This is an iffy little post for me to write because the entire thing leaves me feeling frustrated and foolish and even though the situation ended several days ago I am still burning with the lesson I learned.
I suppose it's still a little too tender for me because I'm going to leave the details vague - but suffice it to say, someone told me they were a certain thing and they were not.
And I'll tell you straight up it's pretty annoying to be lied to.
And, as almost always happens, as I stewed about how mistreated I felt by someone else - I was able to see that same sin within myself.
I've actually gotten better about it, unexpectedly so and very recently, with this blog. I'm admitting things more close to my heart and misguided than what I would typically like to do. You all are getting a pretty fair and open look at exactly what I think and feel when I write - both good and bad. You've seen me at my most stubborn, most fearful, and you've seen me be downright wrong.
And that's exactly what I want you to see because amongst my strong desire for God and Holiness is a completely whacked out person who still struggles just to not bite someones head off or quit relationships the minute they get hard. I'm human.
It's nice to have people in your life that appear to be so utterly Godly that you can dump all your problems into them like a coin bank machine and receive back a little slip of paper that just tells you what you should do. Those people never get tired, or discouraged, they always want to listen to your problems and they never have any of their own.
The problem is, those people are really actually human. They're just pretending for your sake because they know you want a prop to hold you up and that you're expecting it to be them instead of God. So they stand there and take it. But it's always painfully disappointing when you reach for your fix it all coin bank and discover they're off having a cancer removed from their liver and they're trying to figure out why God let this happen.
My friends, I'm always willing to listen and encourage you however I can, but if you've read my blog you'll see I'm no Holy Joe.
But what I do hope people will find in this blog is that, much like the Army motto, I'm trying to be all that I can be. I might not make it some days, and some days I might sail through so easily that it's hard to imagine doubting anything.
But whatever you do, even you coin bank folks out there who pretend you never woke up in the morning saying "I hate everything about this decision God.", don't pretend to others that you're more than you are.
Be all that you are. Every glorious, nasty bit of it. Fight for the best - but don't ever pretend to be perfect. Be exactly who you are. I have it on good authority that people enjoy seeing others grow. How can anyone see you grow if you walk around perfect?