Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Is that not my name you're calling?
People rarely say my name right. If you don’t know me well, and sometimes even those that do know me well still get my name wrong. I’d played the piano in a church for over a year, when the pastor called “Jessica” to the piano. My name isn’t Jessica. Nor is it Jennifer, Janell, Janet, Janice, Gina, or Jamie. But I’m called by the incorrect name so often that I typically answer to them – regardless of what name you use. I am the girl with no name. But the other evening, I was walking into church when I heard someone say “Hey, you slipped right past me… Jennifer! Jennifer!” I’d come from the other side of the parking lot, no where near this man so I filtered through the information and the fact that they were still a long ways away from me to conclude he wasn’t talking to me so I kept walking.
This week, as I consider things I wish I had stopped. I wish I had turned around and just made sure. Yes, I’ve done things like this before and usually feel foolish because, well, obviously Jennifer isn’t my name either, but…. I wish I would have checked. Because when someone calls out to you there is a reason they called out your name. And people are too important to have them calling only to be ignored. Even if they’re calling the wrong name. I have too many names and none at all.
When God calls my name I want to be the person that is so anxiously waiting to hear her name called that she’ll answer for someone elses name too. When a hint of a name comes out, I want to be there saying “God? Did You call me? I’m here, I’m here God, if You called for me.”
It doesn’t have to be the right name. It doesn’t have to even be directed at me. I just want to be listening, eager, waiting.
For so many things in life you have to be patient, to have decorum, to show restraint and caution and wisdom. But there’s something perfect about imagining that excitable dog, who’s so happy to see his master that he’s leaning on the door, mouth panting and tail wagging, just waiting for you to come in. And when God sees me, waiting on Him, I’d love for Him to have that same sense from me. Perfect joy and excitement just to be near Him, to hear Him call my name, and to be able to turn around and say “Here I am Lord”.
Tail wagging and all.