What a day.
Last night, my niece and nephew and I wandered the streets. We walked to a local restaurant and played alphabet games over pizza and cherry pepsi, then walked around the streets before finally heading home. On the way home I mentioned something about how pretty a night it was and how it'd be a great night to pitch a tent and sleep outside.
Every adult I could tell this story to, probably would shake their heads wondering what's wrong with me that I would have been the one to suggest this. Somewhere deep inside, I shake my head at myself too though.
So, with two very excited kids, we made it home and started pitching the tent. We laid down a blanket then spread out 3 sleeping bags. Sure enough, one blanket did nothing to ease the fact that the ground is not nearly as comfortable as a bed.
Combined into that was the fact that at some point, something had happened to Davey's sleeping bag. (He'd never slept in it before, so whatever the issue was, it wasn't his fault - I want to make that clear.) But, as we all laid down I couldn't help but notice (and trust me, I tried to keep from noticing) that his sleeping bag reeked of some very foul smell. Every time he rolled over, tossing his cover over his shoulder, taken unawares by the sudden gust I tried to keep my cherry pepsi down.
In the not so quiet darkness, we talked about the odor until one of them had to run to the restroom and the other was laughing so hard that he was raining spittle across the tent showering me.
Finally, everything has calmed down and we were quietly singing. We reached "Thank you Lord, for saving my soul" when David asks "What does salvation mean?"
For the next hour, we talked about salvation, sin, Christs sacrifice, communion, and "being dunked" as my niece put it.
This morning, as I took a warm shower, amidst thanking God for indoor plumbing, I realized how I've missed the very obvious ministry right in front of me in these two kids. I've worked for them, and I've taught them as any decent aunt would do, but today, something changed. Their knowing Christ deeply, closely, personally, and embracing the gifts I myself am trying to embrace, became a priority to me.
It wasn't comfortable. But, laying there next to the polluting sleeping bag, showered in spittle, and looking up at the tree above us while vaguely wondering if birds poop at night (do they?) I got to be the mouth of God to them.
Today, right after all that, we went into the church that I'm so torn about, and after talking about communion the night before, we walked in and my niece took her first communion. I took it seriously, and she did too, and God touched her. Sitting there next to her, simply praying her through this new encounter with God, my heart overflowed with thankfulness that I had had this chance.
From the other side of the house this morning, loud shouting of the lyrics of the song "Blessed be the name of the Lord" rang out, and I'm just so grateful for every Sunday morning with them. Even if it means waking up to smelly sleeping bags and stiff backs.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Which kind are ya?
So I'm watching the Israel Gaither 1hr special that's still on my DVR from before the regular channels went away, and they've got these 4 girls in this special area that dance to the music.
It's nothing wild, just a bunch of arm waving and swaying back from side to side.
The two front girls have caught my attention though because one of them just dances with flowing joyful abandon. The second one, though she's doing the exact same motions as the other there's just something different. She's not doing it 'right', she doesn't have that same joyful look to her. Actually, she smiles quite widely, but it's more like a "this situation is new and novel" smile I suppose.
The difference between the two is vast to me. One is a pure pleasure to watch. I don't know why, other than that it looks like she's dancing inside out. And the other, from the outside in.
Watch 2:29 - 2:32 of this video for a prime example. (Am I getting too obsessive about this?)
Just seeing the difference, made me catagorize christians in the same way. The purely joyful from the abundance of their heart Christian, and the outside in Christian.
Looking at how different I can be in different situations I wonder if I'm only an outside in Christian, when I'm actually in a religious setting?
Which kind are you?
It's nothing wild, just a bunch of arm waving and swaying back from side to side.
The two front girls have caught my attention though because one of them just dances with flowing joyful abandon. The second one, though she's doing the exact same motions as the other there's just something different. She's not doing it 'right', she doesn't have that same joyful look to her. Actually, she smiles quite widely, but it's more like a "this situation is new and novel" smile I suppose.
The difference between the two is vast to me. One is a pure pleasure to watch. I don't know why, other than that it looks like she's dancing inside out. And the other, from the outside in.
Watch 2:29 - 2:32 of this video for a prime example. (Am I getting too obsessive about this?)
Just seeing the difference, made me catagorize christians in the same way. The purely joyful from the abundance of their heart Christian, and the outside in Christian.
Looking at how different I can be in different situations I wonder if I'm only an outside in Christian, when I'm actually in a religious setting?
Which kind are you?
Eternal legacy
It's a strange twist for me to suddenly be watching such unusual (for me) videos. Rap music just isn't typically my thing - but then maybe I just haven't heard good rap music!
I've watched the last video that I've posted, over and over and over again. Something about it just grips me. I love it. It gives words to a lot of what I've been thinking - except it does it in a great way...
It does it by going to God.
I've gone up and down and back and forth with OK God loves me, He loves me not, He loves me, He loves me not:
I'm classically wishy-washy.
But the great thing about that video is that he defines it, exactly as I would see it for someone else, I could easily pray those words for others. But certainly not for myself. I really have enjoyed that video.
And then, I went over to Christ Is Deeper Still, and I see this video on 'eternal legacy'....
And in it he specifically mentions that we all want to make our mark on the earth, to be significant... but Christianity is completely different because we gain our value by God, being known by God is what's of value to us.
uhum...
I um...
Yeah... my um.... No.
I want to make my mark on the earth, I want to do things that PEOPLE find significant, so that PEOPLE can like me which makes me feel valuable and worthwhile.
I want my co-workers to think highly of me, my friends to think I'm smart enough, my enemies to think I'm tough enough, and I want to be of such a caliber that people will talk about me when I'm not there and say good things. That my fame will be spread in their good words. All under the banner of that if people like me God must too.
Bulloney
It's crazy hard to imagine my heart not caring about those things anymore, and simply being filled with the desire to have Christ, God, happy with me. But, watching that video made me want that. It made me wonder about eternal values, and my eternal Savior watching me and whether He could be proud of me - even if the world, friends, coworkers, etc. never could be.
It made me wonder about truly living only for His pleasure, first and foremost.
What would that be like?
I've watched the last video that I've posted, over and over and over again. Something about it just grips me. I love it. It gives words to a lot of what I've been thinking - except it does it in a great way...
It does it by going to God.
I've gone up and down and back and forth with OK God loves me, He loves me not, He loves me, He loves me not:
I'm classically wishy-washy.
But the great thing about that video is that he defines it, exactly as I would see it for someone else, I could easily pray those words for others. But certainly not for myself. I really have enjoyed that video.
And then, I went over to Christ Is Deeper Still, and I see this video on 'eternal legacy'....
And in it he specifically mentions that we all want to make our mark on the earth, to be significant... but Christianity is completely different because we gain our value by God, being known by God is what's of value to us.
uhum...
I um...
Yeah... my um.... No.
I want to make my mark on the earth, I want to do things that PEOPLE find significant, so that PEOPLE can like me which makes me feel valuable and worthwhile.
I want my co-workers to think highly of me, my friends to think I'm smart enough, my enemies to think I'm tough enough, and I want to be of such a caliber that people will talk about me when I'm not there and say good things. That my fame will be spread in their good words. All under the banner of that if people like me God must too.
Bulloney
It's crazy hard to imagine my heart not caring about those things anymore, and simply being filled with the desire to have Christ, God, happy with me. But, watching that video made me want that. It made me wonder about eternal values, and my eternal Savior watching me and whether He could be proud of me - even if the world, friends, coworkers, etc. never could be.
It made me wonder about truly living only for His pleasure, first and foremost.
What would that be like?
3:45 Praying for you
The video is 3minutes 45seconds long. It's not the normal video I would watch, and it's probably not the normal video that you would watch either.
But, I'm asking you to watch this video - at least 2minutes and 53 seconds of it.
Can you spare 2 minutes and 53 seconds of your life?
I never would have imagined someone could describe it so perfectly.
(HT to Bob at In The Clearing for finding it)
But, I'm asking you to watch this video - at least 2minutes and 53 seconds of it.
Can you spare 2 minutes and 53 seconds of your life?
I never would have imagined someone could describe it so perfectly.
(HT to Bob at In The Clearing for finding it)
Thursday, October 09, 2008
A question on church.
This is the question that's been bothering me for quite some time.
Being a preachers kid, I was raised in church. My life has always revolved around church. I know my way in and out, and even know how to keep cranky old church women happy with me when I choose to. Though I'm learning that I "choose to" less and less every day.
I want to do the right thing. 100%, all the time. No if's, and's, but's or exceptions to the rule.
Which makes it all the harder when, in trying to do the right thing, I question the one thing that has been solidly 'right' all my life.
Is going to church the right thing to do?
Would Jesus go to church?
Would Jesus be welcome at your church?
If Jesus walked in and said all the shocking things he typically told the standard 'Christians", would your church ask Him to leave?
I'm still on this home church kick. I'm challenged in home church, I'm held more accountable by home church, and I'm pushing harder into God lately with home church. In the round the dinner table gatherings I've gotten to experience, I honestly wouldn't trade them for anything. And this is only the beginning. As people get more comfortable I'm starting to dream about where it could go.
But then, I have those same dreams for the 'church' I attend on Sundays.
My great big God feels shrunk.
And I don't know how to unshrink Him. I know there's more, and I'm searching. What would Jesus do?
Being a preachers kid, I was raised in church. My life has always revolved around church. I know my way in and out, and even know how to keep cranky old church women happy with me when I choose to. Though I'm learning that I "choose to" less and less every day.
I want to do the right thing. 100%, all the time. No if's, and's, but's or exceptions to the rule.
Which makes it all the harder when, in trying to do the right thing, I question the one thing that has been solidly 'right' all my life.
Is going to church the right thing to do?
Would Jesus go to church?
Would Jesus be welcome at your church?
If Jesus walked in and said all the shocking things he typically told the standard 'Christians", would your church ask Him to leave?
I'm still on this home church kick. I'm challenged in home church, I'm held more accountable by home church, and I'm pushing harder into God lately with home church. In the round the dinner table gatherings I've gotten to experience, I honestly wouldn't trade them for anything. And this is only the beginning. As people get more comfortable I'm starting to dream about where it could go.
But then, I have those same dreams for the 'church' I attend on Sundays.
My great big God feels shrunk.
And I don't know how to unshrink Him. I know there's more, and I'm searching. What would Jesus do?
Gods forgiveness
I snagged this from Christ is Deeper Still.
"About fifteen years ago I was sitting at the dining room table looking out the window and watching five boys fooling around with a BB-gun and wondering a little to myself how long it would be before one of them shot another in the eye. Finally one of them grabbed the gun to shoot at a little sparrow sitting on a tree just outside the dining room window through which I had been watching this whole performance. I could see the whole action unfolding before my eyes; it seemed almost slow-motion, uncanny, inevitable. The boy aimed deliberately at the bird, shot at the bird, missed the bird and put a hole in the window right in front of me, and away they all ran with me racing out of the house after them. I didn't catch any of them!
