Tuesday, October 04, 2005

What changes?

Reading the newspaper today, my co-worker, Lisa, and I discover that an old employee of ours committed suicide this weekend. She waited with a crowd at the train depot and then when it got closer she walked towards it and then stepped in the tracks. She was 23 years old.
She worked for us a year and a half ago. Didn't have a lot going for her, was a hard worker though. She was a good worker. She had a terrific attitude. She would come in, loud and vibrant, always laughing and smiling. She was tough.
But, the outside lies a lot.
I won't see inside to the hurt, I wish with all my heart I could. But if I could, I imagine it would be hard to stop crying. I can't imagine some of the hurts you carry. I can't imagine the pain and hopelessness. I've felt it myself, contemplated suicide myself what seems like ages ago. But, I found hope. And I want you to know that the hope is there for you too. I know it's hard and I know it doesn't seem like it, but you've got a purpose here on this earth. And God loves you, and He has an expected end in store for you. Look to Him, and I promise, if you trust in Him you'll never EVER be the same again.
Life is good on this side, there is hope, and peace and joy. And when you're broken and seemingly alone, you don't have ANY idea how those three things could feel. But they're out there, and available to you. Comment and I'll show you the way, Read the bible and you'll read the way, pray and you'll feel your way. Jesus IS the way. Don't give up, try one more time. It's not over.


Tera said...

You know, that's a very sad thing. I've never known anybody who has committed suicide, although I know it's a common thing.

There's been many times that I've contemplated it, I've been contemplating it since I was in highschool. Just the other night, I had a random thought to cut my wrists, and almost did it randomly. What's strange, is I don't WANT to die, but yet, I have jolting thoughts about it that are unexpected. I think it's a part of being obsessive-compulsive. Plus, sometimes, I love pain. And I used to cut my wrists.... until one day a police officer said, "Do you want your future husband to look at your wrists and wonder why they're scarred?" Made me stop and think.... no I don't want that, and I certainly don't want my children to see it.

Anyway, I'm not suicidal... just random thoughts about killing myself or my husband... just a part of my illness. The good thing is, I sometimes don't usually act on it. Just sometimes.

I'm sorry about your friend. Sorry to make this so long and not make any sense. God bless you Jeanette, you are truly a blessing to so many people.

flyawaynet said...

Hey Tera, thanks for commenting on my blog! I'll e-mail you more later, but I wanted to quickly respond that I know that those thoughts are from the devil. Lots of things come from illnesses, but only the devil is passionate enough about wanting us dead! You've got a lot to live for, and an exciting future ahead. The bible says in James 4:7 - Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
I believe those words with everything in me. And if you ever need help 'resisting', well, you've got my phone number! :)