I've spent most of this last month in an unusual amount of physical pain. I can't move, sit, I even spent the entire day at work in a big bulky winter jacket because removing it was just more painful than what taking a jacket off was worth.
Do I have a disease? Some type of disorder? Did an accident happen to incapacitate me?
No. I've just grown.
I've spent time challenging my muscles. I've lifted weights too heavy for me lift, and I've done crazy magical sit ups (if you're not in shape enough to do a sit up, I can show you a cool trick that will let you do them). And 24 to 36 hours later, I'm in torment.
I started cleaning out some unnecessary items from my little corner of the world, trying to clear out anything I don't really need. Something I'd already done for the first move, but it's amazing how much more you can find to get rid of. Here is a picture of what the process looks like though. It doesn't look like improvement - does it?
God is working on me. Sometimes it hurts because things that I did before, I'm now convicted about as He draws me towards a more holy lifestyle. The organized lifestyle I had before is more cluttered, unclear - I rarely know what bills will be paid or what tomorrow might be like. I used to have a 5 year plan, and now I'm thankful if a 5 day plan goes well. It seems messy, and unfocused and while that bothers me I have only to look at that photo of my room to remember how things look worse while they're being fixed.
We often think if it hurts or looks messy that something must be wrong. But it's just the process. It's why I go back to the gym every single week and do something that I know will hurt later. It's why I piled bag upon bag, stuff upon stuff, knowing that at the end I'd have a good finished product.
But I'm not done. Even though things got put back into order, I'm still not done. I was only working on one little section (despite the fact that it effected the whole room) and soon I'll tackle another section of the room.
Just like God will do for me eventually whenever life falls back into place, it'll all unravel again as some other area goes under renovation. And I pray that just like I go back to the gym even though I know it will hurt, that I'll head straight back to God and wait for my next renovation, for the next unraveling, for the next test and trial.
It's worth every bit of the pain. I know that without one doubt in my mind.
For I know God is Good.