In a few days I had found out that a boy named Dave White had pulled the trigger. Also in a few days I had the window fixed and paid for. Then I began to think about Dave. He was evading me at every turn. He would not face me and he had no notion of confessing. In the meantime the other boys had floated back to games in the vacant lot and in the street in front of the house, while Dave, the guilty one, was on the outside of all this, 'weeping and gnashing his teeth.' He would have none of us. So I went after him, not to punish him but to save him. He had to face me in judgment, then in grace; only thus could we renew our fellowship, only thus could I bring him back to the gang.
I caught him alone. Now we stood face to face to have it out. The boy was rebellious, tense, tight, ready to fight me, ready to run away again. He admitted he had wronged me but I gave him the surprising message that the window had been paid for, that I had no notion of collecting anything from him, that what really interested me was to know how we could get him to come back to be one of the gang again. . . . I told him over and over again the same old story: the price has been paid, it's all over; let's be friends. What a time I had getting that message through to him. Why? Because he didn't believe me. There is always an unbelievable quality in the wonder of what we call grace. But I wish you could have seen him when he finally did believe me. What a wonderful look, what a release of tensions, what a rolling away of the burdens, what a newness of life. Now he could quit running. Now he could relax. Talk about peace of mind; you should have seen that boy. What total commitment he offered me henceforth, and by no request of mine! There was nothing he wouldn't do for me."
Addison H. Leitch, Interpreting Basic Theology, pages 113-114
"About fifteen years ago I was sitting at the dining room table looking out the window and watching five boys fooling around with a BB-gun and wondering a little to myself how long it would be before one of them shot another in the eye. Finally one of them grabbed the gun to shoot at a little sparrow sitting on a tree just outside the dining room window through which I had been watching this whole performance. I could see the whole action unfolding before my eyes; it seemed almost slow-motion, uncanny, inevitable. The boy aimed deliberately at the bird, shot at the bird, missed the bird and put a hole in the window right in front of me, and away they all ran with me racing out of the house after them. I didn't catch any of them!
In a few days I had found out that a boy named Dave White had pulled the trigger. Also in a few days I had the window fixed and paid for. Then I began to think about Dave. He was evading me at every turn. He would not face me and he had no notion of confessing. In the meantime the other boys had floated back to games in the vacant lot and in the street in front of the house, while Dave, the guilty one, was on the outside of all this, 'weeping and gnashing his teeth.' He would have none of us. So I went after him, not to punish him but to save him. He had to face me in judgment, then in grace; only thus could we renew our fellowship, only thus could I bring him back to the gang.
I caught him alone. Now we stood face to face to have it out. The boy was rebellious, tense, tight, ready to fight me, ready to run away again. He admitted he had wronged me but I gave him the surprising message that the window had been paid for, that I had no notion of collecting anything from him, that what really interested me was to know how we could get him to come back to be one of the gang again. . . . I told him over and over again the same old story: the price has been paid, it's all over; let's be friends. What a time I had getting that message through to him. Why? Because he didn't believe me. There is always an unbelievable quality in the wonder of what we call grace. But I wish you could have seen him when he finally did believe me. What a wonderful look, what a release of tensions, what a rolling away of the burdens, what a newness of life. Now he could quit running. Now he could relax. Talk about peace of mind; you should have seen that boy. What total commitment he offered me henceforth, and by no request of mine! There was nothing he wouldn't do for me."
Addison H. Leitch, Interpreting Basic Theology, pages 113-114
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
What would Jesus say?
The woman met Him at the well, and He had a message for her.
He went specifically to the pool of Bethesda to see the impotent man, and went back to him later in the temple to speak to him.
He searched for Adam in the garden.
He stopped under the tree for Zacchaeus.
He called Moses to the mountain.
So awhile back I was considering what Jesus would say to me. If He sought me out, I wondered, what would He have to say? The question had no more occurred to me than the word "Peace" came to mind.
I'm sarcastic at heart so I snorted and said "That's not saying much."
I did think about it though, because I have moments when I feel peaceful, but in general I'm rarely at peace. I'm always pushing and twisting. If I'm not growing it feels like I'm dying and I've never found a happy, peaceful middle ground that I can stay on.
If He sought you out - what would He say to you? He's got a message, just for you, what is it?
I would have expected my message to be one of condemnation. And it could be that the word "Peace" simply popped in my head without Gods divine intervention.
Either way, that's my story. What's yours? What would God tell you?
Does He speak condemnation or hope?
Or is He simply silent?
He went specifically to the pool of Bethesda to see the impotent man, and went back to him later in the temple to speak to him.
He searched for Adam in the garden.
He stopped under the tree for Zacchaeus.
He called Moses to the mountain.
So awhile back I was considering what Jesus would say to me. If He sought me out, I wondered, what would He have to say? The question had no more occurred to me than the word "Peace" came to mind.
I'm sarcastic at heart so I snorted and said "That's not saying much."
I did think about it though, because I have moments when I feel peaceful, but in general I'm rarely at peace. I'm always pushing and twisting. If I'm not growing it feels like I'm dying and I've never found a happy, peaceful middle ground that I can stay on.
If He sought you out - what would He say to you? He's got a message, just for you, what is it?
I would have expected my message to be one of condemnation. And it could be that the word "Peace" simply popped in my head without Gods divine intervention.
Either way, that's my story. What's yours? What would God tell you?
Does He speak condemnation or hope?
Or is He simply silent?
Monday, October 06, 2008
With some of thine maybes
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, with all thine soul, and with all thine might.Matthew 22:37
I've been thinking about how much time, and energy we give ourselves, verses what we give God; and that verse came to mind today. All my heart, all my soul, all my might. All of my being.
It's as though there are two separate worlds in which we could choose to live. The one where we ourselves reign, with entertainment, relaxation and hobbies, and a second one where our entertainment, relaxation, and hobbies revolve around the One who reigns in us.
The very thought of it is one that leaves me hopeful that something better than this is available. That there's a world out there, where ordinary HR Assistants somehow change their community in their free time. A world in which an unimpressive misfit, walks in the Spirit and speaks healing into lives by the power of Jesus Christ. A world, where someone as ordinary as a fisherman, can lead thousands.
It could happen.
Toilets and Rats
I'm smirking when I write this, because I'm pretty pleased with myself.
You might remember, that September 6th, I wrote about working on my toilet. Ok.. technically I wrote about how much I enjoyed taking a perfectly good tank outside and smashing it to smithereens.
It's .. ironically enough, October 6th, exactly one month from that date.
And I just finished fixing my toilet.
I went in with a new supply line, bolts, washers, nuts, wingnuts, and a brand new wax seal, and some heavy duty unclogger stuff in case that had any part in the issues.
I went in, and just went to work and I think I convinced my toilet that I knew what I was doing, because it bent to my will - and I now have 2 working toilets.
It's a beautiful thing.
NOW, for the mouse I mentioned before?
Since that time, I've bought several things and yet he/it/they, still live on.
I haven't seen it/them for quite awhile. None of my food is bothered, and I don't find droppings on the floor as I used to. (Maybe he's been here so long he's housebroken?) I know he's still around though since he regularly snaps the snap traps, and eats the poison I put out which include a small cardboard box of pellet poison, and -so far - about 6 of the big hunks of poison that are suppose to be strong enough to kill a dog. I put them out, and they disappear leaving some crumbs behind.
I also have an expensive live trap that he regularly ignores, and I'm out of the glue traps because he caught himself on them so many times and got loose that there was so much fur on them that it was no longer sticky.
Anyone have any other great ideas on how to kill this monster in my house?
You might remember, that September 6th, I wrote about working on my toilet. Ok.. technically I wrote about how much I enjoyed taking a perfectly good tank outside and smashing it to smithereens.
It's .. ironically enough, October 6th, exactly one month from that date.
And I just finished fixing my toilet.
I went in with a new supply line, bolts, washers, nuts, wingnuts, and a brand new wax seal, and some heavy duty unclogger stuff in case that had any part in the issues.
I went in, and just went to work and I think I convinced my toilet that I knew what I was doing, because it bent to my will - and I now have 2 working toilets.
It's a beautiful thing.
NOW, for the mouse I mentioned before?
Since that time, I've bought several things and yet he/it/they, still live on.
I haven't seen it/them for quite awhile. None of my food is bothered, and I don't find droppings on the floor as I used to. (Maybe he's been here so long he's housebroken?) I know he's still around though since he regularly snaps the snap traps, and eats the poison I put out which include a small cardboard box of pellet poison, and -so far - about 6 of the big hunks of poison that are suppose to be strong enough to kill a dog. I put them out, and they disappear leaving some crumbs behind.
I also have an expensive live trap that he regularly ignores, and I'm out of the glue traps because he caught himself on them so many times and got loose that there was so much fur on them that it was no longer sticky.
Anyone have any other great ideas on how to kill this monster in my house?
Sunday, October 05, 2008
No Tv and a great big God.
Just as a slight disclaimer - tv is my vice. That's why I'm talking about tv and cutting out tv. You might have a different vice. Maybe yours is your car, or your job, or your hobby, or the internet, or -dare I say it? - your church work. I'm cutting out tv, because this is my specific thing that is keeping me from doing some things that I know I should be doing.
This is the third day without regularly scheduled programming.
I've still got the tv equipment until they send me the necessary stuff to return it to them - but for now, I'm still watching some things that I've previously recorded. And let me tell you, I've got a lot of the Gaithers Homecoming stuff recorded.
**Sidenote - we're watching the Gaither "Israel" recording last night, when this conversation takes place:
David (7yrs old): They're not really in Israel.
Angel: Yes they are
David: No they're not. There's a tower, and there aren't any towers in Israel.
Angel: How do you know, have you ever seen Israel?
David: Yes!
Angel: You have not, when have you seen Israel?
David: On Veggietales.
He still doesn't believe us.
Anyway.. I've already seen a difference in how much thought I'm putting towards tv though. I'ts not a full 180 turnaround yet, but it's better than it was. And now I'm reading more books, reading the bible more, and I've spent more time in just the silence praying for answers and direction.
I've quit foster parenting. I gave my official notice last week. It was a temporary decision that was hard, but at the same time, the previous week I'd experienced a day where the pain for Bell was more than I could stand. Foster parenting is a lot to do. So, I told God -basically - that until He helped me figure out how to ask others for help, or even accept help that's offered, that I was done.
Yet, despite how 'alone' it felt sometimes, I have a lot of vivd moments where I cannot deny that He sat with me in the pain. In the stuff the previous week, I was so suddenly overwhelmed with worry for Bella, to the extent that I was physically sick to my stomach and panic was making it hard to catch my breath - I spent hours trying to figure out how to pray with faith for her future and I just couldn't find it. It hurt too much, she wasn't safe, I've got no idea if she's still the happy kid that was blowing some fake horn through her hands the day she left. Too much could happen to her and I just couldn't bear it.
I want her back. NOW.
In those hours where the thoughts just wouldn't leave me alone, I found a scripture.
And as I read that scripture, the thoughts I had simply stopped. The tormenting thoughts ended. At one point as a test (yeah I don't know why) I even tried to worry for her, and found that the fear which had seemed almost tangible moments before - was gone.
I serve a great big God.
