At midnight last night, when I was driving down from San Antonio to my house I'm trying to rent in Whitesboro I was calm, quiet, slightly anxious for the excitement of new adjustments to be over with. The purpose of the trip was to get some final repairs done before my new renter moved in on the 15th, so I was anxious to get the paperwork all squared away, meet them, and get them moved in.
I was also cutting the trip short so I could come home and rest. I expect to receive foster children sometime this coming week and I didn't want to start the week exhausted from the trip and the work and behind on household stuff before the kids have even arrived. The first couple of days of arrival are exhausting enough.
If I was worrying about anything it was about the kids. My organization is putting a lot of faith in me and has licensed my home for up to 4 kids at a time, and for kids treatment care ranging anywhere from Basic, Moderate, or Specialized. Last time I was only licensed for Basic. Troubled kids in the Moderate or Specialized range.... it's a lot to handle. Especially if they give you several kids at a time.
Plus, I've already done this. I know it's scary, I know it's difficult, I know when I hear the stories it's going to rip my heart out, and then eventually when they take the kids away it's going to hurt like all get out. I've seen this movie before.
I'm quieter than usual lately as my mind is almost constantly contemplating the issues whether it be renters or kids. But on the quiet ride to Whitesboro, sometime in the middle of the night the radio station played a song that I've hated for quite awhile. HATE this song. Hate it. This time though, I finally heard the words:
Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?
Sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never out of reach
God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
It's one of those rare moments when you think "Wow, they had to have written that song with me in mind." And I thought about how true it was. By going back into fostering I'm saying "Let the water rise if You want them to." I'm also saying "I will swim in the deep" because I can't think of too many things that would be 'deeper' than 4 Specialized kids in my house. These words just spoke right to me. "You've been faithful before, You'll be faithful again." Abso-honkin-lutely.
He's proven Himself.
Then this morning while I was fixing up the house, the renter that I'd driven 347 miles to see, backed out. I flipped open my phone to the initial text message alerting me to the problem and just sat there looking at it. Then from somewhere deep inside of me the words rose up: "So let the water rise, if You want them to - I will follow You". And since I couldn't remember all the words to the song I spent a lot of the morning singing the basic line "I will follow You"
I can live with anything. I can live with losing the house if it came to that -I've already got a 3rd renter lined up, but I'm not counting on it anymore until they actually move in. - I can live with crying over someone elses kids while they wish I was someone else.
I can live with anything except walking away from God. God I trust You. So let the waters rise if You want them to. I will follow You.
For those unfamiliar with the song it's called "Let the waters rise" by Mikeschair.
Showing posts with label Songs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Songs. Show all posts
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Saturday, April 03, 2010
His great-grandma was rich.
I'm a music lover of all types - but WORDS typically get me more than the rythym. Fortunately this has the words printed on it. :)
(HT to Ray Ortlund)
(HT to Ray Ortlund)
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Blessed be Your name though there's pain in the offering:
It was like a sucker-punch.
I suppose that's why I haven't been able to catch my breathe back yet.
In one of our rare nights out just to do something fun, our little band of people went to "The Incredible Pizza Co." a pizza place with a huge arcade area that includes Go-Karts, Mini-Golf, Bumper Cars and Bowling. We ate pizza and chocolate pudding while we watched old "Bewitched", and "I love Lucy" reruns on the television and then went and I soundly trounced my brother at Go-Karts, and then was soundly trounced myself at mini-golf.
We were playing some other game when the phone rang. My dad was calling. I flung my tickets at someone and ran out of the arcade so I could hear him. In those few seconds I fear things that no one should ever have to wonder about their parents. 38 minutes later it was over. I'd heard dad talk about mom, promised that I would make the necessary trip to Mexico for more medicine, and then talked to mom trying to convince her that she had to be nice to the man that was helping her (my dad) and she shouldn't hide food from him or try and kick him out of the house.
And I can't seem to catch my breathe now.
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
I suppose that's why I haven't been able to catch my breathe back yet.
In one of our rare nights out just to do something fun, our little band of people went to "The Incredible Pizza Co." a pizza place with a huge arcade area that includes Go-Karts, Mini-Golf, Bumper Cars and Bowling. We ate pizza and chocolate pudding while we watched old "Bewitched", and "I love Lucy" reruns on the television and then went and I soundly trounced my brother at Go-Karts, and then was soundly trounced myself at mini-golf.
We were playing some other game when the phone rang. My dad was calling. I flung my tickets at someone and ran out of the arcade so I could hear him. In those few seconds I fear things that no one should ever have to wonder about their parents. 38 minutes later it was over. I'd heard dad talk about mom, promised that I would make the necessary trip to Mexico for more medicine, and then talked to mom trying to convince her that she had to be nice to the man that was helping her (my dad) and she shouldn't hide food from him or try and kick him out of the house.
And I can't seem to catch my breathe now.
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Because He loves me.
Tell me God isn't working on my behalf.
I can always use a good laugh.
So today I chance upon a woman and just being sociable I struck up a general conversation about the heat. (I was trying to sweat out a cold that I somehow caught when my brother developed "Allergies".) As the conversation usually goes I mention being from North Texas and the recent move up here to SA.
That's the point in every conversation where I have to take a deep breath and remember that God is more important than peoples opinions. Because everyone inevitably asks "What brought you to San Antonio?" To which, after that quick swallow for courage I explain how God led me to leave my home and move here.
Once that door was opened I enthusiastically began telling her how glad I was about the decision and how He's blessed me so much in so many ways since coming here.
She responded with understanding that God does unexplainable things like that. And we began talking about spiritual things for a bit and she asked if I had found a church in the area.
When I told her how much I was enjoying the worship at the church I'd been attending called "Victory", she turned with surprise.
Turns out I happened to be talking to Linda Myers, the church secretary.
By the end of the conversation I'd given her a job lead since she was looking for work, and she'd promised to get back to me with information on joining the church.
She was in a gym, 20 miles from her home but right next door to me. God must enjoy moving puzzle pieces around to see our reactions.
I'm no different from anyone else. I'm stupid and foolish, crazy and misguided far too often. But I have learned to believe in Him. Even when things don't look right. I'm sure it will be challenged many more times in my lifetime, and I'm sure I will struggle, and I don't doubt that at times the hurt might overwhelm me - especially when I begin fostering again.
But just because you forget something, doesn't make it any less true, or real.
God is a God to be trusted, to be believed in. He is who He is whether I accept it, believe it, trust it, lean on it, or not. The only person I hurt by doubting is myself.
I told someone recently how my joy in Christ made me somewhat nervous, because I wondered how I would do when the joy ended because life became hard. But then I remembered my circumstances, the constant struggle the never-ending wonder about tomorrow and it's problems and I realized that this isn't a shallow joy that I'm dancing in. But a deep, rich, sorrow-filled/trust laden joy that is overcoming whatever I face.
He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
How he loves David Crowder Band
Enjoy His love.
Quit fighting Him.
Trust and obey. His plans are not our own.
But His plans bring me to an expected end.
And I can trust that whatever sorrow and trials I find along the way are for a purpose.
I can trust Him.
I CAN TRUST HIM.
Even when it doesn't make sense.
