My dad invited me to lunch yesterday.
I think the last time we ate together, alone, was 14 years ago.
It's amazing how two people can sit right next to each other and not really say anything. We talked about a lot of important things, but they were all technical things. He even began each new topic with the number it was on his list of things to talk about. Not that there was anything wrong with that, it was just a reminder that we weren't talking as friends.
We're all concerned about my mom who seems to be going far too quickly. And we're concerned about him having surgery possibly this month, and how his being in the hospital for a week will affect mom. He's also concerned about a constant legal battle he's fighting over the land my house sits on.
All in all, it was a heavy meal.
The thing that always surprises me is, even listening to things that are of great importance, and great sorrow, there's the underlying and constant assurance, at least in these areas, that everything is going to be alright.
I can't tell you why, I can't tell you how, and I can't tell you that "alright" means it turned out the exact way I wanted it to. But it will be alright.
I've watched my friend, and my co-worker, Lisa, struggle through so many things. I've watched her fight legal battles, emotional battles, I've seen her suck it up when her own dad had alzheimers and finally passed away. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that the "it's going to be alright" does not transfer itself to everyone -especially those that don't know God - during rough times.
There's just a peace that comes from knowing that God is in charge.
I don't mean to sound sacrilegious or ungrateful, but doing what God wants you to do, with no reassurance that you're going to do it well or right, is downright frustrating. Frustrating and scary.
I've thought back to the thorn that Paul had in his side, and how God said it was to be used to display that in Pauls weakness He was strong. There's no doubt in my mind that I, Jeanette, am destined to be a horrible foster parent. But I'm trusting, that without fail, when my weakness at parenting appears, His strength in parenting will take over. He will lead and guide and I'm just going to be along for the ride.
Cause let me tell you, if I'm driving... we're in a whole mess of trouble.