Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Are you overwhelmed?

Today an interesting thing happened. It rarely happens. But, I went to a friend and asked them to say something calming to me... and they did. They pulled out the Word of God, and magic happened. Last night mom called with the official report that finally drs agree that dad has cancer. Seeing as I sincerely loathed him most of my life, and I'm just now enjoying the freedom that comes from actually caring about him (whether it's reciprocated or not) I'm not sure how I feel about this. Then, after a couple of weeks of working a second job, and finally someone else being hired for the job, and trained for the job... well Monday morning was my first and day off. Then Monday afternoon the boss called and said he was firing the replacement and would I come back and train the other new lady. So, I went back to the 2nd job again at 3am this morning. I was tired and so it's a lot easier to overwhelm me when I'm tired. Especially if I'm mentally tired while I try and sort out whether I'm going to be sad about my dad's cancer. So I cornered a friend online and said "Hey, I'm overwhelmed, do you happen to know any calming words I could have right now?" She came back with a lot. Some didn't fit, but some were especially helpful. And I thought I'd share those with you guys.
First was Philippians 4:6,7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus
The second one was even more powerful for me. It was Psalms 62:8
8 Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah
I can't think of anything that sounds more calming to me. "Trust in Him at all times you people" God's in control, every minute. No matter if I'm tired or confused or hurting or even angry. Trust in God. He's in control. Whatever it is, it's not up to me. It's not up to me.
"Pour out your heart before Him;" How often we need to do that! These problems and trials build up, and truly all we have to do is take them to the Lord. He wants US, all of us. We're so solemn when we come to Him. Honestly, God IS Holy, but we're NOT at least certainly not in comparison. So why do we come to Him with big words and trying to sound more holy than we are? Do we pray as though the fate of someone else lays in OUR hands rather than Gods? Do we pray because it's a "Christian" requirement? Or do we pray because we've got something on our heart, and we won't be satisfied until we tell Him?
"God is a refuge for us." Today, literally I wished I could find a rock and just crawl under it and hide from the world for awhile. And after the words my friend gave me from the Bible I did just that. I went to God and I crawled under the refuge of Him. I haven't completely let go of the burdens. But my load is definitely lighter. And I can blame no one but myself that His mighty refuge didn't calm all my fears. But what a relief it is to know I have that shelter, that refuge to run to.
Before I sign off, I wanted to point out one more thing about that verse.
"Selah" I know what it means, but went online for the official definition. It said - Selah ( Hebrew: סלה) meaning "pause, reflection", within the context of a prayer or psalms, is similar in purpose to Amen in that it stresses the importance of the preceding passage. Ok, I'm not a bible scholar by any means... but I just want to show you something. There are 12 verses in chapter 62. This verse I'm looking at is verse 8. You normally say amen at the end of the prayer right? Who knows, maybe the people that separated the verses and chapters apart did something wrong... but I think David (the writer of Psalms) did that on purpose because he felt the words of verse 8 were important. Verses 5-8 are all especially good. So, I'll leave you with them.

5 My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. 6 He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. 7 In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God. 8 Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah

State By State Abortion Ranking

I thought you guys might be interested in this. It's a map that someone made up that shows a State by State abortion ranking

Monday, November 28, 2005

God's Gifts part 3.

Ok, odd as this may seem. I'm still going to do it. Maybe something will come from it, maybe it won't. For once, that's not up to me. It's up to YOU.
So, I'm asking you to post in comments your Christmas wish. What do you want for Christmas? On Dec. 15th I'll select one and do my best to fulfill it. So, if only one person comments... then I guess we have a winner eh? Make sure you leave an e-mail or some way of getting hold of you.
So... um...that's what I'm doing. What do you want for Christmas?

Can you make mashed potatoes?

