Welcome to Heaven... erm... I mean the library

There are... a LOT of libraries in this area. All of the small cities have their own, but then San Antonio has 27 branches scattered throughout San Antonio. Over the course of the 14 months I've lived here, I've been to 3 of the branches and 2 other small city libraries. Only one of them was small - the rest... beautiful. Far nicer than any other library I've been in before. And with staff that is actually kind and helpful.

(Gainesville Public Library, that was a dig at you. Before you, I never dreamed I, I would boycott a library of all things. But you drove me to it.)

I'd heard wonderful things about the Central SAPL location though. It's the "Central" one, the MAIN one, the BEST one. But it wasn't until Saturday that a book that I wanted was there and not my regular library, so I decided I'd finally venture downtown and visit this supposedly wonderful place.

I got downtown easily enough, it's less than 20 minutes from me, but then, as apparently everyone is prone to do I got lost and drove around for about 10 minutes wondering if I'd ever find it among the construction and 1 way streets. (City of SA, please finish sometime within my lifetime.) I passed by the parking garage entrance not realizing it was the garage for the library, but thankfully it was early morning on a Saturday so there was no traffic and only one spectator as I reversed in the middle of the street until I got back to the entrance. I grabbed my parking receipt from the box, noting that I had to "pay" to go to this library in terms of parking $1 for 1 hr, $1.75 for the next (I ended up paying $1.75). Then, my dear friends I walked across the garage, past more construction boards and tarps, and stepped into the building.

And there I stopped.

Let me preface this with the fact that I've always lived in a small town before coming to SA. I've seen big buildings but for me, it's like seeing a big zucchini, - big, pretty, don't care. No friends, this was a big library. I stood there, looking to the far left, the far right, and then craning my neck backwards to see the beauty of the ceiling and the other 4 stories of books above me. Impressed is a word that does not do justice. I was awed.

I ventured to the 3rd floor, where the childrens section was larger than every other library I'd ever been in. I caressed books of braille. Then I ventured to the 2nd floor where they keep only non-fiction reference books. I ventured back to my treasure trove the 1st floor fiction. Sorted by author I finally stopped to count - there were 5 rows of H's. Row upon row upon row upon row upon row (and I could happily and legitimately keep going with the "row upon row") of books. It was more than my mind could grasp. It seemed as though I could find a book, sit down, and read for the rest of my life. And still not finish all the books I wanted.

At the end of my $1.75 parking time I was clutching 7 books and I had not even finished the "B" author section. It physically hurt to leave. And I said to myself - "I don't see how Heaven could be better than this."

Aside from the whole "Jesus" thing of course.

I'm looking forward to seeing Jesus, and while I've read words about how beautiful Heaven is, my mind can't fathom it. Just as others telling me how great that library was did no justice whatever to the grandeur and awestruck feeling I had when I stepped into it's wide entrance unable to take it all in.

So until I meet Jesus, until I get a glimpse of Heaven itself and am carried away by it's superiority to everything conceivable on Earth, Heaven for me will be that library. And I have to imagine that God is in His Heaven laughing at that very idea.

What a day that will be!

Enjoy a glimpse that doesn't even remotely convey it's grandeur.


The outside, pretty though it is, gives no clues as to the wonderment inside its doors.


Even the homeless people READ here. My old library, the homeless people just sit; happy to be indoors. Here, they read. Because you cannot help but sit and read.


I did not want to come down. Truly.

Dear Pastors

Please know that I started this post quite sincerely with the words "Dear" Pastors. Regardless of whether I enjoy your services or not, I hope you understand that something inside me so deeply respects your title and your calling, that you are "dear" people.

But there are a few things in general that concern me about all of you, and I hope to politely, and respectfully address them.

I didn't come to church for a sermon.

I came to worship Christ, and learn of Him and how to walk more closely with Him.
I come, because like a personal trainer, you say the words that remind me why I'm doing what I'm doing and how much deeper there is to go than where I'm at.
I come because often, Christs presence is manifested and that just amazes me. But it's beyond disappointing to have you take a moment when we should be waiting quietly on the Lord, and since nothing happened for 2 minutes you move us on to give your sermon.