I just need to remember that great big God is with little ol' me.
This is the third day without regularly scheduled programming.
I've still got the tv equipment until they send me the necessary stuff to return it to them - but for now, I'm still watching some things that I've previously recorded. And let me tell you, I've got a lot of the Gaithers Homecoming stuff recorded.
**Sidenote - we're watching the Gaither "Israel" recording last night, when this conversation takes place:
David (7yrs old): They're not really in Israel.
Angel: Yes they are
David: No they're not. There's a tower, and there aren't any towers in Israel.
Angel: How do you know, have you ever seen Israel?
David: Yes!
Angel: You have not, when have you seen Israel?
David: On Veggietales.
He still doesn't believe us.
Anyway.. I've already seen a difference in how much thought I'm putting towards tv though. I'ts not a full 180 turnaround yet, but it's better than it was. And now I'm reading more books, reading the bible more, and I've spent more time in just the silence praying for answers and direction.
I've quit foster parenting. I gave my official notice last week. It was a temporary decision that was hard, but at the same time, the previous week I'd experienced a day where the pain for Bell was more than I could stand. Foster parenting is a lot to do. So, I told God -basically - that until He helped me figure out how to ask others for help, or even accept help that's offered, that I was done.
Yet, despite how 'alone' it felt sometimes, I have a lot of vivd moments where I cannot deny that He sat with me in the pain. In the stuff the previous week, I was so suddenly overwhelmed with worry for Bella, to the extent that I was physically sick to my stomach and panic was making it hard to catch my breath - I spent hours trying to figure out how to pray with faith for her future and I just couldn't find it. It hurt too much, she wasn't safe, I've got no idea if she's still the happy kid that was blowing some fake horn through her hands the day she left. Too much could happen to her and I just couldn't bear it.
I want her back. NOW.
In those hours where the thoughts just wouldn't leave me alone, I found a scripture.
And as I read that scripture, the thoughts I had simply stopped. The tormenting thoughts ended. At one point as a test (yeah I don't know why) I even tried to worry for her, and found that the fear which had seemed almost tangible moments before - was gone.
I serve a great big God.
I just need to remember that great big God is with little ol' me.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Blank Slates
It's about looking stupid I think.
It's about anything.
It's about every thing.
That's the goal anyway.
I've been thinking a lot about 'why'. Why am I twisting my life around, why did I leave my church, why am I going back, why am I having church in my house, why am I meeting for notSunday Sunday school.
And the most basic answer, is that I want Gods will. I want to live my life, like Jesus would live my life. And I think most of us are light years away from that. And I'm heading up the top of that list.
How would Jesus live our lives?
How far do you take it? Where do you stop? Do you stop just shy of looking crazy? Or do you justify irrational behavior by saying Jesus didn't stick with logic?
Or, do you sit and do what everyone else does until God "calls" you to do something else? Does God have to 'call' us to turn off cable? to get rid of the 2 U-haul trucks full of junk do we need to have a altar moment that releases us to hold a garage sale?
I guess, from the way I phrased the question, that obviously I believe that a 'calling' for those things aren't necessary.
I don't mean it though - I think.
All of this, is just stuff. People that don't love God do these kinds of things every day. They find ways to save money, be frugal, live simply, enjoy 'nature'. So I'm not doing anything different than some of the world is doing. So the key, the real key, lies in seeking God while I'm doing this.
It's somewhere in the prayers, and tears, and the study of what He's written for me in His Word, that the real path is discovered.
I get tangled in confusion sometimes. It's hard for me to mix several different things into one once some of them have gotten mixed up. I like to start clean, with a blank slate and start completely over. And I wonder if that's what I'm doing in all this. Making myself a blank slate.
So for all the things I'm unsure about, for all the ways I'm throwing away, here's what I know for sure.
God won't leave my slate blank.
It's about anything.
It's about every thing.
That's the goal anyway.
I've been thinking a lot about 'why'. Why am I twisting my life around, why did I leave my church, why am I going back, why am I having church in my house, why am I meeting for notSunday Sunday school.
And the most basic answer, is that I want Gods will. I want to live my life, like Jesus would live my life. And I think most of us are light years away from that. And I'm heading up the top of that list.
How would Jesus live our lives?
How far do you take it? Where do you stop? Do you stop just shy of looking crazy? Or do you justify irrational behavior by saying Jesus didn't stick with logic?
Or, do you sit and do what everyone else does until God "calls" you to do something else? Does God have to 'call' us to turn off cable? to get rid of the 2 U-haul trucks full of junk do we need to have a altar moment that releases us to hold a garage sale?
I guess, from the way I phrased the question, that obviously I believe that a 'calling' for those things aren't necessary.
I don't mean it though - I think.
All of this, is just stuff. People that don't love God do these kinds of things every day. They find ways to save money, be frugal, live simply, enjoy 'nature'. So I'm not doing anything different than some of the world is doing. So the key, the real key, lies in seeking God while I'm doing this.
It's somewhere in the prayers, and tears, and the study of what He's written for me in His Word, that the real path is discovered.
I get tangled in confusion sometimes. It's hard for me to mix several different things into one once some of them have gotten mixed up. I like to start clean, with a blank slate and start completely over. And I wonder if that's what I'm doing in all this. Making myself a blank slate.
So for all the things I'm unsure about, for all the ways I'm throwing away, here's what I know for sure.
God won't leave my slate blank.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Indoor Clothes Drying.
There it is. A real life look at what indoor clothes lines look like. Ain't it.. well, not pretty, but economical. :)
I've finally gotten two lines up, and the laundry is hanging. Karen Grassle 
certainly earned her money on the show just in the time she spent hanging laundry on those pesky lines. It takes awhile. Certainly longer than it took to toss the clothes from the washer to the dryer.
certainly earned her money on the show just in the time she spent hanging laundry on those pesky lines. It takes awhile. Certainly longer than it took to toss the clothes from the washer to the dryer.BUT, for the next two hours electricity won't be used to dry them.
Just because of space issues, it's hung between the window frame on the right side, to the door frame on the left. I used simple eyehooks, and got the clothes line from Home Depot. I've got 100' of line, and that's going to be enough for 4 lines. I've only got two up right now though.
I bought some 
links, they're like chain links only they screw open. The idea is that if I tie the line to the chain links, and then link the link (am I saying "link" enough?) to the eye screw, then it would be simple to take the line down in between uses. At the moment to take it down I need to untie and retie for every use. That's not hard, but it can wear out the ends of my rope.
links, they're like chain links only they screw open. The idea is that if I tie the line to the chain links, and then link the link (am I saying "link" enough?) to the eye screw, then it would be simple to take the line down in between uses. At the moment to take it down I need to untie and retie for every use. That's not hard, but it can wear out the ends of my rope. Unfortunately, the links that I bought weren't wide enough to fit over the eye screw, so I need to exchange them for wider ones. When I redo this, hopefully I'll get some more of the slack out before I tie it up again.
It's not much. It isn't much at all.
But all this isn't about 'much'. It's about just being conscious. God doesn't work on the barter system. So, my way into Heaven doesn't become somehow more sure because I'm making some more changes. It's not like making my house less wasteful will somehow purchase for me a miracle, or signs or wonders. That's not what this is about - it's simply about something that's bugged me for a long time.
But change isn't easy.
Change looks weird. Changing things that I'm thinking about changing, those things change a way of life.
These things are beginning to grab me, and my thoughts have slowly begun twisting from blithe ignorance and thoughtless usage of 'stuff', to thinking about how much water I use, how much gas I use, how much stuff I throw away that might have had some other use.
Unfortunately, too often these things are only thoughts and never actions.
It's "normal" to say it, it's strange to 'do' it. So, turn your thought process around and do what you say.
... meanwhile, I sure hope my towel is dry by morning.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Waste
I've been thinking a lot lately about waste.
Wasted lives, wasted time, wasted words, wasted money, wasted stuff.
And, I hope that I'll be able to write this from a 'hope' perspective, not from a condemnation perspective. The hope aspect comes from the idea that everything... all this that we're wasting could be used to do something incredible.
I threw away a napkin today, and I thought about it.
That may not sound like much to you, but I'm glad that after all this consideration something as small as a napkin entered my thought process. It's a good thing.
Somewhere in the world, pennies feed people. Pennies make a difference between good health care and nothing. How would Jesus live in America? Really. Would he own a big tv? a house too big for Him? 7 pairs of shoes and whole bookcases full of books?
We think these things and then shrug them off. Despite the fact that nearly every American I know says that they have too much "stuff". We all bemoan it, and maybe have a garage sale or two - while we step back and accumulate more, newer, stuff.
I understand. I've done it. I've had the garage sale. I've hauled boxes to Goodwill. I've hauled trash bags to the curb full of stuff that, someone in the city probably could have used, I was just too lazy to clean it up and felt bad at the idea of hauling dirty stuff to Goodwill.
I get it.
But, I'm feeling more and more strongly about it.
So I'm working on the 'too much stuff' issue.
Next comes my money.
I don't have a lot of money. But I waste a lot of money. All of my electronics typically use energy even when they aren't in use. My pretty tv, unless I unplug it when I leave the house, sucks up loads of energy that costs me money.
My clothes, get dry in only 2 hrs, rather than 8-10 because I put it in a machine that uses energy, energy that costs me money, rather than string a line up and let them dry with the air God gave me.
I have a gas grill, rather than a grill I could use wood with, even though the wood is free if I collect it. I could grill more with free wood, rather than use my stove so much.
I wash my hands using hot water... even though I'm usually done with the water before it's even had time to get hot. That cost me money.
There are lots of ways to save money in household stuff:
I'm afraid that you, my few Christian readers/family members/and friends will inform me that there's nothing wrong with the things I've got. You'll use words like "moderation" and "ridiculous" and "overboard". And maybe you would all be right. But, I've gone overbard for myself for 27 years. For a little while, I'm going to go to overboard for God and see what happens.
All in all though, it isn't about the 'stuff' itself. There's nothing sinful about my dryer, or tv.
This is all about money and energy, and time which all combined equal to a life that could be used to simply enjoy God and His creation that is simply wasted, inside my house where I'm not of any use to Gods kingdom, and where the money that God has graciously given me is put to lazy uses. We're busy entertaining ourselves. While Gods children are dying. It's easy to shrug it off. But, personally, I demand a lot of God. I want to see miracles from Him, I want to see supernatural gifts of tongues and interpretation, healing, discernment, knowledge, wisdom, miracles - I want to see it.
I want to see visions and dream dreams sent from God Himself.
If I'm going to ask that much from God... I need to reassess how much of me I'm giving God.
Wasted lives, wasted time, wasted words, wasted money, wasted stuff.
And, I hope that I'll be able to write this from a 'hope' perspective, not from a condemnation perspective. The hope aspect comes from the idea that everything... all this that we're wasting could be used to do something incredible.
I threw away a napkin today, and I thought about it.
That may not sound like much to you, but I'm glad that after all this consideration something as small as a napkin entered my thought process. It's a good thing.
