephew awhile back about how if they are always asking for things, a person can never give them something just out of kindness. Granted, it's nice to give kids what they're asking for, but don't you want to surprise them with something you know they'll like every now and then?
How hard must it be for God to bless us, when we're so very busy blessing ourselves!
This is my conviction, this is what God has time after time after time impressed on me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Not sure either what I'm willing to do about it.
Am I willing to die?
Are you?