I've been focusing on the idea that God is with me lately.
You've seen the references in several posts and it showed up in my reading today. I'm reading 2 Chronicles seeing the leadership of king after king after king and this one particular kings words struck me.
The entire story is found in 2 Chronicles 20, and I'm not going to quote the whole story so here's the jist of what's happened.
King Jehoshaphat finds out he's about to be attacked and he's scared. The chapter relates a long prayer that finally ends in this statement; "For we have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”
I don't know what to do but my eyes are on you.
The end of the story turns out that by the time Jehoshaphat's army climbs the top of this hill and looks out, all his people see are dead bodies. And then they spend the next three days going back and forth collecting all the spoil that was left. That's a pretty good ending if you ask me.
I've been plotting something for the last couple of days. I knew I wanted to do something, but didn't know what I could actually do, what I could get away with doing, and what I could do without burdening others with what I'm doing. I'm still stuck, but I've taken up Jehoshaphats prayer. I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on You. And while I don't particularly want to find a load of dead bodies at the top of my hill, I would like to find a miracle.
"Now when they began to sing and to praise, the LORD set ambushes against the people of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah; and they were defeated. For the people of Ammon and Moab stood up against the inhabitants of Mount Seir to utterly kill and destroy them. And when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, they helped to destroy one another.So when Judah came to a place overlooking the wilderness, they looked toward the multitude; and there were their dead bodies, fallen on the earth. No one had escaped. When Jehoshaphat and his people came to take away their spoil, they found among them an abundance of valuables on the dead bodies, and precious jewelry, which they stripped off for themselves, more than they could carry away; and they were three days gathering the spoil because there was so much"
Monday, November 06, 2006
Building God's house
This weekend I was reading in Haggai and came across something that intrigued me.
Haggai 1:2-11
2 “Thus speaks the LORD of hosts, saying: ‘This people says, “The time has not come, the time that the LORD’s house should be built.”
3 Then the word of the LORD came by Haggai the prophet, saying,
4 “Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins?”
5 Now therefore, thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider your ways!
6 “ You have sown much, and bring in little;
You eat, but do not have enough;
You drink, but you are not filled with drink;
You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm;
And he who earns wages,
Earns wages to put into a bag with holes.”
7 Thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider your ways!
8 Go up to the mountains and bring wood and build the temple, that I may take pleasure in it and be glorified,” says the LORD.
9 “You looked for much, but indeed it came to little; and when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why?” says the LORD of hosts. “Because of My house that is in ruins, while every one of you runs to his own house.
10 Therefore the heavens above you withhold the dew, and the earth withholds its fruit.
11 For I called for a drought on the land and the mountains, on the grain and the new wine and the oil, on whatever the ground brings forth, on men and livestock, and on all the labor of your hands.”
I've worked very hard for the last few months to get my house in order. And while I don't particularly feel as though I've put my wages into a bag with holes, these verses still made me think.
My church isn't run down, I think it's beautiful. But I wonder, by putting more effort into my church could I be bringing more blessing onto my home?
Now that things have settled down and I've almost completed the process to become a foster parent I've found myself with time on my hands. While you might laugh at the idea of me being bored and tell me to enjoy it while it lasts, for me, it's still something to get beyond. That's how I ended up reading the book of Haggai and thinking.
What does God think when my home is clean and His is not? When I plant flowers in my yard and leave His unattended? When I fix minor problems around my house but leave His faucet dripping?
I know all too well the verses about those that hear the word and don't follow up with some "doing".
I'm not the same person today that I was last week. Something in my heart has changed, something in my desires has changed. Tv shows that use to interest me have me impatiently waiting for them to finish. And while you might think that fixing Gods house and something changing in me are two different topics, for me they are one and the same. As I see God's hand working in my life, changing, fixing, and teaching, the more I want to do in return.
Last night something changed in my hand. I got home from church and I considered my hand and this morning the weakness that has been the biggest problem this week is gone.
Last night I prayed in tongues for the first time.
It's time to give back.
Haggai 1:2-11
2 “Thus speaks the LORD of hosts, saying: ‘This people says, “The time has not come, the time that the LORD’s house should be built.”
3 Then the word of the LORD came by Haggai the prophet, saying,
4 “Is it time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, and this temple to lie in ruins?”
5 Now therefore, thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider your ways!
6 “ You have sown much, and bring in little;
You eat, but do not have enough;
You drink, but you are not filled with drink;
You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm;
And he who earns wages,
Earns wages to put into a bag with holes.”
7 Thus says the LORD of hosts: “Consider your ways!
8 Go up to the mountains and bring wood and build the temple, that I may take pleasure in it and be glorified,” says the LORD.
9 “You looked for much, but indeed it came to little; and when you brought it home, I blew it away. Why?” says the LORD of hosts. “Because of My house that is in ruins, while every one of you runs to his own house.
10 Therefore the heavens above you withhold the dew, and the earth withholds its fruit.
11 For I called for a drought on the land and the mountains, on the grain and the new wine and the oil, on whatever the ground brings forth, on men and livestock, and on all the labor of your hands.”
I've worked very hard for the last few months to get my house in order. And while I don't particularly feel as though I've put my wages into a bag with holes, these verses still made me think.
My church isn't run down, I think it's beautiful. But I wonder, by putting more effort into my church could I be bringing more blessing onto my home?
Now that things have settled down and I've almost completed the process to become a foster parent I've found myself with time on my hands. While you might laugh at the idea of me being bored and tell me to enjoy it while it lasts, for me, it's still something to get beyond. That's how I ended up reading the book of Haggai and thinking.
What does God think when my home is clean and His is not? When I plant flowers in my yard and leave His unattended? When I fix minor problems around my house but leave His faucet dripping?
I know all too well the verses about those that hear the word and don't follow up with some "doing".
I'm not the same person today that I was last week. Something in my heart has changed, something in my desires has changed. Tv shows that use to interest me have me impatiently waiting for them to finish. And while you might think that fixing Gods house and something changing in me are two different topics, for me they are one and the same. As I see God's hand working in my life, changing, fixing, and teaching, the more I want to do in return.
Last night something changed in my hand. I got home from church and I considered my hand and this morning the weakness that has been the biggest problem this week is gone.
Last night I prayed in tongues for the first time.
It's time to give back.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
I will fear no evil
Lisa and I and her boyfriend, Lee, went out to dinner after work. We had a really pleasant evening that unfortunately ended very badly. She's dealing with some really rough people that know some even rougher people and as we were leaving the restaurant we were physically threatened by several of them. Naturally we decided the best course of action was to get in our cars and leave PRONTO.
That worked for everyone but me. I got to my car, but the transmission was acting up and it wouldn't go. It would start and go a few feet but wouldn't go any further than that. So I did what anyone would do in that situation... I called my brother. :)
I tried my best to stress to him how serious the situation was, it was dark, the car wasn't starting, and the guys that had threatened us before were within 100 feet of my car watching me. But he told me he couldn't come because Brice (his best friend) was over and he and Glenda and Brice were in the middle of a game.
So I called my parents.
My mom answered the phone and I told her what was happening and asked her to please come get me and she just kept saying she'd had car trouble like that before and if I wait that it would start. She was certain she'd had this problem before and knew it would start if I'd just wait. Then, as I'm trying to convince her that waiting doesn't seem like an good option right now, thanks to modern cell phone technology my call is dropped.
Finally, feeling more than a little desperate and frightened I call a number from memory that I'm almost certain is the local police and I get some lady that wants to assist me with my call when my phone battery dies. I find a hundred different words for idiot as I think about how many times I've considered buying a car charger for my cell phone. It's just madness.
I finally decide there might be someplace, anyplace nearby that could be safer than sitting in my car so I get out of the car. There's a theatre close by and I head that direction.
At the theatre I discover they're playing a movie called "Black White Chicks" a movie whose plot is basically a bunch of black males dressing as white females. I turn and see 5-6 such guys that decided to dress in drag for the viewing of the movie heading my way. I decide that maybe this isn't the "safe place" I was looking for and move on, but not before that group accosted me. I don't even remember now what was said but they pushed me against the wall and tried to hurt me. I escaped the biggest guys grasp and ran, terrified across the street.
Then I woke up.
Before going to bed I'd read the book of Zephaniah. One of the verses that stood out at me was in Chapter 3, verses 1 & 2
1 "Woe to her who is rebellious and polluted, To the oppressing city!