And speaking on that sermon... I expect you to speak of Christ. Christ crucified, and how that impacts my life today. I expect you to verbally challenge not only the dross, but the silver in my life - anything that takes away from the gold purity of the perfect life of Christ living in me.

I expect you to explore concepts of the Bible that have come to you through careful study of the Word. Because, of all the programs in your church that require your attention, few are quite as important as gathering the food with which you must "feed His sheep". Because if you are a pastor, of a church, then I assume that was your calling. Feeding.

I'm responsible for feeding myself. But I've got to tell you, nothing is quite as wonderful as having someone preach Christ, and Christ crucified, and who is willing to preach Jeanette crucified as well. Because regardless of the fact that I write a Christian blog, who cares that I've spent 29 years listening to sermons and I should know all these things - I still need to have you remind me that I'm supposed to be dead, and Christ is supposed to be living in me. I need to be reminded that I'm supposed to do EVERYTHING as unto the Lord. And not just the few items that I deem to be "Spiritual". I just need a lot of reminders.

To go a little further than that - I need you to preach this gospel without apology or the considerate way people have of saying "I know it's hard, but you really should." I need you to stand up, firmly, and say this is the way walk ye in it. Period. No mollycoddling. No sympathy for how much I might not want to commit to memorizing scripture or giving up my hobby horses that consume my time and thoughts and emotions.

And I need you to do it yourself too.

The dangers of magnification

I was tweezing my eyebrows.

More information than you wanted to know I'm sure, but without telling you that important detail the rest doesn't really make sense. So... I was tweezing my eyebrows and that's where this story begins.

Thanks to my renters leaving a lot of personal items in my renthouse that needed to be disposed of, I am now in possession of a handy little mirror. It's small, perfectly round, and intensely magnified. You have to get it really close to your face for anything to make sense, but magnify things it certainly does.

It was incredibly helpful with finding the small hairs that would have been hard to see. And after awhile, I had the job done....

Except...

I was still looking at my eyebrows through super magnification.

They looked at least a feet long, with huge logs of hair at least 6 inches with roots the size of tulip bulbs danging off the end. It was grotesque. I wondered how people stood looking at me without pointing at laughing at the logs above my eyes. I very seriously considered pulling out every last hair.

Then I went grumpily to another mirror to see my eyebrows through a regular mirror only to discover they looked like they always have, except now they were tweezed to betterment. My forehead wasn't a disaster of uni-brow. And people won't be pointing and laughing anytime soon - at least not over my eyebrows.

I would have thought magnification was a wonderful thing. It helps you see flaws and imperfections so you can fix them. Close study, and observation helps magnify so many other problems - it can't be a bad thing can it?

Yes, yes it can.

In our lives, too often we get absorbed in the problems. We get deep into the thick of them with our ideas and notions to fix things and too often fail to remember that the general structure wasn't a bad thing, it just needed a little bit of tweezing around the edges. But, as I learned, once you get into a magnified problem, everything about it can often look like a problem when it isn't.

Perspective is very important.

In my life, I've noticed that it's hard to me to get past issues once I've decided they're a problem. I dwell on them, sulk in them, let them dictate my life choices and burdens that I'm willing to carry. Sometimes it takes something difficult happening in a totally different area of my life for me to be able to step back from one problem and deal with the other. Once I've stepped back, when I turn around I realize that the first problem wasn't so awful after all.

You need magnification to do corrections, but once those corrections are done it's important to take a step away from the situation before you go changing other things. I nearly lost my eyebrows in this case, but in others... I very well may have lost valuable relationships that mean the world to me. I may have plucked out beautiful directions that my life could have detoured into. Or I maybe am just living with obvious issues that are simply consequences of magnification overload.

I was genuinely surprised when I looked in the mirror and found out I didn't look like my little magnifier showed me. And as I put the little mirror away I couldn't help but sternly inform it that it was a dangerous tool that I would need to use wisely.

Because sometimes a mirror isn't just a mirror.

Rescued by disaster

A co-worker sent me a popular story this afternoon, one I've heard several times before but never ceases to be move me.

