188 days till I move to India and life changes dramatically.
I'm giving up my house. It has a backyard, paid water, and low rent for the neighborhood and quality of house.
I'm giving up my BBQ grill, my piano (again!) the couch God gave me 12 years ago and my big fluffy brown chair.
I'm giving up my pictures on the wall, the few pieces of art I've really enjoyed through the years, the poster I designed that a friend I worked with 2 years ago had HER friend make for me out of sermon notes.
I'm giving up the picture of the man standing in the rain with the words "HOPE CAN SET YOU FREE". I've had that picture over 15 years, and small children ripped the bottom of it so I had to cut the letters out and glue them to make the picture what it looks like today. I'm not artistic, so this picture always makes me proud I can do something and not have it turn out looking like a pre-school project. I also like that it makes me see hope every time I look at it.
I'm giving up my country. America. Where I can hop into my minivan (that I'm also giving up) and buy a hamburger anytime I want, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'm giving up knowing the language and culture around me. I'm giving up knowing what's expected of me and how to not offend people. I'm giving up knowing what is good manners and what is bad manners. I'm giving up the freezer aisle at Wal-mart.
I'm giving up my city that sprays for mosquitoes.
And I could be wrong, but I'm pretty well sure I'm giving up warm, buttery, yeast rolls.
And a few people have told me how hard it will be, that I don't know what I'm doing, that I'm not doing right by my children because of this, or that I'm such a good person for being willing to go. I've been told I shouldn't be going without the backing of an organization, and that odds say I will fail at what I attempt without the training an organization would have required.
The odds are even good that I won't be able to afford the plane ticket home if I did fail.
It seems like the situation couldn't get more dire.
It's not dire at all.
It's so far the opposite of dire that I could fill the next 2 paragraphs with different adjectives describing how "undire" it truly is. And yes, I know undire is not a word.
Boundlessly wonderful - those are real words. It's boundlessly wonderful.
The things I'm walking away from are so small compared to the joy that is waiting for me. A family, a family of Christians. A family of Christians that LOVE each other like no one I know loves people. They actually are concerned if you're unhappy. Whether happy, sad, sick or healthy - when they ask "Yela Vunnaru?" (How are you?) They actually want to know the answer.
I have the profound honor and joy to be asked by God to go somewhere. I'm so excited at the people, the children, the culture, the joy...
Used for Christ.
Sheesh, I might even be living in a palace. (The house our friend in India has found that he is wanting us to take is... beyond our imagination.)
I'm breathless. When I stop and think about the future, it takes my breath, my eyes fill with tears, and I wonder how it's possible to be so very happy. Our countdown is at 189 days right now. 189 days till we go. It seems so long.
I am so thankful to live this life. To be able to walk THIS walk. I've written in this blog for many years now, and many many changes have come since the start. But when I started this blog, I never imagined what God could have in store.
It reminds me strongly of a song we used to sing in church that says "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has known what God has in store."
I feel like I must be living someone elses life. This is too good. I know the person I once was. Goodness, I know the person I am now. No way am I good enough, smart enough, loving enough, Christian enough to have God send me to these wonderful people. Me Lord? Surely God is only proving His loving kindness and mercies.
Which brings me to the title of this article - I'm not miserable enough. I thought when I gave God my whole life, and He sent me off to some foreign place... surely I'm supposed to be sad, distraught, challenged, fearful, worried. Surely, I like Jonah, am supposed to run in the other direction. It seems I would feel more "Christian" if I didn't want to go but did so as a great "sacrifice" for my King. I feel utterly selfish and as though I am tricking people by doing something they think is so...hard... when I'm so utterly happy about it. So over my heels with happiness, and joy, and as a enthralled child being told that her Father wants her to go to Disneyland.
If this is giving your life to Christ - by goodness - every single person I know that has not done this is an idiot. Give it to Him. Give Him your every day, every moment, your rest of your life, your school plans, your dreams, your hobbies, your bedroom furniture. Whatever it is.. give it. He takes it, makes something mind-blowingly wonderful and leaves you astounded.
At least that's what He did for me.
I am so thankful for Jesus.