Because He loves me.
And when I really began to believe that.
I didn't have to demand answers anymore.
I just had to trust that good or bad, happy or sad, He's in charge, and I can trust Him.
Because He loves me.
And that's why I love Him more than ever before.
I can always use a good laugh.
So today I chance upon a woman and just being sociable I struck up a general conversation about the heat. (I was trying to sweat out a cold that I somehow caught when my brother developed "Allergies".) As the conversation usually goes I mention being from North Texas and the recent move up here to SA.
That's the point in every conversation where I have to take a deep breath and remember that God is more important than peoples opinions. Because everyone inevitably asks "What brought you to San Antonio?" To which, after that quick swallow for courage I explain how God led me to leave my home and move here.
Once that door was opened I enthusiastically began telling her how glad I was about the decision and how He's blessed me so much in so many ways since coming here.
She responded with understanding that God does unexplainable things like that. And we began talking about spiritual things for a bit and she asked if I had found a church in the area.
When I told her how much I was enjoying the worship at the church I'd been attending called "Victory", she turned with surprise.
Turns out I happened to be talking to Linda Myers, the church secretary.
By the end of the conversation I'd given her a job lead since she was looking for work, and she'd promised to get back to me with information on joining the church.
She was in a gym, 20 miles from her home but right next door to me. God must enjoy moving puzzle pieces around to see our reactions.
I'm no different from anyone else. I'm stupid and foolish, crazy and misguided far too often. But I have learned to believe in Him. Even when things don't look right. I'm sure it will be challenged many more times in my lifetime, and I'm sure I will struggle, and I don't doubt that at times the hurt might overwhelm me - especially when I begin fostering again.
But just because you forget something, doesn't make it any less true, or real.
God is a God to be trusted, to be believed in. He is who He is whether I accept it, believe it, trust it, lean on it, or not. The only person I hurt by doubting is myself.
I told someone recently how my joy in Christ made me somewhat nervous, because I wondered how I would do when the joy ended because life became hard. But then I remembered my circumstances, the constant struggle the never-ending wonder about tomorrow and it's problems and I realized that this isn't a shallow joy that I'm dancing in. But a deep, rich, sorrow-filled/trust laden joy that is overcoming whatever I face.
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
How he loves David Crowder Band
Enjoy His love.
Quit fighting Him.
Trust and obey. His plans are not our own.
But His plans bring me to an expected end.
And I can trust that whatever sorrow and trials I find along the way are for a purpose.
I can trust Him.
I CAN TRUST HIM.
Even when it doesn't make sense.
Because He loves me.
And when I really began to believe that.
I didn't have to demand answers anymore.
I just had to trust that good or bad, happy or sad, He's in charge, and I can trust Him.
Because He loves me.
And that's why I love Him more than ever before.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Lord I'm amazed by You
I can't praise Him enough.
You think I'm kidding, or trying to sound righteous. I don't worry too much about sounding righteous anymore, I realized how foolish that was since anyone that knows me... well, let's just say they know the truth. :)
But I'm not kidding either.
I just can't praise Him enough.
I've never been so poor, so backed up, so uncertain about tomorrows...
I've never been so grateful, so hopeful, so excited, so overwhelmed with gratitude.
My commute to work is filled with worship that just isn't enough. I'm probably going to die on the 410 loop one day just because the curve is a little sharp to take it with one hand raised and tears blurring your vision. I cannot thank Him enough.
There was a debate at lunch today, as someone made the assertion that God doesn't love poor people. Otherwise they wouldn't be poor. And, as a poor person I was frustrated at what a ridiculous assertion that is. And then my heart was broken as I realized, the person making that assertion was poor. And with every struggle to pay bills, with every thought of how something was out of his ability to afford it, I wondered if he wasn't clouded with doubt concerning Gods amazing love.
It's no wonder my experience as a poor person is vastly different from his. I can hardly breathe sometimes as I write out my bills as I realize that yet again, yet again, yet again, yet again, God has provided. He has provided me an abundance, exceedingly and abundantly beyond. I'm sitting here aching to do something for Him because He's done so much. The greatest of which is simply the greater closeness with Him. I find myself in His presence, shaken and stirred, moved and broken, but more often than not I'm just utterly joyful.
I've found healing in Him that is unimaginable to me. My prayers, sincere and earnest used to come from a broken section of my life that caused more hurt and worry and fear; and now all of that is replaced with adoration and joy and trust and hope. I never used to smile in prayer, if I did it was rare. Now it's rare find me in worship without that stupid smile stretching my cheeks.
I just can't thank Him enough. I can't praise Him enough.
I'd give anything to change the hearts around me. To somehow clear their minds of the lack so that they could finally see the overwhelming abundance. At the same time I wonder if God didn't make them with such a perspective just so they would push to something God has for them. But I also worry they'll receive what it is God had in store for them and with blinded eyes they'll keep looking for something more.
Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have - I wish with all my heart that I could simply give it away to those without, to those suffering from guilt and shame, to those struggling with anger, to those struggling with a feeling of inadequacy to those who simply can't see how great is His love for us. But I can only type it, I can only say it, I can only offer humbly that Jesus Christ LOVES you. He loves you so much, YOU, that He died, He offered His life as sacrifice for YOU, because He was not willing that ANY should perish. Not ONE. And if you ever stop and simply walk into the embrace of that love I can promise you that the things of this earth do grow strangely dim, less important, and the constant ever growing current of His amazing LOVE and MERCY in your life will leave you speechless. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.
He's offering you something that moth and rust can't corrupt. But don't look to see His love in monetary ways first. Dig into the Spiritual gifts, rather than the physical ones. You'll be amazed at what happens.
I gave Him me (not without a few difficulties and the occasional cries of "take back") but the rewards of what I received in return have been more than wonderful.
Lord I'm amazed by You and how You love me.
To sign off this post, I thought I'd include a snippet of our song service today. It's very fitting for this post. Enjoy!
You think I'm kidding, or trying to sound righteous. I don't worry too much about sounding righteous anymore, I realized how foolish that was since anyone that knows me... well, let's just say they know the truth. :)
But I'm not kidding either.
I just can't praise Him enough.
I've never been so poor, so backed up, so uncertain about tomorrows...
I've never been so grateful, so hopeful, so excited, so overwhelmed with gratitude.
My commute to work is filled with worship that just isn't enough. I'm probably going to die on the 410 loop one day just because the curve is a little sharp to take it with one hand raised and tears blurring your vision. I cannot thank Him enough.
There was a debate at lunch today, as someone made the assertion that God doesn't love poor people. Otherwise they wouldn't be poor. And, as a poor person I was frustrated at what a ridiculous assertion that is. And then my heart was broken as I realized, the person making that assertion was poor. And with every struggle to pay bills, with every thought of how something was out of his ability to afford it, I wondered if he wasn't clouded with doubt concerning Gods amazing love.
It's no wonder my experience as a poor person is vastly different from his. I can hardly breathe sometimes as I write out my bills as I realize that yet again, yet again, yet again, yet again, God has provided. He has provided me an abundance, exceedingly and abundantly beyond. I'm sitting here aching to do something for Him because He's done so much. The greatest of which is simply the greater closeness with Him. I find myself in His presence, shaken and stirred, moved and broken, but more often than not I'm just utterly joyful.
