Oh, Lord, I am nobody!

I know me. At least I know me as well as God has given me insight to know me. Some things about me still remain a mystery. I often wonder if I'm not quite grasping something. Then at other times I wonder (due to my sinful prideful nature) if I'm one of the few that does grasp this. Then I return to thinking that I don't know what to think. Are you curious yet?
I'm unworthy, I'm wretched, and even my best intentions are full of selfish, prideful, critical and self seeking motivations. I play the piano at church, silently begging God that He would somehow bless someone with my music, despite the fact that I don't know what I'm doing. I've done puppets, praying that God would somehow use the foolish words that pop out of my mouth to teach a child of God's love. I spend so much energy of every action praying that somehow God would take my feeble, foolish actions and somehow make something good from it.
I have little to no creative talent when it comes to decorating things and my co-worker most definitely does, yet my co-worker always sends me out to get the supplies to make gift baskets for our clients. I always come back with bags full of various things, just hoping and praying that she will make something good out of it. That's how I feel about God. It comes naturally to me to hurt people, even when I'm not wanting to, it comes naturally to me to not love people that hurt or anger me, it comes natural to me to go with my first instincts rather than wait for God's will to become evident to me and worst of all, it comes as natural to me as breathing to speak my opinions trying to sway others rather than to hold my peace and simply pray that God would sway them.
The reason I question my beliefs on this is it seems like I should be living in some sort of joyous victory, that He has made me worthy and so now I am. And in a way I grasp that, because that is what gives me the greatest understanding of His love. But my beliefs concerning my unworthiness are what now hold me back from actions. It is what reminds me to not go with my first instincts, all the time, but to wait for God's leading and direction. It is what reminds me when I'm contemplating someone else's unworthiness for them, that God loves them, with the same love and mercy He's given me. And that, just like whoever I'm trying to criticize, I don't deserve that love.
Despite how serious a thought process this is for me, I wanted to leave you with a joke that I found in the comments of a new blog I've discovered. I'll be visiting there often, and would recommend you give it a look as well.

There's a joke I heard a long time ago, that comes from the definition of a Yiddish word:

Shamus, n. [Yiddish]: A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the temple, and makes sure everything is in working order. A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagogue functionaries, and there's a joke about that: A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the middle of a service, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!" The cantor, not to be bested, also cries out, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!" The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries, "Oh, Lord, I am nobody!" The rabbi turns to the cantor and says, "Look who thinks he's nobody!"
-Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Offbeat off topic

This is kind of off topic for the things I usually post, but I was contemplating something the other day, and thought I would share it. What good is a blog if I don't share stuff on it right?
Well, one of my desires/goals in life is to take in foster children. One of the first thing people tell me when they find this out is that a child should have a mother AND a father. And, I have the highest respect for a fathers contribution to raising a child, and the necessity of one being around, my response is always the same: In the absence of any good parents, I'm as good as any. For all the foster children out there that need a place to stay, they outnumber the foster parents by a frightening number.

A major issue concerns the nation’s shortage of caring foster homes. In much of the nation foster parents are in short supply, especially in large cities. While the number of foster children has increased, the number of foster homes decreases. There is such a shortage that the average number of children per home is 3.7 - up from about 1.4 in 1983 and estimates show that tens of thousands foster parents care for six, seven, and eight youth at a time.

But, to connect this whole thing to the idea that has been festering in my mind, I have to tell you something else seemingly off topic. If you stay with me however, I'll tie this whole thing together.
I don't / didn't believe in women preachers. At least not in the idea of them being the head of a church. The man is suppose to be the head of the home, and the man is suppose to be the head of a church. And while women could hold many roles within the church, I didn't believe being the head of the church aka "Pastor" should be one of them.
My own desires, to be a head of my home with foster children in tow seem God given, and unshakable. And I'm sure some women Pastors out there feel the exact same way about their call to preach.
The world isn't all that it should be, and Christians aren't all that they could be, so I'm wondering if maybe God didn't intend for a women to be the pastor of a church originally, but in the absence of obedient called servants, He is calling the willing, and qualifying them.
I'm not trying to throw stones at all the Christian men out there, saying obviously we women have to do all this stuff because you're just not stepping up. But the idea is out there.
Next time you go to church, take a calculated look around. What is the ratio of men to women?
I'm not saying I'm right about any of this. It was just an idea so, take it and see what you think.

I hope I never meet a snake charmer

I turned around. I called myself a thousand kinds of stupid as I turned around, and I braced myself for embarrassment, but I turned the car around and I pulled up at a strangers house. I had driven by it moments before and saw a man watering his yard with some special bottle attached to the water hose and noticed that his yard was nice and green. I drove past as this voice in my head - or heart maybe - suddenly began screaming GO BACK. God didn't seem to be listening to my logical arguments about how I didn't know the guy and whoever he was probably didn't want company while he tried to work on his yard. God didn't listen. Just kept screaming at me GO BACK.
So, as I've already stated, I turned around and went back. I'm sure you can imagine he was surprised to have company, no more surprised than I was to be his company. I complimented him on his nice yard and we talked gardening for awhile. I don't know much about gardening, little to none, so I listened to him talk about it mostly. Asked questions about how I could make my yard look nicer, and heard about his grub worm infestation that was indeed making strange brown circles all over his yard.
I arrived home after talking with him for about 15 minutes and asked God what on earth that was about. When suddenly the concept came to me, that to the gardener, I was to become a gardener. I don't know when I'll go back. Maybe it won't be until September when I plant the Rye grass he suggested I mix with my Saint Augustine grass. But I will go back. I will begin witnessing to people in my city. I am now a missionary. Hold on city here I come.

Though I preach the gospel, I don't have anything to glory of, because the necessity of it is laid upon me, woe is unto me if I don't preach the gospel. If I preach the gospel willingly, I will have a reward, but if I do it against my will I'm simply completing my responsibility. What would my reward be then? When I preach the gospel, I make the gospel of Christ without charge, so I won't abuse my power. Though I'm not a slave, I have made myself a servant to everyone, that I might gain all the more. So unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win the Jews; and to those that are under the law, I was as one under the law, that I might win those that are under the law. To those that are without law, I became as one without law (except for the law of God) that I might win those that are without law. To the weak I became as someone weak, that I might win the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. I do this for the gospels sake, that I might be a share the blessings with you. Don't you know that everyone runs in a race, but only one will receive the prize? RUN then, so you might win the prize. Every man that works to master something must be temperate in all things. Others do it to win a corruptible crown; but we do it for an incorruptible crown.
I run, with purpose, not uncertainly, and I fight, with my target in sight, not as one that beats at the air. And by God's help, I will keep my body under submission, so that God Forbid! when I have preached to others I myself should be a castaway.

My story

God wanted me to give up television.
I didn't have to never watch it again, but I'm a teetotaler and so if I was giving up tv, I was already thinking I'd give up my subscription to direct tv. God had put this nudge in my heart at least a year ago, and recently the nudging and pushing had become so strong I was literally being overwhelmed. Everywhere I turned someone was talking about giving up television. Nearly ever service at church mentioned giving something up, one time specifically mentioning T.V. and or just the need to give something up. Radio preachers preached on giving everything to God, and even my case manager at CASA mentioned she wanted to give up their tv habits but her husband didn't want to get rid of it.

I couldn't.
I told God several times that I would, I even lasted a full 24 hrs once, once. The few times I did turn the television off I found myself sitting in an empty and very quiet house thinking there had to be more to life than this. A few times I even got angry with God, TV isn't the evils that some of the strict Assemblies of God think it is, why did I have to give it up? In truth, I was terrified that He would stop telling me to give it up. There was nothing, nothing living or dead as horrific to me as the idea that God had given up on me.