It's a story of a man sailing the ocean, when tragedy strikes and he finds himself shipwrecked on a deserted island. Weak with exhaustion and hunger, for days he works and builds himself a small hut to provide shelter from the elements for himself and his few salvaged possessions. One afternoon he returns from searching for food on the island to discover that his feeble little hut has caught fire and is entirely burnt down. Exhausted, hungry and finally broken he screams at God "How could You do this to me!?!"
The very next day, a ship sails near the island, drops anchor and two men row onto the shore. The stranded man sinks to his knees in gratitude and asks 'How on earth did you find me?"
Their response, "Our planes saw your smoke signal late yesterday afternoon, we got here as soon as we could."

We don't thank God for disaster. But if it weren't for disasters, those awful moments that turn us from whatever we had planned to suddenly going in a brand new direction - we'd find that we'd missed the best roads God had for us.

I don't know what it is about the idea, but I've seen enough that I don't see disasters in quite the same ways anymore. Lives change, but God has His hand in all of it - no matter how painful or difficult. U-turns are often dangerous. But God can handle it, He'll turn you down whatever special path He has for you and you will find - once you've made the turn - that this scenic route has changed your life profoundly for the best.

He's rescued me more than once with something I thought was horrible at the time.

I know it doesn't feel good, look good, or even seem inspirational - but truly, the next time something awful happens you might just ask yourself who God might be rescuing.

A dear friend

I caught up with a dear friend today. When I first saw her, we were surrounded by other people so I stayed away just biding my time. There's something so wonderful to me about our conversations that I didn't want it to be interrupted when I finally got to sit and and tell her everything.

Finally, everyone was gone, and I needed to leave to run an errand before a second church service began. But after I ran the errand I came back and she was still there so I got to sit down and tell her everything. It's been a very long time since we last got to be together, but as we began I remembered things from long ago to tell her. I told her new things, scary things, happy things, and oh so sad things.

I've cried on her more than anyone else in the world has ever seen me cry. And in the middle of pain, or fear and doubt, she helps me think clearly. When I'm happy, and just thoughtful of how blessed I am - she somehow always reminds me of some new idea that takes me deeper into joy and understanding.

I watch her talk to other people and while I see how pleasant and wonderful she is, it doesn't affect me as much as when she speaks for me. When she responds to my thoughts and emotions. Free, uninterrupted time with her leaves me as peaceful and contented as a kitten lapping warm milk.

All too soon my phone rang, and I had business to attend to and couldn't stay with her anymore. But, Lord Willing, that wonderful piano will still be there next time I visit her.
There is nothing quite like her. I wish everyone could have quite so good a friend.

What my God can do.

I've been enjoying a major change of attitude lately. I almost took a part time job, but then I felt, again, the strong urging from God that I need to be here while I'm here.
For those of you that don't know, I'm living with my brothers family right now after the initial move to San Antonio so that we could all save expenses.
Our lease is up at the end of June so we'll all be parting ways and moving again (just to separate houses here in SA). And as the time gets closer and closer I just keep seeing how I'm running out of time to really enjoy my niece and nephew as local cohabitants. :)

When I made the decision to turn down the job, and literally gave as my reasons "I feel God wants me to be here while I'm here" - rather than spending so much time at work and away from home - something happened inside me.

I start practicing all the things I know I'll need as a foster mom. I started cleaning things, washing things, keeping things more clean, spending more time outside with the kids rather than sequestered in my room reading a book.
My attitude towards them has changed too - I've been a part of a trend of sarcasm and mocking in this house that I decided I needed to put at end to on my part. I remember vividly after spending two pleasant evenings with my niece, that the next night at supper I joined into laughter at her expense. Granted, we want her to have a thick skin and be able to laugh at herself - but, while she never said a word specifically, she looked at me several times like she felt betrayed. As though suddenly she wouldn't have expected me to join in the laughing this time.

Not a word spoken, but that look still haunts me.

I want my kids, and my niece and nephew, and my family, and my friends to always know that if I'm in their corner, I'm entirely in their corner. I want them to know that I won't hurt their feelings on purpose, and if I do hurt their feelings that I'll apologize and not make excuses for why it's ok that I did what I did.

This is what God is doing in me.

