Sunday, January 27, 2013

A dark room and an empty crib

I was standing in my daughters bedroom. Even though she's nearly 2 years old, just before I laid her in her crib I took a moment. I held her like a baby and rocked her back and forth singing to her. I was singing one of our favorite songs that I'd made up: "I love you, yes I do; won't you be my little baby. I love you, yes I do; won't you be my little baby."

As I sang, I looked over at the second crib in the room. The empty one. The day she arrives feels so close. It has to be soon. As I looked at that crib, I could almost imagine her face, her arms and legs twisting, her little chest softly moving up and down, her eyes peacefully closed. I could envision her whole existence.

And in those few minutes of rocking, singing, and imagining the future, something changed in my mind. It's hard to explain how my mind works, but very simple things become spiritual lessons for me. So as I imagined the future child - I wondered if perhaps God wanted me to envision future spiritual children in much the same way.

I would describe myself as "barren". I'm single, and as such, I will not be producing children of my own. Yet, God has given me children.

But these children did not come without some effort. At least the first one arrived by very intense prayer and warfare. I fought. I fought in prayer and tears and song. And into my arms was delivered a child. She was not given to me for temporary enjoyment, but for long term care. She is mine to raise, to grow, to teach about Him.

I don't have any Spiritual children. I could easily call myself Spiritually barren. But I haven't wept and prayed and fought lately for anyone except my own daughters. I haven't fought to birth anything or anyone... not spiritually at least.

So tonight I'm wondering about myself and my priorities. I want to make sure I'm as available to God for Spiritual Children, as I am for His earthly children. I don't get to serve Him in one area and ignore others.

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