He could.
Finally, I told God I couldn't do it. I informed God stoically that I had tried, and failed. It wasn't possible for me to do. I told Him I felt like it was a cop out for me to even ask, but if He wanted me to stop watching tv, He was going to have to change my heart. It seems like if He changes your heart so you can give something up to Him, then it's not much of a sacrifice, but that is what He did. But in truth, He didn't change my heart about television. I still like it and maybe pause for an hour or so of it a day. What He did do, was fill my life so full, that I don't have time for it. When I go home, my hours are filled with labors for my home, with the quiet stillness of reading a book, or with actually taking time to play with my cat for the first time in months.
Before, I use to look forward to going to work because the idea of staying home for a day seemed so boring to me. Now each hour at home is filled with purpose. Purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I wanted to share this, because I know some of you have something God wants you to give up. Whether it be something physical like tv, or something emotional like bitterness or anger, He wants to replace whatever it is with something so good that you would never understand even a small idea of it's value until you obtain it. God seems to be ok with the fact that I'm foolish and willful. He even seems to be ok with the idea that I couldn't sacrifice something as ridiculous as television without His work.

For me, I don't believe any change would have come if I hadn't finally broke down and informed Him that I needed Him to do the work in me. For me. Are you willing to do the same?

Thank you for having read this far in my testimony. I know it was long and took some time. So thanks for reading what God has done. Just know, He can do the same for you.

HE DID!

Justified mediocrity

I sit here now wondering how many other lies I tell myself every day. I've spent approximately 10 days now living an almost entirely different life. I eat different, I feel different, I'm talking somewhat different, I'm thinking differently, I'm seeing differently, and I spend my free time differently.
I'm happy.
And it's not a surface happiness of 'I had a really enjoyable hamburger for lunch', or 'I saw a great movie'... nothing like that. It's deep down, quiet contentment. 11 days ago I would have sworn that I had this, but I can see now in hindsight that I had no clue what contentment was. There is patience with contentment, and a hopefulness the likes of which I've never seen. It is good.
Yet, looking back, I remember all the reasons I never did the things I'm doing now. Foolishly enough, I felt I deserved my "easy" superficial mediocrity. Of course, I wasn't calling it that, a blind man rarely declares red to be red, or orange to be orange. I work hard, and I told myself I didn't have time to cook, or clean, to spend working at my house, or often to take my niece and nephew somewhere that didn't involve a television or theatre screen. I didn't have time for that, so I deserved to pick up yet another fast food meal and sit in front of my television waiting until bedtime would arrive so that time could pass. Dear God! What a fool I've been.

I took my niece and nephew to the library last night, then looked up and old friend and her daughter and we all went to the park and watched the kids play. I did that after eating the leftovers from dinner the night before and meeting with a mother on a CASA case I'm working on. When I dropped the kids back off I ended up having a long conversation with my sis-in-law about virtually nothing, but it nurtures our relationship and was worth every minute of it. When I arrived home, there was a message from the old friend I had spent the evening with, thanking me for being a friend to her.
I am blessed beyond measure that God, in His infinite mercy, ever so abruptly, poured His grace over my heart and gave me power, strength, and desire, to be what He wanted me to be.
I've got a long long road ahead of me and some of the path I'm sure I don't even realize is ahead. I'm looking forward to telling you about it though. I'll explain why tomorrow.

How does God change my heart?

I must admit that though I've always understood God has absolute all power, and is the only thing that can change a persons heart, I've never understood the HOW aspect of it. I say this, because in continuation of the gift God has given me I cooked supper last night. I cooked it, and while I waited for it to cook, I sat in my living room, with the tv off and I read my book. After finishing supper and the dishes, I went outside and mowed my yard. While mowing my yard, I felt impressed to start another project to help my poor yard out. I was ok with the original change in habits, but it was looking at my house and yard with the new eyes that surprised me the most. I know most of the things that need to be spruced up around the property, but rarely consider doing them with any form of hopefulness. And that is exactly what I felt. Hopeful.
I've spent so much of my time lately, angry and frustrated with myself and others that it is hard to see God's goodness in them or myself. I realize that so many are much like myself, and they see things that need to be done, but lack the motivation or the heart to actually do them. While I understand in a sense, seeing it in others around me, and myself, still frustrates me.
In the book I'm reading, this lady blasts someone verbally for a sin he is committing, and it turns out her blasting him opened his eyes and changed his life. Technically her blasting him seemed 'good' since the results were good. But after she had done it someone turned to her and questioned why she could see the sin in others lives so clearly, and not her own. Her character is a clear reflection of myself. And while I don't want to be oblivious to sin so that I am unable to call it if it is necessary. I do want God to continue working in my heart so that I see others sin through the compassionate eyes of God.
God knew that I would never take the steps I've taken this week and last without Him changing my heart. But while He may have been willing to change my heart, He required something of me first.
Today, and something most profound to me, I regret that He left me .59 cents.

The strangest gift

Recently I had the specific push from God to give in the offering nearly every penny in my bank account. As it turned out God left me .59 cents. I spent the week scrounging for gas money and being extremely careful. In the absence of real food items (I'm single, so I am well acquainted with every restaurant in town) I ended up eating Eggo's for supper one night even. It was an odd week, and in it, I was driven back to my roots. I re-learned to exist without the extras. When I first gave the money, I sat back expecting God to do something for me, especially as I ate the last slices of bread. I waited for Ed Mcmahon to show up on my door. And sadly, he didn't arrive. It is only this week that I've realized what a gift it was that God gave me. My house is clean, my fridge is clean, I'm drinking water and limiting the unhealthy soda, I've spent more time doing things, rather than sitting around. Saturday I actually got around and did all the chores I'm suppose to do and don't always get done. You could say that the two things aren't related, you could say my blessing should have come back to me in finances and you could say I did some of this on my own. But I would tell you, that if I keep this up, I'll save more money than even I realize because eating out and buying some of those extras has cost me dearly for the past several years.
You can tell me it isn't God. You can tell me I've done this on my own. You can tell me it's pure coincidence.
But I won't believe you.

A night at my church

We had a terrific service Wednesday night, as Pastor preached about not leaving the temple the same way you came in (text from Ezekiel 46 vs 9). It was especially appropriate as God has been dealing with me about changing and it seems every time I'm at church the pastor mentions a need for us to change and consecrate ourselves. It didn't fail to happen this time as he mentioned that when they were going to the temple in that verse, it was for a solemn assembly, which he said is usually followed by a time of consecration. He then pointed out how that is a time of changing, and turning over the things we need to give up.

But then, towards the end of the service he made a quick decision to read us one more passage(Ezekiel chapter 47 vs 1 - 6). I won't restate the passage for you, because I want you to go read it. After reading us the passage, he began talking about how God can take us in where the water -Gods Spirit- is so deep we'd have to swim, but then He'll take us back to the bank, and we have to decide to go out that deep. Once again stating that we may have to let go of something to get that far out into the water (it is hard to swim while holding stuff). I really enjoyed the sermon.

He also earned a drop more respect from me (he's got a huge amount already) when he announced at the beginning of the service that we would be having service on Thursday because that was the only time this guy getting out of the hospital could make it to church. The man isn't saved, and he said he wanted to stand before the church and make a public profession. For some reason, when the pastor saw the man, the man kept saying that he'd see the Pastor Thursday, so the pastor just made the decision he would see the pastor at church on Thursday.A lot of people say they would like to win the lost, but they don't DO anything out of the ordinary to win them. My pastor isn't like that, and he's teaching me to do the same.
God has blessed us with a good pastor.

An interesting quote

If he was alive today, Paul would say to the indie rockers, “I did indie rock!” To the hip-hoppers, “I did hip-hop!” To the tech guys, “I had a blog!” For the families, I talked about marriage, and kids, and parenting. For the business guys, I did financial seminars and connected it back to God. For the environmental-rights activists, I told them who the creator was since they enjoy his work so much. Paul is saying, “I tried to figure out how to articulate Jesus in as many ways as I possibly could, to as many people as I possibly can, to win as many people as are possible.”

How did I get here?

I want to show you something I have done, so you'll realize how easy it is to start a good walk, and find yourself walking through trash and rubbish.
I have spent the last several months struggling with myself. Struggling with the burden I feel I place on others, the troubles that seem to naturally rise to the surface when I come on the scene, and much more. This past week I was reaching a point where I could hardly stand it, or myself. Having tried to convince myself that some of the things I believed were lies of the devil, I still found myself looking at the fact that they weren't true as a lie as well. I'm getting closer correcting some of my steps hoping to find the right path again and here is what I have found out.

