A couple of weeks ago I contacted Arrow, my former foster agency, and said I was ready to get back on this crazy ride. They gave me a list, a surprisingly short list, of what I needed to do to get my home back open for placements again.
I got to work on it, and now I only have one more class that will be completed this week and then I have to find a place to get my CPR/ First Aid updated. If any of you local folks know where I can get that done, please drop me a line.
I've spent the last several months just grieving. Welcoming and then packing up and letting go of 5 kids within a 15 month span is a lot to process. A fellow foster parent and I ultimately described it as joy through disembowelment. I think I've used that term here before, but even months later... it's still just the same. You can close your eyes and see cherubic smiles and feel the little arms around your neck. You can just as easily close your eyes and see them crying as you strap them into a caseworkers car and put on a fake smile and wave goodbye.
Joy through disembowelment.
And yet worth it. I honestly don't know how I'll do it again. But it's the most worthwhile thing I've ever done with my life. I'm honored that the state of Texas allows me this privilege.
Someone once described the differences between the parents and the children is that kids don't have a choice in the pain - we, on the other hand, make the choice to open our hearts. And kids, don't have the coping skills to deal with the pain they've experienced. Whereas, hopefully as an adult you have learned them.
If there is any way possible for you to open your home, do it. These kids need a home, love, support. We all talk about being Christian. And maybe kids aren't your thing - but there is something you can do, to do Christian. Don't just BE. DO.
Whatever it is - I guarantee you God will show you what you can do if you ask him. Always.
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only...