I haven't researched it. Didn't go digging through the scriptures to find verses to back up what I'm about to describe, or google phrases to see if others have talked about what I'm about to talk about. If anyone has that kind of information, you're welcome to get it to me. I'll certainly read/listen to it.
But I've experienced something that...just took time before I found the right words to describe it. Spirit to Spirit. I can't imagine forgetting this feeling, but I'm sure as life goes on I might. I might forget the intensity, the strangeness, the completeness of it. I hope this post will remind me one day.
Every night I say the same words to Precious:
"The LORD bless you, and keep you, the LORD make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you and give you peace. May He uphold you with the right hand of His righteousness and lead you in His everlasting love."
I also pray over her, but that small blessing is a staple. It was about 2 months ago though that the blessing was changed to add "and be gracious to you". It seemed important, and I constantly felt as though I were missing something by not saying it. I know it's a spin off from the blessing in the Bible but not quite accurate - I wasn't worried about quoting those verses so much as I was interested in just pulling out what I wanted her to hear each night, and what I wanted to speak over her each and every day.
Two Sundays ago I was in church and something was happening between God and I. The strangest part is that I can hardly tell you exactly "what" was happening, I can only describe it.
The pastor said something... he got up and in between songs in the song service he said something along the lines of "I feel God wants me to tell you that He longs to be gracious to you."
And it just broke me. I wouldn't have been able to tell you why, but instantly, tears were pouring and my body was clenched as though in pain. I broke.
The worship service began again and during it Precious and I made our way to the front to worship there and pray/praise but I could hardly do either one. Intense emotions that I can't even describe had me crying and groaning with an awful guttural sound. I've done it before and try to make sure I'm alone... public places are not the.... most wonderful place for that to happen.
Finally worship was over so I returned to my seat trying to regain my balance when a woman I've seen but don't really know showed up in front of me and handed me a slip of paper that I mentioned previously - 2 Chronicles 20:14-21, 22-30.
Again, just as before with the pastors words I broke. It took forever to read the scriptures as tears poured down my face, sobs shook my shoulders as I tried to be quiet (the rest of the church was watching a video from the mens' recent trip to Haiti).
Yet none of it, not a single tear, or groan, or emotion was hardly anything that I could explain.
I wouldn't have been able to tell you that day why those verses were so important. I wasn't even trying to figure it out at the time. I simply read, and it spoke to Something deep within me and that Something understood what my mind did not.
The only way I've been able to understand it is as this:
The Spirit, spoke to my Spirit.
My body, my tears, my groans were simply the vessel holding the Spirit that was at work and stirring that day.
It was a very intense experience.
I'm not...some great spiritual person. I wish I were, but I know me. I'm just a Christian. (A real one, not one of the fakes or Sunday church-goer - I believe there's more fakes out there than the real thing.) I do stupid things. Say stupid things. Don't do enough things. Do the wrong things. Don't live as though I love my Bible as much as I should. Don't pray as much as I wish I did. I say I love God and often don't live it out because I'm putting myself first.
I'm as regularly stupid and foolish as any other true Christian shouldn't be.
I'm not trying to drag myself down - I'm just being honest.
But God did something in me that day.
He didn't change me - I was impacted yes, but I didn't walk away profoundly different.
He just used me.
So I just wanted to remember this. I want to remember a time in my life when I was foolish and not good enough, but I loved God - and God used me. God spoke into something in me that I wouldn't have realized was a true entity before. But God, in the Holy Spirit, is living inside of me.
All the books in the world wouldn't have convinced me of that as well as that experience did. I never want to forget.
Spirit to Spirit.
Showing posts with label Holy Spirit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holy Spirit. Show all posts
Friday, October 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Don't be content with wine miracles.
It was Jesus' first recorded miracle. He made water into wine. Pretty cool miracle. I'm sure the hosts, the servants, and everyone else who knew the story were duly impressed and in wonder.
But do you know what happened from that miracle?
Some big important man of the feast said to the bridegroom of the feast, "Hey, most people serve the best wine first, but you served it last."
Excuse me, but... big whoopee.
And actually, my earlier statement isn't 100% accurate because later on in that same chapter it mentions that many believed when they saw the "miracles that He did". So, while it sounds like there was more than 1 that day, I won't say that this whole water/wine thing didn't sway people as well. It'd sure sway me if I was on the fence.
But honestly, He made a beverage.
I don't want to discount miracles, even the small ones because goodness knows I've needed a thousand small miracles and God has come through for me in ways I was surprised at. I'm sure this bridegroom was ever so thankful that Jesus performed a miracle that saved his little mini-crisis of running out.
But I think it's time we expected something bigger.
Because the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in us.
WE can see the dead raised.
WE can see the deaf hear.
WE can see the blind see.
WE can see the lame walk.
WE can see the sick healed.
WE can see the very sun stand still.
Every time I get this familiar longing in me to see something, to go deeper, to experience the Holy of Holies in a greater fullness than before it never fails that there'll be a message come forth in the church service that almost seems to be directed right at me. And it's always the same:
You have free access to the throne. What is stopping you?
And I want to stomp my foot and scream "I DON'T KNOW!"
I honestly don't know what stops us. I've sat in attendance at funerals praying the dead will rise, and I've sat at the bedside of sick children just praying a fever would go down. Occasionally I get a result but only on small scale. Trust me when I say I would have blogged if dear old Sister Harp had popped up out of her casket. You'd have heard.
There is more to be had. Yet so many of us are just happy with "the car started!" and "the washing machine didn't spew this time!" or "I paid the water bill!"
All great. All good. All gifts of assistance to us in everyday ordinary practical needs.
There is more to be had.
So I want to encourage anyone and every, to be willing to be scared to death. Steps of big faith create bigger faith. Quitting that job when He tells you to - even though it's a rough economy and you don't know what you'll do, will scare you.
Moving away from your family and friends when you have no job lined up? Scary.
Committing that large sum of money when you don't think you can actually afford it? Scary.
Walking away from a live-in relationship when don't know where you'll sleep that night? Scary.
Going into a hospital room and not praying that the person will feel better, but commanding by the power of God that the person be healed? Stinking overwhelmingly terrifying.
But it's doubtful you'll ever see the big miracles unless you're willing to operate using only the substance of things hoped for. Faith.
At some point in your Christian walk - and if you've been a Christian for any amount of time I'd be willing to bet it's already happened at least a few times - God is going to point you in some direction that doesn't sound sane. In the past, you may have shrugged it off simply saying "Well that's a crazy thought!"
Listen next time.
Do it - even if you feel ridiculous or your friends and family think you've taken leave of your sense.
God can do incredible things with willing vessels.
(A.K.A. Crazies)
But do you know what happened from that miracle?
Some big important man of the feast said to the bridegroom of the feast, "Hey, most people serve the best wine first, but you served it last."
Excuse me, but... big whoopee.
And actually, my earlier statement isn't 100% accurate because later on in that same chapter it mentions that many believed when they saw the "miracles that He did". So, while it sounds like there was more than 1 that day, I won't say that this whole water/wine thing didn't sway people as well. It'd sure sway me if I was on the fence.
But honestly, He made a beverage.
I don't want to discount miracles, even the small ones because goodness knows I've needed a thousand small miracles and God has come through for me in ways I was surprised at. I'm sure this bridegroom was ever so thankful that Jesus performed a miracle that saved his little mini-crisis of running out.