2 She has not obeyed His voice,
She has not received correction;
She has not trusted in the Lord,
She has not drawn near to her God. "
Immediately after reading it I considered sinners not obeying, receiving correction, things like that. Then it became as clear as day to me the many many many many times I've failed to obey, that I didn't receive His correction humbly, that I didn't trust in the Lord, and that I didn't draw near to MY God.
My dream played out exactly as it would have in real life. The steps I took in the dream are steps I would have naturally taken in real life. While I don't fear strangers even if some situations seem dangerous, I do fear evil. Throughout the entire dream I felt the strongest sense of evil that was waiting to hurt me and I was scared.
Thinking on it later, I've realized how I generally equate the presence of evil with the absence of God; the presence of God with the absence of evil. But, as a famous musician/songwriter once wrote; "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thou art with me" Evil or no evil, GOD IS WITH ME.
There is a song that says "there are depths of love that I cannot know" and the farther I go the more I think on the idea of "depths" of spirituality. There are depths of love, depths of trust, depths of peace, depths of faith.
Oh to walk deeper into the depths!
But a wise man I know once made it clear, 'you can only go so deep before you have to swim, and you can't swim if you're holding onto stuff'. At least that was the jist of it.
Before I close this post, I want to share one more verse with you. It may be that no one reading this will understand how much it meant to me as I read it but suffice it to say God knows what you need. He often meets that need through His Word. The words that touched my heart came from a tiny book called Zephaniah. A book people don't generally read too much. Read God's Word.
Zephaniah 3:16 & 17
In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: "Do not fear; Zion, let not your hands be weak. The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you in His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
That worked for everyone but me. I got to my car, but the transmission was acting up and it wouldn't go. It would start and go a few feet but wouldn't go any further than that. So I did what anyone would do in that situation... I called my brother. :)
I tried my best to stress to him how serious the situation was, it was dark, the car wasn't starting, and the guys that had threatened us before were within 100 feet of my car watching me. But he told me he couldn't come because Brice (his best friend) was over and he and Glenda and Brice were in the middle of a game.
So I called my parents.
My mom answered the phone and I told her what was happening and asked her to please come get me and she just kept saying she'd had car trouble like that before and if I wait that it would start. She was certain she'd had this problem before and knew it would start if I'd just wait. Then, as I'm trying to convince her that waiting doesn't seem like an good option right now, thanks to modern cell phone technology my call is dropped.
Finally, feeling more than a little desperate and frightened I call a number from memory that I'm almost certain is the local police and I get some lady that wants to assist me with my call when my phone battery dies. I find a hundred different words for idiot as I think about how many times I've considered buying a car charger for my cell phone. It's just madness.
I finally decide there might be someplace, anyplace nearby that could be safer than sitting in my car so I get out of the car. There's a theatre close by and I head that direction.
At the theatre I discover they're playing a movie called "Black White Chicks" a movie whose plot is basically a bunch of black males dressing as white females. I turn and see 5-6 such guys that decided to dress in drag for the viewing of the movie heading my way. I decide that maybe this isn't the "safe place" I was looking for and move on, but not before that group accosted me. I don't even remember now what was said but they pushed me against the wall and tried to hurt me. I escaped the biggest guys grasp and ran, terrified across the street.
Then I woke up.
Before going to bed I'd read the book of Zephaniah. One of the verses that stood out at me was in Chapter 3, verses 1 & 2
1 "Woe to her who is rebellious and polluted, To the oppressing city!
2 She has not obeyed His voice,
She has not received correction;
She has not trusted in the Lord,
She has not drawn near to her God. "
Immediately after reading it I considered sinners not obeying, receiving correction, things like that. Then it became as clear as day to me the many many many many times I've failed to obey, that I didn't receive His correction humbly, that I didn't trust in the Lord, and that I didn't draw near to MY God.
My dream played out exactly as it would have in real life. The steps I took in the dream are steps I would have naturally taken in real life. While I don't fear strangers even if some situations seem dangerous, I do fear evil. Throughout the entire dream I felt the strongest sense of evil that was waiting to hurt me and I was scared.
Thinking on it later, I've realized how I generally equate the presence of evil with the absence of God; the presence of God with the absence of evil. But, as a famous musician/songwriter once wrote; "yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thou art with me" Evil or no evil, GOD IS WITH ME.
There is a song that says "there are depths of love that I cannot know" and the farther I go the more I think on the idea of "depths" of spirituality. There are depths of love, depths of trust, depths of peace, depths of faith.
Oh to walk deeper into the depths!
But a wise man I know once made it clear, 'you can only go so deep before you have to swim, and you can't swim if you're holding onto stuff'. At least that was the jist of it.
Before I close this post, I want to share one more verse with you. It may be that no one reading this will understand how much it meant to me as I read it but suffice it to say God knows what you need. He often meets that need through His Word. The words that touched my heart came from a tiny book called Zephaniah. A book people don't generally read too much. Read God's Word.
Zephaniah 3:16 & 17
In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: "Do not fear; Zion, let not your hands be weak. The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you in His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Friday, November 03, 2006
It's all about love
I've found myself the last two days praying for love.
In a book I was reading recently it talked of a man that was trying to constantly keep his mind on God and it talked about the change in his love for others. He said he looked at someone with love and felt that they wanted to go with him. Just to be near that love. He remarked that He could only imagine how people felt that looking into the perfect love shining out of Christs eyes.
The lady I work with is going through a very rough time and she's got an almost desperate need for someone to listen to her. I can only imagine the emotional pain of telling your story over and over again wishing someone could speak the love that would bring peace to the situation. I constantly struggle with love vs. justice so I know my justice seeking words aren't helping her love seeking heart.
There's a guy in our office temporarily. He's been here a week and is slated to be here one more week at minimum. I cannot even begin to fathom his life. He's tried to convince us to call him "Ghost" and as a general rule it's impossible to carry on a conversation with him. He literally walked past us the other day saying "catch up", either that or "ketchup" we still haven't figured out what he was doing. Needless to say we weren't chasing him, and he wasn't getting a condiment. In a rare moment, actually the only full conversation we've had so far, I talked to him about God.
People aren't what they seem.
He said he didn't attend church anymore because the pastor told jokes from the pulpit. He said "you can't be talking about The Man and cracking jokes". So he quit going. He became quite outspoken against "Christian Rap" and said christian music should be christian music, and rap can't be christian. He dreams of owning his own recording studio one day, where he hopes to make making records affordable for those just starting out.
Yet, after that conversation we went straight back to strange 3-4 word statements that don't make a lot of sense.
I spent the morning hauling a spanish speaking employee around while trying to find a drs office that would see him. Apparently if you don't speak any english you must have a translator or the dr won't see you. I finally found a spanish speaking dr that let us in without an appointment. I can only try to imagine the emotions that a person would feel if they didn't understand what was going on and why I'm hauling them all over town and leaving drs offices without him being treated. Fortunately the injury wasn't serious, but I still wonder how many others go through this every day.
Looking into the weathered hispanic face of this 57 yr old man I wondered at what all he had seen, done, and how he got to the States.
It would be amazing to have a love in your eyes that could literally change lives. Much less the words of love that could change the stubborn heart.
God help me show the love that You would show.
In a book I was reading recently it talked of a man that was trying to constantly keep his mind on God and it talked about the change in his love for others. He said he looked at someone with love and felt that they wanted to go with him. Just to be near that love. He remarked that He could only imagine how people felt that looking into the perfect love shining out of Christs eyes.
The lady I work with is going through a very rough time and she's got an almost desperate need for someone to listen to her. I can only imagine the emotional pain of telling your story over and over again wishing someone could speak the love that would bring peace to the situation. I constantly struggle with love vs. justice so I know my justice seeking words aren't helping her love seeking heart.
There's a guy in our office temporarily. He's been here a week and is slated to be here one more week at minimum. I cannot even begin to fathom his life. He's tried to convince us to call him "Ghost" and as a general rule it's impossible to carry on a conversation with him. He literally walked past us the other day saying "catch up", either that or "ketchup" we still haven't figured out what he was doing. Needless to say we weren't chasing him, and he wasn't getting a condiment. In a rare moment, actually the only full conversation we've had so far, I talked to him about God.
People aren't what they seem.
He said he didn't attend church anymore because the pastor told jokes from the pulpit. He said "you can't be talking about The Man and cracking jokes". So he quit going. He became quite outspoken against "Christian Rap" and said christian music should be christian music, and rap can't be christian. He dreams of owning his own recording studio one day, where he hopes to make making records affordable for those just starting out.
