Wednesday, July 27, 2011

What's that supposed to mean?

There's something about a number of followers that leave you suddenly talking to a crowd, rather than doing what I used to do - write for myself. And often, when you talk to a crowd, you're not quite as deep-gut, soul-wrenching honest as you would be normally.

I've tried before to close my eyes and pretend you guys don't exist, but every time I do that I see a story or video and think "Hey, my blog readers might really like to see/hear that!". But here I am trying again to pretend you're just a friend, sitting next to me at lunch listening to me talk --- and not a bunch of random strangers.

God's been dealing a lot lately with me about my heart. At some point I realized I was angry. And I'm not an angry person. I've acted angry to get a kids attention once or twice, but rarely do I actually get angry angry. Yet, I realized I've been angry for a little while.

So I was talking with God about it and He did something I hate. He made no sense at all.
Let me tell you, exactly what He said.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love."
Ok, sure, um... that's great God but I'm not angry at You I'm pretty sure, maybe I am, I don't know but... regardless, what's that supposed to mean?
"I have loved you with an everlasting love."

He said it over and over and over again. And then, when I thought He was done, He said it over, and over and over again.
He said it till something in me just ripped into shreds and there I was driving down busy, rush hour Loop 410 with no visibility whatsoever from these two tear ducts I call eyes.

I'm still learning and growing, though it's awfully slow sometimes it seems; but God is trying to tell me something and I want to hear it. If you asked me I could write 50 blog posts about how great His love is for me. I'd tell you I knew it, I grasped it, but there's something He's telling me that I'm just not getting.

But I think He just challenged me to do what I just said I could do and write 50 blog posts about how great His love is for me.
I figured He, of all people, would have been able to tell I was just evangelistically speaking. 50 is a lot....I don't even know where to begin. humnph, maybe that was His point all along.


James Poteet II said...

This sounds like the way your blog used to sound. And scripture makes it pretty clear we will never be able to fully comprehend God's love.
May you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. --Ephesians 3:18-19

Anonymous said...

I felt the urge to say...JESUS IS MY LORD AND SAVIOR!!! PRAISE THE LORD...wooohooooo! TY