I've allowed someone to stand as a leader in my life, that should not be my leader. They should have influence and input in my life, but not lead me in my decisions.

I've allowed the lies I believe to hold me back from ministering to others.

I've held myself back from getting a greater grasp and taste of the awesomeness of God, by refusing to give up something He has directed me repeatedly to give up.

By believing lies and failing to minister to others I have missed out on a closer relationship with my church family.

I've been holding on to unforgiveness and bitterness concerning a man in my church.

And I am still currently holding on to guilt and shame concerning a man in my church.


My question is, how did I get here? I was walking in absolute joy and peace and comfort in my salvation and walk with God, fully intent on embracing my new church family only to find myself months later holding them back with both arms while I cower in shame and self-recrimination. And worst yet, all this happened while I looked at these horrible things and believed them to be horribly wrong, yet found myself guilty of each charge, and became oblivious to the consequences of believing them.
My thought life, as I know it, must change. If my beliefs don't come from the source of a loving Father, even if I believe them, I must not act on them.

I don't know about you, maybe you all have families and a full life, but I need my church family. I need people in my life that love me and pray for me. I need people. Yet my most natural inclination is to stay away from people.
I will change. But not because I've decided to and so I did. But because I understand that I came this far away from where I should be in my own power and wisdom so obviously, the solution isn't going to come from my genius (sarcasm intended).
So, whoever you are reading this, know that however happy you are, however peaceful and content, you can fall. You can fall flat on your nose and wonder how on earth you could have not seen that huge tree you fell over. Be careful, pray, read God's word, and pray. PRAY. Censor your mental conversations through the filter that is God's word and God's words to you.
Here I am, but there but by the grace of God will go you as well.

A merciful moment

I don't completely understand why my mind goes to the places it does. My mind wages an enormous battle daily concerning what I believe to be true, and what I know in my heart isn't true. That battle is by far one of the most exhausting ones I could face, and also one of the most selfish.
You see, the beliefs that I'm struggling with all day long, all concern myself. And "I" shouldn't be my focus day in and day out. So if God wanted to strike at me somehow to get me out of my selfish rut, while I wouldn't enjoy it, I would certainly understand that I would only be receiving what my childish behavior has earned me.
But God, in His infinite mercy, granted me mercy last night. He had a humble man stand before me to speak directly to me.
I'm reading the bible through in a year, and we're in Job right now. We're reading tragedy after tragedy that struck Job, followed by health problems that I wouldn't even begin to understand the torment of them. And he's facing all these things because he trusted in God so much that God put him as an example for Satan.
It's like the Commander of an army sending his best man to show the enemy just how strong his troops are.
If that's what He does for his most faithful, how far short I must fall if I measure my success in God's Kingdom by how cushy my life is.
Something has got to give.

Parable of the Spoons

I received this in an e-mail recently and really enjoyed this. I don't want to minimize how horrific hell is, but I did appreciate the moral to this story. So enjoy!


A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like. " The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell." They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand." " It is simple" said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."

Don't think it's me.

God apparently wants me to know I can do nothing except by His power. I sat in church and felt absolutely clobbered by the very idea after the pastor announced that I was going to play the piano and the anointing was going to flow. My heart absolutely choked on the idea that everyone would be listening expecting something heavenly, and instead they would hear me. I can't play the piano. I really honestly can't. But God, when I sit down to play, allows me to play. In that sinking moment, I realized how easily God could humble me before the entire congregation. All He has to do is turn off whatever He turns on in me and poof, the magic has ended and everyone wonders why I would dare to play as though I presumed to have ability.
I am nothing. Absolutely nothing. Save God anoint and work, I can't even clumsily get something right. It is only God.
So, as a rare thing, I am going to leave you today with a prayer.

Father God, forgive me. Forgive me the pride and arrogance of my heart that would self-righteously assume that I am better than I am. I am nothing without You Lord. In my own self I am wretched and wicked and so many other horrible things that I can't even begin to name. See me Father, look down and consider how pitiful I am and have mercy on me. In Your love grant me undeserved and blessed mercy. Take this wretched vessel and somehow in Your mercy, let me make a difference.
Thank You for Your grace that moved You to capture my heart. Move me Lord, and use me. Remind me daily of Your strength in me and humble me. In all things, You are good, and gracious, and merciful.
In the name of Your son, Jesus Christ, I come to You. - Amen.

How do you spend your last day on earth?

If you knew that today or maybe NEXT Saturday was going to be your last day on earth, would your life change drastically?
Do you have fences you need to mend before you die? People you meant to witness to but never had time? Someone you wanted to remind one last time that God forgives? Would you choose to spend the quality time with your family rather than spending an hour finding out who was one step closer to being our next American Idol? Would you suddenly begin speaking more kindly to your family? Would you begin offering more compliments and encouragement and maybe even trying to share wisdom to help them when you were gone?

I want, more than anything, for my last days to not be panic filled moments where I tried to cram a lifetime into those 7 days or hours. And in my last instant, I don't want to think about how I didn't have enough time to finish. And I most definitely don't want to imagine God's performance review over my wasted time.

But, to have that, I can't wait until I'm diagnosed with something, or a car is hurtling towards me and my time is over in an instant. I have to make my changes today. In return I receive a satisfied, peaceful life that is in a constant state of readiness.
I will not say anything about your life, and give advice on you making a change in your routine or actions. I'm simply telling you all this to make you think about your routine and actions, in your own way. So, think on.

Simple peace

I recently found myself wanting something. It was a house, a big beautiful house, in the town that I am falling deeper in love with every time I visit. Financially it would of been a tight stretch, but not impossible. I took a moment and took the matter to God. And I quite honestly begged Him to break my heart. I asked for doors that I shouldn't be walking through to be not just closed but locked, and for Him to do whatever it took, to keep me on HIS road rather than my own.
I can't tell you how nervous I was about Him answering that prayer. I was bracing myself for hurt and discouragement. But the amazing part is, it never came. I didn't get my house, and I have a long road ahead to continue getting ready to one day try for a house again, but I'm more than ok with it. I'm still happy, and content and have both peace and enthusiasm concerning the house. I'm looking forward to meeting my goals and taking new steps.
I did learn something from this though, that gives me no end of comfort.
God was gentle with me. And I can trust Him with my dreams.
You can too. I would only suggest one thing to you though. Speak your heart to Him, don't just think it.

Psalms 34:8 O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

Are you listening?

I had a very interesting thing happen yesterday, individually they seemed unimportant until I got to the end and realized what had happened. It started at 10am, when I met with my bible reading group and one of the chapters we read that day was 2 Chronicles chapter 1. Then after lunch I happened across an article that made me click a link, the linked article was interesting, and so it made me click another link, from that link I ended up clicking a link to take me to amazon.com where I was able to read the first five pages to a book about Gods sovereignty. In this book the author was discussing how God's sovereignty is proved by the fact that I have nothing without Him. He gives me all things and I must thank Him for all things. Just as I got into it my 5 pages were up and it took me to the back cover. I thought nothing more of it. Until...
I went to church.
Once at church, my pastor asked us to turn to our text. 2 Chronicles.. chapter 1. Where one of his points was that Solomon asked God for something, (wisdom) and God not only provided Solomon with what he asked for, but also wealth and riches like no other king before or after. Then the pastor began making the point that the same God that gives wisdom, has full authority to give anything and everything. By the end of the service I was nearly sweating frustration out my pores as I tried to reason out an idea that seemed to be just beyond my grasp. I hate those moments. I was getting a general thing that God was trying to tell me, but there seemed to be a huge revelation that is just out my minds grasp.
But that's not the main reason I'm writing right now, I'm writing right now because I just want to be a reminder to you. God is still out there, daily involved in your life. He's showing you things, trying to teach you, and watching you grow and change (whether you're growing closer or farther from Him). Pay attention, because when He's speaking to you, you don't want to miss it. Seriously.
If insert famous name here called you on the phone in the middle of your busiest moment at work, it couldn't be more hectic, and s/he wanted to tell you something. You'd stop whatever you're doing and listen. Remember to treat God with that same awe.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD - DO SOMETHING!