I meant to drop a post on here and tell y'all what I was thankful for this year. I forgot, so unfortunately this Thanksgiving post is after the Christmas post. I wonder if blogspot lets me move them around? oh well. Moving on, I'm a relatively thankful person generally, but I could think of nothing that I was especially grateful for this year. Until I went to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner. For those that don't know me, I'm single, and I possess a klutz gene when it comes to cooking. I can cook. But it appears that sometime during the cooking process the klutz gene comes out and things go haywire. I've broiled cakes, several of them now (forgot to take the oven off preheat) even broiled a few meals that weren't expecting to be broiled. Attempted to make boxed Mac and cheese without the key ingredient of milk. Add the powder to the noodles and see what happens. :) It doesn't look good. After one presentation of it to the lady in charge of the church fellowships, she began just asking me to donate money. It was truly sad. But, on Thanksgiving afternoon I sat down to a whole table of 'real' food. Home made mashed potatoes, that I can't even begin to describe how wonderful they were, turkey, dressing, rolls, it was like heaven. Except I presume God can cook better than my mother. But, you don't realize how big a blessing home cooked food is until you live off tv dinners and sandwiches for awhile. I still remember the last time I tried to cook. It wasn't so horrible, but it was a lot of work for just one person. So this year, I'm thankful that I have family to go to, I'm thankful they're old fashioned and didn't want to go to Luby's or something for dinner or have it catered or something. I thankful that I had to stir gravy, I'm thankful that I have somewhere to go. It won't always be there for me, I know that. But one day maybe I'll grow out of this klutzy part and be able to cook myself. But for now, I'm thankful for holding hands around my mom's long sought after round table (she's always wanted one) and giving God our thanks for the food.
So, Thank you Lord, for all that and more.

O Christmas Tree!

I'm thrilled to announce that I've officially gotten my house decorated for Christmas. The traditional watching of "Miracle on 34th street" has been honored, and the ever so important sitting in the dark living room looking at Christmas lights has been faithfully respected. I love Christmas. And I just wanted to take a moment and remind you, whether you say "Merry Christmas", "Happy Holidays", or "Seasons Greetings" that the reason for the season, or the holiday, is Christ. Keep Him in your mind this month. Remember the tiny precious baby that came with such a grown up purpose.
And, while you're doing that... keep in mind that you're a Christian. A follower of Christ. This is the birthday of your Savior we're talking about. So, get in the spirit and be merry. Sometimes being merry is a choice. So make that choice. This is the most important birthday we'll celebrate all year. And, I personally, think it's quite enjoyable! So enjoy! Remember the reason you're giving gifts, not the money involved. Remember that when you're spending too. Don't put yourself in bankruptcy or debt just because you think you're 9 yr old wants an X box. Give as unto the Lord. When you're using your money unwisely just to give stuff to people, then well, God isn't very glorified in that. Unless God tells you to. Then trust Him. I rambled an awful lot, sorry about that. I'm just too happy. :)

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I hope you take a moment a truly give wholehearted thanks for all your blessings that you have. God is good all the time!
Now... anyone that knows me, knows I'm not a good cook. So, I wanted to make my Thanksgiving wishes for you, personal. I could find nothing better than this amazing poem.
Happy Thanksgiving!
- Jeanette

The Turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom
then splattered all over the kitchen
then splattered all over the kitchen

completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows
it totally coated the floor
there was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance
it smeared every saucer and bowl
there wasn't a way I could
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped
that I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Chuck Lorre Letter

For awhile I enjoyed the show Dharma and Greg. It was interesting, and I liked "Dharma" from the movie "Keeping the Faith" so I started watching it. After every episode though, a screen would appear with a lot of writing on it and I always wondered what it said. It seemed to change every single episode and it seemed to be something interesting, rather than all the copywrite gobbledegook. Finally, thanks to the invention of TIVO I've paused it and read it. This it what it says.

Chuck Lorre Productions
An open letter of apology

Dear Me,
Over the years I have resented you for not being athletic enough, brave enough, funny enough, smart enough, talented enough, handsome enough, rich enough, admired enough, educated enough, New- York enough, out-going enough, quiet enough, old enough, young enough, loving enough, loved enough. I have demanded perfection from you and have found you wanting. The result of this obsession with perfection has been to make you terrified of failure and ridicule, angry at any and all obstacles, and finally, incapable of enjoying the bounty that was not only around you, but within you as well. Well, all that's about to change. From now on, I'm going to make every effort to love and accept you as you are. But since bad habits die hard, I'll start with something easy. From now on, you're old enough.