Somewhere in the world, pennies feed people. Pennies make a difference between good health care and nothing. How would Jesus live in America? Really. Would he own a big tv? a house too big for Him? 7 pairs of shoes and whole bookcases full of books?
We think these things and then shrug them off. Despite the fact that nearly every American I know says that they have too much "stuff". We all bemoan it, and maybe have a garage sale or two - while we step back and accumulate more, newer, stuff.
I understand. I've done it. I've had the garage sale. I've hauled boxes to Goodwill. I've hauled trash bags to the curb full of stuff that, someone in the city probably could have used, I was just too lazy to clean it up and felt bad at the idea of hauling dirty stuff to Goodwill.
I get it.
But, I'm feeling more and more strongly about it.
So I'm working on the 'too much stuff' issue.
Next comes my money.
I don't have a lot of money. But I waste a lot of money. All of my electronics typically use energy even when they aren't in use. My pretty tv, unless I unplug it when I leave the house, sucks up loads of energy that costs me money.
My clothes, get dry in only 2 hrs, rather than 8-10 because I put it in a machine that uses energy, energy that costs me money, rather than string a line up and let them dry with the air God gave me.
I have a gas grill, rather than a grill I could use wood with, even though the wood is free if I collect it. I could grill more with free wood, rather than use my stove so much.
I wash my hands using hot water... even though I'm usually done with the water before it's even had time to get hot. That cost me money.
There are lots of ways to save money in household stuff:
- Go to the Library for movies (instead of paying 4 bucks at the movie store) and check out books rather than buy your own.
- Eat out less often.
- Clip Coupons
- Switch to online bill pay, or pay over the phone, which saves you a stamp.
- 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda, with a couple of drops of peroxide (maybe some salt mixed in for scrubbing) makes toothpaste. Much cheaper toothpaste than 3.69 a tube. It can be used in dish water too, instead of dish soap.
- Use cold water for your laundry. You can put baking soda in the laundry too and apparently it acts as a softener.
- Turn off the lights. 2 o'clock in the afternoon, do you really need a light on?
Those are just a few of the ways. There are tons more.
But then, that's all about my money - what about my time?
I spend 35 dollars a month, so I can waste my time with great channels from Dish Network. Hours upon hours. I wonder, if you were able to calculate such a thing, if a person could really know how many hours of their life they'd spent in front of a television set?
"The average person watches four hours, 35 minutes of television each day, Nielsen said." - from a USA Today article.
That comes out to roughly 238hrs a year.
I don't give that number to burden myself with a weight of guilt over time lost, but to inspire myself to believe that somehow, someway, 238hrs of my life could suddenly make a difference for God. Each and every year.
I want that.
Some of the changes I'm looking at, well, I'm not broadcasting right now exactly what the end result will look like because I keep thinking it will look strange. I'm stringing clothes line in my living room right now and I figure that is going to look odd enough in itself.
But, aren't we suppose to look different? Our actions are suppose to be different as well, fruits are suppose to be present, but.. does it mean anything that we all seem to see all our 'stuff' as too much yet we don't do anything about it? I'm nervous about posting this, because deep down, I don't think most of the Christians I know will understand if I look too strange.I'm afraid that you, my few Christian readers/family members/and friends will inform me that there's nothing wrong with the things I've got. You'll use words like "moderation" and "ridiculous" and "overboard". And maybe you would all be right. But, I've gone overbard for myself for 27 years. For a little while, I'm going to go to overboard for God and see what happens.
All in all though, it isn't about the 'stuff' itself. There's nothing sinful about my dryer, or tv.
This is all about money and energy, and time which all combined equal to a life that could be used to simply enjoy God and His creation that is simply wasted, inside my house where I'm not of any use to Gods kingdom, and where the money that God has graciously given me is put to lazy uses. We're busy entertaining ourselves. While Gods children are dying. It's easy to shrug it off. But, personally, I demand a lot of God. I want to see miracles from Him, I want to see supernatural gifts of tongues and interpretation, healing, discernment, knowledge, wisdom, miracles - I want to see it.
I want to see visions and dream dreams sent from God Himself.
If I'm going to ask that much from God... I need to reassess how much of me I'm giving God.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Someone make me change the channel
It's been 4 hours. 4 hours that I fully intended to get a lot of things done. 4 hours that could have been productive in my life.
Instead, they were 4 stress-filled hours that have left me tense and with a throbbing headache.
NO ONE should let their kids watch the animal planet channel.
I've seen animals eaten alive, some dope play with the top 10 most deadliest snakes
and get bit--
TWICE--
I've seen the houston aspca guy get clawed up by by cats, a reporter get bit by a dog, a man get bit by a boa, 4 friends rescue a shark fisherman who fell into the water attached to his shark - next to the tuna bait where all the sharks are nipping.
I've seen wire taken out of a dogs elbow, a man attacked by an elephant, another man jump into the water to save a drowning chimp, and the unfortunate demise of at least 50 other animals whether eaten whole, alive.. or... worse.
Maybe I can get this awful channel blocked.
Instead, they were 4 stress-filled hours that have left me tense and with a throbbing headache.
NO ONE should let their kids watch the animal planet channel.
I've seen animals eaten alive, some dope play with the top 10 most deadliest snakes
and get bit--
TWICE--
I've seen the houston aspca guy get clawed up by by cats, a reporter get bit by a dog, a man get bit by a boa, 4 friends rescue a shark fisherman who fell into the water attached to his shark - next to the tuna bait where all the sharks are nipping.
I've seen wire taken out of a dogs elbow, a man attacked by an elephant, another man jump into the water to save a drowning chimp, and the unfortunate demise of at least 50 other animals whether eaten whole, alive.. or... worse.
Maybe I can get this awful channel blocked.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
A link - Letterman,Carson and God
It's in my blogger sidebar... but I want to make sure you see it.
I've snatched this from Jon over at "Stuff Christians Like"
#409. Treating God like Letterman treated Carson.
I recently read an interview with late night television legend David Letterman in Rolling Stone. The entire piece was fascinating, but one section in which Letterman described his relationship with Johnny Carson stood out to me:
I thought that was interesting because in many ways, those sentences captured how I sometimes treat my relationship with God. Here, using excerpts from above, is what I mean:
1. "there are people in everyone's life who you can't believe you have a relationship with"
When people say that Christianity is weird, they're right. Faith is weird. The idea of having a personal relationship with the creator of the universe is crazy. That's a big, wild thing if you think about it and sometimes when I do, I can't believe I have a relationship with God. But I do and that's what God wants. A relationship, not a ritual or a reward system.
4. "You know if you behave the way you really behave, they would recognize that you're a complete dope"
Have you ever dressed up for God? We talked about doing that in college on Sundays when you wanted people to think you had gone to church, but have you ever done that for God? Dressed up some issue? Dressed up some desire that you think is wrong or not true or too big for him to handle or too small for him to care about? The key word in that sentence above is "recognize." At times, I am equally terrified of being recognized and never being recognized. That if God knew who I really was he wouldn’t love me and if no one knows who I am then I might as well be invisible. But he recognizes me. He created me. He knows me inside and out, the parts that are ugly and the parts that are beautiful and the parts I don’t even know exist yet. And he doesn't see a dope. He sees a son.
5. "they would never have anything to do with you ever again"
I think that when Christ died, the question "again?" died too. Although I fall repeatedly and feel shame at my weaknesses, God will never see that and reject me by saying, "Again? Again? Again?" I think that when Christ rose, the statement "again!" did too. How many times will God take me back when I fall? "Again! Again! Again!"
Go his blog for the rest of the post...(the numbers I skipped plus some - he goes up to 7) it was just really good and something that was worth reminding myself of. I probably need to read it again.
I've snatched this from Jon over at "Stuff Christians Like"
#409. Treating God like Letterman treated Carson.
I recently read an interview with late night television legend David Letterman in Rolling Stone. The entire piece was fascinating, but one section in which Letterman described his relationship with Johnny Carson stood out to me:
"You know, there are people in everyone's life who you can't believe you have a relationship with, and you are truly in awe of them, because they are so iconic and so influential that you're just kind of pretending. You know if you behave the way you really behave, they would recognize that you're a complete dope and they would never have anything to do with you ever again. That was kind of the way I felt about Johnny. I was so worried that I would say something idiotic and he would just pull me out of his Rolodex. … I never got out from under the feeling that he and I really could be friends because I idolized him and I knew by any measure I would always fall short."
I thought that was interesting because in many ways, those sentences captured how I sometimes treat my relationship with God. Here, using excerpts from above, is what I mean:
1. "there are people in everyone's life who you can't believe you have a relationship with"
When people say that Christianity is weird, they're right. Faith is weird. The idea of having a personal relationship with the creator of the universe is crazy. That's a big, wild thing if you think about it and sometimes when I do, I can't believe I have a relationship with God. But I do and that's what God wants. A relationship, not a ritual or a reward system.
4. "You know if you behave the way you really behave, they would recognize that you're a complete dope"
Have you ever dressed up for God? We talked about doing that in college on Sundays when you wanted people to think you had gone to church, but have you ever done that for God? Dressed up some issue? Dressed up some desire that you think is wrong or not true or too big for him to handle or too small for him to care about? The key word in that sentence above is "recognize." At times, I am equally terrified of being recognized and never being recognized. That if God knew who I really was he wouldn’t love me and if no one knows who I am then I might as well be invisible. But he recognizes me. He created me. He knows me inside and out, the parts that are ugly and the parts that are beautiful and the parts I don’t even know exist yet. And he doesn't see a dope. He sees a son.
5. "they would never have anything to do with you ever again"
I think that when Christ died, the question "again?" died too. Although I fall repeatedly and feel shame at my weaknesses, God will never see that and reject me by saying, "Again? Again? Again?" I think that when Christ rose, the statement "again!" did too. How many times will God take me back when I fall? "Again! Again! Again!"
Go his blog for the rest of the post...(the numbers I skipped plus some - he goes up to 7) it was just really good and something that was worth reminding myself of. I probably need to read it again.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
This Confusing Walk
If this is really my "walk" then I'm walking in circles.
I've been working at censoring myself ever since that one meaningful discussion where the phrase "Speak that which is precious" planted and rooted itself firmly in my brain. So, this last week, a very frustrating week for me spiritually, I just haven't posted because I didn't know how I could post anything precious.
This post isn't going to be precious I suppose, but it isn't going to fit under the heading of the "not which is foolish" at least.
I'm confused. I've had times in my Christian walk where I didn't understand things, where things hurt, where I was upset by the way God worked things out, and such - but never have I felt so wrapped up, twisted up, tangled up on my own paths before.
I felt certain I was to leave my church, so prepared myself to do just that.
I left. I started meeting with people in my house for a small worship service and discussion - God so far has blessed that. Not to some great degree, but it's a slow process and so far everyone is willing. And God has definitely moved.
I started meeting a family in their house for Sunday School (not on a Sunday) and so far God blessed that. Our one meeting so far was really really pleasant. It went better than I expected.
When I originally left the church , I told my pastor that I really believed that this time would be a time of growth for the church. And now, 3 weeks later I walked back in the doors to discover that a new couple has joined the church, a family of 3 that I didn't know had come in to visit, and a big family was there checking out the church because they might move to this area and become our youth pastors.
