Tuesday, December 06, 2011
All I want
I'm listening to Mariah Carey sing "All I want for Christmas is you" as I type this - I was searching youtube for a not-so-awful video of it (for a fun family-type song, she doesn't always dress and act in a fun family-type way in the videos). Here it is! Enjoy!
Have you been asked the question yet? "What do you want for Christmas?"
I have. And my answer, much to the frustration of the asker, was simple.
I want Precious.
All that I have, of any value, I've sold, or am willing to sell and just haven't gotten around to it yet. If you buy me something valuable for Christmas - I'm terribly sorry if it offends you, but if it's nice enough I'll probably sell it. Everything I have, all of me, is all about getting her. She must be bought with a price.
But as I thought about the givers in my life, those people that want to wrap up something I'd enjoy and hand it to me... I began to wonder about something. There is great joy in giving. But, we tend to want to give what we want to give.
My sister-in-law Glenda was recently pestered by her boss to tell her what she wanted for her birthday. The answer - a giftcard to Wal-Mart. What did she receive? A gift-card to Ross.
Why ask if you aren't going to give it?
Because the giver felt they knew what was best. They had something in mind as what was good enough, right enough, useful enough, that they understood what the receiver should actually have if one were to cut through all the niceties of what people actually say they want and what they really could use.
I can't envision anyone in my family wanting to just wrap up five bucks and say hey, you want Precious - here is what we can do to help you get Precious. No. they want to buy stuff, or make stuff, or do stuff. Because it feels more like a gift. I understand this because that is exactly the sort of thing I would do myself.
And as I sat here thinking "I want Precious", the implications of it were...at least to me... rather intense.
I want her to be mine. Oh, she IS mine already. That is as established in my heart as if it were carved in diamond. But I want everything about her to be mine. I want to give her my name. I want her papers to say she is mine. I want to take the word "foster" out of "foster daughter". I want to be able to stand before God and man and make a covanant before God to raise her. I want her to be fully, absolutely, completely, no strings or red tape attached, mine.
God wants me.
I want to give Him time reading my Bible, He wants me to be willing to just sit in His presence and listen for Him.
I want to give Him a hundred orphans saved, He wants me to spend time just talking to Him, walking with Him.
I want to give Him a perfect me - one that doesn't sin, or think rude thoughts, or give up when I want to be lazy. He wants a me that simply desires Him.
I look at Precious and I say "I want you" it has nothing to do with her growing, developing. All I think of is simply be mine - ob child, be fully mine!
I want her to grow but I simply want her to be mine. I will help her grow. I will hold her hands and show her how to stand, I will help her move her legs and learn walking motions. I will repeat words over and over and over again so that eventually her little beautiful lips will speak them to me. I will give her foods that change from milk to soft, to meat so that her body will grow and change, and strengthen.
All she must do is simply be mine.
She need not worry about anything else.
I will raise my child.
All I must do is simply be Gods.
I need not worry about anything else.
He will raise His children.
Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.
Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.
Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David.
Behold, I have given him for a witness to the people, a leader and commander to the people.
Behold, thou shalt call a nation that thou knowest not, and nations that knew not thee shall run unto thee because of the LORD thy God, and for the Holy One of Israel; for he hath glorified thee.
Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.