I've found healing in Him that is unimaginable to me. My prayers, sincere and earnest used to come from a broken section of my life that caused more hurt and worry and fear; and now all of that is replaced with adoration and joy and trust and hope. I never used to smile in prayer, if I did it was rare. Now it's rare find me in worship without that stupid smile stretching my cheeks.
I just can't thank Him enough. I can't praise Him enough.
I'd give anything to change the hearts around me. To somehow clear their minds of the lack so that they could finally see the overwhelming abundance. At the same time I wonder if God didn't make them with such a perspective just so they would push to something God has for them. But I also worry they'll receive what it is God had in store for them and with blinded eyes they'll keep looking for something more.
Silver and gold have I none, but such as I have - I wish with all my heart that I could simply give it away to those without, to those suffering from guilt and shame, to those struggling with anger, to those struggling with a feeling of inadequacy to those who simply can't see how great is His love for us. But I can only type it, I can only say it, I can only offer humbly that Jesus Christ LOVES you. He loves you so much, YOU, that He died, He offered His life as sacrifice for YOU, because He was not willing that ANY should perish. Not ONE. And if you ever stop and simply walk into the embrace of that love I can promise you that the things of this earth do grow strangely dim, less important, and the constant ever growing current of His amazing LOVE and MERCY in your life will leave you speechless. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.
He's offering you something that moth and rust can't corrupt. But don't look to see His love in monetary ways first. Dig into the Spiritual gifts, rather than the physical ones. You'll be amazed at what happens.
I gave Him me (not without a few difficulties and the occasional cries of "take back") but the rewards of what I received in return have been more than wonderful.
Lord I'm amazed by You and how You love me.
To sign off this post, I thought I'd include a snippet of our song service today. It's very fitting for this post. Enjoy!
Monday, December 28, 2009
A strange way Pt 3 - Why me indeed.
One last post about my favorite Christmas song - think you can bear with me for one more? (Click here for Part 1 and Part 2)
I just, apparently, can't get past how much I enjoy the song. But while I love the verses, the chorus is what always rings in my heart.
Why me?
Why me?
Why me?
Why me?
So often we ask that question when negative circumstances come our way. Why me? Why do I have cancer? Why me? Why does MY mom have to have alzheimers? Why me? Why does my car have a flat?
From big things to little things whenever something goes wrong we tend to immediately think "WHY ME?"
It's reasonable, and even a good question to ask when it comes to bad circumstances.
But rarely, do you hear someone encountering good circumstances and wondering "Why me?"
Why did I win a million dollars? Why did I narrowly avoid that car wreck? Why did get that job when so many others were hunting?
I ate dinner with someone the other night, and as they bowed their head to bless the food for us they reminded God of His many promises to us and prayed He'd be faithful.
And while it's nothing, and it certainly doesn't say anything about the person because obviously we all have different thoughts and methods and not one certain prayer or omission means something. But as we lifted our heads I realized he'd forgot to thank God for the food.
Everyone is certainly different, but I'm broke and certainly can't afford nice expensive food like say.. well, anything beyond ground beef. ;) But this particular meal had been provided for me free of charge, all I had to do was sit down and do the taking. So as I lifted my head I couldn't help but whisper a profound "thank You" that this was one more meal I wouldn't have to wonder where it would come from.
It's crazy how skewed my perception is sometimes though, as I drove home tonight I realized that I pray God keeps His promises to me to keep me in my house (a lovely 2 story, 4bd, 2ba home with 2 accessory rooms we don't even use hardly) while there are people in such dire conditions that for my idea of "struggling" to be that I have to give up lavish conditions to live in a less lavish home - to me it means I need to change my ideas of what God supposedly "owes" me as a fulfillment of promise.
I don't want to spend my life asking why things aren't better for myself. I want to spend it asking why on earth He'd be so good to me. Why would He love me so? Why would He provide so much for me, when so many others are hungry, cold, lonely. Why me Lord? Why am I so blessed? I just can't thank You enough.
It's hard to have that attitude every day though, it's hard to not ask why things don't go better, or why things aren't moving directions you thought they would sometimes. But God has a plan, and He's got my life in His hands. And, whether I believe it all the time or not, I'm blessed beyond measure.
Why me indeed.
I just, apparently, can't get past how much I enjoy the song. But while I love the verses, the chorus is what always rings in my heart.
Why me?
Why me?
Why me?
Why me?
So often we ask that question when negative circumstances come our way. Why me? Why do I have cancer? Why me? Why does MY mom have to have alzheimers? Why me? Why does my car have a flat?
From big things to little things whenever something goes wrong we tend to immediately think "WHY ME?"
It's reasonable, and even a good question to ask when it comes to bad circumstances.
But rarely, do you hear someone encountering good circumstances and wondering "Why me?"
Why did I win a million dollars? Why did I narrowly avoid that car wreck? Why did get that job when so many others were hunting?
I ate dinner with someone the other night, and as they bowed their head to bless the food for us they reminded God of His many promises to us and prayed He'd be faithful.
And while it's nothing, and it certainly doesn't say anything about the person because obviously we all have different thoughts and methods and not one certain prayer or omission means something. But as we lifted our heads I realized he'd forgot to thank God for the food.
Everyone is certainly different, but I'm broke and certainly can't afford nice expensive food like say.. well, anything beyond ground beef. ;) But this particular meal had been provided for me free of charge, all I had to do was sit down and do the taking. So as I lifted my head I couldn't help but whisper a profound "thank You" that this was one more meal I wouldn't have to wonder where it would come from.
It's crazy how skewed my perception is sometimes though, as I drove home tonight I realized that I pray God keeps His promises to me to keep me in my house (a lovely 2 story, 4bd, 2ba home with 2 accessory rooms we don't even use hardly) while there are people in such dire conditions that for my idea of "struggling" to be that I have to give up lavish conditions to live in a less lavish home - to me it means I need to change my ideas of what God supposedly "owes" me as a fulfillment of promise.
I don't want to spend my life asking why things aren't better for myself. I want to spend it asking why on earth He'd be so good to me. Why would He love me so? Why would He provide so much for me, when so many others are hungry, cold, lonely. Why me Lord? Why am I so blessed? I just can't thank You enough.
It's hard to have that attitude every day though, it's hard to not ask why things don't go better, or why things aren't moving directions you thought they would sometimes. But God has a plan, and He's got my life in His hands. And, whether I believe it all the time or not, I'm blessed beyond measure.
Why me indeed.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
A strange way Pt 2 - No better or worse than a donkey.
Why me? I'm just a simple man of trade?
Why him? With all the rulers in the world?
Why here? Inside this stable filled with hay?
Why her? She's just an ordinary girl?
And now I'm not one to second guess, what angels have to say...
But this is such a strange way to save the world.
A Strange way to save the World - 4Him
...........
There's another reason that I love that song besides what I wrote about yesterday.
I absolutely love that God uses the simple, the small, the ordinary, the stables, the barns. Too often I imagine that I need to wait until I'm rich, important, till I've reached a certain status with a group of people, till I've gained a role of leadership within my church, till I've reached the place where I don't doubt and struggle and worry.
