So, to be perfectly honest I didn't watch the movie Thursday as I planned.
I woke up and the song "I will glory in the Cross" was rolling through my head. Main lyrics are:
I will glory in the cross, in the cross
lest His suffering, all be in vain.
I will weep, no more, for the cross that He bore
I will glory in the cross.
And that put me off even more as I informed God that He could make me sing the song, but He couldn't necessarily make it true.
So I procrastinated all day long about coming home until there wasn't time to watch it.
Then I did the same on Fri.
Then I did the same on Sat.
I was starting to feel really bad about it though, so on Sunday I finally did it.
It hurt, just as I expected.
I didn't make it through Sunday as gracefully as I had hoped, but it wasn't as bad as the last time at least.
But one thing it did do for me is just solidify some plans I've been forming in my heart for a couple of weeks now. When we moved down here, missional living was a big topic for all of us. Unfortunately, one of the people in the house hates being around strangers. And I've yet to find a way to meet new people without them being strangers first. So the missional style we'd planned didn't quite pan out.
But as I contemplate my move I've been more aware that as a disciple of Christ I've been called to go into San Antonio and preach the gospel to every creature. And I've been dreaming dreams while I'm awake as images come to me and ideas and changes.
I'm anxious and nervous. And I look forward to getting started. The movie only solidified that. I'm ready to take the next steps, and I'll be spending the next couple of months studying my Bible more and more because I cannot do this simply on good ideas and wishes. The steps of the righteous are ordered of the Lord - but reading His instructions usually help too.
God has given me a passion of my own, yet it's still His.