Which are you?

I stopped off at Jack in the Box to find supper last night. I accepted my food gratefully *truly, I was starving* and was about to drive off. The lady in the window leans out offering me one of those Jack antenna balls. She even took a moment to ask if I wanted the reindeer looking one or the party hat one. I swear, this made my day. I was laughing and telling her thank you, contemplating naming my ball Mr Jackers because it seemed like Jack was too simple a name for such a clever looking party Jack. :) And I realized something... People are whatever is inside them. If you're a happy person, then the littlest thing will make you happy. If you're an angry person, the littlest thing will make you angry, if you're a fearful person, the littlest thing will make you fearful. If you're a sad person, the littlest thing will make you sad. So the question for today is Which are you?
On my way home from Jack in the box, while I was contemplating this post I was trying desperately to just not cry because I remember being the angry and fearful person. I remember it, and the despair and frustration of it like it was yesterday. But in the last 3 years, Praise God! He's worked such a change in my life. My joy is truly overflowing and I'm h a p p y. You don't realize what a blessing it is unless you've been without that happiness. So let me just tell you, where ever you are, whichever you are, God can change it. God is love, God is joy, God is peace. He can work all those things in you. BUT, it comes at a cost.
I went walking with a fearful person a while back, and when a car pulled into the parking lot at the park we were walking at, the fearful person said we should go. We didn't know what those people were about and so we should leave. I, being the sensitive soul I am HA!, began immediately lecturing about how God didn't give us the spirit of fear and such. But, for her to not be fearful, she would of had to do something far more scary than whatever the people in that car might of done. She would of had to give over complete trust to God for her welfare and protection. The phrase "It's not about me, It's about God" comes to mind right now. Nothing here, is about you. It's all about God. Your life, your death, your joy, your fears, your anger, your sadness, it's all about God. Give all of you, to all of Him, and expect something big to happen. It doesn't happen over night. I'm 3 years down my road... wow, 4 years come this January. But 4 years into this walk leaves me overwhelmed with joy and wonder. I can only imagine 20 years more. God loves you. Trust Him to protect you so you won't be afraid. Trust Him to avenge you so you won't be angry. Trust Him to keep His promises towards you, so you won't be sad. God loves you. I just want to keep saying it until people finallyget it. God loves you. It's a love you can't imagine, for reasons that don't make sense to us. But it's still just as true. God loves you. Love Him back.

Friday, November 18, 2005


I'm really, really, really, going to keep my blog updated. Just um... not right now. I'm currently (thanks to the fact that I don't know the word "NO!) working a second job. It's hahahahah 'part time' so they say. So I'm working 8 hrs at one job - the real one- and 3 hrs a day at the other one. Plus more on the weekends at the second job. So, I'm not doing a very good job at stringing coherent thoughts together right now. So...given that I understand anything actually written can be used against me in a court of law, I don't want to talk about anything vital. :) So, have a nice day. Wish you were here. Wish you wanted a job. I'd give you mine. I've got plenty.

Monday, November 14, 2005


Hey, I'm an inspiration! ok... maybe more like a pest. But after creating my own blog I started hounding my brother to make one too. And *drumroll please*.........He did. :) It's called Mountain Builders . Which is taken from a sermon I heard once about how....nevermind. Go read the first post on his blog and it tells about where the name came from. It really is cool. Especially if you read his third post. Because assuming it's all right, my brother will end up the most annointed person in at least Texas. :) Go check out his blog, comment and tell him you found out from me. That way he'll owe me one. :)

