I've been enjoying a major change of attitude lately. I almost took a part time job, but then I felt, again, the strong urging from God that I need to be here while I'm here.
For those of you that don't know, I'm living with my brothers family right now after the initial move to San Antonio so that we could all save expenses.
Our lease is up at the end of June so we'll all be parting ways and moving again (just to separate houses here in SA). And as the time gets closer and closer I just keep seeing how I'm running out of time to really enjoy my niece and nephew as local cohabitants. :)
When I made the decision to turn down the job, and literally gave as my reasons "I feel God wants me to be here while I'm here" - rather than spending so much time at work and away from home - something happened inside me.
I start practicing all the things I know I'll need as a foster mom. I started cleaning things, washing things, keeping things more clean, spending more time outside with the kids rather than sequestered in my room reading a book.
My attitude towards them has changed too - I've been a part of a trend of sarcasm and mocking in this house that I decided I needed to put at end to on my part. I remember vividly after spending two pleasant evenings with my niece, that the next night at supper I joined into laughter at her expense. Granted, we want her to have a thick skin and be able to laugh at herself - but, while she never said a word specifically, she looked at me several times like she felt betrayed. As though suddenly she wouldn't have expected me to join in the laughing this time.
Not a word spoken, but that look still haunts me.
I want my kids, and my niece and nephew, and my family, and my friends to always know that if I'm in their corner, I'm entirely in their corner. I want them to know that I won't hurt their feelings on purpose, and if I do hurt their feelings that I'll apologize and not make excuses for why it's ok that I did what I did.
This is what God is doing in me.
He's given me peace and excitement concerning the coming move.
He's given me peace and comfort concerning my parents move and the fact that I'm not there to help.
He called me to move 300 miles from home and despite the fact that I previously lived paycheck to paycheck, He helped me survive 5 months without a job.
He gave me wisdom concerning how to deal with a tenant that is renting my old home, and per an agreement with him he actually got caught up on all the delinquent expenses within 15 days.
He helped me befriend a girl that I couldn't have less in common with - (she's never out of high heels, and giggles about the color pink and glitter) - and He's really working something in her heart so she's starting to seek answers.
In the past 8 years He has taken me from a broken, hurting person to one that is entirely confident in so many things concerning His love and grace. I have a home in Him. I have love and life in Him. I am happy. I am content even with the things I don't have.
I have been blessed.
I know you don't often comment, but one thing that frustrates me about churches is that they don't too often have a testimony time anymore. If you just feeling like giving praise to God in writing, I'd love to see it in the comments.