I was in my house oblivious to what was going on, until a fire truck parked outside my home. I went to the door and saw the house directly across the street from me had flames coming off the side of the house. The house is alright, it sustained some damage to the outside and a little to the inside, but overall the damage could of been a lot worse. Unfortunately, my neighbors must have enemies because the outside is damaged the most because general opinion is that someone started the fire. You can actually see the trail of where it started and then where the flames opened up.
That's not why I'm writing.
As I stood outside with the crowd watching the firefighters work, people kept talking about how long it had taken the fire dept to get there.
What I want to know is, I live directly across the street, I have a bright yellow water hose that extends approx 25', possibly more because I'm horrible at telling how long something is like that. During the "long wait" why did no one act? Did they all just stand around waiting for the people that put out fires, to put it out?
They say, that if 50 people are in a room, and they hear a crash, that 99% of the time, all 50 people will just look at each other, wondering what happened. But if one person is in the room and they hear a crash, they'll go check to make sure things are ok.
So let me tell you this, on behalf of the population of people (including yourself) that doesn't want their house to burn to the ground - DO SOMETHING!

People who enjoy freedom - UNITE

A long tangent on war...

Please take the time to read the attached essay by Dr. Chong. It is without a doubt the most articulate and convincing writing I have read regarding the War in Iraq. If you have any doubts please open your mind to his essay and give a fair evaluation.
I have no idea who Dr. Chong is or the source of these thoughts... so when I received them, I almost deleted them - as well-written as they are. But then I did a "Google search" on the Doctor and found him to be a retired Air Force Surgeon of all things and past Commander of Wilford Hall Medical Center in San Antonio. So he is real, is connected to Veterans affairs in California, and these are his thoughts. They are worth reading and thinking about! (The same Google search will direct you to some of his other thought-provoking writings.)

Subject: Muslims, terrorist and the USA. A different spin on Iraq war.
Dr. Vernon Chong, Major General, USAF, Retired
Tuesday, July 12, 2005

To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it. Our countryis now facing the most serious threat to its existence, as we know it,that we have faced in your lifetime and mine (which includes WWII).
The deadly seriousness is greatly compounded by the fact that there are very few of us who think we can possibly lose this war and even fewer who realize what losing really means.
First, let's examine a few basics:
1. When did the threat to us start?Many will say September 11, 2001. The answer as far as the United State is concerned is 1979, 22 years prior to September 2001, with thefollowing attacks on us:

* Iran Embassy Hostages, 1979;
* Beirut, Lebanon Embassy 1983;
* Beirut, Lebanon Marine Barracks 1983;
* Lockerbie, Sc otland Pan-Am flight to New York 1988;
* First New York World Trade Center attack 1993;
* Dhahran, Saudi Arabia Khobar Towers Military complex 1996;
* Nairobi, Kenya US Embassy 1998;
* Dares Salaam, Tanzania US Embassy 1998;
* Aden, Yemen USS Cole 2000;
* New York World Trade Center 2001;
* Pentagon 2001.
(Note that during the period from 1981 to 2001 there were 7,581 terrorist attacks worldwide).

2. Why were we attacked?

Envy of our position, our success, and our freedoms. The attacks happened during the administrations of Presidents Carter, Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton and Bush 2. We cannot fault either the Republicans orDemocrats as there were no provocations by any of the presidents or their immediate predecessors, Presidents Ford or Carter.

3. Who were the attackers?In each case, the attacks on the US were carried out by Muslims.

4. What is the Muslim population of the World? 25%.

5. Isn't the Musl im Religion peaceful?

Hopefully, but that is really not material. There is no doubt that thepredominately Christian population of Germany was peaceful, but under the dictatorial leadership of Hitler, that made no difference. You either went along with the administration or you were eliminated. There were 5 to 6 million Christians killed by the Nazis for political reasons (including 7,000 Polish priests). (seehttp://www.nazis.testimony.co.uk/7-a.htm )
Thus, almost the same number of Christians were killed by the Nazis, as the six million holocaust Jews who were killed by them, and we seldo m heard of anything other than the Jewish atrocities. Although Hitler kept the world focused on the Jews, he had no hesitancy about killing anyone who got in his way of exterminating the Jews or of taking over the world - German, Christian or any others.
Same with the Muslim terrorists. They focus the world on the US, but kill all in the way -- their own people or the Spanish, French or anyone else. The point here is that just like the peaceful Germans were of noprotection to anyone from the Nazis, no matter how many peaceful Muslims there may be, they are no protection for us from the terrorist Muslim leaders and what they are fanatically bent on doing -- by their own pronouncements -- killing all of us "infidels." I don't blame thepeaceful Muslims. What would you do if the choice was shut up or die?

6. So who are we at war with?

There is no way we can honestly respond that it is anyone other than the Muslim terrorists. Trying to be politicall y correct and avoid verbalizing this conclusion can well be fatal. There is no way to win if you don't clearly recognize and articulate who you are fighting.
So with that background, now to the two major questions:

1. Can we lose this war?

2. What does losing really mean?

If we are to win, we must clearly answer these two pivotal questions
We can definitely lose this war, and as anomalous as it may sound, themajor reason we can lose is that so many of us simply do not fathom the answer to the second question - What does losing mean?
It would appear that a great many of us think that losing the war meanshanging our heads, bringing the troops home and going on about ourbusiness, like post Vietnam. This is as far from the truth as one canget.

What losing really means is:

We would no longer be the premier country in the world. The attacks will not subside, but rather will steadily increase. Remember, they w ant us dead, not just quiet. If they had just wanted us quiet, they would nothave produced an increasing series of attacks against us, over the past 18 years. The plan was clearly, for terrorist to attack us, until we were neutered and submissive to them.
We would of course have no future support from other nations, for fear of reprisals and for the reason that they would see, we are impotent and cannot help them.
They will pick off the other non-Muslim nations, one at a time. It willbe increasingly easier for them. They already hold Spain hostage. Itdoesn't matter whether it was right or wrong for Spain to withdraw itstroops from Iraq. Spain did it because the Muslim terrorists bombed their train and told them to withdraw the troops. Anything else they want Spain to do will be done. Spain is finished.
The next will probably be France. Our one hope on France is that theymight see the light and realize that if we don't win, they are finishedtoo, in that they can't resist the Muslim terrorists without us. However,it may already be too late for France. France is already 20% Muslim andfading fast!
If we lose the war, our production, income, exports and way of life willall vanish as we know it. After losing, who would trade or deal with us,if they were threatened by the Muslims. If we can't stop the Muslims, how could anyone else?
The Muslims fully know what is riding on this war, and therefore arecompletely committed to winning, at any cost. We better know it too and be likewise committed to winning at any cost.
Why do I go on at such lengths about the results of losing? Simple. Until we recognize the costs of losing, we cannot unite and really put100% of our thoughts and efforts into winning. And it is going to takethat 100% effort to win.

So, how can we lose the war?

