Thursday, July 13, 2006

A confession

I'm starting to realize that I should never blog at night. Those are my most contemplative hours and my thoughts during those hours need to be processed quite a bit before I even consider sharing them. But unfortunately, I don't even follow my own advice in this area, because I feel the need to share this, and now.
There's a song that I truly enjoy called "Draw me close to You". I'm sure there are many variations to the title, but if you've heard it, then you know which one I'm talking about. The chorus to it starts off "You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed"
And at some point tonight, I realized, that as emotionally as I sing those words, they aren't true - this would be the confession part of the post.
God isn't all I want. He is most definitely and undeniably all I need but He isn't all I want.
I want to be out of debt
- I want to have my own home
- I want my parents to be happy and no longer hurting
- I want a stress free relationship with everyone in my family, most particularly my brother, with whom I can't seem to agree with on any topic.
- I want.... too much to name. I've already got 8 other things in my mind that I want. I want God as well, I want that depth of relationship, I want to hear His voice, but to be honest I want so much more than Him.
Maybe the song writer was more spiritual than I am. Maybe s/he really did only want God. I'm probably just feeling defensive about the idea now, but I'm wondering why it would be such a bad thing to want other things. And if it isn't a bad thing, why would you put words that aren't true in a song.
I guess I've gotten the brunt of this off my chest. If you have any ideas on the subject, feel free to comment.


One Sided said...

No sin in wanting.

The sin is in the sequence or priority. Want or desire and need at strong motivators. Each want standing in its proper place, motivates us.
I drive an 11 year old Ford Escort Station wagon, that the Lord gave me in a time of need. I wanted and wanted a pickup, I want a pickup. But God gave me what I needed, realizing that I am satisified. But when it comes time to haul fence, or brick, I want that pickup I don't have. We have purchsed two vans, making sure my wife and the grandkids have something dependable. I gave thought to that pickup with each purchase, but the want to keep my wife safe is a higher priority on my list. I am satisified, I have what I need.

And that brother thing, he will have to want the same ting as you and it will have to be in about the same place in his priority list.

flyawaynet said...

Thanks for your thoughts on my "wanting". I was considering something along those lines last night as I considered that regardless of my wants, if God says NO, then I must obey. A friend of ours at church told the story of when he and his wife were driving down the road talking about missions. His wife had apparently voiced her relief that God hadn't called her to some strange country, because she didn't see how she could be happy doing something like that. The husband (wisely in my mind) responded that if God called her to it, she wouldn't be happy until she HAD done it. I've never forgotten the value of those words in my life. I might want a house of my own, but if get one and it was against God's plan I wouldn't be happy in it at all.

Thanks for your comments, and your own blog. I'm visiting regularly now that I know you're there.