He's given me peace and excitement concerning the coming move.
He's given me peace and comfort concerning my parents move and the fact that I'm not there to help.
He called me to move 300 miles from home and despite the fact that I previously lived paycheck to paycheck, He helped me survive 5 months without a job.
He gave me wisdom concerning how to deal with a tenant that is renting my old home, and per an agreement with him he actually got caught up on all the delinquent expenses within 15 days.
He helped me befriend a girl that I couldn't have less in common with - (she's never out of high heels, and giggles about the color pink and glitter) - and He's really working something in her heart so she's starting to seek answers.

In the past 8 years He has taken me from a broken, hurting person to one that is entirely confident in so many things concerning His love and grace. I have a home in Him. I have love and life in Him. I am happy. I am content even with the things I don't have.

I have been blessed.

I know you don't often comment, but one thing that frustrates me about churches is that they don't too often have a testimony time anymore. If you just feeling like giving praise to God in writing, I'd love to see it in the comments.

I wonder...

... when did the gospel message become more about "Accept Jesus, Jesus loves you" intead of "All have sinned...you haved sinned... Jesus died for your sins because Jesus loves you. Repent of your sins, and accept Jesus as Lord of your life."

Home.

This story doesn't have an ending yet, even as I begin to write out the idea I know it doesn't. You see, I'm sitting here missing home.
And I struggle with the idea that I no longer have a home.

The place I've called home for the last 2 years, isn't home anymore. The general area I lived in for the past 10 years, it's not home anymore.

If I stood up today, and said "I've had it, I'm going back home.", I've realized that there is no place to go to.

But here's what I began to wonder, as I longed for the settled and comfortable feeling of 'home'. I've never been to my real home. You see, when I die and leave this house, this state, my friends and family, I'll go home. A place where I will never long for anything else, ever again.

And I'm thankful for this... unsettling lesson about where I am truly supposed to consider myself settled.
Because as Christ prepares Heaven for my arrival, I doubt He considered Whitesboro, Texas my "home". It was just a place to be until such time as I can go home.

I wonder how many opportunities are lost, refused, rejected, or not even considered, because they involve us giving up our settled-ness, our comfort, our familiar. While I latch on to things, trying to claim them as my own so I can feel validated, accepted, and comfortable - I wonder if God looks on with eyes seeing me as a child trying to make a Wal-Mart their home. If your child did that, you'd think he'd lost his mind, "You're not going to stay here." would be the first reasoning you'd give as to the foolishness.

I'm not going to stay here on earth. My home is somewhere else.
But for my actions, my desires, my longings to change - I need God to change my heart. So when I sit down to long for home - I long for the right one.

Faith, wavering. Faith? Receive nothing of the Lord? Faith, nothing wavering.

"Count it all joy," James wrote, "when you fall into diverse temptations. Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work that ye may be perfect, and entire, wanting nothing."

"If any of you lack wisdom," he adds, "let Him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."
"For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."

... I'm strangely reminded of (not surprising to know my mind is working in a strange way...) the movie "You're a good man Charlie Brown." Terrific movie if you haven't seen it. In one vital scene all the Peanuts gang is circled around Charlie Brown giving him the song of his life, "YOU COULD BE KING CHARLIE BROWN, YOU COULD BE KIINNNNGGG!" they bellow ever so loudly.

Then Lucy, good ol' Lucy, finishes if off with "If only you weren't so wishy-washy."

End scene.

Everyone knows someone wishy-washy. I'd hazard a guess that you yourself are wishy washy on certain things. I'm so wishy washy that I've spent the last two months of my life saying boldly "Gods going to do something amazing." almost immediately followed by the nail biting crazy-eyed statement "What is God doing?"

On the drive - the very l o n g drive to San Antonio following the Penske truck with all my possessions in it (except of course the possessions crammed in my trunk and backseat) I found myself quoting those verses from James to myself over and over again. At one point I was even yelling the primary one I was focused in on. "For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord."

What?

When is the last time you wrote a letter to someone and felt confident enough to say "If so-n-so does _______ I hope you make sure he knows he's not going to get his prayers answered."

Yeah, I didn't write a letter like that either. Probably never will. (Though, now I may have jinxed it.)

