The lyrics coming to mind right now are "Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side."
And while not everything has come together (I sincerely doubt that until I reach Heaven that I'll be able to conclusively say that "everything" has come together...) I just want to tell you what God has done.
When I left San Antonio at the end of September, I had been job hunting for nearly 4 months with no real success. The only luck I did have was one incredibly fun job that unfortunately netted me about 2-3 hours of pay per week. Needless to say, for some reason I felt that wasn't enough to live off of. Just before I left, I had finally been offered 2 jobs and had to turn them down. I also had two interviews lined up that I had to cancel (interviews were hard to come by as well, so even getting to that stage was progress).
When I submitted to God and said I would return to San Antonio after a month helping my mother I wondered if God had been in my return at all. It had felt like the right thing to do, and today, in hindsight, the month seemed just exactly what was needed. Dad needed a break from mom, and some physical help in doing some of the major renovations he'd begun on what will one day be their home, and here I was ready and able to crawl under the house and get dirty.
When I came back though, in my prayers was that God would bless what I'd done. That He would bless my letting go of San Antonio and doing what I felt was necessary. I suppose it's hard to understand but I didn't want a blessing just because I wanted things to be easier or because I was tired of job hunting or needed money. I truly wanted it just to know that Gods hand of blessing was on something that I had done.
I returned on Sunday night, and began job hunting Monday morning. I went through several interviews and tests with one company and was required to come back a second day for more interviews. On that second day I was hired. I didn't announce it on my blog because there were some negative issues concerning it but deep inside all I could think was "You've really blessed me Lord." 4 months of looking and searching, and He brings about His will in 2 days. I was distinctly impressed with the realization that what I have isn't because I've done something, but because God has. It's easy to neglect that idea.
The only issue was that, well, now it was November 3rd, and my new job wouldn't start till November 18th. I deliberated the idea of continuing the job search in hopes of finding something that would start sooner. But the reality of no money coming in combined with the fact that cars run on gas, equaled the knowledge that if I have no gas I could technically have no job as well if I can't transport myself back and forth until the pay begins. So I sat back, slightly nervously I must say, and waited for the 18th to arrive.
At nearly 7pm on the 17th I received a phone call from the company telling me not to come to work. They'd had a problem with my background and until it was resolved I couldn't come to work. The next training classes would begin in January.
I'd like to tell you that I began fasting and praying, or that I hit my knees and didn't get up from my righteous womans fervent praying until I felt the issue was resolved. But instead all I could feel was quiet. I told God, quite simply, that I could only do what I could do the best I could do it and the rest was up to Him. And then I wrote a blog post about how God had given me too much.
At 8am this morning I stood before the door of their building and asked that God would grant me favor with these people. Then I went in, announced myself, and said I was there to talk to Barbara in HR. I took a seat in the lobby filled with people that were preparing to start that morning. I sat quietly as the receptionist called them all back. I waited alone in the lobby 20 minutes for my audience with Ms. Barbara McCoy.
She was gracious, but very firm. My application was fraudulent, the company I said I worked for for 5 years did not know I existed. They would not hire me. I pointed out the error (they had called the wrong company - which was partially my fault because they had to look up the information because I'd written the wrong area code). I told her that I'd already talked to that employer this morning and that she should have already received an e-mail from them in the last 30 minutes.
She left me alone in the room again while she went to verify the e-mail and some other things that had not been done concerning me. She returned with a welcoming smile and said "Come with me." I suppose I have limited life experience, but I could only imagine those words sounding sweeter coming from my Savior as He welcomed me to Heaven. I have a job.
I've been in San Antonio 5 months without steady work. When I try and stop and figure out how on earth I've paid my bills, I don't have the faintest clue. I really don't. Yet every month I've been able to pull my share and even help others when they've needed it. He's given me too much.
As I studied the facts tonight and that the two tanks of gas required to drive back to my parents for Thanksgiving might be more than I can handle, I talked over the possibility of my not going back for the holiday with my family here. Minutes later I checked my e-mail and someone was interested in something I had on craigslist. There is one tank of gas. Will God provide the 2nd?
None of these things have happened with wild shouts and exclamations of joy but with a suddenly quiet spirit that is willing to just wait and see how it turns out. This has distinctly felt like one of those moments where I just had to hold my peace and let the Lord fight my battles. And He has. And it has been a perfect example of how I am victorious today. Rather than trying to pin it all on "Now the problems are solved it's going to change" it's simply; Today. Sufficient for the day is the trouble thereof - or something like that.
He's given me too much.
I feel like this part should be in a different, separate post so those who aren't interested in the minute details that this post is chock full of wouldn't have to wade through it all - but it fits here so for those that skipped this post because it was too long I'm sorry they missed this part.
At church tonight, the speaker made a point concerning the events of Adam and Eves original sin. If you read from a King James Bible it depicts how God came to Adam and Eve and said "You may eat of all the trees in the Garden. But do not eat of this tree."
The devil came along and said "Did not God say you could not eat of all the trees in the Garden?"
Gods focus in His wording was on all that He has given us. You may eat of ALL the trees - save one.
Whereas the devil twists the words to "You can not eat of all the trees" and taints everything with the one thing forbidden.
In explaining the concept to my niece this evening I gave her the example of when she and her brother were obsessed with heelies. No matter what you gave them, their hearts cry was for heelies and whatever you gave them it wasn't heelies. They couldn't see "all the trees" because the devil had limited their focus to "not ALL", the one thing they didn't have.
And I don't know how to hand you a peace like this except to tell you what God has done for me, and how wonderful it is, how peaceful it is, how precious it is to have my gaze now on "all the trees".
I'm sure my gaze will swing sometime. I'm human and stupid - a LOT. But despite the things that seem to be lacking right now, I can only keep thinking "He's given me too much." There is extra. There is more than enough. More than more than enough.
Don't let the devil show you one tree, when God has planted you a forest.