It feels slightly unreal.
No, strike that, it doesn't feel real at all.
It feels like nothing has happened.
Today was my last day of work.
Technically I am now under employed.
I have a job working 2 days a week throwing newspapers. A job that the girls will be able to ride around in the car while we do this. It pays 2/3rds of what we need to survive. I haven't figured out the other 1/3rd yet. I'm hoping someone will finally answer my craigslist ad accepting my offer of childcare.
On Monday morning, I will not wake up and hustle us out the door by 7am.
That part hasn't sunk in yet. I'll be home, healthy, the kids healthy, and yet we won't be at work/daycare.
I had expected today to feel ... like something. But instead, it went like normal. Lots of work, a last minute hire, and wiping down my desk.
Nothing major happened. Until the last hour.
In the last hour an employee that had recently been terminated from his position came in to pick up his final check. He was in a hurry to catch the bus, but he wanted to schedule a time to talk to me. I had to tell him that was my last day so if he didn't talk to me now... So he glanced anxiously at his watch and then said "Let's talk now".
He came to my desk and explained what had happened the day he was terminated and then he told me the rest of his story. He's ready to give up. His wife has cancer in her lymph nodes. She's 31, has already had a least one surgery in Jan and they've already found it's returned and will be doing another surgery. He's about to be evicted from his home, he's behind on his bills. He's ready to give up. He even admitted he'd taken pills... to no avail.
For the last 30 minutes of my day, I was able to tell someone point blank "You need Jesus."
Not just witness... but point blank. No beating around the bush. No suggesting that church might be a good thing. Not politely saying I'd pray. I was able to actually say "You do need help. You need help. The only thing that will help is Jesus. You need Jesus. Your wife needs you to have Jesus. Your kids need you to have Jesus. You need Jesus."
And I just happened to have my Bible still at my desk, and I gave it to him. I'm praying he actually reads it. And doesn't just ... well.. treat it like most church-goers do.
And you know what I realized? Witnessing to sinners is downright wonderful. It's so... beyond amazing. I'm so used to talking to church-goers that are sure they are ok, and offended if you suggest otherwise. Talking to someone who knows actually knows they aren't ok - that's such an incredible feeling.
I need to find me some sinners.