Again, the answer is simple. We can lose the war by "imploding." That is, defeating ourselves by refusing to recognize the enemy and their purpose, and really digging in and lending full support to the war effort If we are united, there is no way that we can lose. If we continue to bedivided, there is no way that we can win!
Let me give you a few examples of how we simply don't comprehend the life and death seriousness of this situation.
President Bush selects Norman Mineta as Secretary of Transportation.Although all of the terrorist attacks were committed by Muslim menbetween 17 and 40 years of age, Secretary Mineta refuses to allowprofiling. Does that sound like we are taking this thing seriously? Thisis war! For the duration, we are going to have to give up some of thecivil rights we have become accustomed to. We had better be prepared to lose some of our civil rights temporarily or we will most certainly lose all of them permanently.
And don't worry that it is a slippery slope. We gave up plenty of civilrights during WWII, and immediately restored them after the victory andin fact added many more since then.
Do I blame President Bush or President Clinton before him?
No, I blame us for blithely assuming we can maintain all of our PoliticalCorrectness, and all of our civil rights during this conflict and have aclean, lawful, honorable war. None of those words apply to war. Get them out of your head.
Some have gone so far in their criticism of the war and/or theAdministration that it almost seems they would literally like to see uslose. I hasten to add that this isn't because they are disloyal. It isbecause they just don't recognize what losing means. Nevertheless, that conduct gives the impression to the enemy that we are divided and weakening. It concerns our friends, and it does great damage to our cause.
Of more recent vintage, the uproar fueled by the politicians and mediaregarding the treatment of some pris oners of war, perhaps exemplifiesbest what I am saying. We have recently had an issue, involving thetreatment of a few Muslim prisoners of war, by a small group of ourmilitary police. These are the type prisoners who just a few months ago were throwing their own people off buildings, cutting off their hands, cutting out their tongues and otherwise murdering their own people just for disagreeing with Saddam Hussein.
And just a few years ago these same type prisoners chemically killed400,000 of their own people for the same reason. They are also the same type of enemy fighters, who recently were burning Americans, and dragging their charred corpses through the streets of Iraq.
And still more recently, the same type of enemy that was and is providing videos to all news sources internationally, of the beheading of American prisoners they held.
Compare this with some of our press and politicians, who for several days have thought and talked about nothing else but the "humiliating" of some Muslim prisoners -- not burning them, not dragging their charred corpses through the streets, not beheading them, but "humiliating" them.
Can this be for real?
The politicians and pundits have even talked of impeachment of theSecretary of Defense. If this doesn't show the complete lack ofcomprehension and understanding of the seriousness of the enemy we are fighting, the life and death struggle we are in and the disastrousresults of losing this war, nothing can.
To bring our country to a virtual political standstill over this prisonerissue makes us look like Nero playing his fiddle as Rome burned --totally oblivious to what is going on in the real world. Neither we, norany other country, can survive this internal strife. Again I say, thisdoes not mean that some of our politicians or media people are disloyal. It simply means that they are absolutely oblivious to the magnitude, of t he situation we are in and into which the Muslim terrorists have been pushing us, for many years.
Remember, the Muslim terrorists stated goal is to kill all infidels! Thattranslates into ALL non-Muslims -- not just in the United State, butthroughout the world.
We are the last bastion of defense.
We have been criticized for many years as being 'arrogant.' That charge is valid in at least one respect. We are arrogant in that we believe that we are so good, powerful and smart, that we can win the hearts and minds of all those who attack us, and that with both hands tied behind our back, we can defeat anything bad in the world!
We can't!
If we don't recognize this, our nation as we know it will not survive,and no other free country in the world will survive if we are defeated.
And finally, name any Muslim countries throughout the world that allow freedom of speech, freedom of thought, freedom of religion, freedom of the press, equal rights for anyone -- let alone everyone, equal status or any status for women, or that have been productive in one single way that contributes to the good of the world.
This has been a long way of saying that we must be united on this war or we will be equated in the history books to the self-inflicted fall of theRoman Empire . If, that is, the Muslim leaders will allow history booksto be written or read.
If we don't win this war right now, keep a close eye on how the Muslims take over France in the next 5 years or less. They will continue to increase the Muslim population of France and continue to encroach little by little, on the established French traditions. The French will befighting among themselves, over what should or should not be done, which will continue to weaken them and keep them from any united resolve. Doesn't that sound eerily familiar?
Democracies don't have their freedoms taken away from them by some external milit ary force. Instead, they give their freedoms away,politically correct piece by politically correct piece.
And they are giving those freedoms away to those who have shown,worldwide that they abhor freedom and will not apply it to you or even to themselves, once they are in power.
They have universally shown that when they have taken over, they then start brutally killing each other over who will be the few who control the masses. Will we ever stop hearing from the politically correct, about the "peaceful Muslims"?
I close on a hopeful note, by repeating what I said above. If we areunited, there is no way that we can lose. I hope now after the election,the factions in our country will begin to focus on the critical situationwe are in, and will unite to save our country. It is your future we aretalking about! Do whatever you can to preserve it.
After reading the above, we all must do this not only for ourselves, butour childr en, our grandchildren, our country and the world
Whether Democrat or Republican, conservative or liberal and that include the Politicians and media of our country and the free world!
Please forward this to any you feel may want, or NEED to read it. Our"leaders" in Congress ought to read it, too. There are those that findfault with our country, but it is obvious to anyone who truly thinksthrough this, that we must UNITE!
If you would like to see who this fellow is go to this Air Force websight and look him up. http://www.af.mil/bios/alpha.asp?alpha=C

Deceiving ourselves

James 1: 22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

John 1:1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Ok, I sincerely doubt I'm skilled or educated enough to go into much of this, and the idea of Jesus being the Word and the Bible being the Word always gets my brain a little twisted, but I want to question something anyway. From these two verses could I easily assume that if God speaks to me and I don't do it, I'm deceiving myself?
And, if I am, what is my deception. Deceive by definition is giving a false impression, so, what impression is it that I'm giving myself? Is it that I'm fooling myself into believing that I'm actually saved when I'm not?
I've finally grown past the point of doubting my salvation, but I am constantly asking God to somehow keep me growing. I was talking to my brother the other day about whether or not I would grow as much as I could if I don't take all the steps He has ordained for me. For example if He wants me to work at McDonalds instead of the job I'm at, then could it be that the specific people I am intended to meet, the specific lessons He had for me to learn there, I would not learn? By walking in my own plans, am I on course to become less of the person He is creating in me?
A cook knows, you can tweak recipes quite a bit, add a hint of this, a dash of that, and as long as the key ingredients are the same, you'll be just fine. But there is a perfect recipe for each of our lives that will give the most fantastic outcome, and I want as many of the perfect ingredients as possible. So I guess I better get on track, huh :)


James 1:25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world

What is your heart saying?

Luke 6:43For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh. And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like: He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.

Out of the abundance of my heart, I will speak. This week I have been almost overcome with absolute joy over God's goodness to me. And I noticed I was able to catch myself several times before I spoke badly about others. Yet, even in my state of joy I know there were several occasions where I said something negative about someone else. I've got a good treasure in my heart. This is the greatest treasure that I can imagine, and yet still I struggle to "bring forth that which is good".
I know the struggle with evil will never end, but, we need to do everything we can to make sure we're actually still in the struggle. So let me ask you a few questions:
When you woke up this morning, and went to work, were you considering God? Or were you considering the radio station, the news, your kids, your finances, your cars mechanical failures, etc. etc. etc.?
Do you daily SEEK God to make you more like Him? I'm very serious about this. So many of us will answer yes on this question, but have you actually spoken to God today and said, "Make me more like You"? Do you daily take your self and all your selfish ways and repent before God? When is the last time you went to God and just confessed that you truly need Him in your life? And hardest yet (for me at least) when you speak, do you weigh the words coming from your mouth? Whether truth or lie, do you measure them by the standard of GOOD treasure, or EVIL treasure? I can speak the truth and still have evil treasure coming from my mouth because God knows the intentions of my heart.
Our words are so important, but I don't think we realize just how important they really are. The bible says in James chapter 1, If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.
I don't want to simply seem to be religious and yet have vain religion because I don't bridle my tongue.
This concept is important to me, especially important to me as I know how quickly words of judgement and criticism leap to my foolish tongue. So I want to leave you with a prayer today...

