It's a foolish thing. And when I say it's a foolish thing, I guess I'm really saying that I don't think anyone else would understand it. Whether it's because it's something that only makes sense in my head, or just because the idea is so twisted up in my head I can't get the tangles into words enough that anyone would understand them.
I sat at the piano tonight, doodling. And in messing around in different keys, I finally gained some meaning to something that's been happening at the piano in the past year.
Sometimes, while I'm playing in some key that I don't normally play in, a tune, a melody will come into my head and I'll start playing it. But then, once I think I've got the hang of it, I try and move it back into a key that I'm more familiar with so I might can do more with the melody. Only to find that once I get back to my 'normal' key, the melody is lost.
It's frustrated me over the months, because sometimes I'll get the neatest melodies but it will be in a key with so many flats or sharps or something that I just can't even play the melody because it's too hard. And the thing is, I could figure it out if I stayed and practiced, but I want to hear the melody come to life so much that I drag it over to my 'normal' key. And that's where the story ends every time. Melody lost.
As I played tonight, I began wondering about the different things that I was waiting to see the outcomes in my life. Wondering what I should be doing, what I should be believing, wondering where the next level in this whole mess is and how to get to it so I can rest. And today, as I sat there playing, the thought occurred to me that the next level might just be a key that I don't play in. And if I keep trying to cram the next level into my 'normal' life, I'll never find the melody, the level that I'm suppose to reach.
One small problem with life is that you can't just wake up in the morning and say "This feels like a D-minor day". One bigger problem with the whole idea is that any time you try and play, or live, differently than you've ever done before you're bound to make a lot of unpleasant noises until you've practiced it enough.
So, to everyone who has been wondering what that strange racket coming from my blog is, I'll tell you what it is.
It's me, learning to live in a different key.