38 days I've been unemployed.
We are still thriving and have food on the table, and more than enough.
My minds eye wanders down the road 4-5 months or so though and wonders what is happening then; but right now I'm doing my best to simply focus on the fact that God has already worked so many little miracles for us that it's hard to believe.
One of those miracles just happens to be my upcoming move. We will be moving to another home next month. One larger, with a garage and backyard (which we don't have now) and amazingly enough it's less rent than what I'm paying now. So next month will be occupied with moving about. I'm thankful and confident that this is just one more way in which my Savior and King is providing and responding to my daily needs.
Which brings me to something that seriously caught my attention tonight. I love finding God in the unusual or the things that don't seem to have anything to do with God at all. and tonight, as I vacuumed my house I couldn't help but be struck by something my soon-to-be-daughter did.
My "New Kid" is now 10 months old. Precious is 2. Precious wanders around the house while I vacuum. She follows me and alternates between holding her ears and picking up the cord to hold it. New Kid is a completely different story. She screams. Screams in utter, ear splitting, I can't breathe, I'm panting and quaking in terror and I'm utterly completely terrified.
I've tried multiple things to help, sequestering her in another room, holding her, nothing really works. And holding her tends to slow me down which just makes the whole, apparently terrifying, process take longer, so I leave her alone and just vacuum as quickly as I can.
Can you imagine what she does as I vacuum? I can't even describe the screams.. it's far different from her typical cry. It's a special gut shaking cry that only comes out for the vacuum cleaner. But while she screams.... she gets as close to the vacuum as she possibly can. Why? Because that's where I am.
I still don't understand it. In logic I'm telling her to go hide by the couch, I'll be done soon...and she's so completely consumed with just being as close to me as she possibly can that half the time I'm trying not to run over fingers and toes with the vacuum - which certainly wouldn't help abate this fear.
It takes awhile to vacuum the whole house so by the time I was finished I was utterly gripped by her approach to the terror. And as I contemplated it I could only think of how as illogical it was, yet if she knew her only hope, her only faith was in me eventually making this awful moment end and picking her up she was going to be right there at my feet, possibly clutching my leg when I was ready.
Sitting here, eyes welling up with the implications of it all, I know I haven't truly earned that trust. She hasn't even been here 3 months yet. Yet her only hope, her only confidence was in me.
In the last years Jesus Christ has earned that confidence from me.
If I'm going to crash and burn in this unemployment thing, I'm going to do it as close to His feet as possible because I understand math. And $0 - $1200 doesn't get my rent paid, my kids fed, and my water running. My only hope, my only confidence is in Jesus Christ. He is able.