I go back to the kitchen. Rebecca is stirring the dough having added the flour, the baking powder, the eggs and the vanilla. Tears cruise down her face. I take the wooden spoon and bowl from her and stir. (No need to put the dough in jeopardy.) "Sit down."
Miraculously, she obeys me, blows her nose on a napkin. "I'm sorry. It's just that everything comes easy for you. Everyone likes you, you have a purpose here that is important and even Matthew respects you."
I look around to pinpoint the person to whom she is referring.
from "Everythings coming up Josey"
If you told me you went jogging this morning - I would give you the look. It's that special look that says you apparently do these things because God created you capable of doing these things and He did not create me with such capabilities.
I never imagined being on the receiving end of those looks. But since I've moved to San Antonio I've seen them more and more often as I sit at lunch dutifully eating my snack size broccoli 'n cheese and responding that yes I have been working out lately.
A lady next to me at work said she needed to exercise too, so I suggested she start with doing one crunch. One crunch. And she looked at me like I'd lost my mind. She told me she was a mother so she didn't have time for that.
I know every time I saw the commercials inbetween my favorite episodes of NCIS, those thin ladies showing how they'd lost weight always made me roll my eyes. Obviously they lost weight because they're them. I'm me. It doesn't work that way for me.
Until I became - no, not a thin person - but one that was losing weight. And I realized that all those ladies did was decide they were going to do something and then stick to it.
And before you click away, this post isn't really about weight loss.
Because you see, I've met a lot of talented people in my life. I've read books from people that I could only sit and drool over the idea that I might have as close a walk with God, that God might talk to me like He does with them. I listen to people talk about reading the Bible certain numbers of times and how many verses they've got memorized and again... here I go rolling my eyes. They do that because they're them. I'm me. It just doesn't work that way for me.
But just the same as weight loss, or anything else - if you decide it's something you really want and you go after it - typically you find it. I can't change my weight, obviously, but I can change my eating habits, and exercise habits.
I can't change my walk with God but I can change my prayer habits, and my reading habits.
God always takes care of the rest.
It's easier not to try; to announce I'm too old, too young, too busy, not strong enough, too poor, too shy, too sinful, too __________. Then you don't have to worry about failing.
But if I listened to the devils lies about what I am, or what I'm not and let that keep me from trying then I'd be 50 lbs heavier living in Gainesville, Tx close to my family where life was "safe". I would probably still be sitting on the floor of my two bedroom rental accepting the fact that God was for other people, but not for me.
But a lot has changed in nearly 8 years. The biggest change is that I know nothing, nothing is impossible or simply meant for other people.
So next time you roll your eyes at that other person that has achieved something you wish you could - let me tell you something. It didn't happen to that other person by magic. It happened with a lot of hard work, sweat, frustration, feeling not up to the challenge, and saying "No" to themselves when they wanted to say a wholehearted "YES!" They're not special. They're just determined.
In just a couple of weeks we're going to come to a new year and a lot of people are going to make resolutions about what kind of person they want to be in 2010. So when you make your list this year, and when I make mine I hope we both remember this post. New Years resolutions aren't about what you'd like some magical fairy to transform you into. They're about changes you're willing to implement in your life.
Don't ever let the devil win. Cause let me tell you, 50 lbs lighter, in San Antonio, walking with God closer than I ever have before.... well,.... it feels pretty amazing.