Yet, after that conversation we went straight back to strange 3-4 word statements that don't make a lot of sense.
I spent the morning hauling a spanish speaking employee around while trying to find a drs office that would see him. Apparently if you don't speak any english you must have a translator or the dr won't see you. I finally found a spanish speaking dr that let us in without an appointment. I can only try to imagine the emotions that a person would feel if they didn't understand what was going on and why I'm hauling them all over town and leaving drs offices without him being treated. Fortunately the injury wasn't serious, but I still wonder how many others go through this every day.
Looking into the weathered hispanic face of this 57 yr old man I wondered at what all he had seen, done, and how he got to the States.
It would be amazing to have a love in your eyes that could literally change lives. Much less the words of love that could change the stubborn heart.
God help me show the love that You would show.
A posted post
This post came from one of my favorite bloggers, gunner over at Raw Christianity posted this. I'd encourage anyone to make his blog a regular stop.
_______
Harder to live
About ten minutes ago I finished a long and thought-out post about rejoicing in the midst of trials instead of simply rejoicing in hindsight. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few months. I felt that it was worth it to stay up later to write it, even though I knew I’d be more tired tomorrow. It probably took me an hour and a half to write, and I was relieved and satisfied when it was done. It’s always good to think hard about something and to labor to express it, and I hoped it might be an encouragement and challenge to those of you currently facing difficult trials (which is everyone). I finished the post with these words:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
Five seconds after I clicked “Publish,” my post disappeared. It was gone. I searched my blog to see if it might’ve been saved somewhere, and I prayed that the Lord would bring it back so that it might serve as an encouragement. But in His good pleasure, it’s gone for good. A similar thing actually happened with a post from last week, but the next morning I woke up and found that the Lord had preserved it somehow. All I had to do was re-post it. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen this time, though, judging by the looks of things.
So now I’m about to shut off my laptop, turn off the lights in my study, brush my teeth, and climb into bed. And I’m asking myself the same question that I was going to ask you:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
It’s harder to live the truth than to speak it. Even though it was hard work to write the post, I enjoyed it. But it’s much more laborious trying to embrace the pain of losing an hour and a half of work that I was satisfied with and that I had believed would be a fruitful act of service.
It’s going to be hard to go to sleep knowing that I put a lot of time and thought and energy and passion into something that vanished as quickly as I had finished it. It’s also going to be hard to accept the fact that no one will be encouraged by what I had hoped would be an encouragement. But this is what the Lord has chosen.
So now, in the few minutes that I’ll have between slipping under the covers and falling asleep, I hope to meditate on Job, to calm my heart, and to rediscover the joy that honors God most when exercised in pain and disappointment. Everyone rejoices when life is good. But when you lose something you love and you still rejoice, you show that your treasure is something greater than what you lost. Even though what I ”lost” was laughably small, may God stir this joy and sense this treasure in my heart tonight.
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God (Job 1:20-22).
_______
Harder to live
About ten minutes ago I finished a long and thought-out post about rejoicing in the midst of trials instead of simply rejoicing in hindsight. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot over the past few months. I felt that it was worth it to stay up later to write it, even though I knew I’d be more tired tomorrow. It probably took me an hour and a half to write, and I was relieved and satisfied when it was done. It’s always good to think hard about something and to labor to express it, and I hoped it might be an encouragement and challenge to those of you currently facing difficult trials (which is everyone). I finished the post with these words:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
Five seconds after I clicked “Publish,” my post disappeared. It was gone. I searched my blog to see if it might’ve been saved somewhere, and I prayed that the Lord would bring it back so that it might serve as an encouragement. But in His good pleasure, it’s gone for good. A similar thing actually happened with a post from last week, but the next morning I woke up and found that the Lord had preserved it somehow. All I had to do was re-post it. I’m pretty sure that’s not going to happen this time, though, judging by the looks of things.
So now I’m about to shut off my laptop, turn off the lights in my study, brush my teeth, and climb into bed. And I’m asking myself the same question that I was going to ask you:
Everyone smiles at the rainbow. But can you smile in the rain?
It’s harder to live the truth than to speak it. Even though it was hard work to write the post, I enjoyed it. But it’s much more laborious trying to embrace the pain of losing an hour and a half of work that I was satisfied with and that I had believed would be a fruitful act of service.
It’s going to be hard to go to sleep knowing that I put a lot of time and thought and energy and passion into something that vanished as quickly as I had finished it. It’s also going to be hard to accept the fact that no one will be encouraged by what I had hoped would be an encouragement. But this is what the Lord has chosen.
So now, in the few minutes that I’ll have between slipping under the covers and falling asleep, I hope to meditate on Job, to calm my heart, and to rediscover the joy that honors God most when exercised in pain and disappointment. Everyone rejoices when life is good. But when you lose something you love and you still rejoice, you show that your treasure is something greater than what you lost. Even though what I ”lost” was laughably small, may God stir this joy and sense this treasure in my heart tonight.
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. He said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God (Job 1:20-22).
Thursday, November 02, 2006
A quick quote
God's love never ceases. Never. Though we spurn him. Ignore him. Reject him. Despise him. Disobey him. He will not change. Our evil cannot diminish his love. Our goodness cannot increase it. Our faith does not earn it any more than our stupidity jeopardizes it. God doesn't love us less if we fail or more if we succeed. God's love never ceases. -- Max Lucado
God is good
Awhile back my brother and his family were going through some hard times. His last blog entry at his blog talks about how the violent take things by force and how he wrestled with God and God answered.
I'm not like that. I need God. I need God. I need God. I don't need a hand, a foot, 5 senses, money, didly squat. I need God. Everything else is a blessing, it's wonderful and seems necessary but it's still extra. When it comes to myself I've found I only feel right asking His Will in my life. When it comes to others and them wanting healing or something I approach it with the idea that I'm asking something "extra" for the person. I'm asking God, in all His mercy, to look down and give a drop more mercy, that He would be glorified through it.
So for 5 days now I've looked at my hand and wished certain things, but never took it to God saying "fix it please". I've tried to adjust my mind and be ready accept whatever outcome comes my way.
During Sunday school this past Sunday the lesson on Jonah, the teacher kept saying that sometimes we've disobeyed God and refused to do what He wants and that's why bad things happen to us. Last night my pastor started off talking about how God chastises us because He loves us. Then he began his sermon from Psalms 5. It's a short chapter if you want to read it. The pastor seemed to focus on the first two verses, but unfortunately for me I always read ahead. By the end of the sermon the words from verses 4 & 5 were burned into my head For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee. The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
I'd read those verses probably 30 times over and over, talking to God and trying my best to convince Him that if there was something I wasn't doing, I didn't have a clue what it was. He put foster care in my heart as clearly as spray painting it on my car. I knew what to do, when, and even the agency to use for my training. He's usually pretty clear for me. So if I'm being chastised because I'm not doing something, I don't know what on earth it is.
It was as I was completing this conversation with God again, I looked up from my bible and discovered my pastor staring at me. My heart sank, I'd made it this far, almost 3 full services without anyone praying for me. And then my pastor spoke and asked if they could pray for me.
If I'd had an ounce, just an ounce more courage I would have actually said no. I would rather everyone speculate and be disappointed in me than to have them disappointed in God because He said no. But I've been raised in church my whole life, I know protocol. When someone asks if they can pray for you, you just can't say no.
Everyone gathered around me and prayed.
I didn't hear a thing any of them said. The minute the murmur of prayers started I closed my eyes and I begged God in His mercy to not disappoint these precious people. I literally prayed He'd heal my arm and inflict me somewhere else just so these people could see their prayers answered and I'd still learn whatever it is He's trying to teach me. --feel free to comment that I'm insane --
This morning, I feel different. There have been a few moments where my hand almost felt normal for a moment, but that's not where I feel different. At 1am this morning I arrived at a place to pick up some newspapers and had to wait for them to arrive. I spent an hour and a half just sitting in my car. I was just quiet, which is rare if not next to impossible for my busy mind. It's the first time in my life I truly felt as though I'd had a conversation with God. He reminded me of things I hadn't thought of for awhile, and He pointed out some things in this situation that I hadn't put together. Every now and then my thoughts would fly away with me but then the quiet would return and after a bit the conversation would resume.
For all of the many crazy things I've been thinking of the last several days the one sure thing that has sunk into my head is that God is with me. I could have quoted you "I'll never leave you nor forsake you" a hundred times and thought I'd believed them. But since that first comfort He provided on Sunday I've felt His presence every moment since.