But it's one of the few places that I know of... ok, the only one that I know of but I'm only familiar with this one because I memorized the first chapter of James at one point - I'm sure there's more in the Bible if I look for it. But it's the only place that I know of where someone says "If you do this, God will not give you what you're asking for."

Sure there are tips on HOW to get what you're asking for... pure heart, Gods will, no brothers with ought against you, etc. but no other that tells me: "God WILL say no."

I find this very important. Because these have been the two crazy walk-away-from-everythingmost months and asking in "faith, nothing wavering" is difficult. Nothing wavering? Not even a little bit? Oh come on...

But I can't change what God said.

And, though I've asked, God didn't rewrite that portion of the Bible for me. Believe me, I checked.

Faith, nothing wavering.

Lord I have faith...
Help Thou my unbelief.

And you know what... as wishy-washy as that prayer sounds I believe you can let this girl think she'll receive something of the Lord. You'd be hard pressed to convince me otherwise.

As long as He's there.

Wowwwwza.

There is a lot going on. But at the same time, it doesn't even feel like a lot. God's done an incredible work in me this week. The chaos isn't overwhelming me, it's not even coming close anymore.

(Keep your fingers crossed that this post doesn't make the devil step things up a notch though.) :)

I handed some very special people a very heavy disappointment this week. I'm disappointed for them. I know exactly what it's like when things don't work out like you imagine they will. But at the same time there is no upset, there isn't a doubt, there isn't a fear, there isn't a question.

And personally,.... and I'm sure you'll agree with me if you've read even one months worth of posts here.... for me to be that calm and peaceful is nothing short of a miracle.

I had told someone yesterday, that I'd rather be obedient and know that God is there in whatever mess I find myself in - than to be disobedient and know that God wasn't in it.

And that's exactly where I'm at. I don't know how things will work out, I just know they will. I don't have any special reassurance that the future won't be very difficult and disappointing. In fact, I'm almost expecting it to be harder than what I'm prepared for.
But at the same time I'm sitting in the last days before everything breaks open and I'm absolutely confident that God is in it. And that's good enough to see me through.

As long as He's there. I'll go anywhere.

Remind me of this post next time I'm pulling my hair out.

If there is anything that could frighten me right now, it's the knowledge that I've felt sure before, I've held blissfully on to God and then slipped right out of that surety.
This time feels the same, but different. Deeper, and certainly more weathered. But it's not so deep I can't fall again. I hope I never lose that - I don't know that timidity is the right word - but that little thing that holds me in check as I remember how easy it is to fall. And never forget that my ability to sit in this relaxed sureness is only by the grace of God.
May I seek that grace every single day, to hold onto me. Again.
And again.
And again.

What do you do when you're not strong enough?

I was watching tv this evening, and after a particularly draining effort, the difficult scene ended.

The next scene - In a sober, quiet moment she simply stated:
"I'm not strong enough."

All you can do is understand.

Then she said "What do you do when you're not strong enough?"

The answer she receives?
"You act as if you are."

What if - Opposite day.

Curiosity not criticism... and maybe this is more commonplace for some of you, we had a request that fell along these lines in church tonight and that's what made me think about it. But it's really rare for me to hear requests like the ones I'm about to mention.

But, what if instead of prayer requests for sickness, if people called out prayer requests for growth?

"Sister so-n-so would like to show more grace this week, let's pray for her."
"Brother so-n-so is praying to receive the Holy Spirit let's make sure and keep him in prayer"
"Sister so-n-so is struggling against Gods will for her life - let's pray she submits to His perfect will."
"Brother so-n-so has an opportunity to practice longsuffering this week, let's keep him in prayer."
"Sister so-n-so is seeking the gift of prophecy let's stand with her in prayer."
"Brother so-n-so is seeking wisdom, he's got some situations coming up and we need to be vigilant in praying for him."
"One of our youth is having a hard time remembering to seek God during the week, let's keep him in prayer that God would fill him with a fresh hunger for time with God this week."

Question - do we spend more time praying against bad nonspiritual things, than for good spiritual things?

What if, someone got a cold, and we all got earnest about praying they would receive a greater anointing of the Holy Spirit during this time, rather than relief from their physical symptoms?


