Monday, November 22, 2010

Interrupting the silence,

My dear friends,

It's amazing what can happen in 2 months time.

Thank you all for bearing with me in the silence. I have one post I feel compelled to write, possibly over this weekend, but for the time being the silence will continue a bit longer.
The last 2 months have been easily the most difficult in my entire life. Looking at the problems I'm facing, perhaps I've been a bit sheltered I suppose. I'm not homeless, and I do still have my job. So while it is the most difficulty I've ever faced - I have no selfish notions that things couldn't be worse or that others aren't suffering far more dearly tonight.

In and amongst those difficult times is the fact that this is my last holiday season with my "family". As soon as the holidays have ended, I will make one special trip back North to assist my dad in placing mom in a home. Ahh, there they are, the familiar tears. The nursing home is as entirely necessary as it could be. There are no other options. From the phone calls I've attempted to handle, I can tell it is pretty close to a miracle my dad has lasted this long.

I've sat here tonight, simply listening to my Gather Homecoming dvd called "Heaven". I say I'm listening to it, but in reality I've only backtracked over and over again to listen to David Phelps sing "No More Night".

I long for a day with no more night.

I have much to say. But for awhile, the words in my mind changed directions so quickly; it certainly helped solidify the decision to not blog for awhile. I've even prayed for a strong Christian that could come along side me and I could just talk to. But, seeing as I've never settled into a home church here, along with the events of the past 2 months - I'm settled to simply resolving things between myself and God.

The words have settled down a bit for me, but I've realized that some of this I need to simply hold quietly within my heart.

All that to say, that I appreciate that you read my blog. I appreciate that you let me be a small part of your life, to be one of your stops as you come to see what I might say or do next. And I hope you know I have not stopped blogging. I will be back, it's quite possible that it may not be until after I've seen my mother safely into a nursing home after the holidays. But inbetween, I do expect at least one more post simply because it's nearly written in my mind, I just need to write it down for you to read.

I'm hurting, but I'm not without hope. I weep with grief and stress and sorrow, but I weep with the confidence that one day I will live in the light of the risen Lamb. And that one day there will be no more night, no more pain, no more crying again.


Kristi said...

"And what a day, glorious day that will be" I'm still praying!

Anonymous said...

We are here and sorry we are not very available at times. We really have been going through some very difficult situations with our parents as well. Such turmoil of emotions but reality is harsh. Please call if we can help from here! Layvon

Nate said...

I appreciate your honesty. Silence is usually the best response to suffering. Remember that he's risen. Will await your next post with prayer.

Candi said...

:( I will pray without ceasing for you and your sweet mom and dad. Your mom was always filled with such an amazing amount of joy and laughter. You could not possibly miss the light that shone bright inside of her. I know that seeing her different possibly at times not even close to what she really is has to be confusing, excruciating and so so sad. I think I would feel a deep desperation for my momma. I would want her to be the way I knew her. I hope deep down inside of you, you know that a momma's love despite her condition can not dissipate. From a mom to a daughter that so desperately needs to hear the words only a momma can say:
I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always as long as I am living my baby you"ll be. Love You Forever
Praying for you!