I wrote to two leaders in the church tonight and let them know that I was leaving the church.
The decision comes after a month of trying to avoid the place, just not going, and then that was followed up by attending what turned out to be my final service where a youth minister/guest speaker quoted off the numbers of kids his youth groups have sprouted to, and then referred to Jesus healing the man at the pool of Bethesda as "some dude came up to him".
All I could think about was Eric Ludy's sermon that I've been listening to, over and over and over again (seriously, I think I've passed 20 listens now because he's speaking exactly where my heart beats) where he compared modern church today to Seinfeld. A bunch of people, loving each other in their own messes, all the while so focused inward on themselves and their lives that nothing ever changes. (paraphrase because despite many listenings I can't quite quote this sermon yet)
The decision was only difficult in the fact that I really have no where else to go. I'm doubtful that I will find a good church that actually preaches the Gospel and lives it out - and are willing to have only Christians in their membership, as opposed to having nice numbers.
This Pastor there is sincere in his hunger and attempts to grow the church spiritually, but, after spending so much time watching videos for the progressive Christmas celebration with $5 gifts, giving a round of applause to the church softball team who came on stage in their uniforms to be recognized for having won their tournament undefeated, and hearing about the turkey bowling at the youth "block party" (at which 50 kids were somehow "saved") I found myself... so utterly tired and defeated when it comes to church that I managed to avoid it for 3 weeks until this past Sunday where Jesus, my Saviour and Redeemer, was relegated down to "some dude".
I'm not offended, though perhaps I should be - mostly I'm just sad. I want Acts. I want Jesus. I want to see what the Bible promises - and if I don't have it, I at least want to be surrounded by people that are willing to step on my toes in order to find it.
I want the God of the Bible, and not the watered down, desecrated god of our churches.
I want more.