What if, when someone has financial problems, we'd pray God would give them opportunities to display extraordinary faith by sending in opportunities for them to help others?"


What if, someone was having problems with a co-worker and so collectively we gave God praise and thanks that one of us was counted worthy to be hated for His names sake?

I'm just thinking out loud. Hope you had a good Sunday.

P.S. I could certainly rattle on and on about how it's obviously not a bad thing to pray for the sick. But I'm just assuming it's understood.

How do you count success?

At church Sunday night in an impromptu business meeting I received more information on my church's financial status. Our pastor was required to complete an end of the year report, and in the year we have prospered. We're not rich, not even really abundant, but for a small church of approximately 40 or 50, every need has been supplied.

And while I'm pleased that we're doing well financially, and I'm glad to know it. I wondered if another report is available.
How many souls have we we won? How many have been baptized? How many received the Holy Spirit this year?

... almost as quickly as those thoughts came to me, I realized thinking about my churches spiritual numbers is just another distraction from me focusing on my own.
How many people did I witness to in 2008? How many accepted Christ as a result? How many seeds did I plant, and water? How many people have I prayed with and encouraged to seek the Holy Spirit?

I focus on so many things, and I tend to use words like "We" or "Christians" but in truth, I need to passionately focus my attention to the one thing that I am required to account for.
ME

So, when you read my posts for this new year of 2009, listen closely to this one thing. I'm not lecturing you. I'm not lecturing the world around me.
I'm lecturing me.

I want better. I want best. I want my actions to display my heart. I want my words to display my depth rather than shallow surface words that dull the sharp pierce of the gospel of truth.
And I want my words to apply to me. Not you. Me. So brace yourself and if you see me go awry, please comment strongly.

I want to grow. I want God. I want more. I want most.

The Royal Telephone

I made sure the washing machine was set to go awhile longer without needing attending to, then I settled into a nice chair, pulled a cover around me because it was chilly, and settled in to make a phone call.

I expected the person to be home. If I'm not sure, usually I'll just stay close to the phone's base so I can just set the phone back down if no one answers. But I expected someone to be home, and I expected the conversation to take a while because I needed some information from them that they were probably going to have to hunt for. In my preparation, I'd even pulled up the computer screen so I could just type the information as they gave it to me.

The only surprise was... they weren't home.

But as I hit "end" to shut off my phone, I realized what a difference your mindset is between the two. And I realized, that when I make my most important calls... the ones to God, I tend to do it with an "at the phone base" attitude.

"God are you there?"

nevermind

- click.

But how different life can be for us, when we go to our Savior and settle in for a conversation, ready for answers or just insight. Isn't it great that God always answers His phone? I think we sometimes just don't let it ring enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Royal Telephone
(with some emphasis added by me for the words I like best!)


Central’s never “busy,” always on the line;
You may hear from heaven almost any time;’
Tis a royal service, free for one and all;
When you get in trouble, give this royal line a call.

Refrain:
Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line,
Built by God the Father for His loved and own,
We may talk to Jesus through this royal telephone.

There will be no charges, telephone is free,
It was built for service, just for you and me;
There will be no waiting on this royal line,
Telephone to glory always answers just in time.

Fail to get the answer, Satan’s crossed your wire,
By some strong delusion, or some base desire;
Take away obstructions, God is on the throne,
And you’ll get your answer through this royal telephone.

If your line is “grounded,” and connection true
Has been lost with Jesus, tell you what to do:
Prayer and faith and promise mend the broken wire,
Till your soul is burning with the Pentecostal fire.

Carnal combinations cannot get control
Of this line to glory, anchored in the soul;
Storm and trial cannot disconnect the line,
Held in constant keeping by the Father’s hand divine.

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth... uh oh.

In some of the stuff we talked about at home church recently... I really don't even know how I got off on this... but I was talking about things that are precious/valuable to us.

I won't let my nephew handle my laptop computer because I know he's not as cautious as I would be. Sometimes I'll be looking at something and he or his sister will come near the computer with their soda and I'll cringe just a little bit and wish I had a protective covering for it or something so I'll know it will be safe.