So let me tell you what I know.
God is good.
I'm not like that. I need God. I need God. I need God. I don't need a hand, a foot, 5 senses, money, didly squat. I need God. Everything else is a blessing, it's wonderful and seems necessary but it's still extra. When it comes to myself I've found I only feel right asking His Will in my life. When it comes to others and them wanting healing or something I approach it with the idea that I'm asking something "extra" for the person. I'm asking God, in all His mercy, to look down and give a drop more mercy, that He would be glorified through it.
So for 5 days now I've looked at my hand and wished certain things, but never took it to God saying "fix it please". I've tried to adjust my mind and be ready accept whatever outcome comes my way.
During Sunday school this past Sunday the lesson on Jonah, the teacher kept saying that sometimes we've disobeyed God and refused to do what He wants and that's why bad things happen to us. Last night my pastor started off talking about how God chastises us because He loves us. Then he began his sermon from Psalms 5. It's a short chapter if you want to read it. The pastor seemed to focus on the first two verses, but unfortunately for me I always read ahead. By the end of the sermon the words from verses 4 & 5 were burned into my head For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee. The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
I'd read those verses probably 30 times over and over, talking to God and trying my best to convince Him that if there was something I wasn't doing, I didn't have a clue what it was. He put foster care in my heart as clearly as spray painting it on my car. I knew what to do, when, and even the agency to use for my training. He's usually pretty clear for me. So if I'm being chastised because I'm not doing something, I don't know what on earth it is.
It was as I was completing this conversation with God again, I looked up from my bible and discovered my pastor staring at me. My heart sank, I'd made it this far, almost 3 full services without anyone praying for me. And then my pastor spoke and asked if they could pray for me.
If I'd had an ounce, just an ounce more courage I would have actually said no. I would rather everyone speculate and be disappointed in me than to have them disappointed in God because He said no. But I've been raised in church my whole life, I know protocol. When someone asks if they can pray for you, you just can't say no.
Everyone gathered around me and prayed.
I didn't hear a thing any of them said. The minute the murmur of prayers started I closed my eyes and I begged God in His mercy to not disappoint these precious people. I literally prayed He'd heal my arm and inflict me somewhere else just so these people could see their prayers answered and I'd still learn whatever it is He's trying to teach me. --feel free to comment that I'm insane --
This morning, I feel different. There have been a few moments where my hand almost felt normal for a moment, but that's not where I feel different. At 1am this morning I arrived at a place to pick up some newspapers and had to wait for them to arrive. I spent an hour and a half just sitting in my car. I was just quiet, which is rare if not next to impossible for my busy mind. It's the first time in my life I truly felt as though I'd had a conversation with God. He reminded me of things I hadn't thought of for awhile, and He pointed out some things in this situation that I hadn't put together. Every now and then my thoughts would fly away with me but then the quiet would return and after a bit the conversation would resume.
For all of the many crazy things I've been thinking of the last several days the one sure thing that has sunk into my head is that God is with me. I could have quoted you "I'll never leave you nor forsake you" a hundred times and thought I'd believed them. But since that first comfort He provided on Sunday I've felt His presence every moment since.
So let me tell you what I know.
God is good.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Are you watching this?
I made the phone call to my mom telling her I wasn't to use my arm awhile. Among the many things she said is that I may be doing all this just so "someone" could see me go through this.
So I ask you.... Are you watching?
For those that are only watching me on this blog, let me tell you what you're missing sight-wise today.
Today and yesterday I practiced my left-handed penmanship. "A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." So far my left hands writing ability is about the same range as a 7yr old.
I've scheduled my fire inspection for the foster care program, and somehow even successfully passed a class requiring me to perform the heimlich maneuver.
I've spent hours literally staring at my hand trying to will it to be better or at least different.
I played typer shark a typing game and discovered that my left hand types 34wpm with 97% accuracy. Yes, I'm boasting, feel free to boast about your own times in comments if you want. :)
I've researched as much as I can and found that stress can cause the incessant twitching to get worse so that may be why my general twitchiness has increased since I finally started thinking the was far beyond just being a little quirky. The bible promises perfect peace if my mind is stayed on God. My hand wasn't perfect, but I didn't lose my peace until I gave the problem more attention.
So, if you're watching this, this is me, trying to put my mind back on God.
So I ask you.... Are you watching?
For those that are only watching me on this blog, let me tell you what you're missing sight-wise today.
Today and yesterday I practiced my left-handed penmanship. "A quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." So far my left hands writing ability is about the same range as a 7yr old.
I've scheduled my fire inspection for the foster care program, and somehow even successfully passed a class requiring me to perform the heimlich maneuver.
I've spent hours literally staring at my hand trying to will it to be better or at least different.
I played typer shark a typing game and discovered that my left hand types 34wpm with 97% accuracy. Yes, I'm boasting, feel free to boast about your own times in comments if you want. :)
I've researched as much as I can and found that stress can cause the incessant twitching to get worse so that may be why my general twitchiness has increased since I finally started thinking the was far beyond just being a little quirky. The bible promises perfect peace if my mind is stayed on God. My hand wasn't perfect, but I didn't lose my peace until I gave the problem more attention.
So, if you're watching this, this is me, trying to put my mind back on God.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sometimes He calms the storm
All who sail the sea of faith
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place
-penned by Tony Woods and Kevin Stokes
Find out before too long
How quickly blue skies can grow dark
And gentle winds grow strong
Suddenly fear is like white water
Pounding on the soul
Still we sail on knowing
That our Lord is in control
Sometimes He calms the storm
With a whispered peace be still
He can settle any sea
But it doesn't mean He will
Sometimes He holds us close
And lets the wind and waves go wild
Sometimes He calms the storm
And other times He calms His child
He has a reason for each trial
That we pass through in life
And though we're shaken
We cannot be pulled apart from Christ
No matter how the driving rain beats down
On those who hold to faith
A heart of trust will always
Be a quiet peaceful place
-penned by Tony Woods and Kevin Stokes
What wouldn't I give?
We had a guest speaker last night at church.
Towards the end of the service he asked anyone that had a problem and knew God was going to fix it, to raise their hand. I could have raised my hand, but I didn't.
Some of the only things I know about God is that I don't understand Him, His decisions sometimes hurt, and my opinion on the matters doesn't mean didly-squat. For the most part, I'm ok with all that. I trust implicitly that He's working all - emphasis on all- things for my good. No one likes growing pains, but they are necessary.
I'm hesitant to blame the devil for certain problems, because I know God tests us, tries us, and refines us. I'm hesitant to inform God that I want Him to fix such-n-such, or that I know He will fix such-n-such, because there's always the possibility that He's just watching me to see how I'm going to react if He doesn't fix it the way I expected.
I might have failed or passed the test in one swift move yesterday.
My hand doesn't work right. The doctor said don't use it for ten days, if it's carpel tunnel then the hopefully swelling will have gone down and life will return to normal. I play the piano for my church, my church family. I called my pastor and told him I was out of commission. A call that I will never make again. The only other person that can play has become the song leader and so we just sang acapella. I have never felt more selfish and derelict in my life. I left the church that morning informing the pastor that I'd be back to playing that night. (note to my family that reads this blog...don't tell mom about me playing) :)
The main thing I've learned through all this is that music is my easy "in" with God. If I need peace, comfort, calm, patience, or hope - those all come when I sit down to play. Some of my best prayers, most loving prayers for people that I might generally have a hard time loving, comes through my playing.
I'm typing this with one hand, cleaning, working, reading, everything happens with one hand. And I don't even care, I can take these limitations in stride. But just the thoughts of my not playing has me...I can't even begin to describe the swell of emotions.
I asked last week in post "What would you give?" it's almost as if God turned right back around asking me what I wouldn't give.
James says "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations, knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience". I haven't made it even close to joyfulness. I haven't gotten past sadness yet.
BUT
For all my grief and fear I truly am grateful that He's still working on me.
Sunday morning in the middle of some of my strongest pain tears of grief and fear that I simply could not hold back rolling down my face. And let me tell you that's hard to explain to others during Sunday school lessons on easy topics like Jonah. Both my pastor and Sunday school teacher throughout the morning kept mentioning Gods hand and it was after about the third such mention that I felt a huge hand that reached from my shoulders almost to the top of my head. I quite literally leaned my head back against the support.
