I drove home tonight, from my brothers house, with my two precious girls. Their smiles, their words, their attempts to do things they're unable to do, their quick words when they're caught doing something they shouldn't - it blows my mind sometimes that I'm a mother. I did nothing typically necessary to become a mother. I simply was a single girl wanting to help children and years later I'm looking into two adorable faces and thinking "wow".
But tonight especially, bringing them home, changing diapers and putting them to bed, I couldn't help but think how things have changed in my home in the last few weeks.
I don't want to freak anyone out now, but I don't believe that you can believe in God without believing also in the devil. I think the Bible is giving a warning when it says in Ephesians 6:12 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, and against the worldly governors, the princes of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness, which are in the high places."
It's not pleasant to imagine, and we typically don't talk about an "enemy" anymore, but I believe we have one. And very shortly after meeting our brother in India so we knew exactly where we would be going next year, it seemed like life just completely crashed. So many things were wonderfully joyful and exciting: talking to our new brother, gaining so much insight into the culture, learning the language, and simply talking with a brother, a true brother that was serving God... it was wonderful and like a breath of fresh air in a poorly polluted soul.
Man... like I said, life just crashed. One of the things that happened was that my home became a very difficult place. My daughters began screaming, crying, tantrums like I'd never seen before, actual "blood curdling screams" over simple things like "go get your jacket". It was... insane. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I said "I think they've lost their minds". I knew I was losing mine. All I could know was that I was a horrible mother, what would India think of me when I show up with these two screaming kids? How are we going to survive whatever behavior issues these are? I'm used to 2 yr old tantrums, but this was a horse of a completely different color. I'd never seen either of them, especially not my oldest, behave this way.
I'd honestly just chalked it all up to "My kids have lost their minds and I don't know what to do!!" until tonight when I realized that just as quickly as my home had gone crazy, it had been put to rights. We were back to our standard crying jags, and random bouts of poutiness (it's not a word, but it should be) and tons of smiles and obedience. And I thought about other struggles I'd faced in that month as well: within 1 months time (all within meeting our brother in India) our family structure (with not just my family but my brothers family also) had been in jeopardy on two separate occasions. We'd no sooner get over one serious issue than another would appear. Each situation was one I'd never have considered happening in my family. And that's when we realized "Hey, this is an actual attack of the devil."
I'm pretty careful with those words - I don't think every negative thing is an attack of the devil. I think being a Christian (a true Christian that teaches Gods words and not the smooth words that the world is willing to listen to without offence) is going to be rife with struggle. It's just simple fact. Or it should be anyway. But in this, I feel completely convinced that those two events were genuine attacks of an enemy.
When I realized tonight how my home was completely back to normal I couldn't help but think that the past month had been an attack as well. It made me so angry to know that my daughters had been through this horrific month of whatever emotional turmoil they'd been having in order to scream and act out like they had.
That said, I don't know why things have stopped. I don't know why we're one big happy family again with everything and our family all one happy unit. Except for the grace of God working in our lives. The power of God helping us and delivering us from an enemy who could easily crush us - except for the fact that we are children of a living and mighty God.
I believe in an enemy. But I also believe in a friend, a God, a Lord and Savior who is greater than my enemy. If I didn't have that - moving to India would be too scary, too impossible. But no, my God has proved Himself to be the God of the impossible. I'll remember this past month. But I'll remember it and know that the devil tries to stop and hurt and frustrate those that follow God. So surely, as frustrating as this last month has been - I must be on the right path.