Did I mention I'd only been gone 3 weeks?
I was there today though, because the very first week after I left my church, Little One, my former foster daughter that I still get to visit each week and am in close contact with her family, said something about seeing my pastor and so her parents asked if they could go to church with me.
And now they're talking about coming back regularly.
Just like today, if they are there, there is no way that I would be anywhere else but in the corner with them being as supportive as I can. Doing anything else is not even a consideration.
I feel like I'm suppose to be there, but somehow not be there. What? God? What?
Today in this walk, the path is simply confusing.
CONFUSING
I wish I knew what God really wanted me to be doing. Whatever it is, I'll do it. At the moment it looks like the greatly confusing idea of going back. And I just hate that I put others through this confusion only to end up turning around. And that's if I end up turning around.
I went to pray tonight, and I was telling God that I wish He'd just tell me, clearly, what to do. What is His actual will for this situation, the church, the people, my niece and nephew, my 'foster family'. I could have swore He came back with "You won't listen." To which I replied that I would, if He'd just speak clearly so I'd understand and know for sure it was Him and what He wanted.
Immediately the words "Matthew 16:18" popped into my head. I don't know what it is, so I stopped talking to Him and went for a bible.
It says this:
"And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it."
Sounds like a great verse doesn't it?
But, I'm not a Peter. And God isn't building His church through me. And right now, the gates of hell seem to be prevailing over and over again. This verse just doesn't seem to fit me.
I don't know anymore. But I want to know, I want to understand, I want to be in His will, and I want to drag as many others into the peace of His will as I can.
But for right now, I just want to know where I'm suppose to go to church next Sunday.
I've been working at censoring myself ever since that one meaningful discussion where the phrase "Speak that which is precious" planted and rooted itself firmly in my brain. So, this last week, a very frustrating week for me spiritually, I just haven't posted because I didn't know how I could post anything precious.
This post isn't going to be precious I suppose, but it isn't going to fit under the heading of the "not which is foolish" at least.
I'm confused. I've had times in my Christian walk where I didn't understand things, where things hurt, where I was upset by the way God worked things out, and such - but never have I felt so wrapped up, twisted up, tangled up on my own paths before.
I felt certain I was to leave my church, so prepared myself to do just that.
I left. I started meeting with people in my house for a small worship service and discussion - God so far has blessed that. Not to some great degree, but it's a slow process and so far everyone is willing. And God has definitely moved.
I started meeting a family in their house for Sunday School (not on a Sunday) and so far God blessed that. Our one meeting so far was really really pleasant. It went better than I expected.
When I originally left the church , I told my pastor that I really believed that this time would be a time of growth for the church. And now, 3 weeks later I walked back in the doors to discover that a new couple has joined the church, a family of 3 that I didn't know had come in to visit, and a big family was there checking out the church because they might move to this area and become our youth pastors.
Did I mention I'd only been gone 3 weeks?
I was there today though, because the very first week after I left my church, Little One, my former foster daughter that I still get to visit each week and am in close contact with her family, said something about seeing my pastor and so her parents asked if they could go to church with me.
And now they're talking about coming back regularly.
Just like today, if they are there, there is no way that I would be anywhere else but in the corner with them being as supportive as I can. Doing anything else is not even a consideration.
I feel like I'm suppose to be there, but somehow not be there. What? God? What?
Today in this walk, the path is simply confusing.
CONFUSING
I wish I knew what God really wanted me to be doing. Whatever it is, I'll do it. At the moment it looks like the greatly confusing idea of going back. And I just hate that I put others through this confusion only to end up turning around. And that's if I end up turning around.
I went to pray tonight, and I was telling God that I wish He'd just tell me, clearly, what to do. What is His actual will for this situation, the church, the people, my niece and nephew, my 'foster family'. I could have swore He came back with "You won't listen." To which I replied that I would, if He'd just speak clearly so I'd understand and know for sure it was Him and what He wanted.
Immediately the words "Matthew 16:18" popped into my head. I don't know what it is, so I stopped talking to Him and went for a bible.
It says this:
"And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it."
Sounds like a great verse doesn't it?
But, I'm not a Peter. And God isn't building His church through me. And right now, the gates of hell seem to be prevailing over and over again. This verse just doesn't seem to fit me.
I don't know anymore. But I want to know, I want to understand, I want to be in His will, and I want to drag as many others into the peace of His will as I can.
But for right now, I just want to know where I'm suppose to go to church next Sunday.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Basically detailed
I became a public speaker today. I'm part of the Human Resource department for my company and on Sunday the way all of the employees are doing their timesheets is going to change.
So, this week I've been working on preparing all of the information to pass out to teach people how to do the timesheets, sending mass e-mails to the 3 other facilities we handle, and then today, to cover all 300-something employees we have at our own facility we held 3 campus meetings at which I had to present the new information to them.
It was a great big day.
But one thing became a priority. Of all the information that they can use, there were key elements that were the absolute priority that they know and understand. I couldn't (or shouldn't have at least!) gone out there and just blabbed about all the timekeeping issues they could possibly have. I had to present, clearly and concisely ("had to" and "did" are two different things) just the information that they really absolutely need to know. Too much that they don't need would have muddled the issues. You have to tackle the basics first.
And all of that concentration on figuring out what was most important, and what topics would muddle the information giving the most - made me wonder about how we witness to people. When I witness, I tend to get caught up in the details, rather than giving you the basics. For the moment, forget the Trinity, spiritual gifts and doctrine on piercings and tattoos. Forget church policy and worship styles, and denominations. Let rest the 'church membership' questions, and different types of baptism and what your viewpoint is on when the rapture will take place.
Offer to people the basics. You're a sinner. Christ was Gods Son, sent to earth, to be a perfect, blameless sacrifice for your sins. He did His part and bore your sins on a cross, which bridged an unbridgeable gap between us and God. All we have to do is believe that, and ask God to forgive us and ask Him to live in us.
And He will.
Once you get that down, then you can start getting down to the details.
My work at work didn't end today though. Now I've told people how to do their time, now I actually have to make sure they have all the tools to do things this new method. As much work as 'informing' was, if I stop there not one single person will do things differently. I have to keep working and create their tools and then get them to the staff. I have to be open to loads of questions. And I do mean loads.
So whatever you do, for cryin' out loud, don't forget to give them all the beautiful details. Don't forget to tell them that there is a Holy Spirit that is available to them. Don't forget to mention gifts of the Spirit that can truly change their lives. And most of all, certainly don't forget to tell them that meeting God is great but that they can get to know Him personally, better and better, deeper and deeper day by day. That they can come to know the heart of God Himself.
Basics are great, but the deep fountain of joy unspeakable is in the details.
So, this week I've been working on preparing all of the information to pass out to teach people how to do the timesheets, sending mass e-mails to the 3 other facilities we handle, and then today, to cover all 300-something employees we have at our own facility we held 3 campus meetings at which I had to present the new information to them.
It was a great big day.
But one thing became a priority. Of all the information that they can use, there were key elements that were the absolute priority that they know and understand. I couldn't (or shouldn't have at least!) gone out there and just blabbed about all the timekeeping issues they could possibly have. I had to present, clearly and concisely ("had to" and "did" are two different things) just the information that they really absolutely need to know. Too much that they don't need would have muddled the issues. You have to tackle the basics first.
And all of that concentration on figuring out what was most important, and what topics would muddle the information giving the most - made me wonder about how we witness to people. When I witness, I tend to get caught up in the details, rather than giving you the basics. For the moment, forget the Trinity, spiritual gifts and doctrine on piercings and tattoos. Forget church policy and worship styles, and denominations. Let rest the 'church membership' questions, and different types of baptism and what your viewpoint is on when the rapture will take place.
Offer to people the basics. You're a sinner. Christ was Gods Son, sent to earth, to be a perfect, blameless sacrifice for your sins. He did His part and bore your sins on a cross, which bridged an unbridgeable gap between us and God. All we have to do is believe that, and ask God to forgive us and ask Him to live in us.
And He will.
Once you get that down, then you can start getting down to the details.
My work at work didn't end today though. Now I've told people how to do their time, now I actually have to make sure they have all the tools to do things this new method. As much work as 'informing' was, if I stop there not one single person will do things differently. I have to keep working and create their tools and then get them to the staff. I have to be open to loads of questions. And I do mean loads.
So whatever you do, for cryin' out loud, don't forget to give them all the beautiful details. Don't forget to tell them that there is a Holy Spirit that is available to them. Don't forget to mention gifts of the Spirit that can truly change their lives. And most of all, certainly don't forget to tell them that meeting God is great but that they can get to know Him personally, better and better, deeper and deeper day by day. That they can come to know the heart of God Himself.
Basics are great, but the deep fountain of joy unspeakable is in the details.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
A tale of two cats
I've found healing in toilet tanks and compared the devil to a bumble bee, I'm a HUGE fan of analogies so bear with me here.
Meet Josie: Young, frisky, rescued from death by maintenance men. Often stepped on or tripped over as she is always under your foot, swirling herself around your leg, and affectionately just overall being in the way. When I try and feed her each morning, she rubs the jug I'm pouring her food from so I typically end up accidentally pouring out too much as her head dumps the jug over some. As affectionate as a cat can be, she'll easily leave her food to come up for petting, rolling around enjoying every moment of it.
Meet Gratch: About 4 years old now, always slightly cattish in the typical snotty way that cats have of making sure you know you're not important to them. She was simply a stray that got brought to me. I don't typically claim her, because she makes certain to not claim me. Each morning as I go out to feed her, she lays under her tree and pretends she doesn't care. Food, no food, whatever. She does come up fairly often, and gets all bothered if you pet her sometimes. She'll come and stand an inch from your leg, but if you bend down and pet her she jumps and moves away as though she never imagined the likes of you would dare to touch her. I know... I could be reading too much into her actions, but over the last few years now I've never developed a huge patch of affection for this obstinate cat.
.... I said lastly before, but one more thing popped to mind. If you watch Gratch, you wouldn't have any idea that I take good care of this cat, and would willingly pet and spend time with her. Matter of fact, if you watched me pet her, you'd think I regularly beat her from her response.
Josie however, makes me look like a really good, kind owner.
Meet Josie: Young, frisky, rescued from death by maintenance men. Often stepped on or tripped over as she is always under your foot, swirling herself around your leg, and affectionately just overall being in the way. When I try and feed her each morning, she rubs the jug I'm pouring her food from so I typically end up accidentally pouring out too much as her head dumps the jug over some. As affectionate as a cat can be, she'll easily leave her food to come up for petting, rolling around enjoying every moment of it.
