Wednesday, June 20, 2012


It's hard to figure out how to explain some things. This blog has been precious to me, I started it shortly after I left a church and since then... it's followed me through so much. I met many new people through this blog, Larry and Ruth, SLW, and Louie Marsh are the main ones that stand out in my  mind right now.

But I've got a small problem.

I've got a cyber stalker. And while I'd hoped nearly 2 months of silence would have bored him away from watching my life through this blog, I'm afraid it hasn't. So the time has come to close the blog for the safety of a little one far more precious to me than a blog.

I'm sad to see this blog go, but as this has been going on for nearly 3 years now, I'm even more sad that someone could go on this long in their wrong.

Over a hundred subscribers... wow. Thank you all for reading!

*This post will remain up for a few days before I close it.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Continuing to walk

I stopped posting on this blog. There was so much to say, but everything seemed to be wrapped around my precious Michaela and I didn't want this blog to become about that. I've learned so much, and God has spoken in so many exciting ways concerning her adoption and as I look at her and watch her grow and would be very simple for me to stop writing about Christ, and to start writing about my daughter.

My life isn't about my daughter though. My walk,... it's not about her. It's about Christ.

Much has changed in the past months. For a simple update, I spent a week in the hospital with Jax(Michaela's nickname) trying to get her breathing under control. She's been diagnosed with asthma, and at 1 years old it's difficult to manage simply because she can't tell me before things get too bad. We're settled into a pretty strict medicine regime now so I'm praying we can stay healthy. My first goal is 6 months without needing to use the rescue inhaler as apparently 6 months is suggested as what it takes for some of the scales in her airways to regrow after RSV. (The scales help her body cough out mucus, otherwise the mucus just sticks to her airways and doesn't cough out).

3 weeks after getting out of the hospital - the Penske truck left Texas and my daughter and I, along with my  brothers family, left our homes in San Antonio and struck out for Colorado.
It was our goal to go there, and begin attending Ellerslie: the church I've been linking to for awhile now. Eric Ludy is the pastor.

I cannot begin to describe the church. These few details hardly do it justice but just to give you an idea at least: The doors remain unlocked, no offering plate was passed, the people worshipped in song, and then the preacher got up and told me that 99% wasn't good enough. However, he didn't tell me to try harder, he told me 100% was only possible through Jesus Christ. Then we sang "What can wash away my sins, nothing but the blood of Jesus" and the words took on a brand new meaning for me. I'm a try-er. I'm a do-er. It was so refreshing to finally have someone agree with me that what I've got to give God isn't good enough (I've never heard that message from anyone save Eric Ludy and Paul Washer before), and then to tell me that Jesus Christ is the only way - again, not something you hear too often despite the fact that if pinned down most Pentecostal/Non-denominational churches would probably tell you they agree with it.

As I wandered about my house this evening though, praying for someone, and thinking about Ellerslie and the new class of students that will be arriving this week to begin their 9 week semester of training I felt God impress something on me.

I can't attend the school. Oh, I'd love to, but I'm a single mom now and need to work to support us, there's no extra money or time to just stop working and attend a school for 9 weeks. But one of the sermons I've truly enjoyed from Eric Ludy is called "The Man Under The Stage" and tonight, as thoughts went through my head, suddenly I felt a calling to be that man for this new group of students.

As Ludy likes to say though it is not enough to esteem something, and not do it. I cannot simply esteem the idea of being a "Man under the stage" for this group, but then not take it as a serious commission from God. What He's asked, in terms of my time is... well... something difficult for me to give. However, 9 weeks from now... I honestly can only imagine the change it could work in me if I did it.

So tonight, I just wanted to write this down as one small way to hold myself accountable. Gods asking for 100%, so I'm praying He'll empower me to give it.

If anyone has any advice, or scriptures that come to mind that might assist - I'd appreciate it.