It's in me to demand health, healing, and my way. But it was in those simple moments with God's hand that I knew all I would truly plead for in this life is God. Everything else is a blessing.
Towards the end of the service he asked anyone that had a problem and knew God was going to fix it, to raise their hand. I could have raised my hand, but I didn't.
Some of the only things I know about God is that I don't understand Him, His decisions sometimes hurt, and my opinion on the matters doesn't mean didly-squat. For the most part, I'm ok with all that. I trust implicitly that He's working all - emphasis on all- things for my good. No one likes growing pains, but they are necessary.
I'm hesitant to blame the devil for certain problems, because I know God tests us, tries us, and refines us. I'm hesitant to inform God that I want Him to fix such-n-such, or that I know He will fix such-n-such, because there's always the possibility that He's just watching me to see how I'm going to react if He doesn't fix it the way I expected.
I might have failed or passed the test in one swift move yesterday.
My hand doesn't work right. The doctor said don't use it for ten days, if it's carpel tunnel then the hopefully swelling will have gone down and life will return to normal. I play the piano for my church, my church family. I called my pastor and told him I was out of commission. A call that I will never make again. The only other person that can play has become the song leader and so we just sang acapella. I have never felt more selfish and derelict in my life. I left the church that morning informing the pastor that I'd be back to playing that night. (note to my family that reads this blog...don't tell mom about me playing) :)
The main thing I've learned through all this is that music is my easy "in" with God. If I need peace, comfort, calm, patience, or hope - those all come when I sit down to play. Some of my best prayers, most loving prayers for people that I might generally have a hard time loving, comes through my playing.
I'm typing this with one hand, cleaning, working, reading, everything happens with one hand. And I don't even care, I can take these limitations in stride. But just the thoughts of my not playing has me...I can't even begin to describe the swell of emotions.
I asked last week in post "What would you give?" it's almost as if God turned right back around asking me what I wouldn't give.
James says "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations, knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience". I haven't made it even close to joyfulness. I haven't gotten past sadness yet.
BUT
For all my grief and fear I truly am grateful that He's still working on me.
Sunday morning in the middle of some of my strongest pain tears of grief and fear that I simply could not hold back rolling down my face. And let me tell you that's hard to explain to others during Sunday school lessons on easy topics like Jonah. Both my pastor and Sunday school teacher throughout the morning kept mentioning Gods hand and it was after about the third such mention that I felt a huge hand that reached from my shoulders almost to the top of my head. I quite literally leaned my head back against the support.
It's in me to demand health, healing, and my way. But it was in those simple moments with God's hand that I knew all I would truly plead for in this life is God. Everything else is a blessing.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
What would you give?
To save one soul from hell
Would you forsake your pride?
Would you forsake you parents?
Would you forsake your job?
Would you open your house to the homeless?
Would you give all your money, all your goods, to an organization?
Would you give up your free time?
Would you give up your favorite sport?
Would you give up one paycheck?
Would you a stranger one meal every day for a year?
Would you give up a friend?
Would you give up a child?
Would you give up your physical life?
Would you spend 2 hours a day praying for that person?
Would you allow that person to harm you?
Would you give up your cell phone?
Would you give up tv?
Would you give up your car?
Would you give up....anything that actually cost you something?
Would you forsake your pride?
Would you forsake you parents?
Would you forsake your job?
Would you open your house to the homeless?
Would you give all your money, all your goods, to an organization?
Would you give up your free time?
Would you give up your favorite sport?
Would you give up one paycheck?
Would you a stranger one meal every day for a year?
Would you give up a friend?
Would you give up a child?
Would you give up your physical life?
Would you spend 2 hours a day praying for that person?
Would you allow that person to harm you?
Would you give up your cell phone?
Would you give up tv?
Would you give up your car?
Would you give up....anything that actually cost you something?
Monday, October 23, 2006
Money Money Money Money Money
I love money.
Not necessarily the abundance of it, but fiddling with it.
I love bouncing around money, finding the safest place for it to land whether that be with the highest amount of interest, or the lowest amount of interest.
My debt charges me 2.99% interest for the life of the loan, and my bank pays me 4.99% interest for the pleasure of holding my checking account. I like that equation. With a few crazy maneuvers my phone bill actually shrank by 15 dollars when I added caller id, call waiting and call waiting id. It's amazing.
If you're spending too much, I can find ways to cut your bills, and increase or decrease your interest rate. Some things take time, but considering it's your money people are messing with (hard earned money I might add) it is more than well worth it. Financial stewardship might make some cringe, but for me you might as well be discussing Christmas eve. It's a joy, a thrill.
I cannot say this to brag because the fact of the matter is that I learned these things because of some costly stupid mistakes. I made a forty dollar mistake that cost me $9,000. No kidding. Among other mistakes that have left me saddled with debt, at this point I wouldn't trade a penny of it. I've learned so much, that helps me so often, I wouldn't trade what I've learned from debt for freedom from debt.
What that teaches me, what I know now better than ever before, is that every pain, every frustration I've ever been through has been for a reason. We all say it, and we all may think we believe it, but I wonder how many of us can actually point out the plus side to every struggle? Who says to their family "that car wreck was the biggest blessing!" or "I'm so glad I got fired!". It's just rare.
I know as a parent you have to make some amazingly hard choices. But rarely do those choices involve physical harm or peril to your child. Or getting your child fired from a job. At least I hope not. I can't imagine Gods life. Gods mindset as He does whatever it takes to get you to follow His will - a place you've supposedly prayed He would keep you. I can't imagine watching the pain and confusion on your childs face as they struggle with the lessons they have no idea are actually all that is keeping them on the right path.
I can't imagine how hard it is to love a child that much.
Today, I do something unusual and I leave you with a story. In this story one of the pots is cracked. In our wisdom we would never crack a pot in order to accomplish a task. In our wisdom we would do everything in our power to fix the crack so the pot would accomplish a task. But true healing comes when we use the crack to it's fullest potential, to accomplish something no "whole" pot could never accomplish. The bible states God won't put more on us than we can bear. Some pots, if you tried to crack them, would shatter. God knows which pots to crack. If I had to be cracked for the glory of God, then I can only thank God for loving me enough to bring the right people and circumstances in my life that would inflict those painful blows.
A water bearer in India had two large pots
each hung on each end of a pole which he carried
across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other
pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion
of water at the end of the long walk from the stream
to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily,
with the bearer delivering only one and a
half pots full of water in his master's house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection,
and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half
of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a
bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer
one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years,
to deliver only half my load because this crack
in my side causes water to leak out all the way
back to your master's house. Because of my flaws,
you have to do all of this work, and you don't get
full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot,
and in his compassion he said,
"As we return to the master's house, I want you to
notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked
pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild
flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad
because it had leaked out half its load, and so again
it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that
there were flowers only on your side of your path,
but not on the other pot's side? That's because I
have always known about your flaw,
and I took advantage of it.
I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walk back from the stream,
you've watered them. For two years I have been
able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate
my master's table. Without you being just the way you are,
he would not have this beauty to grace his house.
"Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws.
We're all cracked pots.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our
lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are,
and look for the good in them.
There is a lot of good out there.
There is a lot of good in us!
Blessed are the flexible,
for they shall not be bent out of shape.
*****For a quick and serious side note, the government might actually be holding onto money that failed to make it to you. You'll think it goes to everyone else BUT you, but you may very well be surprised. To do a search for your name in Texas go to Window On State Government For those that don't live in Texas you can also go to www.missingmoney.com and search your state. For those Texans that all this has confused... just call 1-800-654-3463 and they'll help you out. Or if you know my number call me. The idea of unclaimed money just floating around out there has been like Christmas morning every day since I've discovered it. I'll be more than happy to look up your relatives, friends, old bosses, any random name you can give me. ;) If I know your last name though, chances are I've already checked. This is too much fun!!
Not necessarily the abundance of it, but fiddling with it.
I love bouncing around money, finding the safest place for it to land whether that be with the highest amount of interest, or the lowest amount of interest.
My debt charges me 2.99% interest for the life of the loan, and my bank pays me 4.99% interest for the pleasure of holding my checking account. I like that equation. With a few crazy maneuvers my phone bill actually shrank by 15 dollars when I added caller id, call waiting and call waiting id. It's amazing.
If you're spending too much, I can find ways to cut your bills, and increase or decrease your interest rate. Some things take time, but considering it's your money people are messing with (hard earned money I might add) it is more than well worth it. Financial stewardship might make some cringe, but for me you might as well be discussing Christmas eve. It's a joy, a thrill.