But I think it's time we expected something bigger.
Because the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells in us.
WE can see the dead raised.
WE can see the deaf hear.
WE can see the blind see.
WE can see the lame walk.
WE can see the sick healed.
WE can see the very sun stand still.
Every time I get this familiar longing in me to see something, to go deeper, to experience the Holy of Holies in a greater fullness than before it never fails that there'll be a message come forth in the church service that almost seems to be directed right at me. And it's always the same:
You have free access to the throne. What is stopping you?
And I want to stomp my foot and scream "I DON'T KNOW!"
I honestly don't know what stops us. I've sat in attendance at funerals praying the dead will rise, and I've sat at the bedside of sick children just praying a fever would go down. Occasionally I get a result but only on small scale. Trust me when I say I would have blogged if dear old Sister Harp had popped up out of her casket. You'd have heard.
There is more to be had. Yet so many of us are just happy with "the car started!" and "the washing machine didn't spew this time!" or "I paid the water bill!"
All great. All good. All gifts of assistance to us in everyday ordinary practical needs.
There is more to be had.
So I want to encourage anyone and every, to be willing to be scared to death. Steps of big faith create bigger faith. Quitting that job when He tells you to - even though it's a rough economy and you don't know what you'll do, will scare you.
Moving away from your family and friends when you have no job lined up? Scary.
Committing that large sum of money when you don't think you can actually afford it? Scary.
Walking away from a live-in relationship when don't know where you'll sleep that night? Scary.
Going into a hospital room and not praying that the person will feel better, but commanding by the power of God that the person be healed? Stinking overwhelmingly terrifying.
But it's doubtful you'll ever see the big miracles unless you're willing to operate using only the substance of things hoped for. Faith.
At some point in your Christian walk - and if you've been a Christian for any amount of time I'd be willing to bet it's already happened at least a few times - God is going to point you in some direction that doesn't sound sane. In the past, you may have shrugged it off simply saying "Well that's a crazy thought!"
Listen next time.
Do it - even if you feel ridiculous or your friends and family think you've taken leave of your sense.
God can do incredible things with willing vessels.
(A.K.A. Crazies)
Monday, May 10, 2010
Building a fire - Small sticks
These are just some thoughts I'd had while camping recently concerning how to build the fire of God in your life. Read part 1 here.
~~~
To say that the kids and I scavenged for sticks is putting it mildly. I even hung off a steep hill clutching a fence to stay upright while reaching with my foot for a larger stick (the crowning jewel of the stick world). I got it too. :)
And actually my very first fire was just small sticks. That's all we had so I gathered as much as possible with my two semi-willing recruits and then we made fire.
Within 5 minutes I knew my little sticks were not quite up to par. I spent the next 10 minutes no where near the fire as I searched for something, anything, to keep my little fire afire. Coming back with more sticks I still enjoyed less than 15 minutes of fire. It wasn't going to last. It was beautiful, and warming, and wonderful to behold for the time I had it, but sticks just weren't good enough.
So I went out and despite my personal feelings of being ripped off at paying $4.50 for 7 split pieces of wood, I ultimately ended up getting two bundles.
The sticks still going fairly well, I added two logs to the fire and away we went. We spent the rest of the evening enjoying a wonderful flame and warmth.
The next morning, however, when I went to build another fire I had a harder time finding sticks (since we'd pilfered the area fairly well). So I didn't have quite as many sticks under my logs.
Because of that I almost didn't get a fire going.
You see, the big logs take awhile to truly "catch". Paper doesn't last long enough to catch the big logs on fire. But the paper catches the little sticks, and the little sticks burn long enough to catch the logs.
There's a good system to it all.
As I think about my life and the little sticks in my life I want to compare the little sticks to the day to day encounters with Christ. Not just the little moments where you hear a song and feel Him, but when you make sure and read your 3 chapters, 5 chapters, or how ever many you read, every single day. Or pray for 20 minutes each morning. Whatever your routine is.
I think the little sticks are the every day small things that we take for granted and consider unimportant.
We skip our daily reading because, hey, it's only 3 chapters. I can make it up tomorrow or something, today is busy. Talk to God before I go to bed? Well, I would but man, it's been a day and I'm exhausted. God won't mind. It's not like it's that big a deal.
But for every stick you take off your pile, you'll have a harder time catching the big logs on fire. My first campfire eventually burned brightly, with beautiful flames.
My second campfire with less sticks, had trouble getting started and while it burned it mostly burned hot rather than with real flames that I could watch and enjoy.
It made a real impact on me watching how the second fire had so much trouble. I'd put so much importance on the big logs yesterday... ohhh if only I could have a big log that would burn forever and my fire would then be strong and last.
But my big logs just weren't enough on their own. The foundation of those little sticks led to a beautiful bright fire. Even though they had seemed so useless on the first fire since they burnt out so quickly.
As I've said, it's easy to take for granted the small foundational things like regular prayer and reading Gods word. But it's vital.
At least if you want to build a big fire one day.
And I personally want a bonfire that will put Texas A&M to shame. :)
~~~
To say that the kids and I scavenged for sticks is putting it mildly. I even hung off a steep hill clutching a fence to stay upright while reaching with my foot for a larger stick (the crowning jewel of the stick world). I got it too. :)
And actually my very first fire was just small sticks. That's all we had so I gathered as much as possible with my two semi-willing recruits and then we made fire.
Within 5 minutes I knew my little sticks were not quite up to par. I spent the next 10 minutes no where near the fire as I searched for something, anything, to keep my little fire afire. Coming back with more sticks I still enjoyed less than 15 minutes of fire. It wasn't going to last. It was beautiful, and warming, and wonderful to behold for the time I had it, but sticks just weren't good enough.
So I went out and despite my personal feelings of being ripped off at paying $4.50 for 7 split pieces of wood, I ultimately ended up getting two bundles.
The sticks still going fairly well, I added two logs to the fire and away we went. We spent the rest of the evening enjoying a wonderful flame and warmth.
The next morning, however, when I went to build another fire I had a harder time finding sticks (since we'd pilfered the area fairly well). So I didn't have quite as many sticks under my logs.
Because of that I almost didn't get a fire going.
You see, the big logs take awhile to truly "catch". Paper doesn't last long enough to catch the big logs on fire. But the paper catches the little sticks, and the little sticks burn long enough to catch the logs.
There's a good system to it all.
As I think about my life and the little sticks in my life I want to compare the little sticks to the day to day encounters with Christ. Not just the little moments where you hear a song and feel Him, but when you make sure and read your 3 chapters, 5 chapters, or how ever many you read, every single day. Or pray for 20 minutes each morning. Whatever your routine is.
I think the little sticks are the every day small things that we take for granted and consider unimportant.
We skip our daily reading because, hey, it's only 3 chapters. I can make it up tomorrow or something, today is busy. Talk to God before I go to bed? Well, I would but man, it's been a day and I'm exhausted. God won't mind. It's not like it's that big a deal.
But for every stick you take off your pile, you'll have a harder time catching the big logs on fire. My first campfire eventually burned brightly, with beautiful flames.
My second campfire with less sticks, had trouble getting started and while it burned it mostly burned hot rather than with real flames that I could watch and enjoy.
It made a real impact on me watching how the second fire had so much trouble. I'd put so much importance on the big logs yesterday... ohhh if only I could have a big log that would burn forever and my fire would then be strong and last.