Father God, whatever I do today please don't let me deceive myself. Let me see my actions with open eyes, let me hear my words with open ears and help me, through You, to judge the treasure that comes from me today. More than anything else, I pray desperately, that I might bring forth treasure that pleases You. Change my heart Father, help it burn with righteous and holy love for those that are around me, that they might see a glimpse of You through this imperfect child. In the Holy name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Publicity stunts

I recently had probably the most ridiculous urge I've ever had. And trust me, I've had some pretty ridiculous urges. But it was mid afternoon on Friday, and I was in my brothers backyard with my sis-in-law and we were smoothing the wrinkles out of the bottom of the pool we were attempting to install in their backyard. It was going well, the kids were playing around the adults and attempting and succeeding in staying mostly out of the way and there was anticipation in the air about the possibility that a pool would soon be accessible to them whenever they felt like jumping in. It was going well. Then I had an urge.
I wanted to join hands with my family, and pray a blessing over the pool. Not just the pool, but the time we're spending putting it together, the kids in the neighborhood that were staring at the new addition to the backyard, and mostly that God would bless our efforts and somehow this 4 foot deep water holder would bring people to Him.
You may be wondering if I actually realize its a POOL I'm talking about, and I assure you I do. It was just an urge, and while I did pray to myself about it, I didn't broach my family and have a big pow wow over the idea.
So here is the question I have now, should I? In all seriousness, I fully understand 2 or 3 agreeing is stronger than just one person, but should I really make everyone stop what they're doing just so they can listen to me pray about something? I have no desire to be imagined to be like the Pharisees praying on the street corner so that everyone could see they were praying. But, neither do I want God to see me refusing to pray publicly because of cowardice.
I'd like to think I didn't resist the urge to pray together because of cowardice, but I know I was desperately afraid to be in the wrong. To appear as though I were shoving my type of relationship with God down their throats. I struggle with pride, and being critical and judgemental amongst other things, and those are the key traits of a Pharisee type personality. I can easily see a Pharisee stopping someones work so that they could formally pray over something. And I don't want to be like that.
But I don't want to dismiss what might be God's leading though.
What would you do?
What would Jesus do?

In the image of love

I received an e-mail this past week that intrigued me. It was all about how God loves us outrageously.
It is your job,' says the Lord, 'to be loved
outrageously. It is why I chose you. That is why I set
my love upon you, that you would live as one who is
outrageously loved, that you would receive a radical
love, so radical that it will blow all your paradigms
of what you think love is.
And know this,' says the Lord, 'I will love you
outrageously all the days of your life because I don't
know how to be any different. This is who I am, and
this is who I will always be. This is the I Am I
promised you. I am He that loves you outrageously
It made me wonder... if we're in the image of God and that is the ultimate image of Love itself, is that why in the absence of love we get so messed up?
We spend our lives craving and seeking out others to love us, and accept us. It's as natural in us as breathing. We crave and work for love with the same passion and determination that we crave food, sleep, and water. It is in us to be loved.
Think of Hannah, wanting to have a child to love but not having one. Her craving and desire to love someone gave her the desire to create someone to love. Imagine God loving us, craving an outlet for His love in that same way? Granted, we're here to worship Him, but ultimately, worshipping Him comes from loving Him.
It may not mean anything to you. I just know this meant something interesting to me. It is easy for me to tell myself that I'm created in the image of God. I was raised in church, and religious phrases roll off my tongue (with or without meaning) quite easily. But the idea of being created in the image of love made me think. If I'm created in the image of Love, I need to reflect love. Period. There isn't room for self and pride where love is. Love has you running in front of a car to snatch a child. Love has you sacrificing your life savings to buy your uncle one more run at chemotherapy, love has you attempt the impossible, improbable, and seemingly foolish with no return required. A return on our love is expected, and hoped for, but with love, that return isn't required.
Love sacrificed His Son to die for me, so that one day, maybe I would choose to love Love also. But not just any love, the God of love.
1 John 4:16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him

Not enough salt

I was almost overcome last night, by a sense of how horrible the world has become. Injustice, violence, cruelty, selfishness, anger, fear, pain and so many more things just seemed to be surrounding me in my home and in my city. Once I stopped telling God how bad the world was, He reminded me that I'm suppose to be a light in it. I'm suppose to be salt, the flavor that makes something tasteless, very tasty (especially if you're as much of a salt-addict as I am!).
The question is, am I salt? am I light? Are you? I've got a lot to do, a lot of people that I talk to, and when they're around me I want to do everything in my power to let them know that the injustice, violence, cruelty and et cetera that they see in the world STOPS with me. And from my example I'd like them to know it should stop with Christians everywhere. And I want Christians to fulfill their part in that.
This is a new part of my challenge for myself and for anyone reading this. Make the world feel safe around you. Let them know that where you are, peace and harmony, calm and assurance abounds. The picture of the screaming Christian is not a reassuring one. Our anger, our sense of self-protection/provision, our desire to stick up for ourselves is strong. But stronger than anything else should be our love for God.
Just remember in ALL situations HE'S our protector and provider not us.
To whoever my readers are, I have only one request. Control yourself. You're a representative of Christ and I'm tired of seeing all of us representing how Christ wouldn't act.
God loves you. Remember that. He'll work things out, He'll make a way, He'll take care of His people. Even if a neighbor wrongs you, God's still in control. And you don't know that He won't bless you ten-fold just for trusting in His mercies towards you.
Trust God.

The clarity of God's vision

This is kind of a part two of the post on the our 'visually challenged' selves. It's on how God is the exact opposite - thankfully!

I remember when I first moved into my own home four years ago I had a preset idea that I needed to vacuum, sweep/mop and do laundry. My idea of cleaning sort of stopped there. It stopped there so soundly that I never even noticed other cleaning issues even after the dust collected an inch thick on my entertainment stand. I was absolutely blind to some of the faults of my home.
Lately, however, it seems like all I see around my home is dirt. It's been driving me mad the past month that my windows need to be washed, that my blinds are dusty, then I noticed the doors of the cabinets in the kitchen have some streaks and dust and probably grease build up on them. The dirt is everywhere!
I wonder, just how much that applies to my spirit. How much of my spirit lies unattended to while I worry about the specific ideas my mind has already formed about how I worship, how I pray, how I approach God or which parts of my self need to be changed, corrected, restrained.
Along those same lines, if God were to speak specifically to me and tell me to do one thing He would change about me, what would it be? The Bible says His thoughts aren't our thoughts, then what are His thoughts on me?
He sees my faults in a way I don't even see my faults. He sees the sins in my heart that I've self-righteously justified in my mind. He knows me in a way I would never willingly allow someone to know me. And yet He still loves me.
I'm on my way to bed now. My mind is filled with a jumble of thoughts concerning God's amazing love, and something concerning dust, but stronger than anything else, is a painfully strong desire that tomorrow I'll clean out one cobweb in my attitude or desires or whatever, and this home that He dwells in will be just a little cleaner. Even if I don't...the most amazing part is that He still loves me.
This has turned out to be more like a journal entry, than a blog. So I hope you don't mind having spent your time here reading this. And, just in case you're reading this, wishing you felt that same love from God, I'll just tell you He really is only a call away. It's as simple as calling out His name and asking Him into your heart. But here's a warning, the devil doesn't want you to feel that love. And he'll torment you with all sorts of information about how you don't deserve God, that God doesn't love you, and that you aren't really saved. It's probably the hardest lie in the world to get past. But a lie nonetheless
God loves you, He desires you. Trust Him.
Goodnight.

Earthquakes, Landslides, Tsunami's, Volcanoes - A Present Help.

For those that don't know, I lead a "Read the bible through in a year" program. We gather Mon-Sat from 10am - 10:15 am and in a chat room I post 3 verses on the screen at a time while the others read them. I keep on posting verses until we've read about 3 chapters. Sundays I e-mail everyone the scriptures for the day, and also, anyone that misses or just wants the scriptures in their e-mail daily receive it that way. It's interesting, and a lot easier to read when you know others are reading with you. It's kind of silly the things we have to do though to motivate ourselves to read the Bible.
Anyway, a couple of months back I added on the idea of a memory verse. No one actually has to try and memorize the verse, I just asked everyone to at least read it when it posted on the screen or came in their e-mail. Read where it's found and the verse. I'm praying that somehow that small bit of attention we give to it will help it stick in our minds. We keep the same memory verse over the entire course of a week, so after seeing it 7 times... well... I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
I found myself in a difficult situation though, it's hard to pick out memory verses for other people! But this morning, while driving around I was suddenly thinking "Be still" so I did a search for verses that say "Be Still" in them. And I came across this, I just wanted to share it with you all, and I hope you like it even half as much as I do.
Psalms 46:1 - 3
1God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

2Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

The visually-impaired Christian.

