Monday, February 20, 2012

At His mercy

Yes, He is faithful.

So often, in what I've written in the past I've been thoughtful about certain issues or ideas and some random event from the day gives me a helpful example of something I've been mulling over.
It's been harder though, with two babies to actually stop and do that. My mind is full, or empty, it is chaotic of sorts and the thoughts don't settle as well as they used to.
I used to think if pages of paragraphs, now I think in sentences.

Today, however, all I could think is that God pulled me through a day exactly as I had asked Him to in last nights post.
I was able to accomplish what needed to be accomplished.
I was able to put off the things that needed to be put off for the kids sake.
I was able to make a decision about a possible event today that unknowingly to me, was the wisest one.
I was able to interact with the kids even better than normal.
The babies are usually well behaved and happy, but today it seemed even more so. Precious, for the first time, was actually hanging onto her crib and jumping up and down she was so happy today. For someone that can't walk - that seems like a big deal.
I was able to do extra and I was able to do less, and at the end of the night my house felt like a home and there was a sweet peace to the days events.

Dear sweet Lord, how I love you.

I want much. I want much because of days like this where I see how an Almighty and Powerful King of all Kings cared about the little details and showed Himself to be - as always - my Abba Father. I regret not bringing the smaller things to Him as I often consider them unnecessary and have greater, more important things to focus on when I talk with Him.
I want more of Him. And I don't say that with grief because I have so little, but with the simple knowledge that though I have great things of God - I have only gotten just a taste of what's possible. Yet I feel like I want to pull myself back from searching those things out and just rest as a simple child and say "Father, I want more."
I want much.
So dear Father, lead me onward. Do what I can't do for myself, and that is to get more of You. Make me the mother You've called me to be and not the mother I can be on my own. Make me the aunt/sister/daughter/friend you've called me to be, and not the one I can be on my own. I desire that You be glorified in my life by my words and actions. Lead me. Teach me. Bring me along. I trust You. Help me trust You more. I love You. Help me love You more. I need help Father, to be the things that You have called me to do. I've never so fully realized it as I have now but dear Father, Lord and King - I am at Your mercy.
Have mercy on me. 

Psalms 30
 I will extol thee, O LORD; for thou hast lifted me up, and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me.

O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved. LORD, by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled. I cried to thee, O LORD; and unto the LORD I made supplication. What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth? Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;  To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

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