I have never stopped writing. Only now instead of being relieved that the world in general isn't watching my crazy spiral into oblivion, I find myself frustrated at hiding it, and hitting save then closing the browser without publishing the post.
So I'm publishing again. I'm not going to publish everything I've written all month long, because some of it is just too dark - but I'm publishing what I think might be safe.
If I'm going to keep up this dark empty talk very long I'm going to have to find some place on this blog to say what I'm about to say:
The foundation is - God is good. Even when I can't find Him, even when I'm alone and broken and afraid. God's still good.
He hasn't lost me, even when I've lost Him.
And despite all the things I believe about myself, or my ability to hold a relationship with Christ - I believe that not searching for God is the worst mistake a person could possibly make.