Psalms 119:116 - My prayer

In the small way that this blog is a journal for me, I need to document something. In the larger way that this is a public forum, I need to announce something.

I've begun the steps to become a foster parent.

I've already told the only person that would really care (my mom) and I think she's been anticipating my beginning this almost as much as I have. I looked at the paperwork over a year ago and somehow felt the timing wasn't right. But suddenly everything started pointing towards it shortly after I finished up my last CASA case. The doors have opened widely and easily. But that doesn't mean a struggle isn't ahead.

The training is intense, especially when I'm currently working two jobs. I left work early yesterday, went to a training meeting in Richardson, Tx., and arrived home about midnight. At 1am I took off again to do my 2nd job and didn't get home to actually try and get some sleep until 3:45am. There seemed to be no mercy in the world at all when 3 hrs later my alarm clock went off and I stumbled off to work again.

Beyond the physical, there is the financial. The bunk bed God practically handed me needs bedding and sheets that I don't have. I need a chest of drawers, lock boxes, plastic covers for electrical outlets, smoke alarms, fire extinguishers, first aid kits, and even special trash cans. And this is only the initial list.

Beyond the physical, and financial, there is the emotional. I never, not even once, imagined what day one of a child in my home might be like. The childs day could have easily started like any other, they head off for school only to have the day end up with strangers all around you asking questions. Then, to cap it all off, instead of going home you're dropped off in some strangers home and told this is where you're to stay for who knows how long while who knows what happens to your parent/s - to your home. Sadly enough, thanks to vivid word pictures from our instructor, I can imagine it now and had to confess to God over and over last night that I can't imagine comforting that kind of pain, and that if He's really wanting someone like me to do this, He is going to have to equip me.

I've been telling God lately that there is just too much to pray about already. From my parents health and finances, to my church family's physical, financial and spiritual needs, to my pastors need for strength, wisdom, encouragement along with physical and financial needs, to the numerous needs inside my brothers family, not even counting my earnest prayer that my niece and nephew will grow in the grace, knowledge, wisdom, mercy, love, and faith of my perfect Savior. Looking at it all, I couldn't imagine a worse time to start this trip. But, I didn't start it of my own volition I know that for certain.
God has a plan and this is part of it. Even if I never foster a child, there is at least something in this process that God wants me to grab. And I'm determined to do that.

My mom always used the phrase "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." Quite recently she admonished a church that the needs they faced reaching out as a church weren't our needs, but God's needs. And He meets His purpose by using willing hands. Well, my hands are willing; they're shaking a bit much to be considered steady, but they're willing. And by God's grace, when the time does come, they'll be willing and able.


And I can hardly wait. :)