But God uses the beat up, worn, weary, broken and reassembled, the inferior, the looked down on, the simple, the seemingly powerless and useless. And He uses them to accomplish the most incredible things that God needs accomplished on this earth sometimes.
Not that God doesn't use the rich and powerful... but too often I let what I lack keep me from being used. I let it keep me from dreaming the big dreams God puts in my heart. I let it keep me from hoping and loving, and believing, and expecting change.
But no, God uses simple things. Simple people like me are a part of His plans for the world. However great or small that plan might be. Why me Lord? I'm just an ordinary girl.
But like Joseph in the song, I need to not second guess how God chooses to do things. But sit back and revel and wonder at what a strange way He's using to save the world.
Through me. Through ordinary me and ordinary you.
Not that I'm getting a big head about the whole idea... all this means is that I'm just no better or worse than a donkey. :)
Why him? With all the rulers in the world?
Why here? Inside this stable filled with hay?
Why her? She's just an ordinary girl?
And now I'm not one to second guess, what angels have to say...
But this is such a strange way to save the world.
A Strange way to save the World - 4Him
...........
There's another reason that I love that song besides what I wrote about yesterday.
I absolutely love that God uses the simple, the small, the ordinary, the stables, the barns. Too often I imagine that I need to wait until I'm rich, important, till I've reached a certain status with a group of people, till I've gained a role of leadership within my church, till I've reached the place where I don't doubt and struggle and worry.
But God uses the beat up, worn, weary, broken and reassembled, the inferior, the looked down on, the simple, the seemingly powerless and useless. And He uses them to accomplish the most incredible things that God needs accomplished on this earth sometimes.
Not that God doesn't use the rich and powerful... but too often I let what I lack keep me from being used. I let it keep me from dreaming the big dreams God puts in my heart. I let it keep me from hoping and loving, and believing, and expecting change.
But no, God uses simple things. Simple people like me are a part of His plans for the world. However great or small that plan might be. Why me Lord? I'm just an ordinary girl.
But like Joseph in the song, I need to not second guess how God chooses to do things. But sit back and revel and wonder at what a strange way He's using to save the world.
Through me. Through ordinary me and ordinary you.
Not that I'm getting a big head about the whole idea... all this means is that I'm just no better or worse than a donkey. :)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The love of God is greater far...
In my life I've always struggled with feeling loved.
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.
I don't believe it when I'm told, and only lately have I come to accept a history of actions as proof. But I certainly don't rely on it, trusting it to hold onto a friendship or a relationship during the hard times.
I've seen enough of the world to know how easily people give up on other people. A lady I'm working with right now struggling with her marriage recently shoved aside encouragement that "It would get better", saying "I don't want it to get better, I want it to get over." 3 years of marriage. 3 years of "I love you's". 3 years of taking care of their children.
I've seen that example played out in a hundred different scenarios all through my 28 years of life - probably too young to feel jaded about love I suppose - but I am.
That's why when I really met Jesus, I worked hard to not be discarded. I tried to be perfect because not being perfect might mean He gives up on me. I wouldn't believe for a minute that He would give up on you - no, He'd never do that! but I knew me, and I knew people didn't love me, I was the exception to the rule. Ironic, isn't it, how we all convince ourselves that good things apply to everyone else but ourselves, we alone are always the exception to the rule. Even more befuddling is how even when other people tell us they feel the same way, we assume they're just wrong. The bad things don't apply to them, but us, yes, we certainly are the exception to the rule.
Now, I wonder how much God enjoyed watching me fail. Not for the perverse pleasure of it but because He couldn't wait to prove that He was still there. Not giving up. Not changing. Still as invested in seeing His work completed in me, and intent, fearfully and wonderfully intent on seeing the strange and awkward scars my clay had developed over time be smoothed away.
I'm no poster child for good spiritual, or emotional health. Perhaps not even mental health since Alzheimers does seem to run in the family genes... but while I've been sitting in this awkward place with God, wondering what He's doing and what's happening to me, in me, I've constantly been amazed at one thing and I just want to share it again.
God loves you.
Even saying it right now, tears are running down my face because it's just........so...........true. He loves you.
He loves me.
He loves me.
It's the best kind of love. The best relationship. The best friend.
I can be a complete jerk, the worst emotional basketcase, and a self-centered thoughtless bum - and He still loves me. It's not about being perfect. It's just being loved. Regardless of what I do. That love was there even when I rejected it. When I stood afar off from God and said "Here's how I believe God is," He loved me with an everlasting love.
When I said "I quit God" and waited on Him to stop loving me - He remained unchanging and loved me still with an everlasting love until I had no choice, it literally wasn't in me to be able to do anything else but humbly come back to God with gratitude.
....Even recently when I felt He disappointed me, He had a lesson for me in it that I should have learned long before now. I love Him all the more for that disappointment and His persistent and often inconvenient lessons.
He loves me. And, while I still have issues come up sometimes, for the most part I have finally - finally - simply begun to respond to that GREAT love. I've begun to trust in it. To believe that He holds onto me when I can't seem to hold onto Him. That He'll love me even when I've done wrong - but He certainly tells me to fix it pronto.
So for all that - it's taken quite awhile to figure out how to say all this so far - I guess I just want to say something to you.
I don't know what situations you specifically are facing. But this I know, God loves you so much. And when you finally get that realization, you will be so relieved. The burden, the fear, the doubt, the distrust; it rolls away into a tiny speck that only pops up every once in awhile to irritate situations. Sometimes, as you understand it better - it won't even be able to irritate you.
He won't give up on you. If He is drawing you, speaking to your heart then know this - He has chosen you. YOU. Specifically you. Sure He's got the whole world on His mind, but He's also got YOU specifically there as well. Trust in Him. Trust His love whenever you find yourself in a situation that's beyond you. God's in the middle of your troubles just as He's in the middle of your celebrations. Give your situations into His hand and trust Him. Give your issues into His hand; the hurt, grief, scars, distrust, anger, fear, guilt - whatever it is - simply tell God all about it. At the top of your lungs if necessary. He's strong enough to take it.
I know me, remember? I know I'm the exception to the rule. If you ever really got to know me surely you'd understand that I wasn't worth the trouble and just... wander off... But even I, can somehow be loved by God so strongly, so patiently, so determinedly, that I, the exception to the rule, believe that God loves me.
And if He can love me He most definitely loves you.
Trust it.
Lean on it.
GO for everything.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Growing...
I don't know what someone else would get from this... but I just have to write this to document what God is doing in me.
Sunday, the instant the song service began at church I felt something big and exciting was about to happen. Every single song just drug you deeper and deeper in. It was powerful, and wonderful, and addictive. By the time it was over you simply wished it could go on forever.
Part way through though, God told me to do something. He's told me before, and the answer was always 'no'. He told me to go to the front to worship. To get out of my row, walk down the aisle to the front of the church and worship.
No God, anything but that. They'll think I'm just doing it to be seen, to be dramatic and all "look at me".
Go.
God, I just can't. Not that. You know what they'll think, I can't draw attention to myself. This isn't about me; it's suppose to be about You.
Go.
