Tomorrow, Lord Willing, I will go here and there and do this and that.
My "Here" is Mexico. My "There" is comparison shopping at "Lindas Pharamcy" and the "Almost Free Pharmacy". My "this or that" will be buying another supply of Aricept, my mom's Alzheimers medicine.
I always feel a little daunted before I go, leaning heavily on verses like the one I just quoted from James that states with confidence that whether I go, or not go, it is the Lords will. He's got it all under His control and all I have to do is trust Him.
Sometimes, to be perfectly honest though, as much as I trust God and love Him - sometimes I'm absolutely petrified that His plans won't line up with my plans.
And yes, I realize how ridiculous that is.
But there is always a tightness in my chest as I realize that I'm standing at a moment that God could turn the tide of events in a completely different direction and... am I prepared to deal with that and accept that and love Him and trust Him all the same?
Or will I only accept His will for my life - and the lives of those I care about - when it matches up with my own plans.
I know what I want my answer to always be. But often I get that clenched gut feeling when I wonder if He will test it. He tested it the day He took Bella away and I failed miserably.
What could He test you with? Are you willing to let your answer be yes - no matter how far away from your own plans He diverts you?
I don't write this with fear or worry that somehow I'll fail God and that He'll be angry or that I'll not make Heaven because He's mad that I failed.
Though I believe God can get angry and that I could not make Heaven if He so chose.
But I write this with fear of disappointing a Savior that I know loves me beyond my imagination, beyond what I can ask or think. Beyond what my feeble typing can describe for you. I write this because I fear that as much as He's worthy of praise, I'll fail to give it. I fear that I'll be given a perfect opportunity to show how much I love and trust Him and my heart and mind will be too caught up with temporal things to embrace the chance.
I love Him.
And whatever tomorrow holds, I pray that I'll accept it with grace and dignity, humility and love. Not with pride and anger, and a frustrated reminder of my personal "rights" and space. But with the grace of God abundantly flowing out of my life.
Anyone can be gracious when the going is good and things are going as you imagine they should. But do you let God really control your life and plans even when we don't like His? Whatever I hope my answer will be, my attitude will be my true answer on those days - and I hope I am able to show all the love and honor due in that opportunity.