But my big logs just weren't enough on their own. The foundation of those little sticks led to a beautiful bright fire. Even though they had seemed so useless on the first fire since they burnt out so quickly.
As I've said, it's easy to take for granted the small foundational things like regular prayer and reading Gods word. But it's vital.
At least if you want to build a big fire one day.
And I personally want a bonfire that will put Texas A&M to shame. :)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Growing...
I don't know what someone else would get from this... but I just have to write this to document what God is doing in me.
Sunday, the instant the song service began at church I felt something big and exciting was about to happen. Every single song just drug you deeper and deeper in. It was powerful, and wonderful, and addictive. By the time it was over you simply wished it could go on forever.
Part way through though, God told me to do something. He's told me before, and the answer was always 'no'. He told me to go to the front to worship. To get out of my row, walk down the aisle to the front of the church and worship.
No God, anything but that. They'll think I'm just doing it to be seen, to be dramatic and all "look at me".
Go.
God, I just can't. Not that. You know what they'll think, I can't draw attention to myself. This isn't about me; it's suppose to be about You.
Go.
God, if You really want me to go, You're going to have to give me the strength to do it because I don't have it. I can't do it God, I just can't.
And then we began singing a song "Here in Your presence". I'll give you the words and a link to the video at the end of the post; but the words that really hit me were the words "Here in Your presence we are undone."
And by my refusal to do as He asked the contrast to my saying "we are undone" put lie to my words. I hated my refusal. I hated the things about me that held me back from anything that God would ask of me. I hated my weak self. And I begged God, even as I felt a quake of fear at how God might answer, I begged Him to actually "undo" me. To make me "undone" as I had just sung.
Get me there God, somehow.
And just as I had talked about before, it's the first step into the unknown that is the very hardest. My arms were raised and I took one step out into the aisle. And I literally don't remember how I got to the front. Once that first step was made I was there. And, I do want to add that once I got there not one thing else was more important to me than worshiping God.
I suppose I won't go into further detail except to say that the Spirit of God was wonderful in that place, and praise - hungry, holy praise went forth to Him. I'd have to say it was one of the best experiences in my life. One I hope to repeat only to greater extents and deeper depths as I continue living my life for Him.
God is freeing me. Bit by bit. Control by control. And I can't help but sometimes think how incredible it is to be the clay with potential that is only limited by the Hands that form me.
As promised, the words to the song followed by the video:
HERE IN YOUR PRESENCE
by New Life Worship (Desperation Band)
Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away
Here in Your presence
All of my gains now fade away
Every crown no longer on display
Here in Your presence
Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonders
The kings and their kingdom are standing amazed
Chorus:
Here in Your presence, we are undone
Here in Your presence, Heaven and Earth become one
Here in Your presence, all things are new
Here in Your presence, everything bows before You
Bridge:
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Sunday, the instant the song service began at church I felt something big and exciting was about to happen. Every single song just drug you deeper and deeper in. It was powerful, and wonderful, and addictive. By the time it was over you simply wished it could go on forever.
Part way through though, God told me to do something. He's told me before, and the answer was always 'no'. He told me to go to the front to worship. To get out of my row, walk down the aisle to the front of the church and worship.
No God, anything but that. They'll think I'm just doing it to be seen, to be dramatic and all "look at me".
Go.
God, I just can't. Not that. You know what they'll think, I can't draw attention to myself. This isn't about me; it's suppose to be about You.
Go.
God, if You really want me to go, You're going to have to give me the strength to do it because I don't have it. I can't do it God, I just can't.
And then we began singing a song "Here in Your presence". I'll give you the words and a link to the video at the end of the post; but the words that really hit me were the words "Here in Your presence we are undone."
And by my refusal to do as He asked the contrast to my saying "we are undone" put lie to my words. I hated my refusal. I hated the things about me that held me back from anything that God would ask of me. I hated my weak self. And I begged God, even as I felt a quake of fear at how God might answer, I begged Him to actually "undo" me. To make me "undone" as I had just sung.
Get me there God, somehow.
And just as I had talked about before, it's the first step into the unknown that is the very hardest. My arms were raised and I took one step out into the aisle. And I literally don't remember how I got to the front. Once that first step was made I was there. And, I do want to add that once I got there not one thing else was more important to me than worshiping God.
I suppose I won't go into further detail except to say that the Spirit of God was wonderful in that place, and praise - hungry, holy praise went forth to Him. I'd have to say it was one of the best experiences in my life. One I hope to repeat only to greater extents and deeper depths as I continue living my life for Him.
God is freeing me. Bit by bit. Control by control. And I can't help but sometimes think how incredible it is to be the clay with potential that is only limited by the Hands that form me.
As promised, the words to the song followed by the video:
HERE IN YOUR PRESENCE
by New Life Worship (Desperation Band)
Found in Your hands, fullness of joy
Every fear suddenly wiped away
Here in Your presence
All of my gains now fade away
Every crown no longer on display
Here in Your presence
Heaven is trembling in awe of Your wonders
The kings and their kingdom are standing amazed
Chorus:
Here in Your presence, we are undone
Here in Your presence, Heaven and Earth become one
Here in Your presence, all things are new
Here in Your presence, everything bows before You
Bridge:
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchless in every way
Friday, August 28, 2009
Trust is stronger.
It's funny how emotions work. No wonder the bible says they aren't to be trusted.
Today was a bad day for mom, but by the time I made my daily phone call she was doing better.
But afterwards, my niece asked if she could go for the next visit and I refused since it's been hard on her just hearing my ends of the conversations with mom. I can only imagine what an "in person" drama would do to her.
She began crying and it took 45 minutes to get it all cleaned up.
An hour later, just sitting here thinking logical, rational thoughts my heart broke and tears broke loose like a dam but here is the interesting part; I immediately got goose bumps and began praying in tongues.
El Roi - He is the God who sees me.
It sounds odd to say it but I typically have to "work up" to praying in tongues. Some people can just hit some words off on the fly, but I have to intentionally quiet myself and get into a worshipful state before things like that happen for me. But instantly this time my heart broke and words started pouring out of my mouth.
I'm big on distinguishing the words "want" and "need". If you would like me to pass the carrots, you "want" the carrots, not need. If you are asking for 30 bucks to go to the movies, you "want" it, if you are thirsty and ask for water you "need" it.
So tonight, when my heart told God "I need You to do something." I realized that in my heart I saw it as a need, but I would trust Him even without it. I accept the fact that He has true needs that He is providing and working on for every person in this world and sometimes one persons need conflicts with another persons need (whether we realize we're "needing" something or not).
God might know I need faith more than I need help with mom's alzheimer's.
When two needs collide, God does what is best. Even when it hurts.
It hurts tonight more than usual and I don't understand why. But just as clearly as hurt is present, so is trust. I'm trusting God to see my dad through. I'm trusting God to help us with the decisions. I'm trusting God to help us be patient if we are just in a waiting game to get the bad medicine out of her system.
I trust, and I hurt.
Trust is stronger.
Today was a bad day for mom, but by the time I made my daily phone call she was doing better.
But afterwards, my niece asked if she could go for the next visit and I refused since it's been hard on her just hearing my ends of the conversations with mom. I can only imagine what an "in person" drama would do to her.
She began crying and it took 45 minutes to get it all cleaned up.
An hour later, just sitting here thinking logical, rational thoughts my heart broke and tears broke loose like a dam but here is the interesting part; I immediately got goose bumps and began praying in tongues.