God, if You really want me to go, You're going to have to give me the strength to do it because I don't have it. I can't do it God, I just can't.
And then we began singing a song "Here in Your presence". I'll give you the words and a link to the video at the end of the post; but the words that really hit me were the words "Here in Your presence we are undone."
And by my refusal to do as He asked the contrast to my saying "we are undone" put lie to my words. I hated my refusal. I hated the things about me that held me back from anything that God would ask of me. I hated my weak self. And I begged God, even as I felt a quake of fear at how God might answer, I begged Him to actually "undo" me. To make me "undone" as I had just sung.
Get me there God, somehow.
And just as I had talked about before, it's the first step into the unknown that is the very hardest. My arms were raised and I took one step out into the aisle. And I literally don't remember how I got to the front. Once that first step was made I was there. And, I do want to add that once I got there not one thing else was more important to me than worshiping God.
I suppose I won't go into further detail except to say that the Spirit of God was wonderful in that place, and praise - hungry, holy praise went forth to Him. I'd have to say it was one of the best experiences in my life. One I hope to repeat only to greater extents and deeper depths as I continue living my life for Him.
God is freeing me. Bit by bit. Control by control. And I can't help but sometimes think how incredible it is to be the clay with potential that is only limited by the Hands that form me.
As promised, the words to the song followed by the video:
HERE IN YOUR PRESENCE
by New Life Worship (Desperation Band)
Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away
Here in Your presence
All of my gains now fade away
Every crown no longer on display
Here in Your presence
Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonders
The kings and their kingdom are standing amazed
Chorus:
Here in Your presence, we are undone
Here in Your presence, Heaven and Earth become one
Here in Your presence, all things are new
Here in Your presence, everything bows before You
Bridge:
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Sunday, the instant the song service began at church I felt something big and exciting was about to happen. Every single song just drug you deeper and deeper in. It was powerful, and wonderful, and addictive. By the time it was over you simply wished it could go on forever.
Part way through though, God told me to do something. He's told me before, and the answer was always 'no'. He told me to go to the front to worship. To get out of my row, walk down the aisle to the front of the church and worship.
No God, anything but that. They'll think I'm just doing it to be seen, to be dramatic and all "look at me".
Go.
God, I just can't. Not that. You know what they'll think, I can't draw attention to myself. This isn't about me; it's suppose to be about You.
Go.
God, if You really want me to go, You're going to have to give me the strength to do it because I don't have it. I can't do it God, I just can't.
And then we began singing a song "Here in Your presence". I'll give you the words and a link to the video at the end of the post; but the words that really hit me were the words "Here in Your presence we are undone."
And by my refusal to do as He asked the contrast to my saying "we are undone" put lie to my words. I hated my refusal. I hated the things about me that held me back from anything that God would ask of me. I hated my weak self. And I begged God, even as I felt a quake of fear at how God might answer, I begged Him to actually "undo" me. To make me "undone" as I had just sung.
Get me there God, somehow.
And just as I had talked about before, it's the first step into the unknown that is the very hardest. My arms were raised and I took one step out into the aisle. And I literally don't remember how I got to the front. Once that first step was made I was there. And, I do want to add that once I got there not one thing else was more important to me than worshiping God.
I suppose I won't go into further detail except to say that the Spirit of God was wonderful in that place, and praise - hungry, holy praise went forth to Him. I'd have to say it was one of the best experiences in my life. One I hope to repeat only to greater extents and deeper depths as I continue living my life for Him.
God is freeing me. Bit by bit. Control by control. And I can't help but sometimes think how incredible it is to be the clay with potential that is only limited by the Hands that form me.
As promised, the words to the song followed by the video:
HERE IN YOUR PRESENCE
by New Life Worship (Desperation Band)
Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away
Here in Your presence
All of my gains now fade away
Every crown no longer on display
Here in Your presence
Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonders
The kings and their kingdom are standing amazed
Chorus:
Here in Your presence, we are undone
Here in Your presence, Heaven and Earth become one
Here in Your presence, all things are new
Here in Your presence, everything bows before You
Bridge:
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
If He took it all away - I will praise the Lord.
A friend sent me an e-mail link to a song, so I headed off to Youtube looking for it. It was a beautiful song that really captured my attention as did the pictures that happen to be shown for the video background.
I tend to see a persons pain through a magnifying glass. I see a struggling pastor and pull out the magnifying glass and look at it, specifically it and nothing else and grieve his pain. I see a hurting child, out comes my magnifying glass and again, I focus entirely on that one thing. I do the same with my own far too often as well.
But that video proved to me a very good reminder of something I'd known before but forgotten.
Our pain isn't ours alone. Sure it's slightly unique to us, but for the most part it's the same pain that hundreds of thousands have faced, hundreds of thousands of times before. People have grieved the loss of alzheimers or loved ones, they've grieved over children lost, grieved over money lost, grieved over churches lost, grieved over failures and mistakes. Pain upon pain upon pain. I'm no different. You're no different.
But the key to enduring our own pain is remembering just that. I've watched someone recently, so focused on their own pain that they have spiraled into self-pity, when self-pity is the last emotion that should be coming to mind right now in their situation. Yet their own pain somehow became greater than the person that was actually suffering. It would be like me putting my sorrow at moms illness at a greater level of importance than my moms struggle with the illness.
It's insane.
But so often we do that. We see ourselves and nothing else. Or what little else we do see is of so much less importance than our pain, our feelings, our struggle.
The idea is one that helped me have a renewed, fresh sense of peace today. This life is temporal, our pain is not rare, or unusual, or anything surprising. It is only for a little while, and then we will enter a land with no more sorrow, tears, or pain. We will enter the promised land. We must only endure here for a little while.
I will praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord. I WILL praise the Lord.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
So check out the video:
(HT to Robert for the link. Thanks!)
I tend to see a persons pain through a magnifying glass. I see a struggling pastor and pull out the magnifying glass and look at it, specifically it and nothing else and grieve his pain. I see a hurting child, out comes my magnifying glass and again, I focus entirely on that one thing. I do the same with my own far too often as well.
But that video proved to me a very good reminder of something I'd known before but forgotten.
Our pain isn't ours alone. Sure it's slightly unique to us, but for the most part it's the same pain that hundreds of thousands have faced, hundreds of thousands of times before. People have grieved the loss of alzheimers or loved ones, they've grieved over children lost, grieved over money lost, grieved over churches lost, grieved over failures and mistakes. Pain upon pain upon pain. I'm no different. You're no different.
But the key to enduring our own pain is remembering just that. I've watched someone recently, so focused on their own pain that they have spiraled into self-pity, when self-pity is the last emotion that should be coming to mind right now in their situation. Yet their own pain somehow became greater than the person that was actually suffering. It would be like me putting my sorrow at moms illness at a greater level of importance than my moms struggle with the illness.
It's insane.
But so often we do that. We see ourselves and nothing else. Or what little else we do see is of so much less importance than our pain, our feelings, our struggle.
The idea is one that helped me have a renewed, fresh sense of peace today. This life is temporal, our pain is not rare, or unusual, or anything surprising. It is only for a little while, and then we will enter a land with no more sorrow, tears, or pain. We will enter the promised land. We must only endure here for a little while.