My stream of the idea flowed straight into the thought that, if I was that cautious with something that only costs a few hundred dollars, why am I so careless with priceless things like people? I'll be impatient, or bring people around ideas or complaints that crumbs of it could get into the filter of their mind and corrupt things.
I wonder how often God cringes when I rush so carelessly into someones life and situation with my dirty hands and less than tender approach just as I have my nephew.

The thought also flowed out of how often I'll listen to my niece and nephew hurl words at each other, until at some point one of them crosses the invisible line I've put up and I round on the accuser with "You're talking about someone I love and it's best you remember that!"
So often, we Christians will accuse and hurl our own insults/complaints/less than gracious comments and I wonder if at some point God wants to come down and say "HEY, you're talking about someone I love!".

So often, I see these little things as just sins... things I shouldn't be doing because they're bad. But there's another level of correction when you realize you haven't just hurt the person you were talking about - but you offended your Father, who loves that person. I know I just don't think that far sometimes.

I watched it happen this week, someone complained about someone that I care about and I worked hard to bite my tongue. But inside, I hurt for my friend and wished there were some way to protect them from the other persons very vocal opinions of the situation.

It doesn't feel good to imagine God feeling that about me.

~~~~~~~~~~~
So my prayer today is that God would use this lesson to remind me, to walk softly, and tenderly into peoples lives. Use words with grace, and wisdom - especially the ones that must be mingled with admonitions. Help me to guard my tongue, that "world of iniquity" so that I bridle it, rather than allow it to control me. I pray that God would give me wisdom in the days and hours ahead, that each obstacle I meet I would have the grace to meet it as Christ Himself would. Not as I, but Him who liveth in me.
And most of all, I pray that I would diligently feed, and nurture that Spirit who lives in me, that He would not just live, but grow, thrive, and give birth to fruits that this mind cannot fathom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It's not about what not to say though... because I could go my whole life without tearing someone down and still not build them up.
Lord, let the construction begin with me.

Imagine all the people...

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so - little ones to Him belong they are weak but He is strong.

We're such dorks. Ok, I guess I shouldn't speak for the rest of the world. I'M such a dork sometimes. I say it and I say it and I say it, and yet I still never really grasp it. Jesus loves me.
It's not about being perfect, being good enough, being holy enough, being mature enough in the faith, or even being a good enough witness.
And I wonder if I'll always have issues with all of those, until I finally grasp the basics. Jesus loves me.
Jesus loves me.
He chose me for His child, He drew me to Him. I didn't become a Christian because I drew near to Christ, but because Christ drew me near to Him. Jesus loves me.

I'll sin and fail, but God forgives and loves with an everlasting love that is not dampened by my stupidity. Nothing can separate me from the love of God. It's easy to focus on how we've failed, or fell even. But God easily looks past that to simply simply love us.

It's so easy it's hard.

In a post that I read recently it said:
"I see myself as under law when I've been bad, because I deserve it, and I see myself as under grace when I've been good, because I've earned it. Totally wrong."

It may not be the easiest thing in the world to hang onto grace and walk in it with freedom and ease... but it doesn't make it any less something we should be doing. Imagine... no really, close your eyes just for a moment (after reading this paragraph of course) what a difference it would make in the world if Christians no longer lived in self-condemnation trying to regain a relationship with a God that never stopped loving us in the first place?

Ok, now imagine it.

Random Question

When you intercede on my behalf, Jesus, what is Your prayer?

Don't be stupid

A couple of weeks ago, someone mentioned I should get a yappy little dog for protection. Yappy little dogs are handy for yapping at just the right moment to hopefully scare of any marauders lurking around your house.
I shrugged it off and didn't even consider it again until this morning, early morning, when I was woke up by a sound (that I want to quickly point out I later found out it was nothing), and as I laid in the darkness listening to the sound I thought, "Sure would be nice to have a yappy dog about now."

And as I sat and thought about all those things my frustration level went back up. I'm a teetotaler when it comes to some things. And any gap in the totality causes me to doubt.

Why would a Christian need a dog for protection?