I cannot say this to brag because the fact of the matter is that I learned these things because of some costly stupid mistakes. I made a forty dollar mistake that cost me $9,000. No kidding. Among other mistakes that have left me saddled with debt, at this point I wouldn't trade a penny of it. I've learned so much, that helps me so often, I wouldn't trade what I've learned from debt for freedom from debt.
What that teaches me, what I know now better than ever before, is that every pain, every frustration I've ever been through has been for a reason. We all say it, and we all may think we believe it, but I wonder how many of us can actually point out the plus side to every struggle? Who says to their family "that car wreck was the biggest blessing!" or "I'm so glad I got fired!". It's just rare.
I know as a parent you have to make some amazingly hard choices. But rarely do those choices involve physical harm or peril to your child. Or getting your child fired from a job. At least I hope not. I can't imagine Gods life. Gods mindset as He does whatever it takes to get you to follow His will - a place you've supposedly prayed He would keep you. I can't imagine watching the pain and confusion on your childs face as they struggle with the lessons they have no idea are actually all that is keeping them on the right path.
I can't imagine how hard it is to love a child that much.
Today, I do something unusual and I leave you with a story. In this story one of the pots is cracked. In our wisdom we would never crack a pot in order to accomplish a task. In our wisdom we would do everything in our power to fix the crack so the pot would accomplish a task. But true healing comes when we use the crack to it's fullest potential, to accomplish something no "whole" pot could never accomplish. The bible states God won't put more on us than we can bear. Some pots, if you tried to crack them, would shatter. God knows which pots to crack. If I had to be cracked for the glory of God, then I can only thank God for loving me enough to bring the right people and circumstances in my life that would inflict those painful blows.
A water bearer in India had two large pots
each hung on each end of a pole which he carried
across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other
pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion
of water at the end of the long walk from the stream
to the master's house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily,
with the bearer delivering only one and a
half pots full of water in his master's house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its
accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection,
and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half
of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a
bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer
one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.
"Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years,
to deliver only half my load because this crack
in my side causes water to leak out all the way
back to your master's house. Because of my flaws,
you have to do all of this work, and you don't get
full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot,
and in his compassion he said,
"As we return to the master's house, I want you to
notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked
pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild
flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some.
But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad
because it had leaked out half its load, and so again
it apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that
there were flowers only on your side of your path,
but not on the other pot's side? That's because I
have always known about your flaw,
and I took advantage of it.
I planted flower seeds on your side of the path,
and every day while we walk back from the stream,
you've watered them. For two years I have been
able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate
my master's table. Without you being just the way you are,
he would not have this beauty to grace his house.
"Moral: Each of us has our own unique flaws.
We're all cracked pots.
But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our
lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are,
and look for the good in them.
There is a lot of good out there.
There is a lot of good in us!
Blessed are the flexible,
for they shall not be bent out of shape.
*****For a quick and serious side note, the government might actually be holding onto money that failed to make it to you. You'll think it goes to everyone else BUT you, but you may very well be surprised. To do a search for your name in Texas go to Window On State Government For those that don't live in Texas you can also go to www.missingmoney.com and search your state. For those Texans that all this has confused... just call 1-800-654-3463 and they'll help you out. Or if you know my number call me. The idea of unclaimed money just floating around out there has been like Christmas morning every day since I've discovered it. I'll be more than happy to look up your relatives, friends, old bosses, any random name you can give me. ;) If I know your last name though, chances are I've already checked. This is too much fun!!
Friday, October 20, 2006
4 minutes of hope
Foster care training is close to being over.
I've sat in a chair and endured hour after hour of what I can only describe as an mental and emotional beating.
Story after story after story of what happened to this kid, that kid, the kid that had kids. 12 yr olds giving birth. Stories of the vics vapor rub cps workers kept in their car that would help them not gag when they went in to a house to investigate an allegation or an outcry and then the description of the homes and why vics was a staple for cps workers.
A hundred horrible scenarios for you to try to imagine, or maybe come up with "what do you do". Your child just said they hate you and are going to hurt you, what do you do? You just overheard your child say they were going to have sex, what do you do?
Don't touch the child, but remember your child needs to be hugged and loved, but not if they don't want to be, but even if they don't want to be you need to make sure they know they are loved and could be hugged. All their baggage is your baggage, but you can't have any baggage because you need to be able to cope with whatever this child needs you to cope with. You must abide by these rules and not let them stay at someone elses house, unless not allowing them to stay at someones house makes them feel abnormal or different, then you should let them.
It's a crazy world where every statement is absolutely true and you just have to find the teeny tiny balance to all of them that makes what you're doing 'right'.
I've attended classes, installed smoke detectors, am currently looking at my fire extinguisher wondering where to stick it (lest they deem it inaccessible), I've got a first aid kid and a lock box, my cleaning supplies have been moved, I've made appointments to get my fingerprints electronically made, provided references and arranged TB testing. I've done these things and so much more (don't even get me started on daycare requirements and education).
I've done all this, and in return I've received approximately 4 minute of hope.
In a short 4 minutes our instructor last night gave me enough hope to keep going. She talked about the different situations in the bible where children were not raised by their natural parents. Best examples they had, Moses and Esther, with a couple of references to Joseph. She said we have the power to make a difference. She said God had a plan for these kids lives. That God had a future planned for these kids lives. She said we don't know who the person we're raising will become. Only she said that last one in a good way, rather than the scary way we've heard it all month long.
I haven't been blogging as much because there's so much going on and so much information in my head that it's hard for me to think of a topic much less think ON the topic. I'm hoping in a couple of weeks that things will go back to normal. So please be patient, keep checking the blog, and I'll blog more regularly as I am able.
Encourage someone. If just a 4 minute quickie of hope can get me through 1800 + minutes of discouragement, just imagine what power you have during a lunch break or your 20 minute hospital visit. You have power. Go to it.
I've sat in a chair and endured hour after hour of what I can only describe as an mental and emotional beating.
Story after story after story of what happened to this kid, that kid, the kid that had kids. 12 yr olds giving birth. Stories of the vics vapor rub cps workers kept in their car that would help them not gag when they went in to a house to investigate an allegation or an outcry and then the description of the homes and why vics was a staple for cps workers.
A hundred horrible scenarios for you to try to imagine, or maybe come up with "what do you do". Your child just said they hate you and are going to hurt you, what do you do? You just overheard your child say they were going to have sex, what do you do?
Don't touch the child, but remember your child needs to be hugged and loved, but not if they don't want to be, but even if they don't want to be you need to make sure they know they are loved and could be hugged. All their baggage is your baggage, but you can't have any baggage because you need to be able to cope with whatever this child needs you to cope with. You must abide by these rules and not let them stay at someone elses house, unless not allowing them to stay at someones house makes them feel abnormal or different, then you should let them.
It's a crazy world where every statement is absolutely true and you just have to find the teeny tiny balance to all of them that makes what you're doing 'right'.
I've attended classes, installed smoke detectors, am currently looking at my fire extinguisher wondering where to stick it (lest they deem it inaccessible), I've got a first aid kid and a lock box, my cleaning supplies have been moved, I've made appointments to get my fingerprints electronically made, provided references and arranged TB testing. I've done these things and so much more (don't even get me started on daycare requirements and education).
I've done all this, and in return I've received approximately 4 minute of hope.
In a short 4 minutes our instructor last night gave me enough hope to keep going. She talked about the different situations in the bible where children were not raised by their natural parents. Best examples they had, Moses and Esther, with a couple of references to Joseph. She said we have the power to make a difference. She said God had a plan for these kids lives. That God had a future planned for these kids lives. She said we don't know who the person we're raising will become. Only she said that last one in a good way, rather than the scary way we've heard it all month long.
I haven't been blogging as much because there's so much going on and so much information in my head that it's hard for me to think of a topic much less think ON the topic. I'm hoping in a couple of weeks that things will go back to normal. So please be patient, keep checking the blog, and I'll blog more regularly as I am able.
Encourage someone. If just a 4 minute quickie of hope can get me through 1800 + minutes of discouragement, just imagine what power you have during a lunch break or your 20 minute hospital visit. You have power. Go to it.
The one person I didn't ask...
I've lived in this house for nearly 5 years now, and for those 5 years, my next door neighbor has continuously done small, kind things. From taking my trash to the curb to telling me someone used my water hose while I was at work.
