Thursday, June 29, 2006

My story

God wanted me to give up television.
I didn't have to never watch it again, but I'm a teetotaler and so if I was giving up tv, I was already thinking I'd give up my subscription to direct tv. God had put this nudge in my heart at least a year ago, and recently the nudging and pushing had become so strong I was literally being overwhelmed. Everywhere I turned someone was talking about giving up television. Nearly ever service at church mentioned giving something up, one time specifically mentioning T.V. and or just the need to give something up. Radio preachers preached on giving everything to God, and even my case manager at CASA mentioned she wanted to give up their tv habits but her husband didn't want to get rid of it.

I couldn't.
I told God several times that I would, I even lasted a full 24 hrs once, once. The few times I did turn the television off I found myself sitting in an empty and very quiet house thinking there had to be more to life than this. A few times I even got angry with God, TV isn't the evils that some of the strict Assemblies of God think it is, why did I have to give it up? In truth, I was terrified that He would stop telling me to give it up. There was nothing, nothing living or dead as horrific to me as the idea that God had given up on me.

He could.
Finally, I told God I couldn't do it. I informed God stoically that I had tried, and failed. It wasn't possible for me to do. I told Him I felt like it was a cop out for me to even ask, but if He wanted me to stop watching tv, He was going to have to change my heart. It seems like if He changes your heart so you can give something up to Him, then it's not much of a sacrifice, but that is what He did. But in truth, He didn't change my heart about television. I still like it and maybe pause for an hour or so of it a day. What He did do, was fill my life so full, that I don't have time for it. When I go home, my hours are filled with labors for my home, with the quiet stillness of reading a book, or with actually taking time to play with my cat for the first time in months.
Before, I use to look forward to going to work because the idea of staying home for a day seemed so boring to me. Now each hour at home is filled with purpose. Purpose. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I wanted to share this, because I know some of you have something God wants you to give up. Whether it be something physical like tv, or something emotional like bitterness or anger, He wants to replace whatever it is with something so good that you would never understand even a small idea of it's value until you obtain it. God seems to be ok with the fact that I'm foolish and willful. He even seems to be ok with the idea that I couldn't sacrifice something as ridiculous as television without His work.

For me, I don't believe any change would have come if I hadn't finally broke down and informed Him that I needed Him to do the work in me. For me. Are you willing to do the same?

Thank you for having read this far in my testimony. I know it was long and took some time. So thanks for reading what God has done. Just know, He can do the same for you.


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