This post really isn't about dogs. I'm protected for a bunch of things. I pay good sums of money every year to make sure my car is protected in case of an accident, because "Don't be stupid, it's the smart thing to do."
I pay good sums of money every year to make sure my house is protected in case of, of all things, "Acts of God".
Another insurance company called last night asking if I wanted to protect all the equipment in my home for a low $40.67 a month.
My doors are locked at night, and I don't venture into bad neighborhoods because, "Don't be stupid, it would be unwise to do anything else."

And yet, isn't the Christians standpoint that God allows many afflictions, but has promised to deliver us through them?

I said recently that I've realized that God lets a lot of things through His hand of protection, and I'm just wondering out loud right now if all of our protective measures are just to protect us from the things God would let us go through that we don't want to?

At what point do our own protections turn from 'It's the wise thing to do" to a simple lack of trust in God.
**Hold in perspective here, this writer is currently sequestered in her home, plugging her ears to the bad news of the world while questioning her salvation. Trust, is a serious issue.**

In reading a book a few years back there was a young girl about to take a walk in the woods with two young men with very bad intentions, because they told her they were willing to listen to her tell them about Jesus. One of her friends saw what was about to happen and before they could make it to the woods he stopped them, and ultimately ended up fighting with the two guys to get them to go away. The friend asked the young girl if she knew what those two guys were up to, and she said yes, but it was worth for the chance that they might listen to the message of salvation.

Most people, most Christians, would shake your head at that foolishness. But I haven't seen too many Christians shaking their heads over the missionaries going into areas where their lives may be in jeopardy on the chance that they might win one. Not many call Jim Elliott foolish.

So where is the line? Where do you drop your own protections and simply rely on the protection of God, and trust in the allowances of God when bad things happen? **Keep in mind also, I believe the protection of God includes that urging to get out of situations**
When do you get rid of the yappy dog and say "If the Lord Wills, tonight I shall sleep and wake up tomorrow".
And, does the presence of a yappy dog mean that whether the Lord allows it or not, you're going to keep it from happening?

Can we win this?

Let me set the stage:

A man, maneuvers himself onto a jury so that he can effect the outcome of the verdict. Each side, both prosecuting and defense receive information on how they can successfully 'buy' the verdict. The prosecuting side is full of the good guys, wanting nothing to do with jury tampering and holding out hope that justice, real justice, will prevail.

There's a moment where the good guys realize that the bad guys (defense team) aren't telling the judge about the juror because the bad guys really are going to buy the vote. You can see it in the good guys face, that all they're fighting for might be for nothing, just a show to put on until the end where justice becomes a transaction, rather than an action.

Immediately after receiving the news, face fallen, the prosecuting attorney turns and sees his client heading towards him and he puts on a big smile. She's been hearing rumors about a mistrial, the jury being sequestered, she's nervous and she wants to know - she just needs to hear it - "Can we win this?"

Somehow, he puts on a forced smile, and says "We can. We are gonna win."

And I realize suddenly, there are two types of good guys in the world. There are those who say "we're gonna win" to keep others going when the going gets tough, and those who need to hear "we're gonna win" to keep going when the going gets tough (and not only that, but are able to keep going just because someone told them we're gonna win - that takes faith too).

I'd rather be the first type.
Somehow I'm neither.

What should He have promised us?

So I've got a 3 yr old child that has the hardest time in the world going to sleep. Exhausted, worn out, yawning her eyes out, she still won't stop moving long enough to fall asleep.
Relying on an age old trick I informed her that if she managed to lay in bed, NOT get up, NOT turn on the light, NOT get out toys, NOT go sit in the rocker, NOT start singing at the top of her lungs... I'd get her donuts for breakfast tomorrow.
Silence reigned.

I enjoy that. My picky little eater has some favorites that's she's willing to do a lot for. And as long as I don't abuse the donut gimmick, it'll work for me.

I wonder, when God stops to think about it, just how disappointed He is in us. Does He ever stop and think "I've promised them THIS.... Heaven... gave them the most vivid picture I could draw in their human minds of how great it would be... and they still won't do what their told."
Forget Heaven, maybe He should have promised us the entire season of American Idol on dvd, or a new HDTV and all 250 Dish Network channels (with premium movie/sport packages of course)... you know, something we're really interested in.