El Roi - He is the God who sees me.
It sounds odd to say it but I typically have to "work up" to praying in tongues. Some people can just hit some words off on the fly, but I have to intentionally quiet myself and get into a worshipful state before things like that happen for me. But instantly this time my heart broke and words started pouring out of my mouth.
I'm big on distinguishing the words "want" and "need". If you would like me to pass the carrots, you "want" the carrots, not need. If you are asking for 30 bucks to go to the movies, you "want" it, if you are thirsty and ask for water you "need" it.
So tonight, when my heart told God "I need You to do something." I realized that in my heart I saw it as a need, but I would trust Him even without it. I accept the fact that He has true needs that He is providing and working on for every person in this world and sometimes one persons need conflicts with another persons need (whether we realize we're "needing" something or not).
God might know I need faith more than I need help with mom's alzheimer's.
When two needs collide, God does what is best. Even when it hurts.
It hurts tonight more than usual and I don't understand why. But just as clearly as hurt is present, so is trust. I'm trusting God to see my dad through. I'm trusting God to help us with the decisions. I'm trusting God to help us be patient if we are just in a waiting game to get the bad medicine out of her system.
I trust, and I hurt.
Trust is stronger.
Monday, August 24, 2009
El Roi - The God who sees.
I have crawled into the Word of God more than usual the last two days, just asking God to speak to me something that I can hold onto.
Yet the words I am holding onto are not ones that I have been reading - but this evening the phrase came into my mind and I have sat here, holding onto it.
El Roi
The God who sees.
Genesis 16 tells the story of how Hagar fled from a horrible situation with her mistress treating her badly simply because she had conceived a child. Granted, there does not seem to be anything "simple" about the situation. But regardless, the treatment was unjust.
So Hagar runs.
An angel of the Lord finds her at a fountain and questions her on where she is going, and Hagar can only answer that she is fleeing.
The end result has her stating that "Thou God, seest me."
I have scratched my head in the last two and a half months about how a person could suddenly become invisible as I seem to have in this town. It is amazing how people do not communicate with others here, or they simply communicate with those who are in similar situations. But in the last two days I have felt anything but invisible to God.
He has been my El Roi, the God who sees me. He has been the God who hears me.
He has been exactly what I needed.
That does not mean that everything is now perfect, or that my mother has been miraculously restored to perfect health.
What it means is that through the circumstances, He has walked with me.
I have felt spiritually stronger in the last two painful days than I recall feeling ever before.
I trust. I sincerely, and absolutely trust Him despite the circumstances.
I trust. That each phone call I make, He will help me find the words to give her comfort and confidence in her own situation. But that trust has also extended to other things as well. I am less afraid. I have confidence in Him and His ability to work in me no matter what the situation.
I love Him more today than I did yesterday.
I am seeking Him more today than I did yesterday.
I can feel it. And in it, I can feel changes being worked in me.
All of that is personal, and there is no point in you reading it unless you are willing to believe that the exact same thing can happen for you. You must trust in the fact that the God who sees me, and hears me, will see and hear you as well.
The glory of His Spirit and Presence is not something that is designed for me alone. Or for great preachers. Or specific people that you feel are "good enough" for such a thing.
That glory is meant for every broken, hurting person that wants to flee, to run and hide from their lives and situations, for every person that feels they are not good enough, wise enough, or capable enough. He is the God who sees you.
He is the God who sees your job hunt your childs divorce your financial crisis your medical concerns. He is the God who hears you weep, cry, wail, lash out in anger, and pray so hard you no longer make any human sense.
He sees.
He hears.
He cares.
He is there.
He is there in those awful moments. And if you pay attention, you'll find He is there in those wonderful moments as well. The weddings, births, engagements, first steps, friends celebrations, job promotions. He is there.
Trust Him.
Wait on Him.
Talk to Him.
Yet the words I am holding onto are not ones that I have been reading - but this evening the phrase came into my mind and I have sat here, holding onto it.
El Roi
The God who sees.
Genesis 16 tells the story of how Hagar fled from a horrible situation with her mistress treating her badly simply because she had conceived a child. Granted, there does not seem to be anything "simple" about the situation. But regardless, the treatment was unjust.
So Hagar runs.
An angel of the Lord finds her at a fountain and questions her on where she is going, and Hagar can only answer that she is fleeing.
The end result has her stating that "Thou God, seest me."
I have scratched my head in the last two and a half months about how a person could suddenly become invisible as I seem to have in this town. It is amazing how people do not communicate with others here, or they simply communicate with those who are in similar situations. But in the last two days I have felt anything but invisible to God.
He has been my El Roi, the God who sees me. He has been the God who hears me.
He has been exactly what I needed.
That does not mean that everything is now perfect, or that my mother has been miraculously restored to perfect health.
What it means is that through the circumstances, He has walked with me.
I have felt spiritually stronger in the last two painful days than I recall feeling ever before.
I trust. I sincerely, and absolutely trust Him despite the circumstances.
I trust. That each phone call I make, He will help me find the words to give her comfort and confidence in her own situation. But that trust has also extended to other things as well. I am less afraid. I have confidence in Him and His ability to work in me no matter what the situation.
I love Him more today than I did yesterday.
I am seeking Him more today than I did yesterday.
I can feel it. And in it, I can feel changes being worked in me.
All of that is personal, and there is no point in you reading it unless you are willing to believe that the exact same thing can happen for you. You must trust in the fact that the God who sees me, and hears me, will see and hear you as well.
The glory of His Spirit and Presence is not something that is designed for me alone. Or for great preachers. Or specific people that you feel are "good enough" for such a thing.
That glory is meant for every broken, hurting person that wants to flee, to run and hide from their lives and situations, for every person that feels they are not good enough, wise enough, or capable enough. He is the God who sees you.
He is the God who sees your job hunt your childs divorce your financial crisis your medical concerns. He is the God who hears you weep, cry, wail, lash out in anger, and pray so hard you no longer make any human sense.
He sees.
He hears.
He cares.
He is there.
He is there in those awful moments. And if you pay attention, you'll find He is there in those wonderful moments as well. The weddings, births, engagements, first steps, friends celebrations, job promotions. He is there.
Trust Him.
Wait on Him.
Talk to Him.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Seeing what God is doing...
Last night, I'd been reading in the book of John where Jesus talks about how He only does what He sees the Father doing. So tonight, after a terrific time of worship and praise, I moved into a song that suddenly turned the tide with the lyrics "Now I can go into the Holy of Holies and make my petitions known."
I took the song as movement, and began to bring my petitions to God. My petition was that I would be able to see what the Father is doing, thus I could walk in His ways and pray His works. In other words, if Jesus healed people, by doing what He saw God doing - then I want to see what God is doing, so I can speak healing to the right people at the right time, because that's what God is doing at that moment.
Now.... making what could be a very long story, very short... a little while later here is what I've seen.
Not to belittle anything that God has done, it's just not much and I don't understand it.
I know a family whose son just went through surgery for things pertaining to his back. I know the son is currently home again, and spending most of his time in bed.
Add into that, tonight after asking God to show me what He's doing, I saw someone that I knew was a representation of God, and He was standing over the bed of the young man, and He rolled him over on his right side then reached over and put His fist into the boys back.
I don't understand, and I don't know if it's possible to make sense of it. But if anyone has a gift for such a thing... feel free to comment.