One thing I discovered recently was that he not only takes my trash to the curb sometimes, but he takes out my discarded food items from the trash. He's not all there mentally, and he's easily confused if things aren't as they should be. He has no telephone and needs to call a cab every day to take him to work. So I let him in to use the phone.
It started slowly, he was just using the phone, and then I was giving him something to drink because apparently his water is turned off. Now he makes extra trips over just to visit with me.
I happened to mention this to my dad, and I was immediately advised to stop. It wasn't safe, and it wasn't "appropriate" for me to have a man in my home.
I stopped.
I could have cried when he would come by and ring the doorbell and I ignored it. When I'd see him outside the next day he'd tell me he came by but that I'd been sleeping. Everything about locking this man out felt deep down, gut-wrenching painfully wrong.
I know that everything I'd like to do, might not be appropriate for me to do. I understand this. That's why I wanted a guideline to follow, a simple principal that I can place my actions up to and go "there, this is right/wrong". I began asking WWJDAASF (What would Jesus Do As A Single Female) OR WWJAASF (What Would Jesus Advise A Single Female). I came up with nothing. The few people I asked told me to follow the Holy Spirits leading. But honestly, if the Holy Spirit had been leading me to not let the man in my home, I wouldn't have done it in the first place.
So, I was stuck.
Wednesday night, my answer came from the best person to ask, that I had failed to ask; my pastor.
Knowing nothing of my situation the pastor began to teach.
Acts 9: 1 - 5
1And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord, went unto the high priest, And desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any of this way, whether they were men or women, he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem. And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
Then he went on to read Matthew 25:31-46
When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.
The pastors point (referring back to Saul) is that the rude/bad things we've done to others, we've done to God as well. And immediately I knew exactly what Jesus would advise a single female.
At some point, whether others think it's appropriate or safe, I have to remember that when I'm doing something for the least I've done it unto God. Whether that be giving out the glass of water to my neighbor or leaving my neighbor outside. There are changes I can make in what I'm doing, primarily telling my neighbor he can't come visiting after dark. But other than that, my decision is made.
One thing I discovered recently was that he not only takes my trash to the curb sometimes, but he takes out my discarded food items from the trash. He's not all there mentally, and he's easily confused if things aren't as they should be. He has no telephone and needs to call a cab every day to take him to work. So I let him in to use the phone.
It started slowly, he was just using the phone, and then I was giving him something to drink because apparently his water is turned off. Now he makes extra trips over just to visit with me.
I happened to mention this to my dad, and I was immediately advised to stop. It wasn't safe, and it wasn't "appropriate" for me to have a man in my home.
I stopped.
I could have cried when he would come by and ring the doorbell and I ignored it. When I'd see him outside the next day he'd tell me he came by but that I'd been sleeping. Everything about locking this man out felt deep down, gut-wrenching painfully wrong.
I know that everything I'd like to do, might not be appropriate for me to do. I understand this. That's why I wanted a guideline to follow, a simple principal that I can place my actions up to and go "there, this is right/wrong". I began asking WWJDAASF (What would Jesus Do As A Single Female) OR WWJAASF (What Would Jesus Advise A Single Female). I came up with nothing. The few people I asked told me to follow the Holy Spirits leading. But honestly, if the Holy Spirit had been leading me to not let the man in my home, I wouldn't have done it in the first place.
So, I was stuck.
Wednesday night, my answer came from the best person to ask, that I had failed to ask; my pastor.
Knowing nothing of my situation the pastor began to teach.
Acts 9: 1 - 5
1And Saul, yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord, went unto the high priest, And desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues, that if he found any of this way, whether they were men or women, he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem. And as he journeyed, he came near Damascus: and suddenly there shined round about him a light from heaven: And he fell to the earth, and heard a voice saying unto him, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
Then he went on to read Matthew 25:31-46
When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.
The pastors point (referring back to Saul) is that the rude/bad things we've done to others, we've done to God as well. And immediately I knew exactly what Jesus would advise a single female.
At some point, whether others think it's appropriate or safe, I have to remember that when I'm doing something for the least I've done it unto God. Whether that be giving out the glass of water to my neighbor or leaving my neighbor outside. There are changes I can make in what I'm doing, primarily telling my neighbor he can't come visiting after dark. But other than that, my decision is made.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
So much to do so little time
From being at work 9 hrs a day to training classes to driving back and forth for those training classes, to picking up anything extra necessary at my 2nd job life is busy.
My title makes sense now right?
But that's not what I'm talking about.
One of the reasons I'm looking forward to foster care is that my busyness will finally be geared towards God. Not money, not stuff, not friendships, not family, but God. There is so much God needs done in this world, and so little time to do it. Especially if you're hoping to pick up the slack for all those that aren't doing anything.
I was talking to a lady the other day that informed me she was fed up and was going to leave her husband. In my responses to her I asked her to choose. Choose who she was going to serve, whether it was going to be God or herself. Unfortunately though, my admonitions came back to bite me. As I thought about what I was saying, I knew my words weren't just about staying with her husband, but about every aspect of my life.
When I wake up I am allowed to choose. Is today about me or God? I can easily tell everyone that God comes first, but when I'm hitting the snooze alarm desiring 9 more minutes of sleep rather than getting up and spending the time necessary in prayer and reading the bible then who I'm placing first is very clear.
It's a daily choice, actually an minute by minute choice it seems, to put God first in everything and in every way. I can't put off my study of His word till tomorrow. I don't have time for procrastination, there's just too much to do and far too little time.
My title makes sense now right?
But that's not what I'm talking about.
One of the reasons I'm looking forward to foster care is that my busyness will finally be geared towards God. Not money, not stuff, not friendships, not family, but God. There is so much God needs done in this world, and so little time to do it. Especially if you're hoping to pick up the slack for all those that aren't doing anything.
I was talking to a lady the other day that informed me she was fed up and was going to leave her husband. In my responses to her I asked her to choose. Choose who she was going to serve, whether it was going to be God or herself. Unfortunately though, my admonitions came back to bite me. As I thought about what I was saying, I knew my words weren't just about staying with her husband, but about every aspect of my life.
When I wake up I am allowed to choose. Is today about me or God? I can easily tell everyone that God comes first, but when I'm hitting the snooze alarm desiring 9 more minutes of sleep rather than getting up and spending the time necessary in prayer and reading the bible then who I'm placing first is very clear.
It's a daily choice, actually an minute by minute choice it seems, to put God first in everything and in every way. I can't put off my study of His word till tomorrow. I don't have time for procrastination, there's just too much to do and far too little time.
Friday, October 13, 2006
A testimony
Sunday night, after church was over and everyone had gone I sat quietly in the dark of the church just telling God over and over that I wanted to be able to speak in tongues. Finally I went home, and I spent Monday fasting. I don’t know that I’ve ever fasted because I wanted something so specific from God but I did that day. I spent all day long, again, just telling God over and over what I wanted.
When Tuesday arrived I wasn’t much better off. But late that night as I made the hour and a half drive home from a training class I'm taking I started thinking more about something that had occurred to me Monday. I have a very deep respect for spiritual things and I cannot imagine opening my mouth and spouting gobbledegook and hoping that it’s the Holy Ghost. I just knew I couldn’t. God might understand why I was doing what I was doing, but there was no way I’d allow myself to do that, no matter how much I wanted to be able to speak in tongues.
I didn’t know what to do about that, or how to fix that kind of an issue. Almost anyone can tell you the Holy Spirit won’t make you speak in tongues. The miracle of it all is that you’re speaking in tongues, not that you’re speaking. So you actually have to, well, speak.
Amidst the confusion of my thoughts God spoke and I obeyed. I turned down the radio and sang. Driving down the road I was singing in a language that was absolutely foreign to me. It was as simple as singing as I normally would, but drastically different in its effect on me.
It isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be able to pray for others, and I got a song of worship. My gift seems useless to anyone that isn’t ME, and I was hoping for a gift that primarily helped others besides me. God knows what I “need” though, and provided His gift based on that. I've been seeking the gift of tongues for two years and it could be that if I had ever tried to sing I might have had this gift long long ago. I’ll never know.
I don’t know what all stops us from being able to speak in tongues (or sing in them), but it is well worth trying. For me that didn’t mean going to the altar every time someone said to come be prayed over for the Holy Spirit. But a constant desire to have the Holy Spirit and the ability to pray in a gift far superior to my own words.
