Tuesday, December 13, 2011

When it doesn't sound.

I played my old piano this past weekend and almost immediately noticed that the A key doesn't sound very easily. It didn't even sound at all initially unless I hit it very hard.

Music and children seem to be the two most significant God inspired passions in my life. And it's within those two joyful endeavors that I learn the most about God, and see my own little walk in new ways.
This time was no different.

The piano isn't played as often, now that I'm not sitting there adoring it and spending something more than just the regular church hours playing it. Now, it just doesn't get the same use. So it's not necessarily in disrepair - it's not that bad, but things change over time.

Things do change over time.

Considering that, it made me wonder how I have changed. Usually this type of reflection takes place after Christmas and as you enter the new year.My love for music though, and my dismay at seeing a note not play correctly, bring this topic to my mind over and over again.

Because I care a lot about the sounds my life makes to Gods ears.

It's easy for me to get mentally swamped into raising these babies, writing my progress notes each week, staying up with their drs appts, visitation, what needs to be done next and when and how to begin adoption process. It's easy for me to sometimes pray, talk to God about the important things, and then move on.

But this week, I've spent some time in the quiet moments. Talking to God about the deeply personal, the emotional, where I feel weak and needy, and just telling Him I love Him.

It's the time that changes us from boss/employee to a real relationship.

I don't want to just work for Him and report in on progress and ask for help when the project is difficult.

I want a relationship. And I need to always keep Him as the main goal, rather than these children. The work is never it. God is it.

And while I've got my mission, my goal, and I know where I'm going, none of it compares to simply walking with God. So I don't want to have one area of my life that doesn't sound as good as the orphan area. Or my worship area sounding awesome, but my ability to bridle my tongue barely noticeable.

I don't think anyone noticed the music Sunday was missing a note.
But I did.
And while it's easy for me to miss the fact that my melody is not playing as well as it should -
God hears it.

I want a whole melody. I want to be a full, every note resounding in triumphant perfect tune.

So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,  speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father. Ephesians 5:17-20

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