I will praise the Lord. I will praise the Lord. I WILL praise the Lord.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
So check out the video:
(HT to Robert for the link. Thanks!)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
What I'm praying for...
Next week I am leaving my new home in San Antonio and heading to move in with my parents to begin caring for my mother.
Dad is willing to give it a short trial to see if I can gain some control over the situation, and if I fail he is going to put her into a nursing home.
He's hurting, and tired, and stressed beyond what a person should be asked to endure.
She's tired and sick. In her few moments when she's anywhere close to her right mind she is discouraged and sad that she is making his life miserable. - Her words, not mine.
I am praying, that for whatever time I am in this situation - whether it is long-term as we hope, or only a short term try and fail - that I will have a servants heart towards both of them. That for this time I can go in and build them up, encourage, and strengthen them both. That I will have wisdom in how to use my words to control my mothers behavior so that she is compliant with me as much as possible. And that I will not get so wrapped up in my mothers issues that I fail to minister to the other person there that is hurting.
I am praying that my mothers suffering ends quickly.
Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord help me lift up
Those who are weak.
And may the prayer of my heart always be.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant today.
Dad is willing to give it a short trial to see if I can gain some control over the situation, and if I fail he is going to put her into a nursing home.
He's hurting, and tired, and stressed beyond what a person should be asked to endure.
She's tired and sick. In her few moments when she's anywhere close to her right mind she is discouraged and sad that she is making his life miserable. - Her words, not mine.
I am praying, that for whatever time I am in this situation - whether it is long-term as we hope, or only a short term try and fail - that I will have a servants heart towards both of them. That for this time I can go in and build them up, encourage, and strengthen them both. That I will have wisdom in how to use my words to control my mothers behavior so that she is compliant with me as much as possible. And that I will not get so wrapped up in my mothers issues that I fail to minister to the other person there that is hurting.
I am praying that my mothers suffering ends quickly.
Make me a servant
Humble and meek
Lord help me lift up
Those who are weak.
And may the prayer of my heart always be.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant.
Make me a servant today.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
I'm learning to lean...
I’m learning to lean, learning to lean,
Learning to lean on Jesus.
Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed,
I’m learning to lean on Jesus.
The joy I can’t explain fills my heart,
Since the day I made Jesus my King;
His blessed Holy Spirit is leading my way,
He’s teaching and I’m learning to lean.
There's glorious vict'ry each day now for me,
Since I found His peace so serene;
He helps me with each task, if only I'll ask;
Ev'ry day now I'm learning to lean.
Sometimes we can be like the man who said,
My life is full now, I have everything;
But there is a strong Rock in Jesus, my Lord;
Thro' my trials I've been leaning to lean.
Sad, broken hearted, so often I've knelt,
And I've found God's peace so serene;
And all that He asks is a child like trust,
And a heart that is learning to lean.
I’m learning to lean, learning to lean,
Learning to lean on Jesus.
Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed,
I’m learning to lean on Jesus.
Learning to lean on Jesus.
Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed,
I’m learning to lean on Jesus.
The joy I can’t explain fills my heart,
Since the day I made Jesus my King;
His blessed Holy Spirit is leading my way,
He’s teaching and I’m learning to lean.
There's glorious vict'ry each day now for me,
Since I found His peace so serene;
He helps me with each task, if only I'll ask;
Ev'ry day now I'm learning to lean.
Sometimes we can be like the man who said,
My life is full now, I have everything;
But there is a strong Rock in Jesus, my Lord;
Thro' my trials I've been leaning to lean.
Sad, broken hearted, so often I've knelt,
And I've found God's peace so serene;
And all that He asks is a child like trust,
And a heart that is learning to lean.
I’m learning to lean, learning to lean,
Learning to lean on Jesus.
Finding more power than I’d ever dreamed,
I’m learning to lean on Jesus.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I believe.
This is a difficult post to write.
Part of the gratification I get from writing is delayed. It comes two years from now when I look back at 2009 and see what I was going through, what I did, what I struggled with and how I believed. I get to see ways that God came through for me that I might have forgotten. I get to remember lessons I've learned that I might have forgotten. Through the comments I get to remember friends (I miss Larry's comments). This blog is a great reminder of so very many things.
What makes this post more difficult to write is that I know two years from now, despite faith, despite hope, I won't want to remember this day. If it were in my power, I would wish this very day from existance. I dread stumbling across this post a year from now and being reminded of today.
Today my mother couldn't keep track of who my brother was. She thought he was her brother Steven. A few times she got on track and asked about Angel and David (her grandchildren) but then fell right back off track and started talking to Steven again.
I called my dad to find out the whole of the story, because I knew if she was doing that then she had done so much more - and sure enough, she'd lost the fact that she was married (to the extent that she got up in the middle of the night and got dressed then laid back down on the farthest edge of the bed) and then confused my dad with her father (who was dead before I was ever born). She also thought her parents were still alive and kept asking my dad if he was "sure he wanted to do this" and apparently thought they were moving in together.
He explained, much to her confusion, that they had been married 40 years.
I listened to my dad say how scary it was. My dad. He actually said he was scared. He used the words "losing her." I listened to the shook up voice of my brother - (a far calmer one than what I had in my first "event") as he told me she hadn't understood who he was. And then I listened to my mom. She talked about so many things, including how she was growing old gracefully, and I played my role as the one who always makes her laugh.
It's my job. I like my job.
Then I went to prayer meeting.
I got there and the building was - thankfully - empty. I sat down at the piano and over and over again all I could play was the chorus "I believe You're my healer. I believe You are all I need. I believe You're my portion. I believe You're more than enough for me. Jesus You're all I need."
Only I played it for her, "I believe You're her healer. I believe You are all she needs. I believe You're her portion. I believe You're more than enough for her. Jesus You're all she needs."
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold her world in Your hands
I doubt God waits around for my reassurance, but tonight in the middle of the hurt I just wanted to sit down and tell God "I trust in You. I trust in You."
So often, even if I don't mean them, I put conditions on God.
I believe You're my healer - if you heal this.
I believe You're more than enough for me - if you fill this empty area Lord.
I believe You're my provider - if you provide this.
I believe You're my protector - if you get me out of this.
I unthinkingly put conditions on so many things that should be unconditional. That's why, tonight, when I desperately wished He could perform a healing, I told Him that He was her healer; that He was my healer, regardless. And it's true. Even though she's still sick.
I've said it before on this blog - God is good even when all the circumstances you're facing are bad.
He's your provider even when you struggle every day to make ends meet.
He's your healer, even when you're sick.
Circumstances should never dictate to me who my God is. Yet too often I have allowed them to do just that.
I guess that's why under the test of fresh hurt I immediately wanted to make sure He knew I wasn't going to desert Him this time. I believe. I really do believe. And I wanted Him to hear it.
You're my Healer
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
My Healer, You're my Healer
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
Part of the gratification I get from writing is delayed. It comes two years from now when I look back at 2009 and see what I was going through, what I did, what I struggled with and how I believed. I get to see ways that God came through for me that I might have forgotten. I get to remember lessons I've learned that I might have forgotten. Through the comments I get to remember friends (I miss Larry's comments). This blog is a great reminder of so very many things.