I write this today to document a change in my life, but also simply to share it with you. I have no authority or words of wisdom to provide for you if you're seeking something yourself. Stepping into something deeper with God is such a personal struggle that everything I could tell you might not apply at all to your situation and your struggle. So I'll only tell you the one thing that applies no matter who you are, and what you're dealing with:
God is so good.
When Tuesday arrived I wasn’t much better off. But late that night as I made the hour and a half drive home from a training class I'm taking I started thinking more about something that had occurred to me Monday. I have a very deep respect for spiritual things and I cannot imagine opening my mouth and spouting gobbledegook and hoping that it’s the Holy Ghost. I just knew I couldn’t. God might understand why I was doing what I was doing, but there was no way I’d allow myself to do that, no matter how much I wanted to be able to speak in tongues.
I didn’t know what to do about that, or how to fix that kind of an issue. Almost anyone can tell you the Holy Spirit won’t make you speak in tongues. The miracle of it all is that you’re speaking in tongues, not that you’re speaking. So you actually have to, well, speak.
Amidst the confusion of my thoughts God spoke and I obeyed. I turned down the radio and sang. Driving down the road I was singing in a language that was absolutely foreign to me. It was as simple as singing as I normally would, but drastically different in its effect on me.
It isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to be able to pray for others, and I got a song of worship. My gift seems useless to anyone that isn’t ME, and I was hoping for a gift that primarily helped others besides me. God knows what I “need” though, and provided His gift based on that. I've been seeking the gift of tongues for two years and it could be that if I had ever tried to sing I might have had this gift long long ago. I’ll never know.
I don’t know what all stops us from being able to speak in tongues (or sing in them), but it is well worth trying. For me that didn’t mean going to the altar every time someone said to come be prayed over for the Holy Spirit. But a constant desire to have the Holy Spirit and the ability to pray in a gift far superior to my own words.
I write this today to document a change in my life, but also simply to share it with you. I have no authority or words of wisdom to provide for you if you're seeking something yourself. Stepping into something deeper with God is such a personal struggle that everything I could tell you might not apply at all to your situation and your struggle. So I'll only tell you the one thing that applies no matter who you are, and what you're dealing with:
God is so good.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
No really, what would Jesus do?
It's become so well known, so advertised, it's on t-shirts, bumper stickers, jewelery, toys, books and music. It's become a symbol.
And I wonder if that's why Christians hide from it now.
Not all Christians, but some. It's as though to prove you are spiritually deep you can't connect yourself with the huge broadcast message that is so widely known to the secular world.
I'm not that deep.
I need to know, every day, in so many situations, what would Jesus do? Would Jesus screen His calls? Would Jesus not answer the door if He weren't feeling well? Would Jesus insist on His own way in non-spiritual issues?
I need to be asked, and reminded that my immediate actions aren't necessarily the very same response that God would have in situations. If Christ were on earth would He use words like heck, hell, god, darn, gee, or gosh? Would He care if others used those words? Or would He only care if Christians used those words? Or would He just not care at all? I know what my reaction is to those words, but what would His be?
There isn't a lazy thought in God, so I know He would keep His house cleaner than I do. His yard would be mowed more often probably, and some of the chores I've put off for another week, He would have done them as they came to Him to accomplish.
He'd be more concerned with the real people dying, lost, around me than the fake lives lived out on tv, whether or not my favorite get kicked off the island, or which dog wins the ugliest dog contest.
His very lifestyle would attract attention that would allow Him to minister to people. He wouldn't get by from paycheck to paycheck because He spent so much money eating out. He'd find himself spending more money because so many people would be visiting Him and He'd feed them.
I can spend my paycheck now. I can pay bills that will sustain me for another month, or I can blow it on eating out, seeing movies and playing games and the very next day I'll have nothing to show for it.
I'm spending my life right now. One day the very last drop of life will be spent and dear God, I ache to have something to show you that moth and rust can't corrupt. Something that will outlast this earth and make it to You so You can see what I did the with the life and talents You have given me. Help me live my life, as You would live my life.
And I wonder if that's why Christians hide from it now.
Not all Christians, but some. It's as though to prove you are spiritually deep you can't connect yourself with the huge broadcast message that is so widely known to the secular world.
I'm not that deep.
I need to know, every day, in so many situations, what would Jesus do? Would Jesus screen His calls? Would Jesus not answer the door if He weren't feeling well? Would Jesus insist on His own way in non-spiritual issues?
I need to be asked, and reminded that my immediate actions aren't necessarily the very same response that God would have in situations. If Christ were on earth would He use words like heck, hell, god, darn, gee, or gosh? Would He care if others used those words? Or would He only care if Christians used those words? Or would He just not care at all? I know what my reaction is to those words, but what would His be?
There isn't a lazy thought in God, so I know He would keep His house cleaner than I do. His yard would be mowed more often probably, and some of the chores I've put off for another week, He would have done them as they came to Him to accomplish.
He'd be more concerned with the real people dying, lost, around me than the fake lives lived out on tv, whether or not my favorite get kicked off the island, or which dog wins the ugliest dog contest.
His very lifestyle would attract attention that would allow Him to minister to people. He wouldn't get by from paycheck to paycheck because He spent so much money eating out. He'd find himself spending more money because so many people would be visiting Him and He'd feed them.
I can spend my paycheck now. I can pay bills that will sustain me for another month, or I can blow it on eating out, seeing movies and playing games and the very next day I'll have nothing to show for it.
I'm spending my life right now. One day the very last drop of life will be spent and dear God, I ache to have something to show you that moth and rust can't corrupt. Something that will outlast this earth and make it to You so You can see what I did the with the life and talents You have given me. Help me live my life, as You would live my life.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
I am blessed
I'm working on a post about love. I'm not even close to having the thoughts in my heart ready for posting, but I'm so preoccupied with what I really want to be saying that it's hard for me to post on anything else. So maybe this whole week is just going to be about love. We'll just have to see how it goes.
I was thinking today about how blessed I am. A little over 10 years ago I met an amazing couple from New York. I didn't meet them in person, but I met them online. I was 15 yrs old then and I'm 25 yrs old now and I am still in regular contact with these friends.
6 yrs ago through a website of mine a young man from Houston (now moved to Tulsa) came across my website. He e-mailed me and we're still in touch and have visited each other on several occasions. He memorizes scripture for Bible Quiz as a participant and a coach. His most recent challenge so far has been memorizing the book of Romans and two other books which he had to recite for a judge in 45 minutes I believe.
Right now, thanks to my blog I've met someone else that is slowly becoming a friend. I'm looking forward to meet him and his wife *hopefully* sometime soon.
I've made friends with convienience store clerks, mentally challenged neighbors, my brothers co-workers, and a scattering of people all over that I could have just dismissed as irrelavant to my life. One of the small ties I especially cherish is a friendship with my sister-in-laws family.
If the world is suppose to know I'm a Christian by my love, my list proves I haven't even made a dent. I come in contact with so many people each and every day. It's so easy to dismiss people. So very easy. God didn't choose me for His Kingdom because I'm a better person than those around me. I'm not more important, I'm just willing.
I was thinking today about how blessed I am. A little over 10 years ago I met an amazing couple from New York. I didn't meet them in person, but I met them online. I was 15 yrs old then and I'm 25 yrs old now and I am still in regular contact with these friends.
6 yrs ago through a website of mine a young man from Houston (now moved to Tulsa) came across my website. He e-mailed me and we're still in touch and have visited each other on several occasions. He memorizes scripture for Bible Quiz as a participant and a coach. His most recent challenge so far has been memorizing the book of Romans and two other books which he had to recite for a judge in 45 minutes I believe.
Right now, thanks to my blog I've met someone else that is slowly becoming a friend. I'm looking forward to meet him and his wife *hopefully* sometime soon.
I've made friends with convienience store clerks, mentally challenged neighbors, my brothers co-workers, and a scattering of people all over that I could have just dismissed as irrelavant to my life. One of the small ties I especially cherish is a friendship with my sister-in-laws family.
If the world is suppose to know I'm a Christian by my love, my list proves I haven't even made a dent. I come in contact with so many people each and every day. It's so easy to dismiss people. So very easy. God didn't choose me for His Kingdom because I'm a better person than those around me. I'm not more important, I'm just willing.
Monday, October 02, 2006
New Poll
I just wanted to draw your attention to a new poll. It's a tough question, and you probably want to pick "I don't know" but I'm not giving you that option. What would you do?
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