30

I've posted every year on my birthday, so I had to break my silence to write down my thoughts of today.

I turned 30 years old today.

It seems like an important number, but to me it's not any more so than the others. A year has gone. I always have to ask myself "What did I do with it?" and my answer always seems to feel a little negative because the answer is always simply " I wish I had done more with it."

The church I've been attending has a little communion service just before the new year and the past two years I've been wise enough to attend. This most recent one, I was really struggling because right after I left the communion service I was heading North to help my dad put my mother into a nursing home. I was praying my mother would see death before she found herself this far gone. So sitting there, in the darkened church praying, I was supposed to go up to the front when I was done and take communion with the pastor.

Instead, I went to the front to say goodnight and that I wouldn't be taking communion that evening but, thank you very much. The pastor, who'd been praying with everyone before they left asked if I wanted to at least pray with him so I agreed.
He prayed a blessing on me, my house, my job, my finances, my family.
And I remember walking away feeling strange, like something was wrong.
It wasn't till I got to my car that I realized what was wrong - I didn't want the prayer that he'd prayed.

If you pray something for me, my hearts desire is that you would pray this - That I would BE a blessing.

God has so intensely blessed me. I'm not blessed with tons of money or stuff, or time, or whatever else - but I've got a peace that I can't explain as to how amazing and unnatural it is. I've got a joy that is so deep I sometimes want to scream and dance and jump up and down while doing something so ordinary as walking into a supermarket. I'm blessed.

And I don't want you to catch Gods ear and ask Him to bless me more. He's so good, I'm confident He'll bless me enough on His own.

What I do want a little extra of is the ability to BE a blessing.

I've worked hard the past two months trying to get out of debt, manage my money well, eat right and healthy, and work hard at work.
But even if I master all those things in the next year - all I will have done is gained the things that any good self-help book can give me.

I don't want a self-help book life.

I want a life that is a blessing.

29...

I'm 29 now. Sometime around 3 o'clock this afternoon 29 years ago, I was born.

I've written my fond "glad to be alive, and thankful for God memoirs" every single year for the past 5 years. But on this 5th year of my blog, I can only say something still along those lines.

Every single day with Jesus is sweeter than the day before.
Every day with Jesus, I love Him more and more.

Other people have say such things.. I've even said it myself, but then I tend to forget. But every different year as I sit on this day and remember the past year - I realize it's true...again.

This past year has been... interesting. A year ago next month I travelled to San Antonio and returned home dreaming of moving. And now here I am... dreaming of so much more than San Antonio.

I'm thankful for my life within Christ Jesus. I'm thankful for my faith that will soon take me into far more challenging waters and bring me through each struggle with joy and victory.
I'm thankful, I'm happy, and I'm at peace.

I couldn't ask for more on the this day.

Number 28

Today is my birthday.

28 years ago, I was born. My parents wept, the angels rejoiced, and the world became a slightly better place... or so I'm happy to think. :)

I spent the day celebrating the people in my life that I'm so glad God has allowed me to encounter. I think I enjoy that part most of all. It would be easy to sit back and ignore the birthdays as they come and go - celebrating it isn't always easy, but it is very intentional.

I'm thankful to be alive. I could act that way every day - though I don't - but on the specific day of my birth I imagine God might appreciate me putting out the effort to celebrate. I believe God is a fan of celebration.

Today though, I attended the funeral for John Sills.

The stories I heard made me all the more sorry that I didn't get to know him even better than I did. And, it's probably just the narcissistic side of me, but it made me wonder about the stories that will come out of my life. There are some blog posts on here I certainly wouldn't want read at my funeral.

But for Johns life, it was clear that he was a man that was faithful to God. Even when life didn't make sense.

If you read my blog, you know - you probably know better than most even - that I haven't been as faithful as I should be. And I can't change years 1-27, though I'd really like to change 26 & 27 if such a thing were allowed. But I hope God helps me change year 28.

God has been good to me for all 28 years. Period. He's been good.

May this next year find me faithful in Him.

Happy mybirthday. :)