What makes this post more difficult to write is that I know two years from now, despite faith, despite hope, I won't want to remember this day. If it were in my power, I would wish this very day from existance. I dread stumbling across this post a year from now and being reminded of today.
Today my mother couldn't keep track of who my brother was. She thought he was her brother Steven. A few times she got on track and asked about Angel and David (her grandchildren) but then fell right back off track and started talking to Steven again.
I called my dad to find out the whole of the story, because I knew if she was doing that then she had done so much more - and sure enough, she'd lost the fact that she was married (to the extent that she got up in the middle of the night and got dressed then laid back down on the farthest edge of the bed) and then confused my dad with her father (who was dead before I was ever born). She also thought her parents were still alive and kept asking my dad if he was "sure he wanted to do this" and apparently thought they were moving in together.
He explained, much to her confusion, that they had been married 40 years.
I listened to my dad say how scary it was. My dad. He actually said he was scared. He used the words "losing her." I listened to the shook up voice of my brother - (a far calmer one than what I had in my first "event") as he told me she hadn't understood who he was. And then I listened to my mom. She talked about so many things, including how she was growing old gracefully, and I played my role as the one who always makes her laugh.
It's my job. I like my job.
Then I went to prayer meeting.
I got there and the building was - thankfully - empty. I sat down at the piano and over and over again all I could play was the chorus "I believe You're my healer. I believe You are all I need. I believe You're my portion. I believe You're more than enough for me. Jesus You're all I need."
Only I played it for her, "I believe You're her healer. I believe You are all she needs. I believe You're her portion. I believe You're more than enough for her. Jesus You're all she needs."
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold her world in Your hands
I doubt God waits around for my reassurance, but tonight in the middle of the hurt I just wanted to sit down and tell God "I trust in You. I trust in You."
So often, even if I don't mean them, I put conditions on God.
I believe You're my healer - if you heal this.
I believe You're more than enough for me - if you fill this empty area Lord.
I believe You're my provider - if you provide this.
I believe You're my protector - if you get me out of this.
I unthinkingly put conditions on so many things that should be unconditional. That's why, tonight, when I desperately wished He could perform a healing, I told Him that He was her healer; that He was my healer, regardless. And it's true. Even though she's still sick.
I've said it before on this blog - God is good even when all the circumstances you're facing are bad.
He's your provider even when you struggle every day to make ends meet.
He's your healer, even when you're sick.
Circumstances should never dictate to me who my God is. Yet too often I have allowed them to do just that.
I guess that's why under the test of fresh hurt I immediately wanted to make sure He knew I wasn't going to desert Him this time. I believe. I really do believe. And I wanted Him to hear it.
You're my Healer
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You
I trust in You
I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
My Healer, You're my Healer
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands
Sunday, May 10, 2009
He hideth my soul.
With numberless blessings each moment He crowns,
And filled with His fullness divine,
I sing in my rapture, oh, glory to God!
For such a Redeemer as mine.
(He hideth my soul)
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
God can use anything better than you.
GO read Nancy's post. I loved this growing up but I've never seen it done the way she did it.
It'll take two seconds. Seriously. GO.
A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G
It'll take two seconds. Seriously. GO.
A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Day 3 - Faith in my Savior
I don't know about you, but I need a Savior.
I don't need religion and a title of "Pentecostal" or "Baptist".
I don't need to be a part of a gathering that "thinks positive thoughts".
I need a Savior.
I need a Savior that can see my sins, and not just 'handle' them as a Friend.
I need a Savior that sees my sins, demands payment for them, and then extends mercy in a situation where no mercy is due.
At work I'm constantly mimicking Olive Oyl's cry of "Oh Popeye my hero!" for my tech support folks who keep setting up laptops for my groups of new hires - or making some system that won't support us suddenly support us. And it seems so inane, but I keep thinking about God like that.
Sometimes I'm in a situation with 20 people standing behind me... waiting... and I'm just plain out of luck if my tech support doesn't come through (And let me tell you, 20 new hires are not as humble, thankful or patient concerning their new job as you'd suppose).
In your life, it's the worst situation to be in. You're completely at the mercy of Someone else. Your sins are as scarlet, there's nowhere else to turn. You're guilty. You were born guilty, but then when you think about your life you know that you weren't just "born" guilty - you've actively committed the crimes. Greed, Lust, Murder, Lying, Cheating, Stealing... by Gods standards you are most profoundly guilty. Your only hope is to throw yourself at His mercy...........
Only to find out that his mercies are new every morning. His mercies extend beyond our hopes, beyond our fears. His mercy is greater than I need it to be. His mercy is so great that He doesn't just save me, but restores and renews every single day after that.
He's above and beyond.
And I need that Savior.
From the Aaron Shust song "My Savior My God" (song title links to video)
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
I don't need religion and a title of "Pentecostal" or "Baptist".
I don't need to be a part of a gathering that "thinks positive thoughts".
I need a Savior.
I need a Savior that can see my sins, and not just 'handle' them as a Friend.
I need a Savior that sees my sins, demands payment for them, and then extends mercy in a situation where no mercy is due.
At work I'm constantly mimicking Olive Oyl's cry of "Oh Popeye my hero!" for my tech support folks who keep setting up laptops for my groups of new hires - or making some system that won't support us suddenly support us. And it seems so inane, but I keep thinking about God like that.
Sometimes I'm in a situation with 20 people standing behind me... waiting... and I'm just plain out of luck if my tech support doesn't come through (And let me tell you, 20 new hires are not as humble, thankful or patient concerning their new job as you'd suppose).
In your life, it's the worst situation to be in. You're completely at the mercy of Someone else. Your sins are as scarlet, there's nowhere else to turn. You're guilty. You were born guilty, but then when you think about your life you know that you weren't just "born" guilty - you've actively committed the crimes. Greed, Lust, Murder, Lying, Cheating, Stealing... by Gods standards you are most profoundly guilty. Your only hope is to throw yourself at His mercy...........
Only to find out that his mercies are new every morning. His mercies extend beyond our hopes, beyond our fears. His mercy is greater than I need it to be. His mercy is so great that He doesn't just save me, but restores and renews every single day after that.
He's above and beyond.
And I need that Savior.
From the Aaron Shust song "My Savior My God" (song title links to video)
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Beyond frustrated and beyond.
This post isn't what 9/10ths of it will look like. So read the whole thing or you might just get depressed.
I was beyond frustrated when I got to church tonight. It seems like I've been sick for the last three weeks. It's not true of course but frustration doesn't usually have to have a basis in reality. Two weeks ago strep throat began, but antibiotics quickly made short work of it... right up until a stomach virus knocked me out for two days during which time I stopped taking the medicine. By that point I figured that after two days out of the medicine there was no point in restarting.
Monday night I got irritated as I went to bed wondering why I suddenly had a fever again.
Strep throat came back with a vengeance at 3am Tuesday morning and I haven't had a fever free moment since then. I got to church tonight with the simple idea of one more thing to get out of the way before I could go home, finish those "one more things" and go to bed.
I was beyond frustrated when God went beyond my frustration.
