I must admit that though I've always understood God has absolute all power, and is the only thing that can change a persons heart, I've never understood the HOW aspect of it. I say this, because in continuation of the gift God has given me I cooked supper last night. I cooked it, and while I waited for it to cook, I sat in my living room, with the tv off and I read my book. After finishing supper and the dishes, I went outside and mowed my yard. While mowing my yard, I felt impressed to start another project to help my poor yard out. I was ok with the original change in habits, but it was looking at my house and yard with the new eyes that surprised me the most. I know most of the things that need to be spruced up around the property, but rarely consider doing them with any form of hopefulness. And that is exactly what I felt. Hopeful.
I've spent so much of my time lately, angry and frustrated with myself and others that it is hard to see God's goodness in them or myself. I realize that so many are much like myself, and they see things that need to be done, but lack the motivation or the heart to actually do them. While I understand in a sense, seeing it in others around me, and myself, still frustrates me.
In the book I'm reading, this lady blasts someone verbally for a sin he is committing, and it turns out her blasting him opened his eyes and changed his life. Technically her blasting him seemed 'good' since the results were good. But after she had done it someone turned to her and questioned why she could see the sin in others lives so clearly, and not her own. Her character is a clear reflection of myself. And while I don't want to be oblivious to sin so that I am unable to call it if it is necessary. I do want God to continue working in my heart so that I see others sin through the compassionate eyes of God.
God knew that I would never take the steps I've taken this week and last without Him changing my heart. But while He may have been willing to change my heart, He required something of me first.
Today, and something most profound to me, I regret that He left me .59 cents.