As a side note to this specific situation, I'd spent awhile at the hospital Friday night just praying for the young man, and the scripture that kept coming to mind was Ephesians 3:20
Then what do you know, on Sunday a woman in church stands up saying she's got a scripture she feels led to share. Sure enough, she reads Ephesians 3:20
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,"
But I want you to see verse 21, just because God deserves to have the 2nd half to that.
I took the song as movement, and began to bring my petitions to God. My petition was that I would be able to see what the Father is doing, thus I could walk in His ways and pray His works. In other words, if Jesus healed people, by doing what He saw God doing - then I want to see what God is doing, so I can speak healing to the right people at the right time, because that's what God is doing at that moment.
Now.... making what could be a very long story, very short... a little while later here is what I've seen.
Not to belittle anything that God has done, it's just not much and I don't understand it.
I know a family whose son just went through surgery for things pertaining to his back. I know the son is currently home again, and spending most of his time in bed.
Add into that, tonight after asking God to show me what He's doing, I saw someone that I knew was a representation of God, and He was standing over the bed of the young man, and He rolled him over on his right side then reached over and put His fist into the boys back.
I don't understand, and I don't know if it's possible to make sense of it. But if anyone has a gift for such a thing... feel free to comment.
As a side note to this specific situation, I'd spent awhile at the hospital Friday night just praying for the young man, and the scripture that kept coming to mind was Ephesians 3:20
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,"
Then what do you know, on Sunday a woman in church stands up saying she's got a scripture she feels led to share. Sure enough, she reads Ephesians 3:20
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,"
But I want you to see verse 21, just because God deserves to have the 2nd half to that.
20Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,
21Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Excuse my laundry.
I've found myself down memory lane for some reason this evening
and I'm going to write. Maybe one day this post will find it's way into my
memoirs. But my memoirs won't be about my house or demons. They'll be about God.
And that is what this post is really about.
A lot of my memories of growing up are blank. I just don't remember much. But of what is stored in my memory there is one week ranked as the most physically violent, and horrific week that we as a family endured. I think it all started when my dad discovered that a dog had wet on the seat of his 4-wheeler. I could be confusing events, but it seems like that was the start. What a pathetic start to a fight.
By the time the main ruckus was over, my mom had decided she was leaving. It was late. I don't know how late, but quite late. We drove to the nearest town and woke up an old pastor friend of my dads. I don't even remember why specifically we went to him. I just remember his office, my brother being upset, my mom trying to be strong, and the fact that my body would sometimes jerk and I couldn't make it stop. I remember the pastor telling me that it was shock and taking me by the arms and praying for me to be able to calm down.
I remember him promising to do the only thing that might possibly help. Only he never did it.
For reasons that, even as an adult, I don't understand, we returned home that night. And spent a week living in the home with my dad, packing, while mom looked for a job.
She didn't find a job and decided that was Gods direction to stay. So we did.
I always wanted to ask that pastor though, why he didn't do what he said he would. Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. Maybe it would have.
From that point, I had a definite aversion to pastors. My dad was a pastor, and between him, his friend that night, and several other pastors I've seen, I've understood all too well that what is said, is not necessarily what is lived. Their church life to me was simply an act.
I understand that pastors are still human. And try not to place them into a sinless role that no one can live up to. But at the same time, I firmly believe, that before you stick the word Pastor, Shepherd, Leader in front of your name - you had better well be willing to try and live up to it. And be seriously seeking God concerning your calling, and your fulfilment of that calling. I would say the same for any person that calls themselves a Christian, but that's a different post.
Today though, I spent a couple of hours talking with my pastor. In 9 years of independent living, I've never willingly chosen to sit and talk with a pastor about a problem. But today I did. And he prayed. And as he did, a revelation of who I am in Christ returned to me. And then he reminded me of my own words about being a warrior. It's hard to describe the puzzle pieces that were clicking just then as I remembered things I had written and how they were written for days just like these days of battle. I remembered books I'd read concerning tricks of the enemy. I remembered quotes I'd tried to memorize about impossibilities and how only the naive people go after some impossibilities. And then the scriptures I've read time and time again came back to mind.
I left my pastor, a different person than when I arrived. I didn't go directly home, but spent a refreshing time praying. When I did finally walk back in the doors, I didn't even know what I was saying as specific names of spirits came out of my mouth. I rebuked spirits of lies, hate, violence, fear, and several others and they were commanded, each by their own name, to leave by the name of Jesus. I say "they were commanded" rather than "I commanded" because from the moment I walked in the door it didn't feel like 'me'.
I enjoy not feeling like 'me'.
It's not over. I still feel things in this house. And every now and then tonight I've just stopped and rebuked something and commanded it to leave. I'm glad Little One isn't any older, because she'd have some very crazy stories to tell her family during visitation.
My pastor didn't give me hope for the day. He simply prayed and I received it. God was there, just as He promised to be. And He changed my heart. He turned despair into hope, and defeat into victory. He made a way through this and He literally led the way, because I didn't walk through my doorway in my power today but His. And it made all the difference.
Still, before I left my pastor today I asked him (are you listening Mark?) I asked him and his wife to come to my house, as soon as they're able, to help. And despite my past experience, I really think they'll come. I wish my mom could have found someone like that that night. I hope every man, woman and child that picks up the phone, or walks through the doors in search of a shepherd, finds a real one. I have to say, I have little use for the fakes.
Friday, October 05, 2007
And the devil laughed
(As you'll be able to see, this post took a different turn towards the end. I didn't expect to say what I was saying, but when the writing begins to flow, I let it. This painted a vivid picture in my mind, but I'm not that good a painter so you might not see the same picture. My only qualification is that, no, I'm not saying I'm sitting on a pew dying. Good luck.)
I can't take it anymore. What does that mean?
It may seem like a dumb question, but it's one I faced.
When you feel like you just can't stand it anymore, what do you do?
You can't stand it.
You can't handle it.
You can't take it.
Just because you can't "stand" it anymore, doesn't change the situation. It doesn't make the situation stop. It doesn't make whatever is bugging you go away. It doesn't change one thing.
Just because you can't 'handle' it anymore, doesn't change the fact that the situation is out of your control to 'handle' anyway.
Just because you can't 'take' it anymore, doesn't change the fact that it's there, giving itself to you whether you can take it or not.
I told God recently, "I can't take much more God." And once again, God turns me with a question, "What will happen when you can't take any more?"
Words seem pretty pointless when you put it like that. My body can't stand the impact of a truck plowing into my car. But that doesn't change the situation if a truck plows into my car. Things break, things hurt, and after a time, my body will begin to be able to 'stand' things again.
But when it comes to spiritual things it's a lot harder to label it. There certainly can be spiritual things that sideswipe me and break my spirit, but it's all invisible. No one sees your spirit in a sling or your peace set into a cast or maybe just the bruises on your happiness. People can't see those things.
It allows people to be crushed, and left broken, wondering how the world can't see that joy died, or that faith has become paralyzed. And we can go through all these transitions while sitting in a pew, teaching a sunday school class, witnessing to neighbors or leading the choir, or for a lot of very congregation weary pastors out there, it can also happen while pastoring a church. And people never see.
It leaves me curious, fearfully curious as to what all is around me. How many Christians have suffered spirit crippling collisions and never tended to their injuries?
Maybe things in this world got worse and worse as we stopped performing first aid on our Christian wounded. The phone calls, the visits, the letters, the friendship and fellowship, the knowing your church families hurts as if they were your own. Tending the wounds of our brothers and sisters, purging out the dirt that seeps into wounds, cleansing and healing each other.
