Monday, November 09, 2009

He wipes away my guilt and shame and lets only His love remain.

I want my first post back to be about a small miracle that happened recently. I'd like to share with you, because I think it's important to recognize God can do these things, and just because we feel certain things does not make those feelings true.

Sunday, November 1st my parents drove off to go to church.
I then packed all my things together, loaded them in my car and headed to church myself. This was the day I was to head back to San Antonio and the day would begin with pretending it was just another day.

We were entirely unsure of how my mom would react to my leaving, so it was decided that the best course of action was to simply not tell her and not let her see me leave.

I had spent the entire weekend struggling with the decision. I felt horribly guilty, imagining that she would somehow come to her right mind and realize that I had left without saying goodbye.
And then topping the mound was a conversation with a friend of my parents who could only express her shock and disappointment that I would abandon my parents. She told me of my parents disappointment as well.

If you know anything about me, you more than likely know how addicted to obligation and responsibility I am. The words spoken to me ate at me like a cancer. I struggled with guilt that was so heavy I could hardly sleep, eat, or get through the day without weeping. I pride myself on doing what needs to be done - and in this, I was leaving something so very important undone. I was sick.
At the same time, I was determined to return because I know beyond a doubt that God has planted me in San Antonio for some reason yet to be revealed.

By the time I drove my car, packed full of goods, to church that morning I was an emotional wreck. I barely held myself together right up until we began singing "He's all I need". In that instant I crumbled and I could only say "God, I need you. I know what You've called me to do and I know that I am not guilty, yet the feelings of guilt are consuming me and I can't bear under the load. Please God, take away my guilt."

And He did.

I don't know what condemnation you are facing, whether it's feelings of shame, loneliness, guilt, hurt, anger, fear, grief, or worthlessness. Maybe you're afraid you're not providing for your family, giving enough time to your kids, not patient enough with your siblings, not a hard enough worker for your employer, afraid you waste time when you should be volunteering to a cause, not reading your Bible enough, not praying enough, not being good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not wise enough, not holy enough.

The devil is always able to show you some way that you just aren't enough. And the way past those accusations isn't to show him how you are enough, how you meet whatever standard he's set for you. All you have to do is head to the Master, and confess that indeed you aren't enough - and you absolutely need the One and only one who IS enough. More than enough. And then trust in that.

I was amazed when I left church that day in far better shape than when I came. I had need of my Savior and I found Him there. He touched me, and removed my guilt and shame. It was an absolute miracle. No one can change a heart like God can.
He can do the same for you, if you just ask.

5 comments:

r. sivad said...

Wooooo...Preach it, girl, preach it. This made the holy ghost in me shout "hallelujah".

Anonymous said...

You have no idea how timely this message was for me, Jeanette. Like within minutes of admitting to my husband that I've been struggling with condemning myself for various things. Thank you so much for being obedient to God to send me the message I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. I'm still praying for your parents, and I'm glad you're back in San Antonio.

Destiny

flyawaynet said...

Robert: Thank you for your encouraging "Amen"!

Destiny, thank you for telling me how this helped you. I know you've been having a really rough time lately though I don't know the situation. I'm praying for you, and so glad you're able to step out from under the weight of the devils condemnation. I'm still amazed at what God was able to release me from since I know how good I am at condemning myself. If He can do it for me, I know He can do it for you.
I'm so glad I met you here in SA!

InHisGrace316 said...

I'm glad we met as well. It was defintely through God's guidance that He brought you and your wisdom in to my life.

Destiny

r. sivad said...

You also touched on alot of issues I've had. For I've had guilt concerning about all of these.

I can sense the devil building a negative wall around my mind. Getting me to doubt who I am. Making me feel as you mentioned, worthless. That, I'm not, smart, pretty, strong or whatever, enough. Guilty of not doing enough.

And, I start letting it get to me, start giving in to my feelings. But, then, I ask God to help me. After that, I start realizing, I'm more then enough, that what the devil is saying is not true. God loves and cares for me, regardless of who I am or what I've done (which is what matters most, God excepting me, as is). If God says I can, I can. I am more then a conquerer, for I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me. And I start believing that I can, I can be more then I am now.

Yes, He does remove guilt, pain, sorrow, what ever is weighing us done. And, patience is key to it all. God works by His time clock, not ours. He is never too early, never too late, He is always, right on time. I may have guilt today, but, tomorrow, a new day will dawn. What God sets free is free indeed. Praise God, Jesus set me free!!!

Sorry for the long post.