I can't even walk
Without You holding my hand.
The mountain's too high,
And the valley's too wide.
Down on my knees
I learned to stand
Because I can't even walk,
Without You holding my hand.

Have you heard that song before? Do you believe it? Do you really think you can't make it without God?
It seems like we rely so much on what we've determined to be our own strength. Our own abilities. If we make it through a situation where there doesn't seem to be a massive spiritual breakthrough we really just assume we've done this on our own.

Feel free to take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt, because I haven't quite formulated the entire concept in my mind yet. But :)
If you're walking "on your own" minus the amazing power of God, 1) You're not really walking on your own, He's always there, and it's always His strength we use to make it through every situation, because all things were made by him including you and your mind and your talents. And 2) In comparison to what you could be doing, you're only crawling - not walking.
In the power of God there is strength and purpose, and a clarity that brings new ideas and awareness to you. When you walk without that, it's like walking through a dark hallway. You may stumble and fall, stub your toe or you might just make it to your destination by feeling blindly at the walls. Let me tell you this: There was a much easier way
Just this week I was convicted about how unkind I am. My actions are often kind, but out of the abundance of my heart so my mouth speaks. And I've realized how often I criticize just random people walking by my office, people coming in the office, virtually any random person unfortunate enough to be in my path that I can find fault with (which is almost anyone!).
James says 1:26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.
James 3:4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.
5Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!
6And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
7For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:
8But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
9Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
10Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
11Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?
12Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh.
13Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
I've said all that just to say...just because you think you're getting through something, or that you're doing well, doesn't mean that that is the way that God sees you.

Why am I here?

1 Kings 19:1 Now Ahab told Jezebel everything Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2 So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, "May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them."
3 Elijah was afraid [a] and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, 4 while he himself went a day's journey into the desert. He came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." 5 Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat." 6 He looked around, and there by his head was a cake of bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
7 The angel of the LORD came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." 8 So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. 9 There he went into a cave and spent the night.
The LORD Appears to Elijah
And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
10 He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."
11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

I'm not gifted to preach, but I did want to share my thoughts on something a preacher did preach. The scriptures above were our main scriptures that we read last night, and they're definitely interesting. But the thing that the pastor lightly touched on was the thing that affected me the most. After all that had happened, God asks Elijah "What are you doing here?" Elijah answers the same way the second time that he answered the first time. It just made me think, how often I get focused on the wind and the storms or the fire and the power that is around me that I wouldn't be able to give a GOOD reason as to why I'm here? When I get into God's presence, if He asked me "What are you doing here?" What would my answer be?
What would your answer be?
Ok, now let's go about our daily lives. You go to work - What are you doing there? You go to the store - What are you doing there? You go to your leadership meeting at church - What are you doing there? Our purpose on earth is the same no matter what situation we go into. It doesn't change because the thing we're doing doesn't 'seem' to have any spiritual value.
So let me ask you this - You're on my blog, seriously, what are you doing here?

Proverbs 3:6 6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths

Right vs. Outcome - Who wins?

While reading a book I came across a debate concerning the difference between Utilitarian beliefs and the beliefs of a Christian. It was interesting and I'd highly recommend the book. It made me think, and so I looked up information on Utilitarian beliefs.

The principle of utility states that an action is "right if it produces as much or more of an increase in happiness of all affected by it than any alternative action, and wrong if it does not"

The interesting part to me was how it was put up against Christianity. With Christianity, there are standards of right and wrong. Some things are 'right' even though the outcome might not be pleasant or bring happiness, but it's still 'right'. That would mean we have a simple guideline to follow, here is right - do it. Whether you like it or not, whether people like you for it or not, here is right - do it. That was what Christ did when He walked the earth, and that is what God expects of us.

So it makes me wonder if deep down, as much as we try and avoid unhappiness if we aren't more utilitarian than we'd like to believe. We want people to be happy, we want them to like us and we base our decisions largely on what will happen if we do xyz. How many times have you known the right thing to do and simply did it not really not thinking of the consequences but not caring about the consequences?

In my recent struggle the thing that kept me from doing the right thing was the consequences of the actions. Right and wrong were cast aside as I discovered my utilitarian roots and decided to go with what would make the most people happy.

I know this never seems to apply to you, so no one will probably think this is food for them. But I'm hoping, the next time you find yourself in a serious struggle and you don't know what to do... I hope you'll remember this post and ask yourself if you're willing to do what is right regardless of the outcome.

I'm not dead - But I should be.

Do you remember the end of the movie Schindler's List? The guy has bought all these Jews and suddenly realizes how many more he might of bought. He begins saying things like his pen could of bought 1 more life, his car could of bought 10 more lives... despite all he had done, he's still filled with regret.

I was thinking last night about living for myself, rather than Christ. About how most of my daily actions are for me and for my comfort, rather than promoting the cause of Christ. And mainly, I was convicted where I'm usually convicted... my money.
I don't have a lot of it. Technically I have minus numbers of dollars because I'm in debt. But still I feel convicted about how I spend my money. What if my money could be used to help a homeless person improve their health, giving them one more day in which someone might come along and preach the gospel to them and they be saved? What if I signed up for one of those sponsor a child programs and gave a couple of children food and shelter and medicine so they might live long enough for the missionaries that are possibly coming to their country in 5 years will be able to witness to that particular child and have him come to Christ?
If I am living unto Christ - and NOT unto myself - why am I spending so much money on myself? Paul states "I die daily". Do we? I mean do we really? If I'm dead, and it's Christ that lives through me, did Christ really want me to spend $19.47 on a blockbuster rental? Did He really want me to spend $40 bucks of His money on Readers Digest? If I'm dead, why am I spending so much money on me?
Are you dead?
We're so focused on comfort, and pleasure, and entertainment, that I don't think we even realize we're suppose to be dead. When we got up this morning, we were suppose to die to ourselves, and become living representatives of Christ alone. What would Christ buy with His income tax refund? What would Christ tithe if He earned what I earn? Would Christ spend 15 bucks on the chicken dinner at Chili's?
I remember lecturing my niece and nephew awhile back about how if they are always asking for things, a person can never give them something just out of kindness. Granted, it's nice to give kids what they're asking for, but don't you want to surprise them with something you know they'll like every now and then?
How hard must it be for God to bless us, when we're so very busy blessing ourselves!
This is my conviction, this is what God has time after time after time impressed on me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Not sure either what I'm willing to do about it.
Am I willing to die?
Are you?

What a friend we have in Jesus

I've recently been struggling with a situation. In my church, there was a man that was making me uncomfortable because I felt he was being very inappropriate with me. Raised in a strict household that did not allow you to tell a fellow church member that they were wrong, I stubbornly refused to think for myself. I didn't want to go to church anymore, despite the fact that I was absolutely craving spiritual food and fellowship. I love my church, but I couldn't stand to be there any more.
So I left.
I sent my pastor a letter explaining that I was horribly over-reacting to what was probably nothing, but that I was uncomfortable and didn't want to be there any more.
My pastor is a good man, and a very loving but firm leader I'm learning. He called a week later and asked me to let him deal with the situation, and to just hold on until I heard from him again.
I won't tell you how everything has ended up just yet, as a lot of things are still up in the air. But I just wanted to share this story with whoever reads this, because I learned a valuable lesson.
Sometime Sunday night, at a different church, I heard a sermon on peace and unity. And it's hard for me to describe why, but that is what finally broke through the chaos, and confusion in my mind. I was deathly afraid to approach this man and say STOP, because if it offended him or his wife, they might get mad and they'd been at the church longer than me and yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.
Breaking through that chaos was wonderful, but it made me somber and very ashamed of the way I handled things. The situation was mine to handle, not my pastors. But unfortunately, I was too caught up in my emotions and my past and how other people had told me to handle the situation... all my advisers told me things to do but then said "It's up to you". While that was kind of them, and I know what they meant, I wish now someone had had the sense to say that it wasn't up to me, it was up to God. The bible instructs me on what to do if you feel there is a brother in error, and that's exactly what happened. I was just too busy running scared to think of it.
There's a lot more to the story, maybe just my telling you the story without all the extra facts attached to it will hurt my credibility with you, I don't know. I half expected my pastor to be angry with even the insinuation that someone in the church would be inappropriate. But, the reason I wanted to share this... there are a thousand and one reasons as to why you should feel confused, and scared, and worried about the out come of things. Even more reasons to run away and hide somewhere when life gets tough. But, in those moments, try try try to remember that God is in control. That He's not the author of confusion, and that He's promised PEACE to His believers. Turn to Him and just tell Him your fears. Praying is a simple conversation with your Father. Tell Him your worries and your cares, He's listening and He knows how to handle this - whatever your 'this' may be.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge;
Take it to the Lord in prayer:
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer;
In His arms He'll take and shield thee;
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Dorothy Sayers

In the world it is called tolerance but in hell it is called despair. The
sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, enjoys
nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing but remains alive because
there is nothing which it would die for.