Instead, our Christians sat on pews, while their spirit, joy, hope, and their ability to love others (rather than just hope for survival) dripped down onto the church floor like blood.
We began to die.
And no one really noticed.
And the devil laughed.
I can't take it anymore. What does that mean?
It may seem like a dumb question, but it's one I faced.
When you feel like you just can't stand it anymore, what do you do?
You can't stand it.
You can't handle it.
You can't take it.
Just because you can't "stand" it anymore, doesn't change the situation. It doesn't make the situation stop. It doesn't make whatever is bugging you go away. It doesn't change one thing.
Just because you can't 'handle' it anymore, doesn't change the fact that the situation is out of your control to 'handle' anyway.
Just because you can't 'take' it anymore, doesn't change the fact that it's there, giving itself to you whether you can take it or not.
I told God recently, "I can't take much more God." And once again, God turns me with a question, "What will happen when you can't take any more?"
Words seem pretty pointless when you put it like that. My body can't stand the impact of a truck plowing into my car. But that doesn't change the situation if a truck plows into my car. Things break, things hurt, and after a time, my body will begin to be able to 'stand' things again.
But when it comes to spiritual things it's a lot harder to label it. There certainly can be spiritual things that sideswipe me and break my spirit, but it's all invisible. No one sees your spirit in a sling or your peace set into a cast or maybe just the bruises on your happiness. People can't see those things.
It allows people to be crushed, and left broken, wondering how the world can't see that joy died, or that faith has become paralyzed. And we can go through all these transitions while sitting in a pew, teaching a sunday school class, witnessing to neighbors or leading the choir, or for a lot of very congregation weary pastors out there, it can also happen while pastoring a church. And people never see.
It leaves me curious, fearfully curious as to what all is around me. How many Christians have suffered spirit crippling collisions and never tended to their injuries?
Maybe things in this world got worse and worse as we stopped performing first aid on our Christian wounded. The phone calls, the visits, the letters, the friendship and fellowship, the knowing your church families hurts as if they were your own. Tending the wounds of our brothers and sisters, purging out the dirt that seeps into wounds, cleansing and healing each other.
Instead, our Christians sat on pews, while their spirit, joy, hope, and their ability to love others (rather than just hope for survival) dripped down onto the church floor like blood.
We began to die.
And no one really noticed.
And the devil laughed.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Praying for God.
I've long thought it to be a cop-out. The idea of simply throwing your hands in the air and saying "Thy Will be done" rather than passionately crying out to God about something that you desire a specific answer to. It's like David fasting and praying for the life of his son. Even after he knew God had decreed the sons death. There was a chance to change Gods mind.
For your childs life, I'm sure most of you would take it that chance.
BUT.
This Sunday, many of our church family happened to be out sick. And there just seemed to be something discouraging in the air. Almost (keep in mind I've said "almost") as though we should just all go home and try again some other time when everyone was better.
As prayers went up for all of the sick members I found myself unable to pray for them. I stumbled to a halt and wondered what I should be saying. And the very next thing I knew I was telling God that I needed Him. More than I need Him to be the God of my finances, or the God of my health, I needed Him just for the sake of Him.
Again, it felt like a cop-out. It's the idea that of course someone NOT sick would be able to say I don't need God to be the God of my health. Of course you can say that, you're not sick! But since I had begun thinking of Davids fasting for his sons life, I also remembered David pleading for his own life. Except he pleaded for a very different reason.
David instead said this:
I cried to thee, O LORD; and unto the LORD I made supplication.
What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?
Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper.
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.
I spent so much of yesterday pondering that idea. I'm all about motives. Why do you want to be healthy? Is it because you have a birthday party to attend this weekend and you don't want to be sick? Because you're suppose to meet with so-n-so tomorrow and you don't want a runny nose, hurting back, headache, etc. etc.?
How often do we pray that we'll be healthy for Gods sake? For the sake of Gods kingdom and Gods work?
Do we need money for Gods sake? or for the sake of our cable bill?
How much of our prayers are for our own benefit and not for Gods I wonder?
I spent Sunday praying for more of God. I told Him specifically I don't want more money, I don't want more health, I don't want more friends, I don't want more education. I want more God. Whatever else that all entails, bring it on. That's what I want. If that means I get more education, I'm blessed. If that means I encounter new friends, wonderful. If that means a few less aches and pains and colds, outstanding! But all those are secondary.
It seems a strange comment to make, but I'm tired of praying for myself. And I'm tired of praying for peoples health and money and jobs. I hope it's just a brief phase because it seems unkind to even think that, much less say it. But instead, I want to pray for God. I want to pray for more of Him. More of Him in me, more of Him in you, more of Him in our churches.
I want more.
And if that means healing takes place for all of our sick. God be praised.
Mercy flows down the river of praise. And for too many we've only got a small trickling stream. Somethings gotta give.
For your childs life, I'm sure most of you would take it that chance.
BUT.
This Sunday, many of our church family happened to be out sick. And there just seemed to be something discouraging in the air. Almost (keep in mind I've said "almost") as though we should just all go home and try again some other time when everyone was better.
As prayers went up for all of the sick members I found myself unable to pray for them. I stumbled to a halt and wondered what I should be saying. And the very next thing I knew I was telling God that I needed Him. More than I need Him to be the God of my finances, or the God of my health, I needed Him just for the sake of Him.
Again, it felt like a cop-out. It's the idea that of course someone NOT sick would be able to say I don't need God to be the God of my health. Of course you can say that, you're not sick! But since I had begun thinking of Davids fasting for his sons life, I also remembered David pleading for his own life. Except he pleaded for a very different reason.
David instead said this:
I cried to thee, O LORD; and unto the LORD I made supplication.
What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?
Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper.
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.
I spent so much of yesterday pondering that idea. I'm all about motives. Why do you want to be healthy? Is it because you have a birthday party to attend this weekend and you don't want to be sick? Because you're suppose to meet with so-n-so tomorrow and you don't want a runny nose, hurting back, headache, etc. etc.?
How often do we pray that we'll be healthy for Gods sake? For the sake of Gods kingdom and Gods work?
Do we need money for Gods sake? or for the sake of our cable bill?
How much of our prayers are for our own benefit and not for Gods I wonder?
I spent Sunday praying for more of God. I told Him specifically I don't want more money, I don't want more health, I don't want more friends, I don't want more education. I want more God. Whatever else that all entails, bring it on. That's what I want. If that means I get more education, I'm blessed. If that means I encounter new friends, wonderful. If that means a few less aches and pains and colds, outstanding! But all those are secondary.
It seems a strange comment to make, but I'm tired of praying for myself. And I'm tired of praying for peoples health and money and jobs. I hope it's just a brief phase because it seems unkind to even think that, much less say it. But instead, I want to pray for God. I want to pray for more of Him. More of Him in me, more of Him in you, more of Him in our churches.
I want more.
And if that means healing takes place for all of our sick. God be praised.
Mercy flows down the river of praise. And for too many we've only got a small trickling stream. Somethings gotta give.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
11:58am and not a moment too soon.
11:58am. That's when it happened. I should have started whining and complaining a week ago.
You can call me crazy, I won't mind. If you had this, you wouldn't care whether anyone believed you either.
Years ago I told God that I needed a Father. And if I couldn't have a really good relationship with my earthly father, I needed Him to be as physically real as possible to me. That was the first time He held me.