Meet Gratch: About 4 years old now, always slightly cattish in the typical snotty way that cats have of making sure you know you're not important to them. She was simply a stray that got brought to me. I don't typically claim her, because she makes certain to not claim me. Each morning as I go out to feed her, she lays under her tree and pretends she doesn't care. Food, no food, whatever. She does come up fairly often, and gets all bothered if you pet her sometimes. She'll come and stand an inch from your leg, but if you bend down and pet her she jumps and moves away as though she never imagined the likes of you would dare to touch her. I know... I could be reading too much into her actions, but over the last few years now I've never developed a huge patch of affection for this obstinate cat.Gratch, has made it abundantly clear that she does not like Josie. That's part of why I had to get a second food dish, so they could eat in separate areas just so Gratch would leave Josie alone. If Josie even gets too close with her hyper self, Gratch tends to hiss and give her a good swat.
Yet, Josie doesn't even seem to care. She jumps happily between both bowls aggravating the daylights out Gratch who solidly refuses to eat out of the same bowl as Josie.
Ok... here's where I'll piece it all together for you:
The two bowls - that feels like two separate worship styles. One contemporary, one traditional. I could be entirely wrong, and this could be hatefully judgemental (though I don't mean it that way) but, I can never imagine someone from the "traditional" frame of mind searching for food from both styles because they're just so hungry they want more of God.But I can easily picture the contemporary folks basking in the traditional style just because they're hungry for more and they don't care where it comes from as long as it's all God.
The hissing cat - The happy, and free people, hungry for God need to be exactly like Josie. Not caring who hisses, or doesn't eat but just wanting to get in, be affectionate and eat what's provided with gusto. (That thought seemed especially important to me since I've worried so much lately about intruding on other peoples worship with my worship.)
And lastly, ME - I was always alright with Gratch. She's a good cat, albeit obstinate. She was ok, I fed her, took care of her, and a few times when a neighbor cat harassed her, I even went outside and protected her. But, Josie has become a delight. I enjoy watching her enjoy whatever it is, be it eating, or her continual purr, or her constant enjoyment of any and all attention you give her. And in all that, I wondered if that's how God feels about us. When we embrace all of Christianity with gusto, and pleasure, and a visible hunger for food and and audience with the King Himself, I can't help but imagine that God, much like me with my silly cat, delights in our delight in Him. We can be Gratch. Half the time I am Gratch. But I want to be a Josie, with exuberance and hunger and affection for my Savior that delights His heart, blesses Him, and stands out as a witness of my Saviors obvious love.
.... I said lastly before, but one more thing popped to mind. If you watch Gratch, you wouldn't have any idea that I take good care of this cat, and would willingly pet and spend time with her. Matter of fact, if you watched me pet her, you'd think I regularly beat her from her response.
Josie however, makes me look like a really good, kind owner.
And I for one want to make sure that the way I act, and think about God, and how I act like He thinks of me, makes God look as kind and loving as He really is.
*PS. Those pictures are only pictures of cats that look like mine - my camera battery died so this is the closest I could get*
Imagine all the people...
Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so - little ones to Him belong they are weak but He is strong.
We're such dorks. Ok, I guess I shouldn't speak for the rest of the world. I'M such a dork sometimes. I say it and I say it and I say it, and yet I still never really grasp it. Jesus loves me.
It's not about being perfect, being good enough, being holy enough, being mature enough in the faith, or even being a good enough witness.
And I wonder if I'll always have issues with all of those, until I finally grasp the basics. Jesus loves me.
Jesus loves me.
He chose me for His child, He drew me to Him. I didn't become a Christian because I drew near to Christ, but because Christ drew me near to Him. Jesus loves me.
I'll sin and fail, but God forgives and loves with an everlasting love that is not dampened by my stupidity. Nothing can separate me from the love of God. It's easy to focus on how we've failed, or fell even. But God easily looks past that to simply simply love us.
It's so easy it's hard.
In a post that I read recently it said:
"I see myself as under law when I've been bad, because I deserve it, and I see myself as under grace when I've been good, because I've earned it. Totally wrong."
It may not be the easiest thing in the world to hang onto grace and walk in it with freedom and ease... but it doesn't make it any less something we should be doing. Imagine... no really, close your eyes just for a moment (after reading this paragraph of course) what a difference it would make in the world if Christians no longer lived in self-condemnation trying to regain a relationship with a God that never stopped loving us in the first place?
Ok, now imagine it.
We're such dorks. Ok, I guess I shouldn't speak for the rest of the world. I'M such a dork sometimes. I say it and I say it and I say it, and yet I still never really grasp it. Jesus loves me.
It's not about being perfect, being good enough, being holy enough, being mature enough in the faith, or even being a good enough witness.
And I wonder if I'll always have issues with all of those, until I finally grasp the basics. Jesus loves me.
Jesus loves me.
He chose me for His child, He drew me to Him. I didn't become a Christian because I drew near to Christ, but because Christ drew me near to Him. Jesus loves me.
I'll sin and fail, but God forgives and loves with an everlasting love that is not dampened by my stupidity. Nothing can separate me from the love of God. It's easy to focus on how we've failed, or fell even. But God easily looks past that to simply simply love us.
It's so easy it's hard.
In a post that I read recently it said:
"I see myself as under law when I've been bad, because I deserve it, and I see myself as under grace when I've been good, because I've earned it. Totally wrong."
It may not be the easiest thing in the world to hang onto grace and walk in it with freedom and ease... but it doesn't make it any less something we should be doing. Imagine... no really, close your eyes just for a moment (after reading this paragraph of course) what a difference it would make in the world if Christians no longer lived in self-condemnation trying to regain a relationship with a God that never stopped loving us in the first place?
Ok, now imagine it.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Getting off my bum and into the car.
I read a post *it's in my shared items on the right also* that talked about preaching want-to as opposed to have-to. And it gave me a lot to think about.
The heart of legalism is in the have-to's, but as I considered the very idea of the difference between have-to and want-to I realized how truly inspirational the want-to's are. They make you want to be a better person, better Christian, better spiritually.
Whereas the have-to's weigh you down so much that you start ignoring all of musts, because there are just too many that you can't live up to it.
I wonder if that's part of what Christ traded for us at the Cross? He exchanged the 'have-to' of sacrifice and symbolism that really only gets you by, to the 'want-to' of living a life of sacrifice because of love and devotion that offers you so much more than you can imagine.
So today, instead of saying I wish people would say it, I'm going to say it.
Life with Christ isn't about following a list of have-to's. It's about a relationship, personal knowledge of Christ as your Lord and Savior. A friend that sticks closer than a brother. A God and King that states that He has loved us with an everlasting love. The things He asks of us are only for our own good, not to burden us, but because He knows that following what He asks leaves us with less burden than if we didn't.
He offers us His Holy Spirit and offers us power living within us if we'll only seek Him.
It's an open candy store of pleasure and goodness if we'll only take the time to visit.
Talking to someone yesterday, they were going to walk a block down the road for food. They said "I'm just going to walk it because I'm too lazy to get in the car."
It's a statement that makes sense, yet doesn't make sense all at the same time.
And it's exactly what we do with the Holy Spirit. We'll walk, and sweat down the road on our own because it's easier than getting into the Holy Spirit (or getting the Holy Spirit into us as the case may be) and really going somewhere.
Maybe the tricky catch to the whole thing was that he was willing to walk because he knew he wasn't going very far. It could just be that we've never really planned the trip in our heads, but maybe that's the point. When is the last time you really thought about your growth and progress - yes that's right, I said progress as a Christian? If we stopped and looked, it's quite possible that we could look into the future and see something that we want to get to. And we'd realize that it's not a place we can get to on our own.
Are you planning on going beyond the general christendom visible in our churches?
Do you want to?
What do you want to do - that you're not doing now - to get there?
Where there is no vision, the people perish the Bible says. I want to look, with new eyes, into my spiritual life and envision how much more I could grow in the Holy Spirit, and then I want to do whatever it takes to grow.
The heart of legalism is in the have-to's, but as I considered the very idea of the difference between have-to and want-to I realized how truly inspirational the want-to's are. They make you want to be a better person, better Christian, better spiritually.
Whereas the have-to's weigh you down so much that you start ignoring all of musts, because there are just too many that you can't live up to it.
I wonder if that's part of what Christ traded for us at the Cross? He exchanged the 'have-to' of sacrifice and symbolism that really only gets you by, to the 'want-to' of living a life of sacrifice because of love and devotion that offers you so much more than you can imagine.
So today, instead of saying I wish people would say it, I'm going to say it.
Life with Christ isn't about following a list of have-to's. It's about a relationship, personal knowledge of Christ as your Lord and Savior. A friend that sticks closer than a brother. A God and King that states that He has loved us with an everlasting love. The things He asks of us are only for our own good, not to burden us, but because He knows that following what He asks leaves us with less burden than if we didn't.
He offers us His Holy Spirit and offers us power living within us if we'll only seek Him.
It's an open candy store of pleasure and goodness if we'll only take the time to visit.
Talking to someone yesterday, they were going to walk a block down the road for food. They said "I'm just going to walk it because I'm too lazy to get in the car."
It's a statement that makes sense, yet doesn't make sense all at the same time.
And it's exactly what we do with the Holy Spirit. We'll walk, and sweat down the road on our own because it's easier than getting into the Holy Spirit (or getting the Holy Spirit into us as the case may be) and really going somewhere.
Maybe the tricky catch to the whole thing was that he was willing to walk because he knew he wasn't going very far. It could just be that we've never really planned the trip in our heads, but maybe that's the point. When is the last time you really thought about your growth and progress - yes that's right, I said progress as a Christian? If we stopped and looked, it's quite possible that we could look into the future and see something that we want to get to. And we'd realize that it's not a place we can get to on our own.
Are you planning on going beyond the general christendom visible in our churches?
Do you want to?
What do you want to do - that you're not doing now - to get there?
Where there is no vision, the people perish the Bible says. I want to look, with new eyes, into my spiritual life and envision how much more I could grow in the Holy Spirit, and then I want to do whatever it takes to grow.
The Antipsalm - a link
Bob from "In The Clearing" linked in his blog to this post by "Ponder Anew"
I'm giving you the big chunks that really caught me but the entire article is not that much longer and very much worth reading.
Powlison closes:
“Can you taste the difference?….The psalm is sweet, not bitter. It’s full, not empty. You aren’t trying to grab the wind with your bare hands. Someone else takes you in His hands. You are not alone.”
Let that sink in deep—and breathe.
I'm giving you the big chunks that really caught me but the entire article is not that much longer and very much worth reading.
Antipsalm 23 (life where God vanishes)
I’m on my own.
I’m on my own.
No one looks out for me or protects me.
I experience a continual sense of need. Nothing’s quite right.
I’m always restless. I’m easily frustrated and often disappointed.
It’s a jungle — I feel overwhelmed. It’s a desert — I’m thirsty.
My soul feels broken, twisted, and stuck. I can’t fix myself.
I stumble down some dark paths.
Still, I insist: I want to do what I want, when I want, how I want.
But life’s confusing. Why don’t things ever really work out?
I’m haunted by emptiness and futility — shadows of death.
I fear the big hurt and final loss.
Death is waiting for me at the end of every road,
but I’d rather not think about that.
I spend my life protecting myself. Bad things can happen.
I find no lasting comfort.
I’m alone … facing everything that could hurt me.
Are my friends really friends?
Other people use me for their own ends.
I can’t really trust anyone. No one has my back.
No one is really for me — except me.
