Changing my vocabulary.

At work, I have a lot of things to do. I go in each day with a plan in place of what absolutely must get accomplished that day, then the need to get done today, then the should get done today.

More often than not, the should's don't get done. There is only so much time in a day, and so often, it's a determined fight to make sure the absolutelys and needs get done.

Makes sense right? I'm sure you understand. There's just so much to do... as my co-worker is always saying "I can only do what I can do."

You understand right?

God understands right?
He made me human right?
Right?

I was sitting at another basketball game for my schools team when I heard that pesky word again though. "Should."
We were playing Grapevine Faith, the one very recently famed for having supported the opposing team (us). One of their staff was in the stands with us discussing all the e-mails they'd received and interest in the stories. He mentioned that things like that were what Christians "should" do, so it shouldn't be such a big deal. It "should" be normal.

And I sighed, again... SHOULD. Should we? We SHOULD. Do we? We don't.
I think in my life, too often I've put together my lists of spiritual absolutelys, spiritual need tos, and spiritual shoulds. Those things that keep me out late, put me out, and take too much time... those end up in the should bin.
Teaching a Sunday School class, helping the Christian kids in my church? That's a need. I'll do that.
Go to church? Absolutely.
Spending time in prayer, reading Gods word? Well, that's certainly a should. I should read my bible more. I should spend more time in prayer.
Be a good person? Absolutely.
Bake goods for the church bake sale? I need to.
Call that person that didn't show up to church last week? I should.

It's almost as though saying "I should" means, I won't.
But it's amazing how many other things make the absolutely list.

Will I watch "Mentalist" tonight? Absolutely
Will I read a new book I recently purchased? Absolutely, I might not get far, but every little bit is good.
Will I have inane conversation with people, rather than telling them happily of what God has done for me in the past few weeks? Absolutely.
This week, will I sleep in on Saturday morning? Yep. Absolutely.
This week, will I go grocery shopping? I need to.

Yet, this walk is suppose to be more important to me than any of those things.
I ease my conscience by saying "I should do better" "I should do more", it kind of tells me that one day, maybe I'll get around to it. It's easier than saying "Yeah, that'd be a good idea, but I'm not going to do it. It's just too much for my lifestyle."

Because that's exactly what I'm saying when I say "I should do..."

And at the same time, I know it's not about works... but it is about my heart and my priorities. Is the kingdom of Heaven my priority, or am I my priority. You can say it's not about works, and I can say it's not about works... and while it's TRUE it's also a great cop out to keep me from feeling too badly about putting God second to myself.

Kindness, forgiveness, loving my enemies, helping the poor and widows and orphans, meekness, self-control, joy, peace, witnessing, being a good neighbor, showing mercy, speaking the truth in love, praying for my leaders, praying for others, I should do those things.
I should do all those things.
I need to do most of those things.
I will absolutely do some of those things.

I will absolutely change. When I absolutely seek God. He will absolutely be found. When I absolutely surrender. He will absolutely take. When I absolutely let Him break, remake and renew. He will absolutely break, remake, and renew.
God is absolutely good.