Since then I've walked with Him, I've held His hand, I've sat back and literally leaned on Him for support. He's knelt over me as I cried, and He sat with me the last time I was very sick. As I began writing this post His hands were resting on my shoulders. There is a deep river of peace.
The sadness has vanished and my tears now are overwhelming with joy and relief. Like someone taking a heavy weight from your hands, your muscles tremble with relief. That is what His return feels like.
There is no confusion, no more sorrow, only sweet fellowship. I read a blog recently saying that they wouldn't describe Jesus as sweet. I get what he said but can't find another term to describe this fellowship. The words He began whispering into my soul upon His return planted a root of determination and focus that wasn't there before.
I'm burned with a need to know the scriptures better. The Holy Spirit brings discernment, but without faithful study of scriptural evidence I find myself holding a sword that I have no mastery in wielding. This begins to end today.
I do want to be strong. But I don't want to appear it. I'd like to look clumsy as David must have underneath the weight of armor that was too large and heavy for him. I want to look simple and overly zealous in a seemingly foolish and pathetic attempt to achieve the impossible, as David must have standing in his simple shepherds clothes holding a slingshot and some stones yelling at a giant with a sword. That's what I want to look like. When you meet me one day, I want you to walk away saying that "she didn't look like much... BUT".
Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to gather stones. And I double dog dare you to try and stop me.
You can call me crazy, I won't mind. If you had this, you wouldn't care whether anyone believed you either.
Years ago I told God that I needed a Father. And if I couldn't have a really good relationship with my earthly father, I needed Him to be as physically real as possible to me. That was the first time He held me.
Since then I've walked with Him, I've held His hand, I've sat back and literally leaned on Him for support. He's knelt over me as I cried, and He sat with me the last time I was very sick. As I began writing this post His hands were resting on my shoulders. There is a deep river of peace.
The sadness has vanished and my tears now are overwhelming with joy and relief. Like someone taking a heavy weight from your hands, your muscles tremble with relief. That is what His return feels like.
There is no confusion, no more sorrow, only sweet fellowship. I read a blog recently saying that they wouldn't describe Jesus as sweet. I get what he said but can't find another term to describe this fellowship. The words He began whispering into my soul upon His return planted a root of determination and focus that wasn't there before.
I'm burned with a need to know the scriptures better. The Holy Spirit brings discernment, but without faithful study of scriptural evidence I find myself holding a sword that I have no mastery in wielding. This begins to end today.
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. Paul, to the Ephesians
I do want to be strong. But I don't want to appear it. I'd like to look clumsy as David must have underneath the weight of armor that was too large and heavy for him. I want to look simple and overly zealous in a seemingly foolish and pathetic attempt to achieve the impossible, as David must have standing in his simple shepherds clothes holding a slingshot and some stones yelling at a giant with a sword. That's what I want to look like. When you meet me one day, I want you to walk away saying that "she didn't look like much... BUT".
Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to gather stones. And I double dog dare you to try and stop me.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Gods purse
I've got to tell you, I'm pretty easily inspired.
This morning I headed over to see what's happening on my blog and Mark is there with his quote "It is abnormal for a Christian not to have an appetite for the impossible. It has been written into our spiritual DNA to hunger for the impossibilities around us to bow at the name of Jesus.". Then the link to the book the quote was from only fed into that.
That's why I'm sitting here, right now, boldly telling you and God this:
I need God.
You thought I was going to say something powerful didn't you. So did I.
I looked and saw the only visible difference between myself and the rest of the world was salvation. But that's only part of the story.
What makes me different from the rest of the world is invisible. You can't see it, but Lord willing, one day you'll be able to feel it surrounding me. It's power. Spirit, Power, and Authority. Not my own, but His. Embedded into my life as easily as I would put my money into my purse. Just as it is not my spirit that changes lives, but His Spirit that is living in me; it is not my purses money, but my money. But, where ever my purse goes, so goes my money. It's got to be one of my more foolish examples; claiming to be Gods purse, but if you were looking for eloquent, you were at the wrong blog anyway.
If I knew that I have a tendency to lay my purse down and it would be stolen; and that the money in that purse would not be used for the important and serious need of my mortgage, but someone elses desires , I would stop carrying money in that purse.
If you were carrying a million dollars, and you knew you had to hand it to John Doe in just 30 minutes, would you really set it down on a park bench, then drive across town and pick up a newspaper since you had some time to kill? Maybe it's 30 minutes before church and you've entered into a wonderful and deep realm worshipping Him, then you remember you forgot to tell Sister so-n-so something. So many times I've walked away from the depths of Gods presence to take care of things in the shallows. And I find I don't have time to get back into the depths before it's too late to fulfill the purpose He'd intended me to be there for.
Mark over at Made To Praise Him, blogged awhile back about "The Evangelist and the Assassin", saying that if our only job was to get people to Heaven, we would only need to have one person to "evangelize" and a second to.. .well... shove them on into Glory. One of our biggest jobs is to bring Heaven to Earth. And I realize, that I spend way too much time every single day needing someone to thump my head and remind me of that.
How much importance do you really place on Gods Spirit, Gods Presence, Gods Power, Gods Anointing? Wait, let's ask that a different way. How much importance do you really place on Gods Spirit, Power, Presence, and Anointing when you're standing in line at McDonalds. Or do you leave the value of all those things at your church steps? But, without those things, really... what makes you different from every other guy in line at McDonalds? If you aren't bringing a sense of Heaven, a glimpse of His power, are you really bringing anything more than the world?
Becoming different from the world is a matter of focus. 100% focused on God, 100% of the time. It's grabbing onto a tiny portion of His Spirit and refusing to let go of it for any worldly matter. It's holding onto your portion of Him and looking for opportunities to be a most excellent steward of that Spirit. Then turning back to Him with your results and waiting for the promise He's given of faithfully rewarding good stewards. It's coveting Him, His Spirit, His Presence, His power, so much that you really do view everything else as extra.
I confess, even knowing that I should, I do not live as though I consider everything else as extra. I might be willing to say I consider it extra. But I've allowed those extras to become too important to me.
Visibly, in most ways there is no difference between me and the world. It will rain on me, and them, I will be hurt sometimes, as will they. I will experience loss right along side of them. But, it's what you'll never see that makes me different.
No matter where I am, or how much like world I might look, whether I'm working as hard to help the homeless as you, whether I give as much money to charity as you, whether I'm wearing clothes from the Goodwill, or clothes from Macy's, if you prick me, it is royal blood that will flow.
I am called to be peculiar. I am called to preach the gospel. I am not just called to change the world, but I am called to change the worlds eternity. Let's just hope I'm not too busy catching CSI to do it.
This morning I headed over to see what's happening on my blog and Mark is there with his quote "It is abnormal for a Christian not to have an appetite for the impossible. It has been written into our spiritual DNA to hunger for the impossibilities around us to bow at the name of Jesus.". Then the link to the book the quote was from only fed into that.
That's why I'm sitting here, right now, boldly telling you and God this:
I need God.
You thought I was going to say something powerful didn't you. So did I.
I looked and saw the only visible difference between myself and the rest of the world was salvation. But that's only part of the story.