Gods Gift part 2

I asked for suggestions...and I only got one. But what a 'one' it was. I'm still chuckling, not so much over the question I was asked, but over the answer.
In God's Gift Day #1 I wanted suggestions of gifts I could give God. Michelle posted and asked if I had tried just praying and asking God what gifts I might give Him. Crazily enough I haven't. I have an idea already, that I believe is from God. But unfortunately, *I'm impatient* I know that idea will take a lot of planning and work. And I don't see any way possible for me to do it right now. So, once I had stuffed that idea to the side I just never thought to stop and ask Him if He had any other good ideas. So, thanks Michelle for bringing it to my attention. Who knows, maybe God will just keep telling me I need to implement His plan. Even if it seems impossible to me. It seems crazy how much He loves us. I mean, here I would be trying to give Him a gift and He's trying to get me to give Him one that I think is impossible so He can teach me. In the end I would still benefit. God is incredible.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Gifts for God Day #1

Before I tell you what I'm doing, I want to give you a little bit of background.
I was doing just fine. I was happy, so happy that I'm just walking around a bookstore and I'm wanting to cry or shout or something. And I think...I want to do something for You God. You've done so much for me, I can hardly believe I'm this happy." ok.. that's where it started. Now you remember Noah right? Ok, so God completely destroys the earth. Noah comes out of this boat God told him how to build with himself and his family. The ONLY people left alive. He walks straight over to some rocks and builds an altar for God.
I want to do that.
So I began asking people, if you want to give God a gift, straight to Him, what would you do? Well, they didn't know either.
So, I'm doing the only thing I can think of. Jesus said "If you've done it to the least of these you've done it to me".
So that's where I'm at now, finding the 'least'.
This morning while bike riding I nearly forced some elderly woman into a rain poncho. (She was walking and it was starting to rain). She declined and I kept offering. Day 1 not going well so far. If anyone reading this has suggestions, please let me know. Comment, yell, call, email. Something. Help me out here. And while you're thinking, let me at least clear up half of the e-mails now. I already know I'm suppose to witness. I do that. This is just extra-curricular activity here. I'd like it to be different from my normal daily walk. So, any e-mails telling me I'm suppose to be doing all this anyway... well... go ahead and e-mail/comment. Maybe it'll give me an idea of something else I can do at the least! :)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Veterans day theft

Good morning all, in surfing through some military blogs I came across Howdy's blog. And from there I stole this. But I'm linking to him so does that make it better?
',~',~',~',~',~',~Thank You Guys!~~',~',~',~',~',~

For all the free people that still protest.
You're welcome.
We protect you and you are protected by the best.
Your voice is strong and loud,
but who will fight for you?
No one standing in your crowd.
We are your fathers, brothers, and sons,
wearing the boots and carrying guns.
We are the ones that leave all we own,
to make sure your future is carved in stone.
We are the ones who fight and die,
We might not be able to save the world,
Well, at least we try.
We walked the paths to where we are at
and we want no choice other than that.
So when you rally your group to complain,
take a look in the back of your brain.
In order for that flag you love to fly
wars must be fought and young men must die.
We came here to fight for the ones we hold dear.
If that's not respected,
we would rather stay here.
So please stop yelling, put down your signs,
and pray for those behind enemy lines.
And then when the conflict is over and all is well,
be thankful that we chose to go through hell.
Corporal Joshua Miles

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Bad news for the meek

Do any of y'all read BC? I've always enjoyed that comic strip, especially the ones he does close to Christmas and Easter. Anyway, todays comic was terrific. Check it out

Monday, November 07, 2005

Who am I?

You scored as Anselm. Anselm is the outstanding theologian of the medieval period.He sees man's primary problem as having failed to render unto God what we owe him, so God becomes man in Christ and gives God what he is due. You should read 'Cur Deus Homo?'

