And for the record, I mean "plodding along" in the most magnificent sense of the word. :)
A month or so ago someone quoted me a verse - Psalms 18:29&30
For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall. As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
And for some reason that chapter has been on my mind ever sense. And a couple of nights ago, God woke me up in the middle of the night and told me to read Psalms 18:24-34
I don't know why God works that way with me, constantly giving me references to go look up. I wish He would just say it - because I always walk over to my Bible with a weak little heart just waiting to read something along the lines of "THINE OFFERINGS HAVE BEEN REJECTED BECAUSE OF THE HARDNESS OF THINE HEART"... or something along those encouraging lines. Truly. But instead, I opened it to find these words:
Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.
With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright;
With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward.
For thou wilt save the afflicted people; but wilt bring down high looks.
For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God?
It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places.
He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.
And that's the point that I always assume that obviously it was some other voice in my head that told me to look that up, because surely God would have given me one with condemnation.
No matter how untrue those thoughts are, they always seem to be there, camped out in the corner of my mind. God isn't going to tell me how great I am, cause look at me? Mother Theresa I am not. I'm not good enough. Never seem to get my act together enough TO be good enough. Why on earth would God say good things to me?And here's the hard to swallow answer. "Because He loves me."
This morning, something unusual happened and it could possibly be that something really nice is about to happen. As I drove to work, I was telling God about my guesses and assumptions about the good thing that might happen and I told Him that I just didn't deserve Him to love me so much. He's been too good. Sure I've struggled, sure things haven't been perfect, but that's not what I'm in it for. And all I could see is how wonderful He's been through it all.
While I told Him how much I didn't deserve it, I suddenly started listing my faults in my walk. I reached one point where, while rattling off my list of failures, I said "I don't even tell others how great You are as much as I should" and instantly - it's almost as though He was just waiting for me to say it - He shot back "You used to". My first reaction was "when on earth did I 'used to'"? And He immediately brought to mind this blog.
I've got to tell you, writer extraordinaire I am not. By my iffy counts I might have 27 readers. Not that you 27 aren't important...but since you have no names and are mostly ip address numbers it's easy for me to not assume you're waiting for my next post, wishing "This Walk" would start posting again.
But it doesn't matter if there are 27 or 2700 or 2, for some reason God's given me this blog and 5 years running I've held onto it because God has given me a passion for writing about Him this way. But while I may have discounted this blog as not a witnessing tool, or not a valid way to share my beliefs and faith and love of Christ with others - I'm a little freaked out that God hasn't discounted it.
So all that to say, God is good, God works, God speaks, God talks to us. He loves us. And since God seems to be holding me responsible for my blogging I'm going to do it as unto the Lord. So you should be seeing posts again even if I'm confused, befuddled and overwhelmed. :)
I'm thankful for His love and His mercy. His goodness and His grace.
For He's more wonderful than my mind can concieve
He's more wonderful than my heart can believe
He goes beyond my highest hopes and fondest dreams.
He's everything that my soul ever longed for
Everything He's promised and so much more
More than amazing, more than marvelous
More than miraculous could ever be
He's more than wonderful, that's what Jesus is to me.