What makes me different from the rest of the world is invisible. You can't see it, but Lord willing, one day you'll be able to feel it surrounding me. It's power. Spirit, Power, and Authority. Not my own, but His. Embedded into my life as easily as I would put my money into my purse. Just as it is not my spirit that changes lives, but His Spirit that is living in me; it is not my purses money, but my money. But, where ever my purse goes, so goes my money. It's got to be one of my more foolish examples; claiming to be Gods purse, but if you were looking for eloquent, you were at the wrong blog anyway.
If I knew that I have a tendency to lay my purse down and it would be stolen; and that the money in that purse would not be used for the important and serious need of my mortgage, but someone elses desires , I would stop carrying money in that purse.
If you were carrying a million dollars, and you knew you had to hand it to John Doe in just 30 minutes, would you really set it down on a park bench, then drive across town and pick up a newspaper since you had some time to kill? Maybe it's 30 minutes before church and you've entered into a wonderful and deep realm worshipping Him, then you remember you forgot to tell Sister so-n-so something. So many times I've walked away from the depths of Gods presence to take care of things in the shallows. And I find I don't have time to get back into the depths before it's too late to fulfill the purpose He'd intended me to be there for.
Mark over at Made To Praise Him, blogged awhile back about "The Evangelist and the Assassin", saying that if our only job was to get people to Heaven, we would only need to have one person to "evangelize" and a second to.. .well... shove them on into Glory. One of our biggest jobs is to bring Heaven to Earth. And I realize, that I spend way too much time every single day needing someone to thump my head and remind me of that.
How much importance do you really place on Gods Spirit, Gods Presence, Gods Power, Gods Anointing? Wait, let's ask that a different way. How much importance do you really place on Gods Spirit, Power, Presence, and Anointing when you're standing in line at McDonalds. Or do you leave the value of all those things at your church steps? But, without those things, really... what makes you different from every other guy in line at McDonalds? If you aren't bringing a sense of Heaven, a glimpse of His power, are you really bringing anything more than the world?
Becoming different from the world is a matter of focus. 100% focused on God, 100% of the time. It's grabbing onto a tiny portion of His Spirit and refusing to let go of it for any worldly matter. It's holding onto your portion of Him and looking for opportunities to be a most excellent steward of that Spirit. Then turning back to Him with your results and waiting for the promise He's given of faithfully rewarding good stewards. It's coveting Him, His Spirit, His Presence, His power, so much that you really do view everything else as extra.
I confess, even knowing that I should, I do not live as though I consider everything else as extra. I might be willing to say I consider it extra. But I've allowed those extras to become too important to me.
Visibly, in most ways there is no difference between me and the world. It will rain on me, and them, I will be hurt sometimes, as will they. I will experience loss right along side of them. But, it's what you'll never see that makes me different.
No matter where I am, or how much like world I might look, whether I'm working as hard to help the homeless as you, whether I give as much money to charity as you, whether I'm wearing clothes from the Goodwill, or clothes from Macy's, if you prick me, it is royal blood that will flow.
I am called to be peculiar. I am called to preach the gospel. I am not just called to change the world, but I am called to change the worlds eternity. Let's just hope I'm not too busy catching CSI to do it.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Sleepless night
Sleep and I are good friends. Like most everyone else, we wish we saw more of each other, but every time we get an opportunity we certainly take it.
That's why I was surprised when I laid down to sleep and found myself wide awake. Not even a hint of drowsiness.
So I spent a good hour trying to talk myself into sleeping, then gave up and got up.
I watched an infomercial on a book with "more than 5,000 health secrets that the professionals don't want you to hear" then went to the computer for awhile and took care of some e-mails, then I shut the computer off and grabbed a book to read, watched a Cosby Show rerun, then a movie. I pulled out a sponge and scrubbed a bathtub I inherited with the house that still doesn't come clean (the bathtub, not the house), and then installed a toilet tissue holder, then went back to the tv and watched an I Love Lucy rerun.
It was now a little after 4am and I was still wide awake.
Finally, and with some frustration, I said, "Ok God, why can't I sleep?"
As clear as bell He responded, "Because you haven't prayed yet."
What?
"What was I suppose to pray for?"
"Lisa"
After a brief grumble that He could have told me this 6 hours ago, I began praying for Lisa. It wasn't even a full minute into it when I yawned. Then I prayed for Andrea (#2 now on our watch list) yawning even more. Then I prayed for my parents, then my pastor and his wife, and because of their daughter who is currently serving in our military I then ended up praying for our troops.
I wasn't even finished when I could hardly stay awake.
This post has a lot of details that probably don't interest anyone but me. But it has a moral to it that I wanted to post. So here it is:
I didn't have this relationship with Christ last year. My relationship with Him has gotten stronger, deeper, and more trusting. He's talking to me. Do you really get that? GOD is talking to ME. I'll be the first to tell you, I'm not anything special. But He's talking to me. I told Him I wanted more, I begged for it -
And I'm getting it.
Do you have that? Do your conversations feel one-sided and stilted? Do you constantly come in with a need, then wander off to do your own thing still feeling somewhat aloof from the God who created you? Do you wonder at those talking about Jesus getting sweeter every day, and realize that you still think about God pretty much the same way you've thought about Him the last 5 years?
My pastor said this morning, that God is willing for you to have as much of Him as you want. Don't you want more? Don't you? I do. I've gotten a taste, and I see His willingness to give more than I ever imagined. He is good.
Ask Him for more. Ask Him. He'll never fail to give.
That's why I was surprised when I laid down to sleep and found myself wide awake. Not even a hint of drowsiness.
So I spent a good hour trying to talk myself into sleeping, then gave up and got up.
I watched an infomercial on a book with "more than 5,000 health secrets that the professionals don't want you to hear" then went to the computer for awhile and took care of some e-mails, then I shut the computer off and grabbed a book to read, watched a Cosby Show rerun, then a movie. I pulled out a sponge and scrubbed a bathtub I inherited with the house that still doesn't come clean (the bathtub, not the house), and then installed a toilet tissue holder, then went back to the tv and watched an I Love Lucy rerun.
It was now a little after 4am and I was still wide awake.
Finally, and with some frustration, I said, "Ok God, why can't I sleep?"
As clear as bell He responded, "Because you haven't prayed yet."
What?
"What was I suppose to pray for?"
"Lisa"
After a brief grumble that He could have told me this 6 hours ago, I began praying for Lisa. It wasn't even a full minute into it when I yawned. Then I prayed for Andrea (#2 now on our watch list) yawning even more. Then I prayed for my parents, then my pastor and his wife, and because of their daughter who is currently serving in our military I then ended up praying for our troops.
I wasn't even finished when I could hardly stay awake.
This post has a lot of details that probably don't interest anyone but me. But it has a moral to it that I wanted to post. So here it is:
I didn't have this relationship with Christ last year. My relationship with Him has gotten stronger, deeper, and more trusting. He's talking to me. Do you really get that? GOD is talking to ME. I'll be the first to tell you, I'm not anything special. But He's talking to me. I told Him I wanted more, I begged for it -
Do you have that? Do your conversations feel one-sided and stilted? Do you constantly come in with a need, then wander off to do your own thing still feeling somewhat aloof from the God who created you? Do you wonder at those talking about Jesus getting sweeter every day, and realize that you still think about God pretty much the same way you've thought about Him the last 5 years?
My pastor said this morning, that God is willing for you to have as much of Him as you want. Don't you want more? Don't you? I do. I've gotten a taste, and I see His willingness to give more than I ever imagined. He is good.
Ask Him for more. Ask Him. He'll never fail to give.
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