I knew this part would take some getting adjusted to. I'm no longer single and solitary, but single and surrounded by 4 other people. All the time. Every day.
It takes some adjustment.
But I didn't realize my attitude would have to change here.
I'm not put out about it, it's just an adjustment.
I was called incessantly cheerful.
I'm actually proud of it. Maybe I shouldn't be, I know they certainly didn't mean it as a good thing, things were stressful and I was still cheerful and cheerful was the last thing needed.
We'd been here 4 days and turned down one job and had not gotten another job yet. Money is tight and bills will show up whether we have a job or not.
I was told that I should weep with the weeping.
I can control my cheerfulness. I've stopped myself from the continuous singing or humming, on a grueling hike in the hot San Antonio sun I managed not to comment about how beautiful the scenery was or how great the hike was. I did not even hint at the idea that life was grand.
But that didn't get me where others wanted me though. I don't know how, or why I should weep with the weeping when I know the answer is on it's way. If you were mourning for a loved one, I could weep for what is lost. But, if you are weeping for something fixable and I know within myself that the answer is coming - I don't know how to weep with you.
My relationship with Christ is singularly the most important thing to me. But, it simply has to translate to others outside my door. It can't just hide within me and bear no fruit of compassion or empathy. And I can assure you, my faith in my Provider was... not the representation of Christ they were looking for.
So, what do you do when a brother tells you to weep with them? And if you are supposed to - how do you do that despite your faith? It feels like crying that the bus hasn't gotten here yet and yet you know it's going to get there in 5 minutes. How do you mourn with those that (you're convinced) just need to wait a little longer?