I pass it every single day. A beautiful brick home for rent in the loveliest city/town I've ever had the joy of living in. It's 2 bedrooms plus a large playroom (or guest room) area, a basement, a large yard that already has a toy in it. To top it all off the garage out back has a line of vibrantly colored flowers growing alongside it. It's in my very low price range, less than 2 miles from my brothers home, and it's ... well, it's perfect.
I'm in Pennsylvania right now. Amish country. The land where you constantly swerve around slow moving horse and buggies while you drive down the road. The Amish are everywhere. And I've begun to notice something about the horses.
They all have blinders on.
Blinders keep the horse from seeing to the sides, from being distracted or startled by traffic, especially on busy roads.
And every day as I pass this beautiful brick house I tell God that He really needs to give me blinders on my heart. Because as perfect as this 100% perfect house is, it's also 110% wrong for me. It's not where I'm supposed to be. God is leading me back to India and then back to South Texas, away from my family here and yet still too far away from my family in the North part of Texas. It's ridiculous, and something no single mom ought to do. But that's what God is directing me to do.
And I drive by that beautiful house...
My heart imagines staying here. Being close to family. Not giving up yet another job. Not moving again. Not going back to India again. Just.. you know.. doing something outrageous like being a normal human being for a change.
But with a thankful heart I know I wouldn't trade following God in the peculiar ways He'd have me go. I certainly wouldn't trade it for being normal.
God is good. I don't know how the things He's calling me toward will work out, but I'm willing to throw out every ounce of stability that I have based on the fact that God's still faithful. He hasn't failed me in the past. He won't fail now.
Following God... that's the dream. I don't know where it will lead, but I know that any dream I have would pale in comparison to the ones God may have in store for me. So my dream is a blank canvas of "I dream of following God. And being led into His perfect will for mine and my children's lives."
So to the girl who stares at that little brick house every day I say this:
Jeanette, you see through a glass dimly. Comfort your heart with the knowledge that God sees clearly the desires of your heart and can fulfill them more vibrantly, more outrageously, more beyond-your-dreams than you would. So be patient. He's already given you 2 little girls you didn't expect. And more memories and travel miles than a small town country girl from Whitesboro, Tx has any right to hope for. Be patient. Really. Be patient - because you know it's gonna be amazing.