Coincidence? I think not.

It was Sunday morning, and I walked into church and leaned into my pastors office to say good morning. We exchanged "good mornings" and "how are you's" and when he answered that he was 'fine' I stopped and asked if he really was. That's when he mentioned he was scheduled to have a heart cath done this coming Wednesday. I walked away saying something half joking, and half serious about how I've come to expect him to lie to me first thing in the morning since he always originally answers that he's 'fine'. (Just so you know, I did regret saying that later, and apologized to him that evening.)

He always talks briefly to the church before dismissing everyone to Sunday School and, this time he made a point to mention that sometimes it's necessary to speak in faith, speaking for your own healing in your life, sometimes by saying your 'fine' and then believing for it. - I'm paraphrasing but I believe I've gotten the gist right.

That bothered me all afternoon. I understood his point, but I just couldn't accept it. Somewhere in the afternoon I reasoned that maybe it could be different for him since he had family, but if I applied what he said to my own life, I would be carrying all my burdens, by myself , all the time. I'm usually pretty good about giving God my troubles, but there's something reassuring to know that others are bringing me to God as well sometimes. I've never strongly disagreed with my pastor before, but I just couldn't see any way that I would be willing to apply this to my life. In small things, I could do this easily, but he wasn't applying this to a small thing, but a big thing.

I spent all afternoon wrestling with the idea and couldn't see a resolution. And then I went to church that evening and at the end of the service he talked about his upcoming heart procedure and asked the church to gather around him and pray. Walking away from church that night it was almost as if clarity were a light shining down on me. I didn't understand the entire answer to my questions, but I felt I understood the concept.

Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law; yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart. Psalms 119:34

Thy hands have made me and fashioned me: give me understanding, that I may learn thy commandments. Psalms 119:73

I am thy servant; give me understanding, that I may know thy testimonies. Psalms 119:125

And I will give you pastors according to Mine heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding. Jeremiah 3:15

THEN

After last Wednesday night, I pulled out a cd that I rarely listened to anymore since I've come to prefer the radio for the time being. I pulled it out and began worshipping, rather loudly, on my way to and from work. And I had the idea that I'd like to take the cd to church one night (not when others are there) and simply have my own worship service and time of prayer. I reined myself in when I recalled my dad recently advising me not to do things at the church without talking to my pastor first. I didn't particularly want to explain that I wanted to come to the church and sing along with a cd, it sounds foolish even now to think of it, so I simply put the idea aside and decided I would just worship in my car as I'd been doing.

Sunday night, my pastor put a cd in and said our worship service would be a bit different in that we would worship along with a cd.

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. Psalms 37:4 & 5

THEN

I specifically asked God to bring something into my life. I left the request alone and forgotten for weeks. Then I received an e-mail, from someone I barely knew, offering me the very thing I'd asked for.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee. Psalms 84:11 & 12