Which theologian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Be reconciled

I've been mulling over something for quite awhile. I was driving down the road when a preacher on the radio began encouraging Christians to be reconciled. He took his text from 2 Corinthians 5. The verses I pulled out for you to see are 16-20

16So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. 17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

The main thing the preacher kept repeating was BE RECONCILED. So I guess that part stuck with me the most. He gave the illustration of two friends. Say you owe a million dollars. Apparently you've been doing some blue collar crime for your bail to be that high, that's a totally different topic. :) So, I put the million dollars up for bail and get you out of jail. Maybe we were close friends, but now you know that you owe me a million bucks and you know there's no way to pay me back. You'll never see a million bucks in your lifetime and it's hopeless. Fortunately for both of us, I know it's impossible so I tell you "Don't worry about the money" I clear your debt and you don't owe me anything anymore. I'm hoping, you'll still come over for Thanksgiving. But, Thanksgiving rolls around and you cancel coming. I'm disappointed, because I really enjoy spending time with you. What's keeping you from coming I ask? Only to find out that you still feel bad about owing me the money. To which I'll desperately try and convince you that you don't owe me money. Unfortunately you won't accept the reconciliation I offer. I say your balance has been reconciled and you won't take it. I lose you.
Christians, your sins are forgiven, BE RECONCILED.

Surprise Me God?

Maybe you guys have heard of a book by Terry Esau called Surprise Me. The general premise of the book seems to be to pray that God would 'surprise you'. Which to me is a terrific idea. You've got the creator of the universe listening to you when you pray. And it seems insane that we don't fully grasp the power that He holds. Ok, maybe 'fully' grasping might be asking a bit much. But you'd think we'd at least become greedy for God and want to see His power displayed. I doubt if I ask for something He's going to turn around and say.. well you know.. that's a bit hard to do.....Nothing is impossible.
Anyway, to carry on with this story, according to my information, this one church decided to see if it's members would follow the guidelines in the book. And ironically enough that same church made headlines not long after they began praying for God's "surprises". This is the church that had it's pastor electrocuted in the baptistry in front of the congregation.
Ok, now before you get mad at me, I'm not about to say God's judgement fell, or that the pastor was in sin. Nothing like that. But, I firmly believe that if you ask God to do something, you should prayexpecting. The bible says (James 5:16) - Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Granted, the actual verse is talking about sin and healing. But I believe it applies to anything. Effectual and fervent. I'm sure a lot that we do pleases God and I'm more than certain being fervent about anything concerning Him would please Him. I'm struggling to hold back a rant on the dispassion and indifference of Christians today as I type this. Staying on topic is harder than one might think. Anyway, one might imagine that there are bad surprises as well as good ones. When you're dealing with the Creator of the universe and you want him to 'surprise you', unless you're wholly willing to deal with the outcome, maybe you should pray for 'good' surprises'.
On the other hand, if you are wholly committed to seeing God move in whatever way His heart desires, to allow Him to teach you whatever it is He knows you need to learn in order to meet the challenge that will face you tomorrow, maybe you should simply pray God's will be done in your life. Either way, whether you're praying for a surprise, or God's will, if you pray it fervently, with your whole heart, God will answer. He truly loves you and He truly wants You to know Him. He is holy and we are unworthy, but that doesn't matter to God. God proved time and time again in the bible that He loves His people. And that all we have to do is call out to Him. Call.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Intentional rants...

I have never forgotten something someone said either on tv, or radio, or *wonder of wonders* real life some time ago. They said, and I'm paraphrasing, when you get out of bed, do it on purpose. Now, when I analyze those words, I think that as much as I'd like to believe them, they really don't make sense. Everyone gets out of bed on purpose. I don't think anyone has 'accidentally' gotten out of bed. I hate quotes that have problems with them.
But, the meaning still was important to me. It's the same thing that had me read Dream Giver, and Purpose Driven Life. And if you haven't read those books you can just consider this my recommendation... for what it's worth.
Anyway, the whole reason I'm posting right now is because I'd like you to click here and go read this intentional rant. I know I probably haven't been giving you good stuff lately, it's been a rough week, but God really gave me confirmation of things I'd already been thinking through this article, and it really is worth reading, so you should consider the words, and by this point you should have figured out that this is a run on sentence, and that I really don't know what to do about it except possibly put a dot at the end.

A day in the life of the sick.