And I’m so much all about ME, sometimes it’s sickening.
I belong to no one except myself.
My cup is never quite full enough. I’m left empty.
Disappointment follows me all the days of my life.
Will I just be obliterated into nothingness?
Will I be alone forever, homeless, free-falling into void?
Sartre said, “Hell is other people.”
I have to add, “Hell is also myself.”
It’s a living death,
and then I die.
Psalm 23 (Life when Jesus is present)
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
Psalm 23 (Life when Jesus is present)
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me.
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Powlison closes:
“Can you taste the difference?….The psalm is sweet, not bitter. It’s full, not empty. You aren’t trying to grab the wind with your bare hands. Someone else takes you in His hands. You are not alone.”
Let that sink in deep—and breathe.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Sunday 1/12
My initial thought, as I try and recap my Sunday away from my church is:
There's no place like home.
You feel it, when you walk in the door. The Spirit of God is there. It loosens the knots that may have built in your stomach during the week, and you feel better just for having come in.
I missed that today.
I went to another church, actually, I went to Larry's (One-Sided) church. It's been awhile since I've been to a bigger church, so I admit, I chuckled at the theater-like feelings I had when I saw the screen flashing prior to the service different messages like "Please silence your cell phone" and "No food and drink in the auditorium" - complete with a big picture of a drink and fries and a hamburger I believe.
They sang good songs, new and old, and I'd say about 30% of the congregation longed to be clappers. I had the same old internal struggle about raising my hand during the worship time - since no one else was. I managed to do it and I wonder if I'm paranoid to think they're glad the visitors are gone.
The message was good - all about temptation and how none of us are above it and how God makes a way of escape.
I was a little disappointed that they use "The Message" for a bible... rather than (I know, I know) a real bible.
Personal opinion only.
I was on the phone with someone from my church this evening and they mentioned hard feelings and I couldn't help but wonder if I'll have a lot of repair work to do when I go back. This has been a crazy year and I haven't been a good friend to the whole church and I wonder how welcome I'll be to just walk back in.
Then I complained to God that I'm just one great big bundle of fear sometimes.
I want to be home. But when I go home, I want to be strong enough to worship and speak boldly the gospel of Christ. And I'm learning in my own goofy way.
Last night was my first home-hosted worship/church service. I'm not a song leader mostly because I'm too freaked out about picking songs - but we not only made it through it, but we made it through it well. It was good in my book. I would label it as great, but I've been in my house when I've worshipped God before, and I know how much better it can get.
Next, is home-hosted Sunday School that starts Tuesday. I'm nervous about this one since other things are involved and I'm afraid it will become more of a time of fellowship and conversation than what we really came together for. But, I don't want to lose the fellowship and conversation by being hard-nosed about the spiritual conversations. I don't know where this one ends up. So, to my 11 readers today - keep Tuesday evening in prayer.
Some of my questions to my Sunday School kids is "If you could change how church functioned, what would you change?"
I think my answer would be that our time should be more conducive to the people talking. From what little talking to people I've done, I know that they have a lot of questions that aren't being answered by a sermon. And they have some struggles that you'd be surprised about, and some of them... their hearts are way more towards God than you'd think just by watching them from the outside.
Maybe I'm lacking this experience in church because I duck out too quickly, running away without talking to people in the past. But there are a lot of people in my church that I know that others just don't know them well enough. If our goal seriously became to get to know each other better, well, there's not that many people in my church but I could spend a lot of time if I have to visit every single family personally in order to get to know them, their struggles, their heart. So... despite my initial dread, fear, heart palpitations and ulcers at the very thought of them.. I wish churches had some night where they met and just talked, asked questions, prayed for each other and uhum.. confessed their faults/struggles.
No pews, no microphones, just people coming together.
And yeah, I might be too chicken to attend.
Is there something that you would change about the way a church typically holds 'church'?
There's no place like home.
You feel it, when you walk in the door. The Spirit of God is there. It loosens the knots that may have built in your stomach during the week, and you feel better just for having come in.
I missed that today.
I went to another church, actually, I went to Larry's (One-Sided) church. It's been awhile since I've been to a bigger church, so I admit, I chuckled at the theater-like feelings I had when I saw the screen flashing prior to the service different messages like "Please silence your cell phone" and "No food and drink in the auditorium" - complete with a big picture of a drink and fries and a hamburger I believe.
They sang good songs, new and old, and I'd say about 30% of the congregation longed to be clappers. I had the same old internal struggle about raising my hand during the worship time - since no one else was. I managed to do it and I wonder if I'm paranoid to think they're glad the visitors are gone.
The message was good - all about temptation and how none of us are above it and how God makes a way of escape.
I was a little disappointed that they use "The Message" for a bible... rather than (I know, I know) a real bible.
Personal opinion only.
I was on the phone with someone from my church this evening and they mentioned hard feelings and I couldn't help but wonder if I'll have a lot of repair work to do when I go back. This has been a crazy year and I haven't been a good friend to the whole church and I wonder how welcome I'll be to just walk back in.
Then I complained to God that I'm just one great big bundle of fear sometimes.
I want to be home. But when I go home, I want to be strong enough to worship and speak boldly the gospel of Christ. And I'm learning in my own goofy way.
Last night was my first home-hosted worship/church service. I'm not a song leader mostly because I'm too freaked out about picking songs - but we not only made it through it, but we made it through it well. It was good in my book. I would label it as great, but I've been in my house when I've worshipped God before, and I know how much better it can get.
Next, is home-hosted Sunday School that starts Tuesday. I'm nervous about this one since other things are involved and I'm afraid it will become more of a time of fellowship and conversation than what we really came together for. But, I don't want to lose the fellowship and conversation by being hard-nosed about the spiritual conversations. I don't know where this one ends up. So, to my 11 readers today - keep Tuesday evening in prayer.
Some of my questions to my Sunday School kids is "If you could change how church functioned, what would you change?"
I think my answer would be that our time should be more conducive to the people talking. From what little talking to people I've done, I know that they have a lot of questions that aren't being answered by a sermon. And they have some struggles that you'd be surprised about, and some of them... their hearts are way more towards God than you'd think just by watching them from the outside.
Maybe I'm lacking this experience in church because I duck out too quickly, running away without talking to people in the past. But there are a lot of people in my church that I know that others just don't know them well enough. If our goal seriously became to get to know each other better, well, there's not that many people in my church but I could spend a lot of time if I have to visit every single family personally in order to get to know them, their struggles, their heart. So... despite my initial dread, fear, heart palpitations and ulcers at the very thought of them.. I wish churches had some night where they met and just talked, asked questions, prayed for each other and uhum.. confessed their faults/struggles.
No pews, no microphones, just people coming together.
And yeah, I might be too chicken to attend.
Is there something that you would change about the way a church typically holds 'church'?
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Healing in the tank.
Last week I noticed that my toilet was running constantly.
By the end of the week I noticed it was running a l o t.
So last Saturday I went to Home Depot and picked up a whole kit to change out my tank innards since the city guy.. yeah... nearly two years ago... had told me that I needed to change my tank mechanics out for sanitary reasons. Apparently the balloon with the long metal arm is on it's way out.
And I certainly want my toilet to be in style.
So, finally on labor day I labored over my toilet. During Bells naptime, I started trying to take the stuff out of my toilet and get the tank off.
Naptime ended right around the time I realized the bolts were rusted on connecting the toilet to the tank.
Naptime ended right around the time I realized the bolts were rusted on connecting the toilet to the tank.
Then Tuesday, after Bells bedtime, I pulled out a saw and slowly chopped the bolts off.
Did you know there is another nut that holds the bolts onto the tank?
Thankfully, I've got a 2nd bathroom, because mine has been inoperable all week long since Wed and Thurs and Friday there was just no moment when I could work on it.
Ok, I could have worked on it Friday after Bell left, but I wasn't about to. It didn't even occur to me.
So today, I started working on hacking through these last two nuts of resistance. I stopped after a little bit and walked away from the job.
Then, I opened the back door, went back into the bathroom, picked up the tank and walked outside with it. Standing on my deck, there was a moment of hesitation and then I dropped it down onto the concrete steps.
I expected a lot of mess, but not the noise. It was very loud.
I stood, looking at the mess - and I laughed.
And then I cried.
Then I laughed again while thinking "I can't believe I just broke a toilet tank."
It's fun being an adult. I don't think I would have been allowed to do that when I was 12.
I cleaned up the mess - and I just felt better. One broken toilet tank was the key to healing. Or at last jumpstarting it.
I love the unspiritual answers. The goofy things that we can do that can change your life, your day, your attitude. It's not all about prayer or bible reading, or just telling God all about the burdens. Sometimes, it's just about breaking something, ruining something, burning the last mortgage payment notice.
It's about the unspiritual human celebrations, and expressions. And it's a beautiful thing that sometimes I'm just too religious to give in to.
I think the same God that made this:
Knows that breaking a toilet tank would make me feel better.
And He loves me, all of us, in a way that we're just too stubborn, or strict to understand sometimes. He loves me. He's there, through every moment - including the ones we're too blind to see Him in. He's wonderful. He's trustworthy. He's way better than a dropped toilet tank.
Speak that which is precious
This is a bible study outline I received from a friend - it's challenging for me, especially on days like today, but I wanted to share it so you could be challenged as well.
Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Jeremiah Told to Repent
15:19 Therefore, this is what the LORD says:
If you return, I will restore you;
you will stand in My presence.
And if you speak noble [words],
rather than worthless ones,
you will be My spokesman. (A)
It is they who must return to you;
you must not return to them.
Modern:“Speak that which is precious and not that which is foolish, and you shall be My mouth.”
Cross references:
Isaiah 49: 2-62 He made my words like a sharp sword; (C)
He hid me in the shadow of His hand.
(D) He made me like a sharpened arrow;
He hid me in His quiver.
3-6 He said to me, You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendour….. for your are honoured and made strong in the eyes of the LORD…. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.
Ex 4:16;
16 He will speak to the people for you. He will be your spokesman, and you will serve as God to him.
Focus on saying only what God says.
“You have a healing spring within you.”
Let your words be purposeful:
A) Edifying: Love, Acceptance, & Forgiveness; the message of Christ:
B) Healing body, mind, & spirit; the action of Christ, (destroying the works of Satan)
C) Giving Hope & a Future; the purpose of Christ
D) Creative & Prophetic; the continuity and nature of Christ: Speaking light into darkness and chaos.
Holman Christian Standard Bible (HCSB)
Jeremiah Told to Repent
15:19 Therefore, this is what the LORD says:
If you return, I will restore you;
you will stand in My presence.
And if you speak noble [words],
rather than worthless ones,
you will be My spokesman. (A)
It is they who must return to you;
you must not return to them.
Modern:“Speak that which is precious and not that which is foolish, and you shall be My mouth.”
Cross references:
Isaiah 49: 2-62 He made my words like a sharp sword; (C)
He hid me in the shadow of His hand.
(D) He made me like a sharpened arrow;
He hid me in His quiver.
3-6 He said to me, You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendour….. for your are honoured and made strong in the eyes of the LORD…. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.