Surrendering your ... um...

In a book I was reading last night, part of this one persons narrative jumped out at me. She said Obedience is the giving up of ourselves. It means taking our hands off our own selves and letting other hands remake us. Sometimes it means standing by and not doing what we would choose to do because we know that there's a love and goodness doing it's own work in us. Obedience is surrender - surrender to God, and surrender to the authority of those He puts over your care.
Then a short chapter later...
At some point in the Christian life, we begin to see what it might cost us. And in spite of it all, we go on. Because what is in us is not of man, but of God... But first there had to be the laying-down -- that place where we are carried where we would not go.

That leaves me wondering, have I ever really and truly reached that point where I was forced to lay down everything of myself and leave it in His hands? Have you? No matter how much we discuss surrendering to God's will, and no matter how many times we sing I surrender all, it's all pointless words unless we are actually willing to do it.
Are you willing to lay everything down and put it in God's hands? Your family, your children, your job, your health, your finances, your church, your vacations, your free time, your self-esteem?
I can easily tell you, anything you give up for Christ is 100% worth it. But nothing worth anything has ever come easily or cheaply. But as time goes on, I realize that a lot in my life has been easy, and cheap. And that's not what I want to leave behind me when I die. I intensely want to scorn the cheap and easy, to throw it in the garbage where it belongs and trade my life's time and work for something of value.
What do you want?

What denomination are you?

I attended a church last night that for some reason didn't want to actually state they were Church of Christ. Their sign outside proclaims them to be Church of Christ, but it was dark when I drove up so I didn't see that. I remain clueless until the singing started and there were no instruments played. That's when I began inspecting their platform and noticed there were no instruments TO be played. Finally at the end of the service I asked them "Y'all are church of Christ aren't you?" The answer they gave me was a resounding "sort of" and "not really". They also tried to convince me that the only 'rule' they had in their church was that you couldn't condemn anyone. I suppose they might of said that because I was dressed up in a skirt and at least two of their women were wearing sweatsuit. Perhaps they felt I would be a little hard on them.
But, I've strayed from my point. What is so wrong with asking people what denomination they are? If you're familiar with different religions then instantly upon hearing the answer you have a good idea of what they believe. Why has it become so popular to simply respond "Christian" or something to that question? If I'm asking, obviously I'm asking because I want to know what you believe. So, what's wrong with telling people what you believe?
I'm Pentecostal
I believe, as a Christian, I will be going through the tribulation. I won't be raptured out before-hand.
I believe you CAN walk away from your salvation
I believe in being filled with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues
I believe in the trinity - God is God, Jesus is God, the Holy Spirit is God. They are three in one, and one God.
I believe the bible is clear *especially in Revelation* that instruments are used during singing.
I believe in baptism by immersion. And actually like the over-used phrase "Put 'em under till they bubble"
And last but not least
I believe, if you believe something you should know why you believe it. And you shouldn't be afraid to proclaim it. The most important thing to believe is that Christ died for your sins, and that through Him and His sacrifice you can receive salvation. Everything else seems to be secondary details. I don't want you to be ignorant about them, but neither do I think that if someone believes differently than you that they will go to hell.
Know what you believe and really believe it. Stand up for it with conviction. And whatever you do, don't be afraid to tell others what you believe when asked - or when NOT asked ;)

Rescue me

This past couple of months have been very difficult for me. I'm struggling with some things and it leaves me at a loss of what to say on here. I'd rather this be an encouraging blog, rather than one filled with discouragement and questions that bring you down if you don't find the answers either.
I was reading this morning from Judges 10, and in it the children of Israel were upset because they had lost to another country and they had been oppressed for the last 18 years. Finally they cry out to God for help. Here's the conversation they had after they asked for God's help.

11 The LORD replied, "When the Egyptians, the Amorites, the Ammonites, the Philistines, 12 the Sidonians, the Amalekites and the Maonites oppressed you and you cried to me for help, did I not save you from their hands? 13 But you have forsaken me and served other gods, so I will no longer save you. 14 Go and cry out to the gods you have chosen. Let them save you when you are in trouble!"
15 But the Israelites said to the LORD, "We have sinned. Do with us whatever you think best, but please rescue us now." 16 Then they got rid of the foreign gods among them and served the LORD. And he could bear Israel's misery no longer.

I am wondering at the situation that I'm mucking through right now. I have to say, I fully agree with the sentiments of the children as they said "Do with us whatever you think best, but please rescue us now".

There is good news in this story though. He could bear Israels misery no longer. He was bearing it, He wasn't enjoying their misery, he was bearing their misery until He couldn't any longer. I know God has a special favor towards the children of Israel and the Jews, but He loves me too. I can only hope and pray that God bears through my misery and at some point, He will be moved with compassion and will rescue me.
I'm tired, and my only hope for relief is in Him. And my faith lies in the fact that He is the surest place in which to place my hope.
Are you doing the same?

Hate/Love the moment

I've been on this world 25 years today. I wish I could tell you that there's some amazing revelation that comes with age, but if it's there I didn't receive it today. I did become introspective today and did some thinking, and here's what I discovered.

I love my life.

I love my family, I love my niece and nephew, I love my home and my music, and I really love the cool wind on a warm day.
I believe though, that one of the ways I continue to enjoy those things is the struggle that I'm always in with these things. I'm always, always fighting for more. More moments, more happiness, more quiet, more noise, more passion, more, more, more. In the end, it's the ever present struggle that tells me I'm fighting for exactly where and what I want to be in life. And that's what makes this walk, really worthwhile.

Choking on my own words

My very last post was on how we shouldn't be in a hurry to get out of the fire. So I spent 4 days sweating in it, quite literally.
I caught something, and Thursday morning ended up with a high fever that never ended. I haven't eaten since that same Thursday morning except this morning I've eaten successfully, a can of peaches - it took nearly two hours to finish. My strength has absolutely left me. Now that the fever is gone I'm resting in a chair and find that to truly rest my head has to be laid back on something so I'm not supporting it's weight. I've never really noticed how heavy my head was before, so this is rather unique.
Meanwhile, I've had plenty of time to think.
I have the best job in the world. I help get people jobs, work 8-5, got 2 weeks vacation the year I signed on and in two more years, I'll even get more time. I get a huge Christmas bonus, and paid holidays and a birthday goodie box and a raise every - single - year and I found myself thinking "This isn't the job for me". And now I'm wondering if God has something better in mind for me.
By better I don't mean with all the benefits my company's given me, but better for me in an all-around way is better period.
Even I realize, especially knowing todays job market, how crazy it would be for me to leave a wonderful job like this. Especially when some of my other realizations this week were that monsters must be poking me in my bed and that's why I couldn't sleep. But one thing I also realize, holding onto my prize, whenever God calls me to trade one for another, is foolish. It would be scary as all get out to ever let this job go. But if it's God's plan I can't wait to see then when, how, what, and where's that are involved.