I'd headed out last weekend to pay my official respects to the title "dad" by visiting him. It could have actually qualified as a good weekend except one thing: about 6pm Saturday I felt a sinus infection coming on.
At least that's what I think it is. Next thing I know it feels like I've got a tooth ache on every single tooth on the right side of my face. It's.... so.... special...
I've got a miracle cure for this problem - since I hate medicine - it's a nifty little thing called Colloidal Silver.
Unfortunately, I couldn't just go off and find some right then.
Saturday became Sunday, and Sunday became Monday. It hurt. So Monday morning I found "Vitamin World!" who sells my precious.
It didn't work instantly, as it normally does, because by then I had some beautiful swelling going on, was trying not to talk any more than I absolutely had to, and was reminding myself that no one ever died of "face pain".
Here's where the post gets real.
I have a baby sitting job, it's just a very small part time thing that occupies two days a week while I look for work. Monday I was praying that God would heal the stupid infection (or whatever it actually is) so I could go to work. It's really hard to babysit a 2 yr old without, you know, t a l k i n g.
And here's the kicker:
God told me to go to work.
I reminded Him of the obvious.
He told me to go to work.
Tuesday morning arrived, my face throbbing more than any of the previous days, I called the employer and said I just couldn't be there that day.
It's one of those events where you tell yourself; "You know, that probably wasn't really God anyway. That's just my inner work-a-holic speaking."
We went to church tonight, and the song service stomped all over me. The second song especially got to me with the words to the verses speaking very specifically to me and what had transpired between myself and God.
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a new revival
Starting as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
(Hosanna by Brook Fraser)
I repented, then and there of disobeying - but God wasn't done yet.
The next song began, and the chorus to that song simply repeats over and over again "God, You Reign."
And that's when I realized - I'd taken control of myself from God by refusing His directive. Yes I disobeyed - but in one of the few, very real, moments when He's told me to do something specific and out of the ordinary that I didn't like I chose my will over His.
It was hard to sing out "God You Reign!" when I knew I hadn't allowed Him to.
I'm thankful God allowed me to see the deeper implications to my sin rather than just assume the initial idea of disobedience.
As I listened to the song, repenting and most of all praying to do better - I was surprised at the completely different tone of the next song that was played. It was almost as if the leader knew I was out there repenting - it sang:
I cling to the cross and everything it means
I know it's the only hope there is for saving me
For without Your great mercy
I would be forever lost
With a thankful heart I come
And cling to the cross
(I cling to the cross - Paul Baloche)