Ex 4:16;
16 He will speak to the people for you. He will be your spokesman, and you will serve as God to him.
Focus on saying only what God says.
Let your words be purposeful:
A) Edifying: Love, Acceptance, & Forgiveness; the message of Christ:
B) Healing body, mind, & spirit; the action of Christ, (destroying the works of Satan)
C) Giving Hope & a Future; the purpose of Christ
D) Creative & Prophetic; the continuity and nature of Christ: Speaking light into darkness and chaos.
Explaining the complaints about "The Shack"
I was linked to this article by John Lynch from "Hungry And Thirsty".
The article is written by Mr. William Young,-author of "The Shack"- concerning the difference between facts and truth.
His book has been very popular, but a large portion of those that read it seem to come back with the review that they liked the story but it wasn't very real since the facts were messed up.
Mr. Young gives you something very interesting to think about. I almost quit reading the article halfway through - but I'm glad I stayed to the end. It's worth it.
To read the article Click Here.
The article is written by Mr. William Young,-author of "The Shack"- concerning the difference between facts and truth.
His book has been very popular, but a large portion of those that read it seem to come back with the review that they liked the story but it wasn't very real since the facts were messed up.
Mr. Young gives you something very interesting to think about. I almost quit reading the article halfway through - but I'm glad I stayed to the end. It's worth it.
To read the article Click Here.
Friday, September 05, 2008
The Morning Shakes
I woke up this morning, and I heard you speak to me. Your words dropped me to my knees, clenched my stomach and shook my heart. You quietly, and oh-so-clearly spoke the declarations I fear the most.
"You're alone"
"You can't handle this"
"You're not suppose to be a foster parent"
"Your baby will suffer and it's all your fault."
Fear, that nasty monster, crawls into my heart and makes it race, it twists my stomach into itself until I can only curl up holding my stomach praying it will stop.
Fear, that nasty killer, causes my mind to race with ways that I can step in and change a circumstance I don't like. Because I fear God won't.
With my heart shaking, I reached for some type of help and I found the words to a song "He can calm your fears, dry your tears, and wipe away your pain. When you don't know what else to pray. When you can't find the words to say. Say the Name."
By the time I got back up, some new thought had occurred to me. I've never been thankful for the family member Bell gets to go to today. It's someone she knows. She'll have cousins to play with. Family. And I imagine, judging from what little I know about where she's going, that it will be a sacrifice for this family to have one more child in their home. Yet they're willing to take her. Because she's family. And, I hope, because they love her.
A gentleman at work and I, have been talking about the sacrifice of praise. And today, attempting to remember to be thankful for what God may have provided Bell, is going to certainly be a sacrifice. And that is what I start this day with Lord.
Pray for me today. 5:30pm is going to come too quickly. And for the sake of Bell I just can't break down until she's gone. These are always hard, but this one is by far the hardest. I don't know how to tell you how she crawled so deeply into my heart so quickly - but I would have easily adopted this child. Easily. And of the 5 kids so far, she's the only one I can completely say that about.
Pray for Bell today. It's hard to transition - even to family. (Do you want to move in with your cousin? I didn't think so.) Pray that Gods will would be done in her life, and in her families life, and that no weapon of the enemy would be able to stand against that perfect will.
And one day, should I stumble across you in Heaven, I'll hug your neck.
"You're alone"
"You can't handle this"
"You're not suppose to be a foster parent"
"Your baby will suffer and it's all your fault."
Fear, that nasty monster, crawls into my heart and makes it race, it twists my stomach into itself until I can only curl up holding my stomach praying it will stop.
Fear, that nasty killer, causes my mind to race with ways that I can step in and change a circumstance I don't like. Because I fear God won't.
With my heart shaking, I reached for some type of help and I found the words to a song "He can calm your fears, dry your tears, and wipe away your pain. When you don't know what else to pray. When you can't find the words to say. Say the Name."
By the time I got back up, some new thought had occurred to me. I've never been thankful for the family member Bell gets to go to today. It's someone she knows. She'll have cousins to play with. Family. And I imagine, judging from what little I know about where she's going, that it will be a sacrifice for this family to have one more child in their home. Yet they're willing to take her. Because she's family. And, I hope, because they love her.
A gentleman at work and I, have been talking about the sacrifice of praise. And today, attempting to remember to be thankful for what God may have provided Bell, is going to certainly be a sacrifice. And that is what I start this day with Lord.
Pray for me today. 5:30pm is going to come too quickly. And for the sake of Bell I just can't break down until she's gone. These are always hard, but this one is by far the hardest. I don't know how to tell you how she crawled so deeply into my heart so quickly - but I would have easily adopted this child. Easily. And of the 5 kids so far, she's the only one I can completely say that about.
Pray for Bell today. It's hard to transition - even to family. (Do you want to move in with your cousin? I didn't think so.) Pray that Gods will would be done in her life, and in her families life, and that no weapon of the enemy would be able to stand against that perfect will.
And one day, should I stumble across you in Heaven, I'll hug your neck.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Don't let your heart be silent
It's not an easy thing to do, for me, it's actually the amongst some of the hardest things I've done in my lifetime - it's the oh-so-difficult task of speaking my heart.
It's easy to think things about people, appreciate them, love them, respect them - but harder altogether to say it.
I've been working at cultivating a community around me. Church friends I know are now accepting invitations to lunches, dinners, and I'm taking some great nervous swallows and accepting an invitation I received. I'm calling people, and reaching out to people as best as I know how. I want them to know they are loved, needed, necessary in my life, and valued. Not valued as something to be kept on a shelf and untouched, but something to be valued and lived in as a favorite shirt might be.
Too many times we find ourselves praying for a moment, the words to say, the time to speak them, and that they'd be said perfectly. But, much like speaking in tongues - sometimes the words will never appear unless you actually open your mouth.
Say something. Anything. Make sure, that everyone you care about knows where they stand with you. Love, and give of yourself unabashedly. Even if it hurts or when you know it isn't returned.
Value people.
Value people.
Value people.
And pray for Bell.
It's easy to think things about people, appreciate them, love them, respect them - but harder altogether to say it.
I've been working at cultivating a community around me. Church friends I know are now accepting invitations to lunches, dinners, and I'm taking some great nervous swallows and accepting an invitation I received. I'm calling people, and reaching out to people as best as I know how. I want them to know they are loved, needed, necessary in my life, and valued. Not valued as something to be kept on a shelf and untouched, but something to be valued and lived in as a favorite shirt might be.
Too many times we find ourselves praying for a moment, the words to say, the time to speak them, and that they'd be said perfectly. But, much like speaking in tongues - sometimes the words will never appear unless you actually open your mouth.
Say something. Anything. Make sure, that everyone you care about knows where they stand with you. Love, and give of yourself unabashedly. Even if it hurts or when you know it isn't returned.
Value people.
Value people.
Value people.
And pray for Bell.
Finding a stupid president
By far, the only article on the election that I've truly enjoyed and it's all about picking a stupid president.
It's a good article, even if you're not into politics, (like me) you could enjoy this article.
"Last thing we need now is a great leader"
(HT to SLW for the link I found on his blog)
It's a good article, even if you're not into politics, (like me) you could enjoy this article.
"Last thing we need now is a great leader"
(HT to SLW for the link I found on his blog)
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Friday night, God.
23 minutes ago I returned a phone call and I found out that at 5:30pm Friday afternoon, my heart was going to get in a car and drive away.
Bell is going away.
5:30pm Friday evening.
Tears that I thought I had controlled are falling fresh just since I typed it out. Every single time, it just plain hurts. God.
5:30...it's less than 48 hrs. I wish she were leaving on a weekday so I'd have no choice but to get out of bed the next day and carry on. God.
She had such a crazy hard time adjusting that first week, I hope she somehow just slides right into her new environment. God.
Please let them keep her safe, let her know she's loved, teach her and hold her. God.
I hope she somehow learns about God, and grows up trusting in Him. Grab onto her God, and just don't let her go. Reach her, from now until she's old and gray and feeble and breathing her last. Send someone in her life that can tell her of You. All of this time I've been praying that I could be what You would have me to be to her. Now I'm asking that You could be what I won't be able to be to her anymore. oh God.
She is precious, she's really been the absolute best kid I've had so far. Her attitude and spirit just crawled all over my heart. ..
...
God. Help me not to break until 5:31.
Bell is going away.
5:30pm Friday evening.
Tears that I thought I had controlled are falling fresh just since I typed it out. Every single time, it just plain hurts. God.
5:30...it's less than 48 hrs. I wish she were leaving on a weekday so I'd have no choice but to get out of bed the next day and carry on. God.
She had such a crazy hard time adjusting that first week, I hope she somehow just slides right into her new environment. God.
Please let them keep her safe, let her know she's loved, teach her and hold her. God.
I hope she somehow learns about God, and grows up trusting in Him. Grab onto her God, and just don't let her go. Reach her, from now until she's old and gray and feeble and breathing her last. Send someone in her life that can tell her of You. All of this time I've been praying that I could be what You would have me to be to her. Now I'm asking that You could be what I won't be able to be to her anymore. oh God.
She is precious, she's really been the absolute best kid I've had so far. Her attitude and spirit just crawled all over my heart. ..
...
God. Help me not to break until 5:31.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Getting your can to the table
It really did become a post unto itself - I wanted to share this as an actual post - I put it into a comment earlier and really wanted to see it be a post.
I had to laugh tonight as Bell and I walked through the supermarket picking up a few items. She had a can of chili, and a package of bologna in her hands. She worked VERY hard to carry them both but struggled most of the way.
Literally, at one point we stopped in the aisle for a minute and a half while she dropped the chili, bent over to get it and dropped the bologna, bent over to get it and dropped the chili.I enjoyed every moment of it. It's a post unto itself how much I enjoyed watching her try so hard.
She wasn't perfect, she wasn't good at carrying two simple items that I could have long-since just taken from her and carried myself - but ultimately, she was successful. And my crazy heart took so much joy in her success as she toddled over to the checkout and stretched to put her items on the counter that it could have burst.
It's not about perfection, it's not about doing it exactly right.It's about our ever present struggle, and drop, and struggle and drop, as we grow. Ultimately, God just wants to rejoice as we get our cans to the table.
I had to laugh tonight as Bell and I walked through the supermarket picking up a few items. She had a can of chili, and a package of bologna in her hands. She worked VERY hard to carry them both but struggled most of the way.
Literally, at one point we stopped in the aisle for a minute and a half while she dropped the chili, bent over to get it and dropped the bologna, bent over to get it and dropped the chili.I enjoyed every moment of it. It's a post unto itself how much I enjoyed watching her try so hard.
She wasn't perfect, she wasn't good at carrying two simple items that I could have long-since just taken from her and carried myself - but ultimately, she was successful. And my crazy heart took so much joy in her success as she toddled over to the checkout and stretched to put her items on the counter that it could have burst.
It's not about perfection, it's not about doing it exactly right.It's about our ever present struggle, and drop, and struggle and drop, as we grow. Ultimately, God just wants to rejoice as we get our cans to the table.
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