I want my first post back to be about a small miracle that happened recently. I'd like to share with you, because I think it's important to recognize God can do these things, and just because we feel certain things does not make those feelings true.
Sunday, November 1st my parents drove off to go to church.
I then packed all my things together, loaded them in my car and headed to church myself. This was the day I was to head back to San Antonio and the day would begin with pretending it was just another day.
We were entirely unsure of how my mom would react to my leaving, so it was decided that the best course of action was to simply not tell her and not let her see me leave.
I had spent the entire weekend struggling with the decision. I felt horribly guilty, imagining that she would somehow come to her right mind and realize that I had left without saying goodbye.
And then topping the mound was a conversation with a friend of my parents who could only express her shock and disappointment that I would abandon my parents. She told me of my parents disappointment as well.
If you know anything about me, you more than likely know how addicted to obligation and responsibility I am. The words spoken to me ate at me like a cancer. I struggled with guilt that was so heavy I could hardly sleep, eat, or get through the day without weeping. I pride myself on doing what needs to be done - and in this, I was leaving something so very important undone. I was sick.
At the same time, I was determined to return because I know beyond a doubt that God has planted me in San Antonio for some reason yet to be revealed.
By the time I drove my car, packed full of goods, to church that morning I was an emotional wreck. I barely held myself together right up until we began singing "He's all I need". In that instant I crumbled and I could only say "God, I need you. I know what You've called me to do and I know that I am not guilty, yet the feelings of guilt are consuming me and I can't bear under the load. Please God, take away my guilt."
And He did.
I don't know what condemnation you are facing, whether it's feelings of shame, loneliness, guilt, hurt, anger, fear, grief, or worthlessness. Maybe you're afraid you're not providing for your family, giving enough time to your kids, not patient enough with your siblings, not a hard enough worker for your employer, afraid you waste time when you should be volunteering to a cause, not reading your Bible enough, not praying enough, not being good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not wise enough, not holy enough.
The devil is always able to show you some way that you just aren't enough. And the way past those accusations isn't to show him how you are enough, how you meet whatever standard he's set for you. All you have to do is head to the Master, and confess that indeed you aren't enough - and you absolutely need the One and only one who IS enough. More than enough. And then trust in that.
I was amazed when I left church that day in far better shape than when I came. I had need of my Savior and I found Him there. He touched me, and removed my guilt and shame. It was an absolute miracle. No one can change a heart like God can.
He can do the same for you, if you just ask.