I like to know. Trust me, if you had known me as a kid you would realize that too. I have to know what's going on and I have to understand how it's going to end. I plot ends to conversations, how one action might lead to another action, and every book I've ever read has been rewritten multiple times each night as I go to bed wondering how it's going to end.
I want to know.
This last year, has been a year of not knowing.
This month, is one great big unknown.
After writing last nights post about disasters and God using them... I went to bed.
Then I woke up this morning to find out that well... for the moment I want to keep the events just between me and God. But it's quite a bit to lump into one month and expect everything to turn out ok.
I. Don't. Know.
But here's what I do know. God is still in charge. He knew what was going to happen, He knows the how's and whens, He knows how to provide what I NEED, and sometimes an abundance of wants. I'm tempted to worry and do crazy things to help circumstances, I'm tempted to sit in an anxious ball and wait for the month to end. I'm tempted to lose faith in a God that hasn't failed me yet.
But I'm not. Perhaps this month might be my biggest step of faith ever.
I was sitting here, wondering what I was going to do and how I can make things work by myself, when God brought to my mind that He provides for His childrens daily needs. What I need today. Tomorrows problem is tomorrows. He's providing for me today. And I trust in that.
So I've made a conscious decision to use His resources (time, money, wisdom, strength) today and trust He'll provide more for tomorrow.
Because I just know He will.
And if this disaster leads me somewhere I didn't expect to be, I'll simply know God had His hand in it and trust in that.
I wish I could give you all the details, but I tend to worry that I'll discount Gods provision if I've allowed others to know the needs (sometimes, depending on the circumstances). But I need to tell you, a year ago I'd be whimpering right now. Tonight, I'm sitting here simply saying "I still trust You God. I'm not worried."
And the crazy thing is, it's actually true.