I'm not sick.
My dad is. I woke up early and drove over to my parents house yesterday morning. I arrived at 3:30 am please note, that's in bold because that's way too early to be doing anything. We left from their house to head towards the hospital where dad was to get a biopsy. Or a bibopsy if I could quote a movie... I can't remember which movie at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I liked it. Anyway, we arrive at the hospital at 5:45am, (still too early) and he's suppose to be there at 6am. We're doing good. We wait, and finally about 6am they open the doors to the day surgery unit and we all (there's a whole group of other families doing exactly what we're doing) trudge in. We all wait in line at the reception desk where a nice lady seperates the men from their wives. She sends the men to the left for 'preparing' and the families to the right for waiting. I'd like to be able to tell you I gained a whole new perspective on the term 'wait' and somehow applied it to waiting on the Lord, but I'm afraid I can't. Waiting, is something that no one wants to do, but you just have to sit down and the time will pass. Anyway, let's keep going though.
I discovered the VA Hospital has it's own version of wal-mart inside. I didn't actually buy anything there except my mom and I both pitched in to buy a portable radio with ear pieces so dad could lie there and 'wait' with talk radio on. I also discovered, that people with problems, are the most helpful to other people with problems. More helpful than the staff ever could be, were all the other people milling around that had also spent way too much time in this hospital. They told us how to get everything from food to medicine, radios to valuable artwork. Most important, everyone we asked tried to help us find our car. Which at some point disappeared in the vast recesses of the parking lot. In a way, I also learned how our brain decides things are valuable and holds onto them. While my brain was obsessed with the fact that we were parked at Gen. parking #20, and if I could only somehow find that, we'd find the car...my mom remembered that we came in the door with the 'crinkles'. I'm pretty sure more than a few people thought we were insane as I asked people if they knew anything about the bermuda triangle also known as Gen Parking #20, and my mom asked where the 'crinkle' doors were. In the end, as we waited 2 and a half hours for a 30 minute 'quick' proceedure, we discovered where the true test was.
We didn't get released until 6pm, and didn't get home until 9pm. When they say 'day surgery' I believe the name was meant to warn us that it would be 'ALL day'. Lessons learned I guess. I'm glad it's over. Mostly, I'm glad that I was able to drive them home safely. I never would of lived it down if I'd wrecked their car.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Does your mind race? My mind races. For instance, generally before I ever blog something I've spent a lot of waking time, just writing it in my head. I don't plan to do it I'll just be tying my shoes or something and the next thing that I know I'm writing the blog in my head. Or pouring over a thousand different conversations I've had that day, or trying to figure out a thousand better ways to say something I'd said that day. My mind never stops. And quite frankly, the noise is tiresome. You'd think you'd just say, "stop thinking about those things then", but if I do, something else will pop in. I've got a lot of things going on this week and so I'd been pouring over all of those things too. I'm sitting in the moral support chair for my mom while she and I take dad in for a biopsy - just so you know, my ability to comfort is in cracking jokes... not usually the best trait when confronted with family medical problems... or is it?:) - , my brother did something and I'm planning a hundred ways I could of been more supportive to help him celebrate the event, and a dilemma I'm having with a couple of friends. And please don't make me tell you how many times I go over my conversations with them to see some way that would of helped the situation. Ok, now I've written all that, and you've got to be wondering - ok, you probably weren't, but I'm going to point out the fact- the title of this post is "Peace". So far everything I've written doesn't have anything to do with peace. But, finally at the beginning of the week I realized I'd never be able to make it through the week on my own strength. I'm tired, and sad, and discouraged, and happy, and nervous, and scared, and pleased all at the same time. If my brain had tried to tackle all that I'm pretty sure it would of imploded. So I prayed. And for at least 36 hrs now, my mind has been absolutely clear - insert jokes about empty headedness here - and it's been peaceful. I'm hoping it doesn't stay this way forever, as having constant activity up there keeps me reassured that it is still working, but for now this peace is good. God can handle my problems. He'll fix them better than I would anyway. You should try Him sometime if you haven't already.