I think it was about the third song we were on when, as I was playing the piano, I really looked at the words I was playing. I don't know spanish, I just play the piano for spanish church, and I read the words "agua viva" which I knew meant "Living water".
It just made me think beyond the frustration for a minute, to a God a living water.
Then we sang about "When the spirit of the Lord moves in my heart I'll dance/pray/sing like David danced/prayed/sang."
By the time we got to "Enamorame de ti Senor" there was a difference in the whole room.
Then, by the grace of the God of the beyond, a man, someone who hadn't been to spanish church for quite awhile, walked in already wiping his eyes.
It's easy to get distracted by stupid stuff. But whether you feel good or not, the important thing is still the important thing. God's still God, no matter how you feel, no matter how circumstances look, no matter how frustrated or aggravated or angry you are.
It's all too easy to lose sight of that.
So don't.
I was beyond frustrated when I got to church tonight. It seems like I've been sick for the last three weeks. It's not true of course but frustration doesn't usually have to have a basis in reality. Two weeks ago strep throat began, but antibiotics quickly made short work of it... right up until a stomach virus knocked me out for two days during which time I stopped taking the medicine. By that point I figured that after two days out of the medicine there was no point in restarting.
Monday night I got irritated as I went to bed wondering why I suddenly had a fever again.
Strep throat came back with a vengeance at 3am Tuesday morning and I haven't had a fever free moment since then. I got to church tonight with the simple idea of one more thing to get out of the way before I could go home, finish those "one more things" and go to bed.
I was beyond frustrated when God went beyond my frustration.
I think it was about the third song we were on when, as I was playing the piano, I really looked at the words I was playing. I don't know spanish, I just play the piano for spanish church, and I read the words "agua viva" which I knew meant "Living water".
It just made me think beyond the frustration for a minute, to a God a living water.
Then we sang about "When the spirit of the Lord moves in my heart I'll dance/pray/sing like David danced/prayed/sang."
By the time we got to "Enamorame de ti Senor" there was a difference in the whole room.
Then, by the grace of the God of the beyond, a man, someone who hadn't been to spanish church for quite awhile, walked in already wiping his eyes.
It's easy to get distracted by stupid stuff. But whether you feel good or not, the important thing is still the important thing. God's still God, no matter how you feel, no matter how circumstances look, no matter how frustrated or aggravated or angry you are.
It's all too easy to lose sight of that.
So don't.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
A confession and a question...
I'd like some help if anyone knows the answer to this question.
I love symbolism. I love analogies. I appreciate the ability to use words in such a way that if you considered them the had more than one meaning (and I don't mean in a devious way).
I like having to think about what people said.
That said, I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't have a clue what Casting Crowns is talking about when they ask "how far the east is from the west, from one scarred hand to another"
I sing along to the song, and I appreciate the fact that I should get the phrase... but I just don't.
I don't get it.
Can anyone enlighten me?
Here's the whole chorus, and a link to the song "East to West" in case you somehow haven't heard it.
I love symbolism. I love analogies. I appreciate the ability to use words in such a way that if you considered them the had more than one meaning (and I don't mean in a devious way).
I like having to think about what people said.
That said, I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't have a clue what Casting Crowns is talking about when they ask "how far the east is from the west, from one scarred hand to another"
I sing along to the song, and I appreciate the fact that I should get the phrase... but I just don't.
I don't get it.
Can anyone enlighten me?
Here's the whole chorus, and a link to the song "East to West" in case you somehow haven't heard it.
Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west' cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again in the arms of Your mercy I find rest' cause You know just how far the east is from the west from one scarred hand to the other
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Royal Telephone
I made sure the washing machine was set to go awhile longer without needing attending to, then I settled into a nice chair, pulled a cover around me because it was chilly, and settled in to make a phone call.
I expected the person to be home. If I'm not sure, usually I'll just stay close to the phone's base so I can just set the phone back down if no one answers. But I expected someone to be home, and I expected the conversation to take a while because I needed some information from them that they were probably going to have to hunt for. In my preparation, I'd even pulled up the computer screen so I could just type the information as they gave it to me.
The only surprise was... they weren't home.
But as I hit "end" to shut off my phone, I realized what a difference your mindset is between the two. And I realized, that when I make my most important calls... the ones to God, I tend to do it with an "at the phone base" attitude.
"God are you there?"
nevermind
- click.
But how different life can be for us, when we go to our Savior and settle in for a conversation, ready for answers or just insight. Isn't it great that God always answers His phone? I think we sometimes just don't let it ring enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Royal Telephone
(with some emphasis added by me for the words I like best!)
Central’s never “busy,” always on the line;
You may hear from heaven almost any time;’
Tis a royal service, free for one and all;
When you get in trouble, give this royal line a call.
Refrain:
Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line,
Built by God the Father for His loved and own,
We may talk to Jesus through this royal telephone.
There will be no charges, telephone is free,
It was built for service, just for you and me;
There will be no waiting on this royal line,
Telephone to glory always answers just in time.
Fail to get the answer, Satan’s crossed your wire,
By some strong delusion, or some base desire;
Take away obstructions, God is on the throne,
And you’ll get your answer through this royal telephone.
If your line is “grounded,” and connection true
Has been lost with Jesus, tell you what to do:
Prayer and faith and promise mend the broken wire,
Till your soul is burning with the Pentecostal fire.
Carnal combinations cannot get control
Of this line to glory, anchored in the soul;
Storm and trial cannot disconnect the line,
Held in constant keeping by the Father’s hand divine.
I expected the person to be home. If I'm not sure, usually I'll just stay close to the phone's base so I can just set the phone back down if no one answers. But I expected someone to be home, and I expected the conversation to take a while because I needed some information from them that they were probably going to have to hunt for. In my preparation, I'd even pulled up the computer screen so I could just type the information as they gave it to me.
The only surprise was... they weren't home.
But as I hit "end" to shut off my phone, I realized what a difference your mindset is between the two. And I realized, that when I make my most important calls... the ones to God, I tend to do it with an "at the phone base" attitude.
"God are you there?"
nevermind
- click.
But how different life can be for us, when we go to our Savior and settle in for a conversation, ready for answers or just insight. Isn't it great that God always answers His phone? I think we sometimes just don't let it ring enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Royal Telephone
(with some emphasis added by me for the words I like best!)
Central’s never “busy,” always on the line;
You may hear from heaven almost any time;’
Tis a royal service, free for one and all;
When you get in trouble, give this royal line a call.
Refrain:
Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line,
Built by God the Father for His loved and own,
We may talk to Jesus through this royal telephone.
There will be no charges, telephone is free,
It was built for service, just for you and me;
There will be no waiting on this royal line,
Telephone to glory always answers just in time.
Fail to get the answer, Satan’s crossed your wire,
By some strong delusion, or some base desire;
Take away obstructions, God is on the throne,
And you’ll get your answer through this royal telephone.
If your line is “grounded,” and connection true
Has been lost with Jesus, tell you what to do:
Prayer and faith and promise mend the broken wire,
Till your soul is burning with the Pentecostal fire.
Carnal combinations cannot get control
Of this line to glory, anchored in the soul;
Storm and trial cannot disconnect the line,
Held in constant keeping by the Father’s hand divine.
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