I don't completely understand why my mind goes to the places it does. My mind wages an enormous battle daily concerning what I believe to be true, and what I know in my heart isn't true. That battle is by far one of the most exhausting ones I could face, and also one of the most selfish.
You see, the beliefs that I'm struggling with all day long, all concern myself. And "I" shouldn't be my focus day in and day out. So if God wanted to strike at me somehow to get me out of my selfish rut, while I wouldn't enjoy it, I would certainly understand that I would only be receiving what my childish behavior has earned me.
But God, in His infinite mercy, granted me mercy last night. He had a humble man stand before me to speak directly to me.
I'm reading the bible through in a year, and we're in Job right now. We're reading tragedy after tragedy that struck Job, followed by health problems that I wouldn't even begin to understand the torment of them. And he's facing all these things because he trusted in God so much that God put him as an example for Satan.
It's like the Commander of an army sending his best man to show the enemy just how strong his troops are.
If that's what He does for his most faithful, how far short I must fall if I measure my success in God's Kingdom by how cushy my life is.
Something has got to give.