Saturday, March 12, 2011


I've posted every year on my birthday, so I had to break my silence to write down my thoughts of today.

I turned 30 years old today.

It seems like an important number, but to me it's not any more so than the others. A year has gone. I always have to ask myself "What did I do with it?" and my answer always seems to feel a little negative because the answer is always simply " I wish I had done more with it."

The church I've been attending has a little communion service just before the new year and the past two years I've been wise enough to attend. This most recent one, I was really struggling because right after I left the communion service I was heading North to help my dad put my mother into a nursing home. I was praying my mother would see death before she found herself this far gone. So sitting there, in the darkened church praying, I was supposed to go up to the front when I was done and take communion with the pastor.

Instead, I went to the front to say goodnight and that I wouldn't be taking communion that evening but, thank you very much. The pastor, who'd been praying with everyone before they left asked if I wanted to at least pray with him so I agreed.
He prayed a blessing on me, my house, my job, my finances, my family.
And I remember walking away feeling strange, like something was wrong.
It wasn't till I got to my car that I realized what was wrong - I didn't want the prayer that he'd prayed.

If you pray something for me, my hearts desire is that you would pray this - That I would BE a blessing.

God has so intensely blessed me. I'm not blessed with tons of money or stuff, or time, or whatever else - but I've got a peace that I can't explain as to how amazing and unnatural it is. I've got a joy that is so deep I sometimes want to scream and dance and jump up and down while doing something so ordinary as walking into a supermarket. I'm blessed.

And I don't want you to catch Gods ear and ask Him to bless me more. He's so good, I'm confident He'll bless me enough on His own.

What I do want a little extra of is the ability to BE a blessing.

I've worked hard the past two months trying to get out of debt, manage my money well, eat right and healthy, and work hard at work.
But even if I master all those things in the next year - all I will have done is gained the things that any good self-help book can give me.

I don't want a self-help book life.

I want a life that is a blessing.


Terry said...

Wow! Those are good thoughts! I pray that you will continue to be a blessing to those in your life.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say, "Happy 'belated' Birthday" and very good post.

I've been praying similar prayers as well. That God would allow me to be a blessing to others. That He'll help me use what I've been given to help others in need. Not necessarily physical things, but more of the spiritual or inner blessings.

And that He'll help me be the "best me" I can be. To focus more on how He views me and less time concerned on how man sees me. To live as I believe He wants me to live. To not let the worldly way of life detour me from his plan for me. To, however, allow others to be a blessing to me in the process. PTL!!!