When God writes words to your life

At midnight last night, when I was driving down from San Antonio to my house I'm trying to rent in Whitesboro I was calm, quiet, slightly anxious for the excitement of new adjustments to be over with. The purpose of the trip was to get some final repairs done before my new renter moved in on the 15th, so I was anxious to get the paperwork all squared away, meet them, and get them moved in.

I was also cutting the trip short so I could come home and rest. I expect to receive foster children sometime this coming week and I didn't want to start the week exhausted from the trip and the work and behind on household stuff before the kids have even arrived. The first couple of days of arrival are exhausting enough.

If I was worrying about anything it was about the kids. My organization is putting a lot of faith in me and has licensed my home for up to 4 kids at a time, and for kids treatment care ranging anywhere from Basic, Moderate, or Specialized. Last time I was only licensed for Basic. Troubled kids in the Moderate or Specialized range.... it's a lot to handle. Especially if they give you several kids at a time.

Plus, I've already done this. I know it's scary, I know it's difficult, I know when I hear the stories it's going to rip my heart out, and then eventually when they take the kids away it's going to hurt like all get out. I've seen this movie before.

I'm quieter than usual lately as my mind is almost constantly contemplating the issues whether it be renters or kids. But on the quiet ride to Whitesboro, sometime in the middle of the night the radio station played a song that I've hated for quite awhile. HATE this song. Hate it. This time though, I finally heard the words:


Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

Sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

It's one of those rare moments when you think "Wow, they had to have written that song with me in mind." And I thought about how true it was. By going back into fostering I'm saying "Let the water rise if You want them to." I'm also saying "I will swim in the deep" because I can't think of too many things that would be 'deeper' than 4 Specialized kids in my house. These words just spoke right to me. "You've been faithful before, You'll be faithful again." Abso-honkin-lutely.

He's proven Himself.

Then this morning while I was fixing up the house, the renter that I'd driven 347 miles to see, backed out. I flipped open my phone to the initial text message alerting me to the problem and just sat there looking at it. Then from somewhere deep inside of me the words rose up: "So let the water rise, if You want them to - I will follow You". And since I couldn't remember all the words to the song I spent a lot of the morning singing the basic line "I will follow You"

I can live with anything. I can live with losing the house if it came to that -I've already got a 3rd renter lined up, but I'm not counting on it anymore until they actually move in. - I can live with crying over someone elses kids while they wish I was someone else.

I can live with anything except walking away from God. God I trust You. So let the waters rise if You want them to. I will follow You.

For those unfamiliar with the song it's called "Let the waters rise" by Mikeschair.