Tonight at church we sang about being a living sanctuary and I thought about how when shortly after beginning foster care I began thinking of my home, truly, as a sanctuary.
A sanctuary needing to be prepared.
A sanctuary needing to be pure.
A sanctuary needing to be holy.
A sanctuary needing to be tried.
A sanctuary that needs to prove itself true.
A sanctuary that will joyfully, and with full thanksgiving submit to being a sanctuary even on the days when it doesn't feel like it.
A sanctuary that needs to be alive. Living. Not stagnant, not dormant, not fruitless, but living. Alive.
As I thought about that tonight I realized that for a month, my house hasn't been a sanctuary. My life hasn't been a sanctuary. My house is exhausting, I'm exhausting.
So, I had a fit.
I put my little one to bed, waited till she was asleep and I went outside.
And I walked around the outside of my house. And for the first time in all this, there was no fear, no panic (if I try and pray inside my house the next thing I know I'm sweating, pale, and sick) there was no great rush of emotions.
I simply made my slow circle around the house telling God (not the devil) that this was His house. He had a plan, and a purpose for it from the beginning. But right now, that purpose is being hindered. Before walking back in the door my very last words were "This is Your house Jehovah Shalom, please clean it."
I walked in the door and I heard a voice hiss at me to die. I've heard it at least 13 times since that moment and it was only an hour or so ago.
I'm going to continue this walk, and this is going to become my Jericho house. This is day one.
I confess it sounds strange. Maybe you'll tell me it won't work. I also confess that I'm flying blind here. I've never seen or encountered the types of things I'm facing right now. And largely, the reason I'm willing to continue doing this, is because it seems to have upset the devil. Frankly this is all over my head. I've kept other people out of the house because I don't want it touching them. It's taken over a large portion of my life. I'm ready to bring this to a head. However that may be.
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5 comments:
Forgive my bluntness, but I do believe it's coming from love.
Are you really on your own in this? Your posts seem to imply that you are. That church is merely something you attend for inspiration rather than a community of people around you providing support at this time of need.
One of the enemy's tactics will be to isolate you. He prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He knows full well that whereas one can chase a certain number, two can put ten times that number to flight (Deuteronomy 32:30); that if two or three are gathered in the name of Jesus then His weight is manifest in their situation (Matthew 18:20); and that if two agree on earth about anything they ask then it will be done for them by our Father in heaven (Matthew 18:19)
Don't not invite people into your house! Do the complete opposite!
Who do you know who is able to cope with this situation? I hope that your church leaders are! (Again, please forgive my bluntness, but if they're not, then what do you need to do?) Who will break bread with you in your house, worship with you, listen to God with you for insight and wisdom, and stand with you in agreement to put the enemy to flight and bind him up?
I, and others, are praying with you via this blog. But where is your local support? (I actually feel a bit mad at our enemy right now.)
p.s. Why not declare to every principality and power in the heavenly places that your home is God's? I don't mean to be unbalanced about it, or to suggest "pray to Satan", or to suggest it should take more than a few seconds in the midst of worshipping God, but Jesus had no qualms about putting demons in their place.
The enemy doesn't have to try and isolate me. I do a good enough job of it on my own.
My local support as you call them has offered and offered to come. And I was the one that said no.
I've put out a lot of reasons. I don't want this to latch onto them. But the rock bottom truth is that I know they're busy and I don't want to take their time.
I don't understand why this has happened. But it seems like if I just fought hard enough, prayed long enough, and tried more things - that I should be able to beat this on my own.
I get what you're saying. And if I had asked, they would have come, and maybe this whole thing would have been over weeks ago. But I didn't.
Years ago I took employment at one of the most evil infested palces I have ever been around. I had to pray each day before I could enter the walls of the building.
Now the God Lord placed me there for a specific reason which was not revealed to me for a while, but when it was revealed it had to do with my daily practice and my daily walk.
It was a three year journey. but as Mark h points out I did not go alone, was bathed in prayer daily. While it was a trying, I never once claimed frear, for even when I was unaware of why; I was assured of my protection.
You are daily bathed in prayer, you daily seek our Lord, while this is trying, you have the knowledge of already having won.
Ask your friends round now. The past doesn't matter.
i know what it is like with people around you that you know and want to continue to live and worship with. we do not want to become the person with a problem...the problem child. we do not want to be labeled. well those are all lies that the enemy tells us
the truth is that we are all problem children.
and when one comes to the others for help and support...it opens the door for another one to not be afraid to come for help and support.
we are all here to help one another.
you must be open with this to allow others to be open also.
you will be a witness to others in need.
the spirit can work if you allow your brothers and sisters into your life...all of your life.
do not be afraid.
you will not lose your freedom
you will gain it.
please, take the advice of brother mark h.
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